Melody de la Douleur

LUSCIOUS

LUSCIOUSI do not speak to the twin pair again after that previous confrontation. We still pass by each other between classes in the hallway, and sometimes also have split eye contact during lunch break. But the interaction that occurs between us goes no more than that. And from their eyes, I know that they are being careful to keep their distance from me.

In my observation, I realize that Nixandre is more aware to danger than his sister, excluding his behavior that tends to relax when we first met in the library. In the other hand, Bellathrone seems to like danger much more rather than to avoid it, although at first she appeared to be the type that was more thoughtful.

If they each stand on their own, there would be no need to worry about them. However, when they work together, I'm sure that there will be more than one thing to watch out for.

Their personalities can be the greatest weakness as well as their strongest advantages.

This morning, I am about to enter my first class, when I find Clovis coming from the opposite side of the corridor. His eyes glow when he sees me, a sign that he is more than delighted to see me. It is just that I'm not so sure what to feel.

Should I greet him?

But.... what's the point after that?

After all, all the attention that he has shown me are merely a side effect of my demonic side that still works, and I use it on him accidentally. I didn’t even intend to hypnotize him into liking me.

“Morning,” he says, smiling brightly, flashed a row of pearly white teeth that line up neatly.

I am only able to mutter, “Good morning,” when his hand suddenly grab mine and start to lead me towards one of the nearby rooms. He opens the door and presents a white piano, which is located in the middle of the quite narrow room. That smooth and elegant surface of instrument does not escape my eyes.

Clovis pulls me along with him to approach the piano, my eyes can not be taken away from that instrument. It is as if it is calling from an invincible source, hypnotizing me to come closer so that I can play it, running after my fingers over those logs and notes and clinking them, before singing along with the rhythm of the soon-to-be music.

I can not do it, of course. Especially in front of a witness. And in able to resist the desire to just give up and satisfy that urge, I have to use a great sum of energy and concentration, just so I do not accidentally kill Clovis.

“I've been waiting for this opportunity to arrive. I hope you will like it,” he says while sitting on a chair in front of the piano, lifting the lid and ─ without me being able to react on it ─ begins to play.

It is like being caught between angry sea waves and hot air licking wild fire when the first line echoes in my ears. My chest feels tight, and not because of the lack of oxygen. Worse. My chest feels tight because of the thirst that I’ve been holding back, and now it wants to be satisfied. The hunger is hunting, uncontrollable like a bomb that will explode at any time if I slip off guard.

Does this man know what will happen if I surrender to that push even just for a little?

Of course not.

He does not know anything.

No clue at all.

And ignorance is what will likely end his life.

The monster inside me roars when the second line comes. Its scream is so loud that my ears are sensitized, almost taking over my body. In this time, there is only one other thing left I can think of other than the singing along by Clovis’ play. Sing, and take life force as my singing hums, sucking dry his mortal body.

I grip a side of the piano, almost destroying the edges just to drown my already starting to become uncontrollable mind. Fortunately, my action causes Clovis to stop twanging the piano. He focuses his attention on me, and seems like for the first time realizes how severe my condition is.

The tugging in my chest is short and labored. My body vibrates against the urge to kill. Though in his eyes, I don’t look much more than a sick girl.

“Gosh! Are you okay? Sorry, I was so immersed on the piano that didn’t notice your condition. Do you want me to take you to the school nurse?” he asks, rushing towards me.

I need more time to be able to speak with my normal voice, afraid of open my mouth right away and use my demonic voice instead.

“No need. I'm fine. Just need a little break.”

He guides me to sit down on the chair that he previously occupied. “Are you sure?” he asks again worriedly. “When we first met, you also didn’t look well. Are you sure you're going to be fine just by resting? Isn’t lying on infirmary bed better than here?”

The rain of questions makes it a little bit harder to think, let alone when I'm still in the recovery period. He does not even know how close he is to the door of death, even though I've vowed to myself never to absorb the energy of human life again.

In a glimpse, I tip him with a dark glance, making him gasps with the demonic aura that floats around me. I still have remnants of that power, even when there is no much left of it. Thought at least it is enough to make him shut his mouth.

So, what now?

Frightening him until he will not as much as dare to look at my direction? Showing just how dangerous a demon such as myself? Providing a glimpse of the monster in me?

No.

Those are too much.

His soul will drift away even before I start singing.

But I still have to explain my situation to him.

“Listen,” I carefully start, “there is something you should know about me. But you can’t tell anyone else about this secret I am going to tell you.” He looks deep into my eyes and obediently nods. “You can’t play music around me anymore. Not an instrument, not even singing. It’s dangerous for you to tempt me like this, especially when I can’t help but wanting to play along.”

“But why? I thought you like my music─”

“It’s not because of your music; it’s music in general. I cannot stand listening to it while I am always constantly being on the edge of losing my control. And if it were ever to occur, I don’t think that anyone will survive my thrive.”

“I don’t understa─”

“Clovis,” I cut him off, staring deeply in this eyes, “do you know what a succubus is?”

He blinks at me, and then again and again, until the total becomes three times. “A paranormal creature. Why are you bringing it into this?”

“Well, you know that succubus lures on the humans before sucking their life energy, right? What if I told you that it is how it works for me? Except for the part when music gets involved?”

“Are you telling me that you’re a succubus?”

I know that he is only acting so calm because he does not believe in me. But the way he looks at me and how he is laughing at me yet make me think otherwise.

“Close, but not really. I’m a demon of music. Music controls me, and I control music. Through it I can consume the energy of human life force.”

Silence again.

“Is that what you need?” His question throws me off guard. “That’s part of the reason why you haven’t been looking well, isn’t it? It’s because you need life force, right?”

“So you believe in me? But Clovis, you need to understand. I am dangerous. It is not safe for you to be around me while playing an instrument. Music has always been part of what ticks me off. Its tunes are like drug to me; a sweet nectar. I will always want to taste its forbidden liquid. Every time I hear music being played, it is always a battlefield for me ─ a fight that I’ve always been fighting for a while now. I haven’t lost yet before. Not even once. But if you keep pushing me, I might just give in to the temptation.”

“So that it, then,” he says, as if he were offering me some regular human meal instead of his life.

“No, you don’t understand,” I turn away from him. “This is serious. If I were to ever feed from you, you will die.”

“So take it.” My eyes are widened upon hearing his words. “If my life could be any use to you, then you can have it.”

Has my influence destroyed him completely? Is that why he isn’t even appreciating his life anymore? But what can I do restore what is already gone? I don’t have much power left in me. There is nothing much I can do in my condition. That does not mean I can just give in to the temptation, though. I have managed to stay clear from absorbing anyone’s life force for more than a lifetime. I can still do it, even when someone is willingly sacrificing his life without me playing the music first.

“No. Don’t make it sound like as if your life is not valuable. And you can’t hand over your life energy to me.”

“Why not? It’s what you need, right?” he asks, sounding confused instead of reacting in something else.

“Want, not need. It is not necessary for me to feed off humans. Life force or not, I will always stay and exist. Being a demon comes with the prize of being immortal, thought that’s not all. So don’t just throw away your life like this. You can’t hand over your life to a demon. Why? Because once your life force gets suck, you die and your soul will never be able to reach Heaven. There will be an afterlife for you, that is for sure, but you will be trapped in hell.”

“If it is not necessary for you to feed, then why were you looking like you were in pain before?”

“It’s the music. Hearing it sort of like how bees are attracted to flowers. And every time I hear a music being played, all I ever want to do is give in to the temptation and just feed off the energy.”

“And why aren’t you?”

Why aren’t I?

“Isn’t that what demons do? Prey on humans? Lure them in? Take away their life force and soul? Unless if I am getting this demon facts wrong.”

“No, you are right. Those are the things demons do. It’s just different in my case.”

“Different how?”

I smile at this. Haven’t you figure it out on your own?

“I choose not to.”

“Feed of human life force? But how? And why?”

His questions only make me want to laugh.

“How can you stay so calm after hearing all of this? I can understand if you do not believe. But you do. And this is just so wrong. You should be whimpering in fear by now, or flee or scream at me or something. But no. You just sit here and talk to me calmly, as if we were discussing the weather instead of the fact that I am a demon.”

“Well, I don’t know about that myself,” he pauses for a second, “I guess I just have this feeling, you know? A humanly suspicion, perhaps. Because whenever you are near, I always get this otherworldly feeling. It’s like I can tell that you do not belong in this world. That you are something else; something much more than I am and the others. I guess this is my humanly suspicion telling me.

“But I guess I am also attracted to you, in some ways. I don’t know. I’m sure not about my feelings for you myself. Maybe it’s because you are a demon and that I should be feeling this way. But at the same time, I also can’t shake this feeling off. That’s what I am feeling truly comes from my own heart.

“I have never felt this way towards a girl before. I have always buried myself with schoolwork and the need to keep improving myself. I don’t usually pay attention to any girl at all. Love has never been a concern of mine before. But when I met you, I could tell right away that I fell in love with you at the right sight. And what I have with you is so intensified, more than anything, that I cannot even grasp on what is real and what is not anymore.”

He blushes when he realizes what he has just confessed to me. I stare at him wide eye.

Is it true? Can a human genuinely fall in love with a demon? But how about my demonic charm? Surely it still plays a part in this. But he sounds so sincere and true that it makes me feel guilty.

Guilty for stepping into his life.

Guilty for making his feel this way towards me.

Guilty for not being able to return his feelings.

And I think he already knows my answer by looking into my eyes.

“What we discussed today…. You can’t let it leave this room. People will either give you the look or, if there are still those who believe, start exorcising me. That it will lead to me not being able to enter the school perimeter and eventually get expelled, since I am still an exchange student here and all.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t,” he replies quickly as I get up.

“Oh, and one more thing. Stay clear of the Land twins.”

“Are they…. like you?”

“Yes, and they are the kind that will not stop to feed off your kind.”

“But they are members of the student council.” Well, that explains the uniforms. “It’ll be impossible not to interact with them, since I’m a member as well.”

“Your uniform….”

“I choose not to,” he quotes me with a smile.

I smile back ─ and for the first in such a long time ─ genuinely. Suddenly this image of an annoying school boy who only cares of how to impress his crush is gone, and a real individual who somehow understands me in a way replaces him. I have never been so open to anyone before, much less a human.

Len doesn’t even know about this secret of mine, and he has been my friend for years now. There is something different about Clovis in a way that other humans aren’t to me.

Perhaps it is because I finally find someone who understand me. Or at least a part of me. It feels nice to have something I can share something with again.

I do not know when it will happen again, but this day is probably is the eventful one of all. I have never talked to anyone this long in a while. And it sure is nice being able to. Maybe sharing this secret with Clovis is not such a bad thing, after all.

We part ways after lunch break is over. I am heading towards my next class when suddenly I hear rapid footsteps rushing toward my direction from behind. I turn around, and sure enough Bellathrone is coming from the opposite side of this stirred clear corridor.

Another hell to pay.

I see something of a purple string slips of her hair and disappears into the wall before she marches up on me. A blocking has been activated, preventing those who are outside the zone from hearing us who are inside.

“What the hell? Why did you tell him about us? I couldn’t care less if you talk about yourself, but why did you have to expose me and my brother as well? Do you know how hard it is for us to find this place? Much less handling the situation once things start to go out of hand? Aren’t you the older one here? Why are you causing trouble for ourselves?”

That pair of jaden amber eyes is growing into slits as she snarls at me furiously, and I bite back my lips from laughing out loud. She glares at me deadly, silently asking, “What’s so funny about my question?”

“You don’t have to worry about it. I already asked him to keep it as a secret.”

“Oh yeah? And you just expect him to keep his words? He’s a human, in hell’s name! You can’t just trust him,” Bellathrone snaps.

“He will. And I do trust him.”

“How can you be so sure? And just because you don’t care about being exorcised, doesn’t mean that you have to bring us down along with you!”

“He loves me. I’m sure he cares enough not to,” I simply answer, causing her to stare at me widely.

“Y-you managed to make a human fall in love with you? B-but how? Humans always know that we are something else entirely, despite the attraction they feel. It’s in their nature to notice such thing. And how is this even possible? Are you lying to me again?”

Shaking my head, I answer, “I don’t see a reason to lie. Why are you so suspicious towards me? I’m your elder.”

“I don’t trust you, that’s for sure. I don’t even believe that you are the First.”

“Well, I’m not going to make you, but you really should stop being so suspicious all the time. I am not the one that you should be concerned about. And if it does come to that point, when we can’t enter the school perimeter, I will make sure to take responsibility of it. Just promise me one thing. For as long as I am around, I don’t want any dead bodies to appear. You may feed of the humans, but you can’t kill them.”

“Oh yeah? And how about you? It’s not like you have never killed before,” her words sting more than anything else.

“Yes, I did kill before. But that was in the past.” It was the time when music was all I ever care about, and that murder is just a work in progress. They never survive, those who have heard me played before. They all died under the influence of my power. My music is death to them, tempting them to kill themselves out of the loyalty I never asked.

These demons, they have it at luck. They still can play the instruments in front of so many humans without causing murder and feed off them at the same time, while I can’t. Their powers and influences are less intense than mine.

I wish I wasn’t created as the First. At least that way I can sing ‘till my heart contents without killing anybody. It kills me, this restriction.

“Whatever. Just leave us out of your trouble. It’s not like we can kill right and left. We need to stay under the radar before exorcists come hunting us down.”

And then she leaves, retrieving the purple string back as she walks away, floating like feather and back to her black hair.

Another realization comes to my mind.

We’re late for class.

Days can quickly passes into weeks, but they all feel twice as longer than they should when it comes to the temptation. Left and right I can hear a clarinet being played, a group of class chorusing, and so on. It is never a day for me to go through without having to pull myself together anymore. But at least this time Clovis is there. He has proven to be a quite good company for the past few weeks. And then soon, before we know it, the event arrives.

The annual St. Lathios Music Performance starts with an elimination. Every student in this school is an automatic participant, including us the exchange students. Only ten candidates will be chosen, according to Clovis.

“You’ve been chosen before, I bet,” I say walking to him in between classes.

There is pride gleaming in his eyes when he answers, “Has been for the past few years since I was enrolled in this school.” St. Lathios covers not only education for high school students, but also elementary school students. It means he has been in the game for eleven years.

“That’s a pretty big achievement you have there. But you might still want to be careful this year. There could be new competitions this time around.”

The corners of his lips curve into a smirk. “Well, it sure will be interesting to finally get to hear you sing or play the instrument instead.”

“What? Me? In the annual performance? Not even a chance.” Besides, it will not end up good if I were to get chosen.

“I’ve heard the rumor, you know. They said that your voice is like an angel.” Well, at least they get the supernatural part right. “I wish I was there to hear it myself.”

“Then you can keep wishing, because there is no way I am going to sing in front of anyone else ever again.” The tone in my voice causes him to raise an eyebrow at me.

“Why do you hate music so much?”

“I don’t hate it. In fact, I love it with all my being. But you know why I can’t perform in front of people,” I state as we turn to a corner.

Minutes before the next class starts, I hear a similar yet rather different tune being played on the speaker. It’s St. Lathios’ theme song, as I recognize it. And from it, a female adult voice is being heard coming from it.

“Good morning, students. I am Principal MacLagen and today I will announce the list of names of those who have made it into this year’s music performance. I and several other teachers have decided to choose these students after weeks of considerations and evaluations. The following will be the results in order:

Clovis Lynth, from class S-2

Nixandre Land, from class S-2

Bellathrone Land, from class S-2

Roff Thander, from class A-3

Lee Prior, from class A-3

Nathalia Jex, from class A-2

Evy Volent, from class B-3

Jackson Hint, from class A-1

Also, this year, we have candidates from the St. Luthias exchange students. Among them are the following:

Annalyss Saw, from class S-2

And,

Nion Flux, from class S-2

For the students whose names I just mentioned, I congratulate you all. We have high hopes for the ten of you. Hopefully we get to see another wonder performance again. Good luck. May the best one wins.”

The announcement ends with the same tune being played, signing the closing speech. From beside me, Clovis comments gleefully.

“So you’re an elite student as well.”

“All the exchange students from my school are elites,” I want to say, but I am still too shocked to even produce sounds from my mouth. My eyes are staring widely at the empty space in front of us, and my body freezes on the spot the second my name is mentioned. This is not just one strike, but two strikes in the same month. First I got to be picked for the exchange student program. And now this. Can my luck get any worse?

“This is a very sick joke they are playing,” I hiss through grinned teeth.

Clovis replies, “I don’t think they can joke about this kind of thi─” But I do not bother to hear the rest of his sentence, turning on my heels sharply and heading towards the principal office, not even bothering for the fact that class is about to start soon.

“Yes, come in,” says the feminine voice from the inside after I knock on the door.

“Principal MacLagen, I believe we haven’t met yet. My name is Annalyss Saw, a student of St. Luthias,” I introduce myself politely to the figure that is sitting in front of her desk. MacLagen is a woman in her late thirties, with wavy dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. Simple features with defined lines.

“Oh yes, the exchange student. What can I help you with?” she asks in a bored tone.

I see. She’s the blunt type. So there is no need to pleasantries for her. “I would like you to take my name off that list,” I say straight to the point.

“But whatever would you do that for? Aren’t you aware that getting into that list is already hard enough? Why would you want to withdraw?”

“I have my own reasons.”

“Reasons that you simply refuse to share with the other teachers,” she adds, before standing up to circle her desk and face me. “I’ve heard about your performances in class, Miss Saw,” I take notice that she does not shiver with my last name, “and I must say that you have proven yourself to be quite talented, despite being a design student. It will be a waste if you do not use your talent. And for your case, it will be a lot.”

“But I don’t want to participate,” I insist calmly.

“Is there a reason why you want to quit? I thought I hear the principal of St. Luthias offering quite some prizes for a student of his who wins this performance.”

“Top three only. A student does not necessarily have to win to get the prize,” I correct her. “And I still want to quit. I don’t care about the prize.”

She squeezes her eyes on me in deep thought, trying to figure me out through her eyes. I remind still. “And what do you care about?”

The safety of this school. Not killing humans. No more music.

The last thought echoes heavily in my mind.

“Just take my name out, please. I don’t want to participate,” I reduce to pleading.

“If you’re not interested in winning,” she trails off, “then I don’t think there is a need for you to quit. Just go along with it. And if your performance appears to be lacking on that date, then you will get eliminated. As simple as that, and you’re out, no?”

So persistent. I’m not even her student. Why is she so concerned about a student dropping out of the annual performance? It can’t possibly be because she doesn’t want to bother picking another name…. or can it be? There’s no telling. I don’t know her character.

“Fine. But I refuse to perform,” I tell her before leaving her office.