Falling In love With The Alpha Again

Chapter 6: I'm Not Leaving

Uriel's POV

"You're staring again," she said without looking up from the herbs she was sorting.

"Was I?"A smile tugged on my lips, she was blind but she could still feel my gaze on her skin.

I'd been doing it more and more lately, watching her hands move, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear making her look cuter, the small furrow between her brows when she concentrated.

"You were."

I leaned back against the table, trying to look casual even though my heart was hammering. "Can't help it, you've got dirt on your cheek."

She reached up, touching the wrong side. "Where?"

"Other side, no, the other one."

She rubbed at her face in several attempts, smearing it worse.

I laughed, and it came out rough as always, the hoarse sound embarrassed me but I couldn't stop. "Now you just made it bigger."

She shot me a look, her mouth curved into an angry pout. My pulse jumped at the slight movement of her lips, the beauty of it.

"You're useless Uriel."She said, grinning playfully.

I smiled and reached into my pocket, fingers closing around the stem I'd picked earlier. I stood up and walked towards her. "But I'm your useless."

She raised her head to look at my towering figure. The look on her face was more of questioning than appraisal— a perfect reaction for the rocky line I spouted.

I pulled out the wildflower. It was small, bright yellow, a little crushed from being in my pocket. I'd found it this morning in the field, crouched there like an i***t trying to pick the prettiest one. My fingers had been clumsy, breaking two stems before I got this one right.

"Here," I said, holding it out. My voice came out raspier than usual. “A flower from yours truly to the most beautiful woman I can remember.”

More like the only woman I remember.

She stared at it, then at me. "What's that for?"

I blinked, slightly taken aback by her question. "I got it for you, Cara." The word sounded awkward for some reason. "I thought…..I don't know, I thought you'd like it."

“Oh,” she muttered. She didn't accept the flower, she just looked at it, then down at her herbs. Her fingers tightened around the lavender bundle she was holding.

My arm suddenly started to feel heavy. "You don't have to…..it's stupid. Forget it."

"It's not stupid." She murmured.

But she still didn't take it. My heart fell. I quietly set it down on the table between us, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. "Well, it's there if you want it." I couldn't hide how broken I felt at her rejection.

She stared at the flower for a long moment as if contemplating. My heart pounded hard as I watched her face, searching for something, anything, that said this wasn't a mistake. That I hadn't just made everything worse.

"You sound like a dying frog," she said finally, not looking at me.

Relief flooded through me at her mild joke and I grinned. "A handsome dying frog though, right?"

She shook her head, but this time the smile broke through, small, quick, like she didn't want me to catch it.

Too late, I already did and it made everything inside me feel too big for my chest.

Her hand moved just slightly closer to the flower. She didn't pick it up, but her fingers brushed one of the petals so gentle I almost missed it.

I shifted closer, my fingers brushing the edge of the table near hers. She didn't move away and that small victory sent warmth spreading through me.

"My ribs don't hurt much anymore," I said, trying to sound normal even though I was still watching her hand hover near that flower. "Arms are good, legs too, pretty much back to normal."

"That's good." She paused. "Except the voice."

"You like it."

She finally looked up at me. Our eyes met and I almost for a second, forgot how to breathe.

"I tolerate it," she said.

We stood there for a second. Her hand was still resting near the flower, I wanted to reach out, to cover her hand with mine, to ask her why she looked at it like it scared her. Why was she hesitating to accept something from me.

“Cara…” I called softly.

“Hmm?” She answered without looking up.

“Do I scare you?”

Her hand paused briefly midair, but she still didn't look at me. “What are you talking about?” Her voice was shaky.

“Don’t tell me you're scared of falling in love with me.” I leaned closer, whispering gently in her ears.

She turned back to her herbs but I saw it, the color creeping into her cheeks making my heart nearly stop.

"You're imagining things, Uriel."

"Am I?” I smiled, still whispering in her ears, “Then why are you blushing?"

She grabbed a dried stem and threw it at me. I caught it, laughing, that awful croaky laugh that usually made me self-conscious, while watching her bite her lip to keep from smiling again.

“Don't joke with something like that.”

When she turned back to her work, I saw her hand move. Quick, like she didn't want me to notice, she picked up the flower and tucked it behind a jar on the shelf.

My heart slammed violently against my ribs, the triumph sending bursts of excitement through me.

"Go chop more wood or something," she muttered. "Make yourself useful."

“But I thought I was useless?”

“That's why I said you should make yourself useful.”

"Anything for you, princess."

The words came out more honest than I intended.

She didn't answer but she didn't tell me to leave either. I headed for the door, stealing one last glance at her. She was still standing there, still not looking at me, one hand resting near where she'd put the flower.

************

A week passed and things took a different turn. Slowly, of course.

Cara stopped laughing at my jokes, she made sure to carefully avoid our hands touching when we worked together.

With time, she started making excuses to leave the room the second I walked in unless it was bed time.

And if I didn't know any better I'd say she suddenly hated the sight of me.

It didn't make any sense, we were good, better than good. She kept the flower, conversed with me, but now? It felt like my voice scratched her ears.

Did I do anything wrong? I asked myself as I watched her carefully.

"Why do you keep staring at me? Do you need something?" She asked, her attention still on the shelf she'd reorganized for the third time today.

"I was just wondering if you wanted help with..."

I didn't manage to let my request out before she brushed me off, "No. I'm fine."

My throat immediately constricted, making my stomach plummet.

The words were sharp and final, I just stood there like an i***t, trying to think of something to say, something that would make her turn around. "I could chop more wood. Or….."

"The woodpile is full."

I stared at her back. Really stared like I wanted to see through and understand what's going on with her. Unable to hold it in any longer, I asked.

“Did I do something wrong Cara?” My voice came out like a plea.

“No.”

That was it. Nothing else.

"Right." My voice came out rough. "Okay."

I refused to give up. I tried everything, made stupid jokes that used to make her smile, brought her flowers from the field, offered to help with every task. Nothing worked, she just kept moving away, kept building up those walls, and I didn't know what I'd done wrong.

Maybe she didn't like me, maybe I'd just been imagining everything. Maybe I was pushing her too hard.

I stopped trying, stopped reaching for her and even stopped making jokes. I worked quietly, kept my distance, tried not to let it show how much it hurt every time she walked past me like I wasn't there.

That night, while lying on my cot, sleep seemed to be far away and the fear I’d tried so hard to keep locked in, crept out.

I was almost healed. My ribs didn't hurt anymore, my arms and legs were strong, even my voice was getting better, though still slightly hoarse.

The realization that she might be acting this way because soon, she was going to send me away, made my chest tighten more.

Was she pulling back because soon I'd be gone?

The thought made my chest ache worse than any broken rib ever could. I kicked off the blanket, suddenly feeling hot.

I couldn't leave, not with these feelings in my chest, not when my heart yearns this much for her.

Dawn came faster than expected, prolly because I barely slept last night.

I looked around and as usual, couldn't find Cara. I decided to occupy my mind with activities to distract me from the fear that had engulfed me last night.

I spent all day preparing, sneaking ingredients, trying to remember how things worked. The porridge I'd made weeks ago had been a disaster, watery and bland and she'd eaten it anyway, and I knew it was just out of kindness.

But this time I wanted this to be special, better than the last.

It was almost dark when she finally came back from the garden. The table was set. Two plates, bread that I'd only slightly burned, vegetables roasted with herbs. Nothing too fancy.

She stopped in the doorway, eyes fixed on the table. "Uriel…?"

"I made dinner." My voice cracked. "You must be hungry.”

She looked at the table again, then at me. Something flickered in her eyes. "Uriel I..."

"Cara, please…just…sit."

She hesitated for a second, then slowly she sat across from me. We ate in silence.

The food wasn't great but it wasn't terrible either. She didn't say anything but she kept eating, and that felt like something. It was something.

I watched as she put the last piece of bread in her mouth. Without hesitation, I stood up. My hands were shaking but I moved around the table towards her. She looked up at me, confusion boldly written on her face as I gently pulled her to her feet.

"What are you….."

I wrapped my arms around her, held her close, feeling every bit of her skin on mine. Inhaling her sweet scent. She went stiff against me, but I didn't let go.

"I'm not leaving," I said into her hair, my voice, the farthest thing from soothing. "I don't care if I'm healed, I don't care if you want me gone. I'm not leaving your side, ever."

She didn't say a word, but that didn't matter, this was my chance to get her back. To remove every doubt.

"You can push me away all you want, Cara," I continued. "But I'm staying. Right here, with you."

Her hands came up to my chest and pushed, not hard but firm. I held her tighter, closer.

"Please," my voice became more quiet, rough against her ear, afraid she was really going to send me away this time.

"Please don't pull away, not this time." It felt like the time had stopped and everything else faded away, everything except Cara and I.

“Every time I try to get close to you,” I murmured, my voice thinning with a sadness I could no longer hide, “you pull away, and I don’t know if it’s because you don’t feel anything for me… or because you’re terrified… or because you’re just waiting for the day I’m strong enough to walk out of your life.”

She didn't say anything but I could feel how tense she was.

“Cara…” Her name sounded like a plea.

“I’m not ready to go, I’m not ready to let you become another empty space in my memory. I don’t remember my past, I don’t know who I used to be… but I remember you, only you and the thought of losing that…of losing you…….hurts more than anything else.”