Melody de la Douleur

ECSTASY

ECSTASY♪ ♬ I know you, your eyes tell your tale of once upon a time ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ I know you, that dark gleam hiding in the shadows ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ Though I know you, I can’t place a name ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ All I have are your haunting eyes ♬ ♪

I can’t remember to forget it. The words sang like compelling chants, inviting me to dance along with the fast rhythm. Whisper of beats possesses my body, pulling the strings of my will and making it its own. My will becomes its will, and then it wants to be set free. I let it go and─

The illusion vanishes when I blink open my eyes. Morning welcomes me through the safely closed curtains. I roll over the bed prepare myself for another day full of temptations.

I was high in ecstasy in that dream. My wants became so strong that I thought I’d almost lose it for real, because that dream felt so real. Well, at least I believed in it while I was in that dream.

I enter the bathroom to wash up when I notice from the reflection of the mirror. My eyes are glaring back at me in magenta instead of their usual blue shade. The dream must have affected me more than I thought it had. I can’t go to school like this though, which is a problem. They’ll know that something is different. And even when people don’t pay attention much, at least someone will still know.

Rummaging through the drawers, I try to search for something I can use. I check my contact lenses stock, but all that were left are the used ones. They all have been died out of color. That is what happens every time I put something on my eyes. The sustain in my eyes are like poison to whatever it came in contact with.

With a sigh, I revert to the drawers that keep my accessories instead, looking for something that I might be able to use to cover up my eyes. After minutes of searching, I finally find a pair of light blue sunglasses.

These will have to do for now.

There are many who are still worked up with the elimination results from yesterday. It is really understandable, thought. Who would have expected any of the students from St. Luthias able to pass through the strictly judged elimination, especially for two of them?

I did not think that Nion would have made it, though. It never even crossed my mind that he is talented in music at all until yesterday.

When I meet him this morning at Technical Vocalization, he seems pretty determined.

I want to say, “Good luck,” out of politeness. But I do not think he will appreciate it coming from me, so I dismiss the thought.

Mr. Corvonous starts the class by congratulating three of his students who have made it through the elimination, and the class claps their hands along. Thought I can sense hesitation coming from them when they land their eyes on me and Nion.

It does not matter, though. It is not like I want to win or something.

At second period, we have Classical Instruments. It is taught by Mrs. Karnelia. Clovis is present, and so does Nixandre. And thought having the school’s two top students might be rather intimidating for most, including Nion, I do not feel the same way. That is much because they are not my rivals.

“Students, I see that today we have quite a few candidates from the annual performance. Mr. Lynth, why don’t you show us who to play is piece today?” Mrs. Karnelia lightly taps on the opened music score on her desk, showing the pages she told us earlier to flip.

Clovis rises from his chair and says, “Right away.” He walks up to the front of the class, where a very tall pipe organ stands. He takes a sit at the bench in front of it and positions his hands on top of the keyboards. Without as much as lying is eyes on the music score, he begins playing.

His long fingers press at the keyboards ever so fluently. His feet tap on the pedals ever so slightly. He is a natural, and the song plays out smoothly. He knows when to keep the pace in slow and when it is time to quicken up. I recognize the piece as Prelude in C Major.

It is funny how hearing him playing feels nice…. almost easy. I wonder why I do not feel heavy as I usually do. It is because I know that he is the one playing? Do I…. trust him?

The class applauses once he finishes. Mrs. Karnelia gives the compliment he deserves, praising at how composed Clovis is as always. Then next, she appoints Nix to play the piece at the next page. Nix, who has been sitting next to my left, smiles shortly at me as he stands, before walking off to the pipe organ. Clovis does not miss that gesture as he returns to his seat, which is on my right side.

“Mrs. Karnelia, I was wondering if it is okay for me to play another piece instead? There is something I want to show to everyone,” Nix says to the teacher after taking a sit at the bench.

“Well, if it is you, Nixandre, then I do not think I will mind. Go on. Show us what you want to perform,” she urges him.

He returns her a smile, before turning his attention on the instrument in front of him.

Melodies begin to play and I immediately acknowledge the piece. It is Dracula’s Pipe Organ, or known as more Toccata and Fugue by Bach. This piece is truly one that invites horror. Everyone is awestruck by Nix as he proudly carries out the song. I can feel it as he plays. He is bringing out the fear in the humans through it, influencing his emotions and eventually manipulating them.

I want to say that I am immune, but even his play somehow influences me. This should not be happening. Demons can not influence other demons. Especially the ones that are older than them. But it seems like Nix has somehow figure out my condition. And he is using it now to his advantage. For what, I don’t know, but I can feel my body starting to shake as an effect.

The pen that I have been holding in my hand is vibrating, almost getting crushed in my hand. All sorts of negative emotions in filling the classroom, and are eating me in the inside to know that they are inches away from my gaps. No one is speaking to stop him. It is not like they can do that in the state they are currently in, though. But I know that if he is not going to stop soon, something bad will happen.

I glare at him from my seat, and he seems to notice it. Turning his head slightly at me, he gives me a mischievous smirk, before focusing his attention back at the keyboards.

That is all it takes, though. That millisecond of moment. A sensation seeps into my skin, sinking deeper into my demonic flesh. A crash turns everyone’s attention away from him, and Nix suddenly stops playing. His eyes are on me, and so does everyone else’s. I notice that I have stood up from my seat unconsciously.

“Miss Saw, is there something─” Mrs. Karnelia begins, but I interrupt her.

“I’m sorry. I need to go,” I reply without as much as looking into anyone’s eyes. I quickly rush out from the classroom with all eyes on my back. Not even for a second that I turn back to spare anyone a glance.

It is just too much. And I can feel my magenta eyes blazing from behind my sunglasses, almost melting the bluish color on it as well.

When I push my way into the ladies room, my hunch proves to be correct. My eyes are glowing like they never before that even the sunglasses can not hide them properly anymore.

Taking off my glasses, I turn the tap from the sink and wash my face off. I inhale and exhale deeply for a few times before the glow in my eyes can reduce a little bit. A few minutes later, I put my sunglasses back on before exiting the toilet.

“Are you alright?” Clovis asks just outside the door. I stare at him.

“Were you waiting for me?” He nods. “You should get back to class soon. Don’t want to affect your perfect grades now, do you?”

Ignoring my question, he asks, “What happened back there? You seemed so distressed when Nix was performing. Did he do something that I am not aware of?”

“It’s nothing,” I quickly reply him.

“It’s clearly something. People just don’t dart out of class because of ‘nothing’.” I stare harder at him.

“You know that I am not─”

“Fine. Demon, people. Same difference,” he snaps. “The point is, there must be something that has happened in the classroom that made out ran off like that.”

“I’ll tell you, but not now. You have to get back to class.”

“No, I want you to tell me now,” he insists.

I drop my gaze at the floor, before saying, “Alright. But not here. We can talk at someplace with more privacy.”

With that, he walks me towards the directions of practice rooms, where we first met. He opens the same room he used previously and we enter.

“Now talk,” he says.

I stare at the concert grand standing at one side of the room, before begin explaining.

“You know that I can’t stand being so close while listening to music, right?” He nods silently. “Well, I was just fine when I heard you play, actually. I didn’t know why. Maybe because I know you? Anyway, when Nix began playing, he wasn’t just playing the piece. Nix is a demon, you know that, and they are certain things a demon can do while they are performing something in their expertise. Like me, he is also a demon of music. And like me, he also can control people while he plays. That was exactly what he did before.”

“And when he plays, he can control humanly emotions. Being surrounded like that, it has really been a while for me. Especially when he channels those emotions out. All I could think of was feeding off of you lot. But if I had done that, you would all have been dead by now. It is one thing being fed off a second-class demon. It’s another thing being fed off of me.”

“So we wouldn’t have died after being fed off of him?”

I stare into his deep blue eyes for a second. “No,” I reply softly. “At least not if he don’t take too much.”

“What if he stops feeding?”

“Then he’ll grow weak, before eventually wither.”

“Will the same thing happen to you?” I shake my head. “Why? How come you won’t?”

“It’s because I am the first.”

“The first?” he arches an eyebrow.

“The first demons are always the strongest. It’s like the higher you were, the farther you fell.”

“So you were an Archangel, then. Before you became a demon.”

My lips form a stiff thin line. “Yeah. Something like that.”

“Why did you fall? How did you fall? And why did you choose not to feed on humans? Isn’t that what demons are supposed to do? And if you are kind, why didn’t they take you back to heaven?”

A smile a little. “One question at a time, please.” I take a sit at the bench. But before I do something bad, I quickly rise from it and walk to the corner of the room, getting as far away as possible. “It was a really long story. Older than ancient, perhaps. Those were wonderful days, up at the Above. But I don’t think I am ready to open up about it just yet.” I close my eyes, remember those days. Then, when it happened. The Fall. It was so devastating. I still remember that feeling when it began. I was losing myself, a bigger part of me.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he says quickly.

“But the afterwards, I can remember it clearly. I was angry. I was disappointed. And I afflicted my wrath upon human beings for what happened to me.” I stare hard at the wall in front of me, recalling those memories. “It was easy to remember because I could not care less at that point. For millennials I performed. And those who have heard my music, my singing, committed suicides. It was always like that after I was done.

“It was like I was cursed, and I knew that it would not end. Ever. But I miss heaven. A bigger part of me was missing. And only through music that I was able to find that missing part of myself. Even though it was just for a short moment. Even though I was only able to get a small gasp of it. To me, it didn’t matter. All I wanted to do was feel again. And for that, thousands have to pay the price. I didn’t care though, as long as I got what I want. They did not matter.

“It was like that for quite a while. I performed anywhere I liked. They listened, and then they died. That was, until one day, I met someone. A human woman. She was kind and innocent. And she told me that she was grateful to be able to hear me performed. That was what she said, before she threw herself of the balcony and fell for ten stories high.

“I stared at her body. She died with a smile on her face. That was the moment when I realized something. I learned my sin. It was like my eyes were finally opened again for the first time in such a long time. That was the body of a human, the kind that I once watched over and protected from afar. That was when I finally snapped out of it and realized something else; that even though I will never be able to go back again, I could still be the same here. I could still watch over the humans like how I did back then. It wasn’t necessary for me to play the music. I can feel a piece of heaven through Earth; through human kind. That was when I changed.” A small smile is playing in my lips before I can fight it off. But then I remember that I am in the presence of another human being.

I glance at Clovis, and sure enough, he is staring at me with widen eyes.

“You must fear me right.” He flinches at my words. “It’s okay. I don’t blame you. You are welcome to leave.”

“N-no….” his voice comes out hoarse. Clearing his throat, he says, “I am just shocked learning that you have killed before. But I don’t understand. They committed suicide? You were cursed?”

“Everything that was once a gift at heaven turned into a curse once I became a demon. It was just how nature worked.”

“Angel of music. That was what you were once, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” I reply with a sad smile.

“I didn’t…. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked,” he mutters apologetically.

“It’s okay. I’m fine now. Well, as fine as I can ever be. It’s nice being able to talk about this so someone,” I assure him.

“Am I…. Am I the first?”

“No,” I glance away from him. “There were others. Once.”

“What happened to them?”

“They died.” My words seem to echo through the room, stating thoroughly.

“Did you….?” He trails off that question.

“No. I didn’t kill them. They died of natural causes. Some of old age, some got sick.”

“Oh,” is all he says.

We stay in silent for a while as he processes these new revelations. None of us say anything for a few minutes, and I try to avoid his eyes for the whole time.

“Will you ever get back?”

“No, it doesn’t work that way,” I say grimly. “Once you fall, you can never get back. The gates of heaven are forever closed for you. You, on the other hand, might have a chance.”

“Me?”

“Once you pass away, your soul may be permitted to enter it.”

After that conversation, the two of us get back to class and apologize to Mrs. Karnelia. She is not one to hold grudges, according to Clovis. And he is right. Once we mutter our apologies, she gives us a short speech about neglecting class and not to repeat it, before telling us to get back to our seats.

Nix is there to greet us with his eyes. One look at him and I already know the way his eyes speak. It is like he is satirizing me in silent. I glare back at him, before completely ignoring him for the rest of the class.

“Man, I thought that you were some sort of a mighty demon. But it turns out what I was wrong. My sister was right. It was no use getting alarmed around someone like you. It’s not like you can do much, anyway,” Nix approaches me at the hallway once Classical Instruments is done. The other students have all left, so there are only the two of us now.

“I don’t know about that. After all, I am immortal. You can’t get rid of me, that’s for sure,” I retort back without as much stopping or looking at him.

“Oh, really? Are you sure?”

“I don’t see second-classes killing of the Firsts now, do I?”

“Well, I think that you’re just bluffing,” he states.

“About not wanting to see any dead bodies?”

“About being the First,” he corrects, his eyes staring at me with an attitude.

“And as I said before, I don’t care whether you believe me or not,” I say, walking faster.

But then suddenly a hand grabs my upper arm and spins me around.

“Prove it,” Nix says, his eyes boring into mine through the sunglasses.

“I don’t need─” I am about to reply him when he yanks me in full force, using his demonic powers to push me into a door. We end up in an empty classroom. He pushes me down on a table nearby, causing my back to land on top of it. He positions himself in between my legs and his hands are fast in unbuttoning my jacket.

I try to push him off, but he only presses himself harder against me. He finishes unbutton my jacket and moves to my shirt. I grab his wrists to stop him but he just bats them off. I try to kick him as hard as I can, but he appears to be unfazed. Finally all the buttons are undone, and he can see my tattoo.

Five petals of poppy run across my stomach. Its tendrils form borders of a star of five points, each parallel with the petal. The tattoo is glowing from pink to red in sign of a presence from another demon. Nix runs his fingers across it, as if touching my tattoo will cause them to disappear.

“Now you’ve seen the proof. Now get off of me!” I demand angrily.

Just seeing it does not seem to satisfy him, though. No. He has to travel his finger across the star trace. Down, then up, until he reaches the top of my bra. His eyes seem to linger way longer than necessary on my lacy aquatic blue bra, and I curse myself for choosing that one today. He makes an attempt to touch me, his hand hovering just above the fabric in the air, the look of curiosity flashing in his eyes.

An inhuman growl roars from my throat as I begin to struggle, the sound echoing through the room. Instead of feeling threatened, though, his eyes glow in a constant dominance between amber and emerald. The illumination signifies his fascination over my reaction. Is he…. enjoying this?

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get off of her at once!” a new voice causes Nix to finally turn his attention away from me.

I turn my head as well towards the door, finding none other than Clovis glaring deadly at Nix. When he finally sees my exposed skin, his face grows redder in anger, before storming forward. His fist is high up in the air, ready to be swung. But before he can get close enough to Nix, he extends his hand, and a force pushes Clovis back across the room.

Nix sniggers at the sight of defeated Clovis, whose back is against a wall. He has fallen on his foot out of the impact.

“It’s a little bit too fast to fight me off, don’t you think, boy toy?”

Clovis look daggers at him and is about to rise to his feet again, but winches when something seems to be injured.

I am left with no other choice. If this keeps going, Clovis might end up dead. He will not stand a chance against Nix. There is only one thing left to do.

Taking him by surprise, I wrap my legs around Nix’s waist. His eyes widen in surprise at me as I close the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his neck before pushing his head down. Our lips meet, and the flow of power course out from him and into me like unending currents.

His eyes are still widened in shock as I kiss him again. It has not register his mind yet of what I am doing. But as he grows weak, realization finally crosses his glowing eyes. By the time he does, it is already too late. I am already sucking more than half of his energy as he falls on his knees, dragging me along with him. I land on top of him as his back leans against the wall for the only support. When I am done, I release his lips, leaving only a very small amount of energy for him to not vanish.

“W-what were you doing?” Clovis asks in shock. In front of me, Nix closes his eyes, too weak to stay awake.

“Come on. Let’s go,” I tell him as I button my shirt quickly. We leave the empty classroom without as much as a glance back.

Bellathrone will come to find him soon.

“Why did you kiss him?” Clovis asks me as we head to our next class.

“I didn’t kiss him,” I reply quickly, tidying my uniform.

“Yes, you did. I saw it with my own two eyes.”

“No, really. I wasn’t. I was stealing his energy,” I answer.

“You what?” he asks, eyes widen.

“I stole is energy. Demons can do that to each other,” I explain.

“H-how?” he blurs out.

“Easy, really. He was close, and he didn’t pay attention. I used that chance to my advantage.”

“So you just thought that kissing him was fine?”

I squeeze my eyes at me at the question. “Are you jealous?”

“Am I jealous?” he repeats upsetly. “Of course I am! Why did you have to kiss him?”

Holding back a laughter, I smile at him. His eyes become bewildered upon seeing my reaction, his eyes glaring at me, demanding to know what is so funny about this reaction.

Finally, we reach our destination. Just before I open the door to the classroom, I answer him.

“I did it to save you.”

He shows a different kind of glare, but I do not wait for him and just enter.

He can not take his eyes off me on Music Composition. But I do not as much as spare a glance at him. The other students are already suspicious enough, especially the female ones. They already suspect us of having something, and I do not want to stare back at him only to strengthen their suspicion. The teacher carries on lesson without noticing how Clovis is acting, which is a good thing. I do not wish for Clovis to gain trouble more than he already has because of me.

Things should not change. My presence should not change him.

Then, in the middle of the class, I start feeling it. My surrounding becomes more alive, much more realistic than the most detailed paintings ever exist. My sight clearer, so much that I can even see the dust hovering in the air around me. My sense of smell heightens, and I can tell from the scent of sweat right down to the morning dew that still lingers on the leaves at the garden just outside the classroom. My hearing sharpens, whispers and music dance from every possible direction.

My powers have returned.

I thought that things are going to get harder. I thought that I will be seconds from losing control. But I am wrong. Turns out it is not hard at all. The power actually helps me. I don’t feel the urges as strongly as when I am weak. Stealing energy from another demon turns out to be an advantageous act.

I do not see Nix again for the rest of the day. And so does Bellathrone. They skip the classes with a excuse of having to attend sudden family affair. But I know better than the fooled teachers. Demons don’t have parents. There is no way there is a family affair. They can’t attend classes because of me.

But I do not feel the slightest of guilt at all. I was only stealing what was not his in the first place. He stole this energy from other human beings, after all.

If I continue this, thought, Nix must feed from someone else to restore his strength. And by doing that, there is a chance that he might kill someone in the process. I do not want things to reach that point, so I have no any other choice than to return this stolen energy.

Well, it sure is fun while it lasted.

At lunch break, I sneak out from school and come to their dormitory room. According to the administration, members of the student council lives at the Sun Dorm. It is the best and most expensive type than the others in St. Lathios. It is about a fifteen-minute walk from school, but using as little as energy as possible, I reach my destination in a few minutes. Once I get there, I press the bell.

“What do you want?” Bellathrone’s high pitch voice shriek through the intercom furiously.

“I’m not looking for trouble. I’m here to return his life energy,” I say as neutrally as possible.

There is a silent at the other side of the door.

“She’s here,” she says to someone else.

“What does she want?” a male voice responds.

“She wants to return your energy.”

“Do you think it’s a trap?”

“I don’t trust her.”

Silent.

Then finally, someone says, “Let her in.”

“What? Are you crazy? She’s going to kill us!” Bellathrone sounds really upset.

“If she wanted you, she would have done so when she had the chance,” Nix tells her.

She mutters something under her breath that sounds like “It’s your funeral,” before heading towards the door and opens it. A pair of jaden-amber eyes glares at me once the door swings open.

“If you do something suspicious, I won’t hesitate to attack you,” is her warning, before stepping aside to allow me to get inside.

After closing the door behind us, she walks ahead and directs me straight to her brother’s room. Inside, Nix is lying on his bed, his eyes closed. It seems like they have not find someone they can use to feed him.

“Why didn’t you find someone to feed him off to?” I ask curiously.

“It will be hard to have a few students suddenly passing out for no reason. The humans will become suspicious, and we’re trying to keep a low profile here,” Bellathrone explains snappily, still glaring at me.

I walk towards the bed slowly as she keeps a close eye. Sitting at the side of the bed, I wait until he rises from it. Once he does, he changes into a sitting position, his jaden-amber eyes staring back at me.

“Go on. I’m here to return it,” I tell him.

He leans in, his face closer until he is just a few inches from me. I do not move.

Seconds pass until it turns to minutes. Still nothing.

What is he waiting for?

“You have to do it if you want to take it back.” Then, teasing, I add. “Or do I have to get half naked first before you can do it?”

“What?” Bellathrone shrieks by the door, catching off guard upon hearing this.

Nix bites his lower lip, before a set of red blushes creeps on his cheeks. The sight is almost adorable, if it were not for what happened this morning earlier on.

“Shut up,” he says as he avoids my eyes, unclear whether he is saying it to me or his sister. When he glances back at me, a new determination seems to enter his eyes. He grabs my arm and pushes me towards him. I land on his chest. He leans down and is about to kiss me. My lips part to make it easier for him, so that the energy will flow right to him. Before our lips can touch, though, he stops again. Then with a force not so strong, he pushes me away.

Both me and Bellathrone look surprised.

“I don’t need it from you! Now get out of my sight,” he hisses, not even sparing another glance at me. “Bella, get her away,” is what he says, before returning to his sleep.

I blink a few times at him. “So I do need to unbutton my skirt after all─”

“No! I don’t need your help. Go away!” he says harshly.

“But I’m not even helping. I’m just returning─”

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Now he sounds angry, almost furious as Bellathrone has been.

I do not understand. Doesn’t he want to get better? Why reject something that one has offered to return willingly?

“Come on. You heard him.” Bellathrone escorts me out of their dorm room silently.

Once I reach outside, I have no idea what else to do other than going back to school.