Lost between Two

No one except you

1 May 1973

I had an exceptional night , i sang as a queen I never thought that one day I can become the big winner of the academy awards but here I am . Still I remember my first gala , it has been three years now , I was afraid to face the crowd and now I got used to 

Tonight made exceptional by the presence of my longtime crush James Lander and for the first time in my life I am in lack of words to describe a person his eyes are wide and shinier than the sunset light and his hair got is the color of milky chocolate , he has porcelaine skin and a smile coming from heaven I doubt he's even a human . 

It is time to sleep so heart , heart , heart till next time .

2 May 1973

Like every day I came home at seven pm but today something unusual was happening. The lights were off honestly I was terrified and I got more when I heard a voice coming from the darkness calling my name > , suddenly the lights turned on and in a blink of an eye a male figure appeared under my feet, it was Claus , he was taking a beautiful box containing a diamond ring , an amazing huge diamond ring , I just can not describe how much it was magical .

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I did not know how to answer, on a side Nina's face which told me to accept Claus's demand, and on another side Claus, FRED , and CARL who were waiting with no passion my answer .

. I don't know if I took the right decision but it's too late to regret .

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Like this my betrothal with Claus become something bona fide , but I don't know why I don't feel happy with this decision .

Claus was always by my side all over those last three years , always comprehensive and kind to me . There were some days when I loved him from my heart still I do the same but from my brain.

3 May 1973

Today in the studio, I was talking with Fred about my soundtrack when suddenly I got surprised by the arrival of the bright eyes.

My heart beat quickly , my blood boiled over in my little skinny body , a jungle grown up in my head but all this stopped when James talked to me .

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> I started looking at him outlandishly because I did not expect to see him again .

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Out of the blue another surprising visit came , it was Claus .

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James responded :

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When I heard this I didn't - know why I could not keep my tongue inside my mouth so I said :

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I saw a bright light , flying angels face to face with me , white flowers everywhere , it was probably heaven but something woke me up of my lucid dream , it was Fred voice :

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Claus has joined Fred by saying :

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After this reply Claus went away , I mean he went out of the studio without saying bye but I saw in his eyes a pitch , a pitch of hate and anger . I think he is jealous of James .

the bright eyes and I decided to begin working on the song by tomorrow .

4May 1973

Having a tiring day is something ordinary and usual for me .

My day started at six o'clock , after having my breakfast , I went to the studio where I met James .

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After so many hours of the hard work , we made something amazing .

Part 1 : mine

_ how I tried to make it right , to make it real but all what you did was watching us fade .

part 2 : James part

_ I still feel the hurt of a broken heart , I still feel my eyes bleeding tears .

James and I part :

_ And now don't you talk about the pain cause you can't feel what I really feel inside , within there is a voice that no one else can ever hear except me , so take my hand and try to get me back , take my hand , take my hand through the fire where no one can touch me take my hand and try to get me back .

That is a piece of our song called TAKE MY HAND .

Working with James is something super funny that I want keep doing for the rest of my miserable life ,because me and him , we have a lot of common points .

5 May 1973

just two days before turning my twenty years old but this year I will organise a big fiesta that I've always dreamed .

6 May 1973

I woke up on some strange door's knocks , it was Nina who came to my room asking , hoping that I am fine , but her visit had an non-ordinary smell .

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_ after this talk with Nina , I lost all hope but I think she was right who can accept to date someone like me ? I don't have nothing exceptional and I am not professional in relationships I was about to lose Claus the only man who cares about me and loves me truly ,but I didn't keep walking on the wrong path .I went to the radio station where Claus works .When I arrived i found him making an interview with an actress , but guess who ? SABRINA MONTCOLLIER James love , she was so great and perfect with pearly grey eyes , long blond hair , big lips and a sexy body . Sabrina was everything I am not , I can not deny how jealous I felt when I saw her.

Few minutes before the end of the interview James came to take his girlfriend and that was when we met at the backstage:

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And suddenly a delicate voice answered my question :

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I don't understand what that s**t supposed to mean but it seemed to have a mean meaning , I tried to pull myself for not getting a nervous break down because of this b***h , she was making a strange movements and was hugging James in front of me the thing that made me more and more jealous , fortunately Claus answered her :

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Why she told me this , It felt like if she was trying to tell something In an Indirect way.

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> James pulled Sabrina nervously out of the station , but I'm sure that something wrong Is going on between those two .I won't be evil but I hope that they break up .

7 May 1973

One day left before my anniversary , but with what happened yesterday , I am confused if inviting James could be any good .

8 May 1973

Yet as the day went on, I knew that there is no turning back in James and Sabrina's relationship. A love I saw in her eyes, a lust I saw in his eyes.

As much as the anniversary cheered me up, it made me confused about the right path I must take.

Hundreds of guesses , a lot of presents ,food everywhere , music and Champaign were the best thing in the fiesta . most of the people drunk too much wine till they lost realization , but me and my little team ; we weren't like them .

We enjoyed every second of the party together , well my team was composed of Nina , James , Fred , Carl , and the so called Sabrina Montcollier .

When my first song ever started playing , James took my hand and pulled me softly to the guardian , I felt a breeze of tenderness and harmony , the wind was blowing and my hair were flying in the air like a Hollywood actress , some forces pulled us near to one another, so near that we could hear those whistling breaths of us , our hearts were beating like a high quality drums , who said that a firework explosion can stop all those flowing emotions .

I turned my head and realized with all those people applauding around me that James and Nina organized a surprise for me . Carl gave the microphone to James , when he started singing all I could do was watching his mouth open .

What if I beg you to love me one last time , What if I bow down under your knees asking you to be mine one Time In a life Time.

This feeling , I'm keeping is more than just a desire , I felt it the day when I caught a glimpse of your eyes .

You , you , you are something new in my life , something I got in my mind , something that changed my whole life , it doesn't matter if I'm living in a lie , ,you're something I need to know how to deal with if I want to survive .

What if I , what if I , what if I ( 6 )

That was the first minute of the song , James was just mesmerizing with his tenor voice and a vocal range which varies between E5 and A5 ; some miracles can be achieved .

After the song my team and I reunited in a corner of the room .

The crazy Carl asked me for a signature but not like the one I have the habit to give to my fans , saying that it'll remember him of me when I'll die . Every one started laughing at him telling that he's older than me and he'll die before I do. However , I had to draw down the paper my professional signature the one I do in the contracts It was the only way to get rid of his annoyance .

While every one was dancing , Sabrina pushed James on the sofa and as a drunk w***e , she clung to him, took off his shirt , and started her dirty kisses .He was powerless to resist her so all what he did was following the same line ; I was watching attentively every touch , every move , every act . I can not deny that I had some yearning for him , but what could I do except mourning my lost love .

I sat and I realized with those tears dropping from my eyes that I got to forget him if I want to keep going on .

9 May 1973

Claus invited me for lunch , we had a very good time together and we exchanged love expressions everything was alright till he asked me to :

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I couldn't stare at his eyes while I'm saying this ,because within , I knew that I was lying : >

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He turned his eyes , stared at the floor , took some time to guess and after he said with a calm voice: > it was his last reply before turning his back to me .

I feel so sad , I feel like all hope is gone but I still hold on to James love even if I know that my only hope is just a ... mirage .

10 May 1973

I'm losing my soul , I start feeling like a living-dead , today in the studio everyone remarked that I'm not fine at all . James asked me if I'm okey or if I need something .

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> when I said that ,I remarked James smiling discretely like if he heard good news :

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at home Nina tried to talk to me :

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Seeing Nina happy Is the most worthy thing in the world for me , maybe I lost my happiness but I will never let my sister do the same.

11 May 1973

For the first time In my life I tasted the real meaning of emptiness , it's so cruel . I never thought that my life without Nina can be so empty like this ,

who knows how can I survive the next three weeks away from her . I know the response : JUST A DISASTER , I am sure .

12 May 1973

Today in the studio , I was not the only depressed person , James was too.

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When he said that ,I felt like if I'm vanishing , my hands started shaking , my heart was beating million miles a minute .

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> this reply made me dream a lot , I thought that he was meaning what he said ;

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I couldn't stop my dropping tears , so I went fast out of the studio where I found Claus waiting for me without feeling I hugged him powerfully and I told him to never leave me again but when I turned my head , I got surprised by the bright eyes who was following me

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Claus angry: >

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They put up a big bloody fight thankfully the security came in the right moment and separated them .

Wait my housemaid just told me that I have a visit , but who could came to me at this time it's midnight , I will go check who.

It was Sabrina , she looked like a mad girl .

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She thinks that James loves me .

The sun rises in the morning and eclipses at night but when the problems rise , their eclipse would not be easy .

13 May 1973

I told what happened yesterday to James , he got nervous and asked for my forgiveness .

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During those last weeks , all my life has changed , I guess that I lost my senses of right and wrong , I don't know what to do or where to go , I feel homeless in my own castle , I feel speechless face to myself , I think that is the end of a warrior inside ;till here I don't feel fine , I think ,I am about to lose my mind and no one can give me back my happiness except him , JAMES.