Enduring the Storm

Chapter 9 Goodbye

Brooke's POV

Once all my fileting is done, I am able to freeze some of it so I can have fish for another day, just not all of the fish today. I have been getting better about saving up for tomorrow when I was never able to do that in the past, since I didn't have a fridge or freezer when I was living in my car. So that makes me feel great that I can do this to take care of myself, I don't have to pay for the food but can still provide for myself. That's another confidence booster I have built within me.

I clean the one filet I left out for my dinner as I start to get the skillet and ingredients ready to cook. I play my music as I sing to myself and cook away. I am so good at cooking this trout now, since I have had it too many times to count at this rate, that I feel like a pro.. I am even starting to get some confidence in myself with my cooking, which is almost inspiring, since it's giving me a type of love for cooking in general.. Luckily for me, because if my cooking didn't improve, I don't know what I would have done.. Well, I would have still ate the food, just wouldn't have liked it too much.

I take a seat on my little couch after my long day. I place the plate on the table, taking in the savory aroma, before taking a bite. This is exactly what I needed to top my day off. Once the tender filet meat hits my tongue, it just falls apart letting the juices and seasonings take over, giving my mouth the flavor it was craving as I do a little dance to myself, just properly enjoying my technique that only gets better every time I try it. I smile to myself, moving my limbs to the beat of my heart and love for this moment.. I eat this food enjoying it as if it is my last, loving this meal and my life thus far.

This was exactly what I needed to finish out my day. The deep sleep seems to come easy after a long day and perfect meal. Bringing on the sea-bound dreams that always seem to fill my mind, no matter what time of day it is. After a long night of being trapped in my endless thoughts that have consumed my mind during the day, then in dreams at night.. I think I have finally decided what to do with my future.

I think I need to purify myself from this dark place that has done so much harm to me that I don't know how much good it could give me. I just don't see any other way to have a happy, fulfilled life in this city that won't let me evolve into the person I crave to be. So goodbye and onto the next best place for me. Onto my future, far away from this place.

When the morning lights rain over every corner of this area, I get up, quickly gathering my things and make my way to the store to collect anything and everything I would need for a successful trip away. I don't plan on coming back to land for a decent amount of time. So I need to make sure I am prepared to stay out for as long as I can. I know that I will need to come back eventually, but believe that I will be enjoying the time away that I can get.

I walk pretty quickly to the store grabbing everything, from medicine, to canned food, and more fishing gear that I may need, since that will be my main source of food for the time being in between the canned veggies and fruit. I spend a decent amount of money to stock up but it's not an issue since I know that I will be needing it in the future, even if it's not on this trip.

I get back to my boat, taking everything out and stocking up as I mentally prepare to tell my friends goodbye. I don't even know if I will be coming back, so I don't want to give them false hope of maybe seeing them again when the hatred for this place runs so deep within me that I know I won't come back unless I have to. I don't do well with anything sentimental, so maybe it would just be best if I write them a little letter each and put it onto their boats so I won't have to face this head on emotionally with them.

I think that Jefferson is the only one that I may want to say goodbye to face to face, but other than that, I think a nice letter will be good enough. I nod to myself, internally agreeing with that thought. I take some of the extra paper I have out, writing one letter after the next, to each of my friends I have gradually accumulated over here.

Every single one is sentimental in its own way, showing the appreciation I have for them, and what they have selflessly done for me to make me feel appreciated and not judged. They were all kind when they didn't have to be and I needed it more then they knew and I will make sure that they know it in these letters. It takes a while to write every letter but I make sure I say everything I wanted to before dropping off all of them to each and every boat. I put it by their front windows and securing them before leaving the letters and friends behind.

That's not where it ends, so my new life can begin.. I have one last thing to do, and with it being a Saturday, I know exactly where to find Jefferson. He is always cleaning up his boat to prepare for a nice weekend of fishing because Friday's are reserved for just him and his wife, so she won't be mad when he has a weekend away on the boat. I prance over to his boat as I see him stocking up just like I had finished doing.

I slow down having a hard time with this trek, knowing that it won't be easy, but I need to do this for me. I get to his window and lightly knocking, gaining his attention as I feel my heart rate picking up at the thought of saying goodbye, I have never been good at saying goodbye. I give him a small wave as concern and curiosity takes over his features. I think he knows that something is amiss with me.

He walks over as he plasters a smile on his face, trying to cover the concern that hasn't left his eyes at all. "hey Good morning Brooke, what's going on?" he asks me, as I take a moment to breathe, before I have to do this. "Hey.. I just need to talk with you if I can." I start slowly, not being able to have the motivation to do this out of pure nervousness. "Yeah of course." He gets closer but staying quiet to give me a chance to get this off of my chest.

"Well.. as you know, things haven't been working out for me in the situation of jobs, and you know how much I have been loving being on the water doing anything I can." I start as he lets out a deep breath to finish my thought. "You are leaving on your boat." He doesn't say it as a question, as if he knows excavtly what I plan to do.. and of course since he hit the nail on the head there is no denying it because he is making this easier on me.

I nod my head as I stare over at him, not being able to say it out loud because of the terror in my heart to leave this place. I knew it was going to be hard, but I also knew that I needed to do this for myself. I need this.. I need to leave. "I wish you all the luck in the world Brooke.. I understand why you feel the need to do this.. and it's ok to make this change. Especially since I know how frustrated you have been with this place, not having anything but dead ends wherever you go.. and it's ok." He says so sweetly being just as understanding about my situation as I thought.

I sniffle feeling the tears welling up within my eyes as he coos me with his hands that pat over the outside of my arms before he adds. "There is no explanation needed. But what I do need to say is that it is ok to be scared too, it really is.. I can see the fear in your eyes, but it's the fear that has been the key to keeping you alive. So be afraid and take care of yourself in doing so.. and I bet you will have an incredible time. Just keep your head up always, and never back down. You're a tough cookie, so stick to that and I would bet that great things will come to you in return." He says all of this, causing tears to roll down my cheeks.

I don't even know when I started crying but the overwhelming empathy in his words, as if he has been in these exact hardships, makes me feel not so alone or different. I feel like I am doing something right by making this decision when I was actually expecting a fight from him. But all there is given is acceptance and love, which apparently was all I needed to take these next steps.

"Thank you for everything.. your understanding was all that I seemed to need to do this for myself." I squeak this out between the deep breathes I am inhibiting to try to help my body to stay calm. He pulls me into a hug that feels as if it may be fatherly, but there is no way for me to know that for sure. I hug him back before feeling him kiss the top of my head. "Good luck Brooke... You better get going because the weather is great the rest of today, but a storm should be hitting tomorrow.. I would hate for you to get caught up in it.. So try to beat it out of the area.. and I wish you all the luck.. but we both know you don't need luck.. you would just kick lucks ass and take the result for yourself.. like you have done for so long." He says with so much encouragement that I feel strong in this.

"Thanks so much for everything you don't know what it means to me." I say again before leaving his side and headed over to my boat. I only had a couple more days left before they would be making me remove my boat, so all of this is perfect timing and hopefully exactly what I need.. I just hope I am making the right decision. But I will never know if it is the right decision or not, unless I go out and try.

But as he said all I do know is that there is only dead ends here for me and I deserve so much better than that and, for whatever reason, I feel that this decision will be just what I deserve. I untie my boat as I throw the rope onto it as I give my boat a shove with my foot. Helping me get away from the dock as I walk through my boat and to the top where I can start it and get this new trip underway.

The motor hums causing the boat to purr under my feet as I slowly turn the boat around and leaving this marina, to the open sea. I get away from the dock while slowly moving between the boats and keeping my eyes peeled for anything. The overwhelming fear is consuming my heart, but I just keep replaying Jefferson's words in my mind, making me feel ok about the fear. It really is the friend that has helped keep me alive.

I get far enough away from the marina to be able to pick up speed, I just pick it up a little faster as I keep looking around. Not too much is going on out here, people swimming right by the beach, people fishing off to the sides, but other than that not much else. I pull out the map as I take a look. There are multiple trips mapped out in blue but only one in purple. I don't know why, but I feel the strong need within me to take that trip in purple. I don't know if it's because it's the obvious one out of the multiple of blue lines or if it's sentimental.. but I feel I need to do it, as if my mother is telling me to go and do this herself.

Maybe that's why I feel the strong need pulling at my brain to go that way, but no matter what the reason, I am going to do it.. Maybe I will be able to do all the trips that are planned out.. who knows.. but all I do know is that I need to not just do this for me, but my parents as well, and that thought feels good when it sits deep within my heart. I stare down at the purple line, tracing my fingertip over it before I look up the weather, check out my compass and get this trip underway.