Lost

That’s when I was growing up, from a little girl to a young lady. From daddy’s princess to my own support. It all started from the day I got familiar with all these words. Love Hate Anger Happiness Embarrassment Sadness Shame Excitement Frightened Passion Irritated Elated Terrified Delighted Cheerful Attractive Brave Comfortable. Blah blah. Combination of English letters, that seemed to be just adjectives but turned out that they became a part of life, all those words that were meaningless until grade six, but then they meant everything to me. I never wanted to experience a lot of them but you can’t really predict the future, who knew I’ll be going through them. Some of my feelings or emotions can’t be named or either can’t be expressed, it’s vast, as vast as the universe expansion. These may just still seem adjectives to a lot of people but for me, they played slightly a different role. They built me, the girl I am, strong or weak. Recalling back to those days when I had difficulty in pronouncing/spelling them but then things changed, for good or bad, I don’t know but it brought a gigantic change. How everything and everyone changed around me. How I LOST everything I wanted to have in my life, my life started to feel as if it was being shattered into a thousand pieces, but all I could do was just look at the things breaking that ways. And then there are times I feel. *For once in my life I want to be good enough* But now when I read back, the statement changes to. “I once again want to be the old Ahana I was.”