SOUR

I guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor. traitor by Olivia Rodrigo ***             “What are you? A statue?” He tapped my shoulder and I looked at him with disgust, “Kinan, you’ve been standing here for almost five minutes.”             “So that’s mean you’ve been watching me for almost five minutes?” He rolled his eyes as he heard what I said until he found out the reason why I’ve been standing here for five minutes.             “It’s him again.” said Ren, “you’re really such a fool.”             “I am.” I whispered as Ren walked to the class but then I shouted out, “DON’T EVER FORGET YOU’RE A FOOL TOO!”             Ren Julian is my best classmate, the one who really close to me but far at the same time. I don’t know how to say that but sometimes we act like two besties who would never be separated and on the other time we would just act like we were never know each other. Especially when I was with Jay, my boyfriend. Yup, I was looking at him with the girl who has always been in his side. Everytime and everywhere.             “Olivia is just my classmate, alright? If you are really my girlfriend, you should’ve put your trust on me.” That was what Jay said everytime I started to talk about Olivia.                Yeah, Jay, if you are trully my boyfriend you should’ve considered if it made me jealous as hell! That was what I should have said. But I never find the courage to tell him. He usually avoids all of those questions.                 He said I should believe in him because he loves me, but look at him now! He was laughing freely, letting her touch his hand. People around me said that maybe I was too over about him, maybe I was too sensitive. But it all would never be a problem if he did the same to me. In fact, he didn’t.             “Let me guess, you stood there for fifteen minutes before you finally came here.” Ren smiled as I walked in to the class and took a sit beside him.             “Yeah, whatever you say.” I sighed.             “Kinan, you f*****g knew it. But why?” Ren have always been asking the same question for last couple of days when he found out last week that Olivia and Jay were hangout without telling me but I couldn’t help but answer the same as I had before.             “He didn’t do anything wrong, he just forgot to tell me when you saw them, Ren. He is my boyfriend and as a girlfriend, I believe in him. “                        Ren shooked his head, “fool.”             I looked at him with disgust face, then I called Celine, one of my classmate, “Celine! Come over here, Ren have something to tell you.”             “What?!” Ren looked at me and then looked at Celine.             “What? You have something to tell me?” Celine asked when she stood in front of Ren.             “Go on..” I smirked.             “I-I do.... but unfortunately I forgot. Sorry.” Ren smiled with guilty face when Celine rolled her eyes and walked away back to where she sat.             “Look who’s fool now? I do but unfortunately I forgot—pfft—what was that?” I giggled, mocking at how fool Ren has said to her crush.             “Hey, your case are different than mine. You’re fool because you knew he was gonna cheating on you and let him be, you always accepted his apologize when you knew he never mean it.”             Every words that Ren said slapped me. I just rolled my eyes and laugh. I couldn’t say anything but deep down, I admitted what he said. Ren wasn’t a fool, I was the one.             I remember when I accidently saw Olivia and Jay at the pizza restaurant, the next day I was angry to him because he didn’t say anything to me. I startled when he snapped back at me, he said that he was tired because I was too paranoid, but then he apologized and hugged me. Therefore, I never said anything when I found out he was hanging out with someone, mostly Olivia.             But no longer after that, a rumor spread about me breaking up with Jay. Of course I denied it, it wasn’t true. Everyone started making it because they never saw me and Jay having any more time together in school. ***             “Jay!” He looked back when I called him, and again, he was with Olivia.             “I guess I gotta go, don’t forget about the project.” Olivia looked at me and then changed her look to Jay. She gave him a sweet innocent smile and waved her hand to him “Bye, Jay!”, while I gave a cynical look as if to tell her, yeah, goodbye, he’s mine—wait?!             “You have a project with her? What project?” I asked him.             “Just a chemistry project assignment.”             “And you’re doing it just with her?”             “Why? I’m not allowed? Listen Kinan, it is just an assignment and Jordan is part of our team too, and there will be Brenda tonight, you don’t have to be worry.” Jay smiled and stroked my hair.             “Tonight??!! Wait, who’s Brenda?” I only know Jordan, he is Jay’s classmate and I pretty much get along with him too when Jay was hanging out with his friends.             “She is Olivia’s sister so—“             “You’re doing your project tonight? At Olivia’s house?”             “Why? I can’t? How many times I should have told you, Olivia and I just a friend—“             “It isn’t about that! Jay! Did you forget yesterday? You promised me we’ll have dinner at my house today! I’ve already told my parents!” I looked at his brown guilty eyes with disappointment.         I couldn’t believe Jay forgot for almost twice about the dinner, but this wasn’t the first time he forgot about our plan and the reason will always have something with Olivia.             “I know, I’m sorry... I’ll make it up, I promise.” But I shook my head, “don’t make any promises if you never gonna keep it.” I left him in front of his class, I thought he would say something but he didn’t, when I looked back, he wasn’t there anymore. ***             I went straight to my room when I finally got into home, avoiding my mom’s questions about Jay’s coming here or what food he would like for dinner.             “He won’t be here tonight, Mom.” I said when she came to my room.             “Again?” My mom looked at me, “Kinan, I didn’t mean to be rude about him but I know something’s wrong with both of you these last couple of days. As far as I know, he always forgot about your plans together, mind to tell me what happened?”             I was unsure but I decided to shook my head instead of telling her about Jay. I heard a sigh from my mom’s mouth, I know she was just trying to help but I just couldn’t, I was very sure that Jay and I will be just fine.             I looked at the clock on my phone, it was 07.45 p.m right fifteen minutes before we usually eat our dinner at 8 o’clock, I decided to send Jay a message, maybe his project with Olivia and Jordan is done.             To : Mine ♥             How was your project? Are you done?             Not long after, there was an incoming message from Jay.             From : Mine ♥             We just started 30 minutes ago             I sighed.             To : Mine ♥             Okaayy let me know when you’re home             There was no message from Jay after that. He’s very busy I suppose.             “Honey, I guess I cooked to much, can you ask Ren to join us?” Asked my mom. I just nodded and started call Ren. Anyway, besides he is my classmate, Ren is my neighbor too, his house is two blocks away from mine.             “Hey!”             “Ren, are you home? Would you join us for dinner? My mom told my dad that Jay wasn’t coming so he’s going to be late tonight, it is just me and mom and turns out she cooked too much.”             “Again, huh? Let me guess, he forgot?”             I sighed, “Can we not talk about it? So would you like to join us or not?”             “Of course, you fool, good timing, my parents won’t be home tonight, is it okay if I bring Jordan too?”             “Jordan? He’s on a project.”             “No, he’s with me. Say hi to my neighbor!” Then I heard Jordan voice, “Hi, beautiful!”             "Shut up, d**k! She's your friend's girlfriend!" I shook my heard when Ren said that to Jordan.             “Jordan, are you running away from the project??”             “What project?” I heard Ren asked Jordan, “Chemistry, bro. But it’s over about one hour ago. I finished the last part of the project, so it’s completely done.”             “So you went home with Jay an hour ago?”             “No, Jay said he’s gonna stay at Olivia’s for a while, I didn’t ask anything again about that. Oh, and he said he’s already told you that.”             I was silent even though Ren called my name over and over.             “Kinan! Kinan! I’m gonna call 911 if you don’t answer!”             “Hm?”             “Oh God, I called you many times, I thought you were kindapped by dementors.”             “Very funny.” I rolled my eyes.             “You okay? He did told you that right?”             “What? Oh, yeah, he did. Come over, Jordan too.”             “On my way.”              I hung up the phone, had dinner with mom, Jordan and Ren, I gave a look to Ren and Jordan to not talking about Jay because my mom is a little bit suspicious about something’s going on between me and him.             And when it was time to bed, I didn’t sleep.             I cried. ***            “He didn’t tell you.” That was what Ren said the next day, I met him right before I got into my class. “Kinan, he didn’t and it wasn’t fine.” Ren sighed.              I looked at him for a while then said, “Yeah, he didn’t.” I walked away from my class.             “Kinan, where are you going?”             “Where else?” I shrugged and ran to Jay’s class.              I found him laughing with Olivia, she sat beside him, he looked at me, “Kinan! I’m sorry I was beyond tired last night and I didn’t tell you when—“             “Can we talk outside?” I cut his words.             He seems confused but he finally nodded. We went to a quite place behind library.             “So?” Jay raised his eyebrows.             I couldn’t believe about what I was going to say, but here it was, “Let’s break up.”             I had enough, Jay. I played dumb but I always knew that you talked to her, you spent several days with her, or you maybe did even worse than just that. You told me last night your project just started 30 minutes ago, but I knew it was already done. What? You spent all night with her now?             That was what I wanted about to answer if Jay ask the reason why I want to break up with him. But over thousand words I thought he would say, he just nodded, “Alright. I understand.”             I was speechless, “Okay? It is just that? Jay, do you even love me?”             “I do! Of course I do! But what am I supposed to do if this is what you want? If this is for the best then I understand. I know you are tired about me and Olivia but we’re just friends, Kinan. Can’t you just believe it?”             I didn’t say anything. He stroked my hair gently, “Kinan, I love you. But I guess what you said about breaking up is the best way for both of us. We’ll make it up one day. We just have to be separated for while, you get it?”             My eyes were full of tears, I nodded and he hugged me. I believed everything he has said  but he lied about all of that. I was so naive, we weren’t be separated for a while, but forever.             Two weeks has passed. And it would be a lie if I told myself that everything went fine. In fact, I went through a hard time after breaking up with Jay. I didn’t see him a lot after that, didn’t even heard any news about him. I just hoped he would feel the same as how I felt.             But today, I finally knew it would be just a hope.             “I guess what we’ve been thinking this whole time came true, look!” I accidently heard Nancy talked slowly to Eve. I looked at where Nancy pointed her finger and then I felt something burned inside me.             Ren noticed how my face changed into disappoinment, he was about to hold my hand to stop me walking straight to him but it didn’t work. I finally faced Jay and Olivia. He put his arms around her neck.             I smiled, “friends, Jay? It sure as hell don’t look like it.”             “What’s your problem? You already broke up—“             “I’m not talking to you, Olivia.”  I cut her words and gave her a look.             “I can’t believe, you ran to her the second that we called it quit?” I laughed in sarcastic way, “Oh, wait, there’s no damn way you could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Do you know what is that mean?” I raised my eyebrows, “You betrayed me.”             “Shut the f**k up, Kinan, you just jealous—”             “I said I’m not talking to you, Olivia.” I looked at her sharply.             “I betrayed you? Kinan, I broke up with you before I dated Olivia.”             “Yes, you were, you probably think I’m such a fool, Jay, but I knew it, I kept quiet so I could keep you." I looked at his brown eyes, "But it only took you two weeks to go off and date her, and now you bring her around, show her off like she’s new trophy. Well, maybe yeah, I guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor. So don’t you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.”          I was drowning in mixed feelings, I was so angry, so hurtful, so disappointed, and I couldn’t hold my tears anymore so I decided to leave.             All this time I've been waiting for him to come back, to call me or send me a messages. And I was waiting for nothing. Two weeks, I didn't even think to replace him and find someone new because I believe in him. But all of his white lies? I was tricked.             If he couldn't love me anymore, at least say it. So I didn't have to wait. And I didn't have to feel this fool and betrayed.             “If you want to skipping class, don’t stay here, we’ll get caught.”             I looked at Ren, he was kinda shocked seeing my eyes because I was crying, “do I look like I care? And if you’re here just to say that I am such a fool for believing him, you better go away, I don’t wanna hear it now.”             Ren laughed and took one step closer. I was surprised when I felt something warm hugged me, “I won’t and I just can’t leave you alone, you probably gonna kill yourself, so I’m here to accompany you for ... you know ... just in case.”             “I’m not gonna kill myself, Ren!” I rolled my eyes.             He let go of his hand and looked at me, “Forget him, even if he broke up with you before he dated that girl, he stills betrayed you and you know that he’ll never feel sorry for the way you hurt, Kinan. And if he did, it doesn't mean you aren't loved. You just deserve better than someone like Jay.”             I didn’t say anything back, I hope Ren's words was a spell, but it wasn't.               I know Jay has betrayed me, but it wasn't easy to forget every good memories that I've made with him. Our relationship wasn't just a month, but it was for six months.            I remember how sweet he was. How warm his hands holding mine. How gorgeous his smile.             And I just wish I could forget that he was a traitor.               Traitor – END