Fate

15

Pagak akong tumawa dahil sa narinig. Hatak hatak ako ngayon ni Apollo palabas ng school. We were on the side of the road when I pulled my hand from him.

I stopped that made him stopped too.

"Sa bahay tayo maguusap." Paninimula nya bago pa ako makapag salita. I shooked my head that made him closed his eyes hardly.

"Avabelle, stop being a brat. Sa bahay tayo maguusap." Seryoso nyang sabi na nagpatawa sa akin.

"Ako pa ngayon ang naging brat, Apollo?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. I saw his face softened and tried to held my hand. Iniwas ko yon at humakbang palayo sa kanya.

"Pupuntahan ko lang po ang kaibigan kong sinapak mo, 'kuya'." I said while emphasizing the word 'kuya'. I heard him sighed frustratedly. Inis din nyang sinuklay ang buhok bago tumingin sa akin.

"No. Don't you dare go to him, Avabelle." Seryoso nyang sabi kaya natawa na naman ako.

Gusto kong umiyak at sabihin lahat ng hinanakit ko sa kanya pero wala akong lakas. Kasi sya din ang magpapatahan at magpapasaya sa akin pagkatapos.

"I'm just your sister, right? I can do whatever I want with my life. I don't need your permission to do whatever I want to do."

He clenched his jaw and I suddenly felt afraid. Ngayon ko lang sya nakitang ganon ka seryoso. Kaya wala na akong nagawa ng hilahin nya ako papunta sa condo namin.

Hawak hawak nya lang ang kamay ko hanggang sa makasakay kami ng elevator, I tried to freed myself but his held is just tightening kaya wala na akong nagawa.

Nang makapasok sa mismong condo ay agad kong inagaw ang kamay ko. Ngayon ko lang napansin na umiiyak na pala ako. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha sa pisngi ko at hinintay syang magsalita.

Ilang minuto pa ang hinintay ko pero wala akong natanggap. He's just standing a bit far away from me. Habang nasa tapat naman ako ng pinto.

"Kung wala kang sasabihin ay aalis na ako." I said blankly and opened the door. Pipihitin ko na sana ang door knob ng magsalita sya.

"I'll explain." His most favorite line.

I want to laughed and cover my ears because I'm so tired of hearing that words when it comes to him.

Hindi ako sumagot dahil may parte sa akin na gusto din namang malaman ang side nya.

"I just said that because I don't have anything to say. Remember that we're on a mission and I'm getting Zenia's trust. Kapag nalaman nya na hindi kita kaano ano, she'll conclude that I like you or we have a relationship. I said that because I'm sure na lalayo sya sa akin at mapapahaba ang araw natin sa panahon na to kapag nangyari iyon. I hope you understand."Mahabang paliwanag nya na tinanguan ko nalang.

"Okay. Aalis na ako. Don't wait for me, I have my key anyway—."

"What? Ganoon nalang? I already tell you my reasons. Galit ka pa din? What's wrong with you?" Inis na tanong nya na ikinagulat ko. I don't see him because I'm facing the door.

I tried to breath dahil onti nalang sasabog na ako. And I don't know what's going to happened if that happens.

"Naririnig mo ba ang sinasabi mo, Apollo?" I can hear how cold my voice are. But despite that, tears are flowing on my cheeks.

"You're asking me if what's wrong with me? Why don't you ask yourself that question?" I almost sobbed while talking.

"What's wrong with you, huh? You're always telling me to listen and understand you. But for once, did you listen and understand me? Maybe for you, it's a yes. But you don't know how I feel!"

Humarap ako sa kanya at huminga ng malalim. Nakita ko kung paano sya matigilan at akmang hahakbang na palapit when I stepped backward.

In that moment, I saw how afraid he is.

"I feel terrible for liking you! I feel stupid! I feel awful because I know that you're only seeing me as a sister and nothing else! But I'm confused. I'm confused because you're actions says otherwise." Umiiyak na sabi ko. Pakiramdam ko naman ay hindi sya nakikinig sa akin, mas inaalala nya pa ata kung paano makakalapit ng hindi ako lumalayo para mapunasan nya ang mga luha ko.

"Kagabi, what did you do? What have you done, Apollo?! Why did you kissed me like that? Your actions! bakit ganon? B-bakit—." I'm not able to continue my words because I just cried. I just cried in front of him.

"I'm so tired, Apollo. I'm so tired of everything, I'm so tired of you!"

But this time, he won't be able to wipe my tears so I need to do it for myself.

Nang makabawi ako ay tumahan na ako, "Let me ask you the question you're always telling me. Do you understand me? Do you understand how I feel?" Mahinang tanong ko. Tumalikod na ako dahil hindi naman sya sumagot.

Hawak ko na ang door knob ng bigla akong makaramdam ng hilo. I tried to breath deeply before everything turns blank.

———

"You're awake!" I heard a familiar voice said. Lumabas sya ng kwarto at ilang minuto bago bumalik agad.

I roamed my eyes around the room. Purong puti at may lalaki pang nakatayo sa harapan ko. He's smiling at me, he's holding a chart on his hands. I bet he's a doctor because I'm in a hospital.

"You just lost consciousness because of tiredness. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Eat healthy foods and don't push yourself too much." Marami pa syang sinabi na hindi ko na pinakinggan.

I saw Apollo beside the doctor looking so worried at me. I suddenly remember what happened earlier. Lumabas na ang doctor pagkatapos ng ilang sandali kaya naiwan kaming dalawa.

"How are you feeling? Do you want to eat something?" Tanong nito, I just looked at him coldly and decided to just lie down. Nang makahiga na ako ay tumalikod ako sa kanya.

I heard him sighed, "Wait for me here. I'll just buy you foods."

I waited for minutes to passed before standing up.

I just decided that I should try to live without him by my side. Masyado na ata akong naka depende sa kanya at dumating na sa puntong natatakot na akong mawala sya.

Lumabas ako ng room ng naka patient clothes pa. Pinagtitinginan tuloy ako ng mga tao ng makalabas ako. Dumiretso ako sa condo namin na malapit lang din pala.

I just saw the mall from here, kaya hindi na ako naligaw.

I fastly packed my things, hindi lahat nadala ko dahil maliit lang ang bag ko.

Palabas na sana ako ng pinto ng may maalala. I should atleast write a letter for him, ayoko naman na maga alala sya sa akin at hanapin nya pa ako.

I'm sorry but I think I should leave. I want to live my life without you, I just realized that I'm being too dependent to the point that all my life, you're backing me up. I want to know how to live alone, without Apollo giving me everything that I need. We will still continue the mission, just find me if we need to time travel again.

-Avabelle.