TM [Complete ✔️]

8. Struggles

Zane's P.O.V

The words hit me, as did the rest of the room, right after I said them, their weight pressing against my chest.

I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into or if this was what my Rosie meant when she mentioned I still had things to do here on Earth before I joined her above, yet I was soon to find out.

Some of the Alphas murmured amongst each other, whilst others simply stared at me, calculating. Some's gazes were kinder than others, though none showed acceptance or reluctance, none gave me a clue as to whether I made allies or enemies with my decision.

"Well, it's settled then." One of the Elders cleared his throat, instantly silencing the chatter. "Mister Brown, you may contact us at any time after the meeting to schedule your Alpha ceremony." He spoke directly to me, making me nod.

I had hardly accepted the position and I was already supposed to be scheduling ceremonies...

"You would also have to decide what you wish to do with the prisoner, though it's of no rush, at least for now." I nodded again, beginning to grow numb from the growing pressure.

I had an idea of what I wanted to do to the prisoner, only didn't know if my daughter would appreciate hearing the stories as she grew older.

"Well, if that's all then we shall be free to remove ourselves from the meeting?" Elder Theo, the most talkative, and nicest, of the bunch turned questioningly towards Knox.

Knox, whom I hadn't found the courage to look at yet but was running out of time to avoid.

With only a nod of his head, the entire room of ranked members dispersed, offering their congratulations and goodbyes while I stayed rooted to my seat, a headache blooming.

"I'm so proud of your choice today, man!" My best friend smacked my shoulder, grinning, albeit strained and a bit fake.

I shrugged.

"You have her to thank for it." I nudged my head to where Dali was sitting, smiling, hers looking like it might actually have been real.

"Thank you." He whispered to me instead, all traces of smiles and grins gone from his face and replaced by a look I couldn't decipher.

"What for?" I asked, shifting in my seat. Knox shrugged.

"For staying strong for my niece. For making my sister proud even from up above," he closed his eyes, "for not giving up."

His words hung in the air between us, his mate placing a hand on his arm to soothe his grief.

"I-" I opened and closed my mouth like a fish out of water, unable to get a word out. "I'll go figure out the ceremony?" I more asked than stated instead, not having the strength to reply with anything else.

I knew he understood, they both did, as I scurried out of the room, genuine, sad smiles dancing on their lips.

***

Two weeks from now, I'd be taking on an entire pack of wolves when I could barely find the strength to eat.

I had two weeks to tie up loose ends, pack up my entire life, and move for an uncertain future.

It would either result in complete doom for us all, or something good. I was less than enthusiastic to figure out which of the two it would be.

After another night of tossing and turning in bed, this one not even mine, we were finally leaving.

"Ready?" Knox asked, shutting the trunk packed with our suitcase. I nodded, slipping into the backseat of the car quietly, absentmindedly listening to his and Dali's conversation.

The engine roared to life and all I could do was observe. Observe the massive pack house, that I'd so soon be back in, observe the greenery which was obviously well tended to, observe the leather of the seats and the stainless glass of the windows.

This car ride was that much harder than the previous.

Throughout the whole way back, all I could think about was how much I missed my daughter, and how much her presence has begun to affect me for the short time we've had together.

My fingers dug into the seats for the first half an hour, fiddled with each other and the material of my shirt and pants for the next half an hour, then drummed against the window.

I couldn't sit still.

I rolled my head, my stiff neck and muscles, unused to going so long without training, groaned and cracked as I did so.

Unable to resist, I pulled the phone out of my pocket and immediately clicked on the text messages with my mother, finding the pictures she'd sent of Beyla.

The corners of my lips softly tugged upwards, just the faintest bit, at the tiny milk-dazed smile she was showing in her sleep, her little fingers curled into a fist beside her head. Another was of her mid-yawn, her small mouth opened wide, eyebrows scrunched.

After making sure she was safe and okay, I finally allowed myself to doze off, just for a bit, for the first time in over three days.

***

"Zane?" My eyes snapped open, Knox's concerned face coming into view. I cautiously looked around, noting no immediate threat but also that we'd stopped in the middle of nowhere. "Hey," he drew my attention back to him, "are you okay?"

I sighed, hanging my head low.

Another nightmare. A fraction of the reasons why I didn't bother with sleep.

"I'm sorry." I rubbed a hand over my face, tugging at my hair in frustration. "f**k, yeah, I'm great, sorry." My best friend looked unconvinced, shaking his head at me.

He pulled out of the doorway, saying something I didn't bother listening to to the warriors driving behind us, then turned to his mate.

"Love, would mind staying in the car for a second?" He asked, his face scrunching up apologetically.

"And before you say you're fine, I don't take no for an answer, Leave the car, Zane!" Knox demanded, making me groan.

Goddess if only I actually could make them believe I was fine. It wasn't true but maybe then they'd let me be unwell alone.

It was hard enough dealing with everything on my own, I didn't need their concern nor did I need to speak of my troubles out loud. The only thing I needed was to be back with my daughter, soaking up the few weeks I had left in my pack.

That, and my mate.

"Not at all," Dali murmured, her gaze boring into my face despite my reluctance to look back at her.

"Traitor," I grumbled under my breath, groaning as I stretched my limbs out once I got out of the car.

We walked silently for a moment, passing by trees and rocks - the only things surrounding us beside the endless road.

"I know what you're going through better than you might think." My best friend began after we were a safe distance away from prying ears. "Before Dali, I was ashamed of my nightmares too, you know? I was alone because I pushed others away, yes, but you don't have to do the same! We're both here for you and both full of different traumas for you to choose from." His attempt at lightening the mood went unnoticed by me.

"I still have nightmares that even she can't stop. From when I was taken. From when I had to listen to Hope's screams and be unable to help or even see what they were doing to her, from wondering whether my mate would ever forgive me for allowing her niece to be tortured without doing anything." He waited for me to say something, anything, yet it seemed another part of me I'd lost was the ability to know what and when to say, so, kicking a rock out of my way, I simply listened.

"I don't know if you've noticed but we're struggling a lot right now, man." He admitted with a small shrug. That made my gaze snap up to him, meeting his as guilt trickled low into my stomach.

They'd noticed every sign, every word out of character for me, every broken object in my suite. Both he and his mate had taken turns to work so Dali was able to come make me food and clean around the place, so I'd have somewhere to step without cutting my feet, yet I hadn't noticed anything besides the obvious wrong for either of them...

In fact, I'd let them take care of me and my daughter while not even bothering to speak more than a few words.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, watching as he shook his head.

"Don't be, it's not why I pulled you aside. If," he stopped himself, gulping, "if something were to happen to Dali, I'd lose it. But it's true - we've been having a hard time, and since it's both of us struggling, neither knows how to take care of the other without putting down their own needs. We're learning and I think you are too. I wanted to let you know that I meant it when I said both Rose and I were proud of you."

I cleared my throat, faltering in my steps as I forced myself to ask, "any way I could help you two before I leave?" Knox sent me a grateful smile.

"Not really. It's mostly me that's the problem." He admitted. "Spending a week being, well, tortured, with the only thought on my mind being whether I'd ever get to see her again," my friend shrugged once more, "I thought I'd die without saying goodbye, without having barely any time with her. I panic when she's not around." He was quiet for a moment, gathering himself before he continued. "Even if I know she's just down the hall, I can't shake the feeling of helplessness. My hands begin to sweat and if I force myself to stay where I am and give her space - I feel like I can't breathe. The longer that passes, the worse scenarios my mind conjures. Eventually, I seek her out and don't let her out of my sight for a while more."

"And she's mad about it?" Knox let out a quiet chuckle, though there was hardly any humor in it.

"Goddess, no! She's absolutely perfect in reassuring me that she'd always be there when I need her, even if I never managed to truly heal."

I scrunched my face up in confusion, not understanding where he was going with all of this.

"So, what's the matter?" Again, a shrug.

"I have to be strong and I'm not. She endured worse for ten years and look where she is now! Yet I made it a week and I don't know if I'll ever recover." He was growing frustrated with himself, that much was clear from the storm brewing in his eyes.

"You will," I told him.

"Yeah, and how do you know?" he scoffed as I mimicked him, shrugging as well.

"I don't but you and Dali seem to be overly confident whenever you tell me the same."

His sigh made my stomach churn. I knew the sound, the specific sound of it, all too well. Hopelessness.

"I don't know how long she'd last before it does start to bother her. She went through so much without me here and I don't think she's letting herself process any of it. Our son, her special kill that day, Rosie..." he trailed off, balling his fists.

During the months we'd spent reunited, perhaps because of her friendship with my mate, or because I'd known her since we were just pups, I'd grown protective over Dali. Neither I, nor Knox liked how much she'd had to face in such a short life but both of us would do our best to ensure that would be the last of it.

"So process it with her." He raised a brow. "Perhaps she spent too long processing things by herself. Maybe she won't get sick of being there for you because all she needs is exactly that - you." I elaborated. "Maybe the thought of going through it alone, even just in her head, scared her more than having to stay close to her mate." My friend rubbed a hand over his face and ran his hands through his hair as he thought my words over.

"I'm sorry! It must be hard to talk about this when you feel like there's no one there for you." He mumbled. "Just know that both of us will always be here, even when you move away."

"You better." I grimaced. "I'll need all the support I can get and you promised Blood Moon's!" I reminded him, making him raise his arms in surrender.

"You'll always have your pack's support, and a place here, even if you're leading another."

"And if I can't do it, I come back?"

"You come back." He confirmed.

A/N

Hi, Treasures! Make sure you join my F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k group Teddy's Treasures for extra content and discussions! Thought I'd give you guys some background on what's happening with Dali and Knox after the war since with Zane moving we won't be seeing them as much. Did you like knowing what's going on with them or do you wish we'd move on solely to Zane's story?