Gertrude’s Curse

Today is going to be the worst day of my life, I’m putting on a pair of baggy jeans and an oversize hoodie, I put my brown hair in a tall ponytail and put on my prescription glasses, I have huge eye bags and dark circles from lack of sleep, my green eyes look dull and my freckled face and thin nose look extremely swollen, my entire body aches and I decided this was the best outfit to just go and accept my rejection and get this all over with, here is the deal, this is not the typical story about a girl being rejected even though she is sweet and flawless and perfect, my life is hard and I’ve been rejected by my mate as I have been rejected by my people since childhood. however, I’m not innocent in all this. I did something I still don’t know why what happened to me had to happen nor do I know why I reacted how I did that day but I’m aware that whatever faith has in store for me I brought upon myself. This started when I started high school, I’ve lived in this pack my whole life, however, no one knows about my background except for my mom but her story about how we came to this pack and where we come from is very vague, also she hates me because I brought shame upon her, so I can’t ask if she knows why I am the way I am, she blames it on me. When we first came to the pack everything was great, I grew up with the rest of the pups, went to school, mom was okay she was never loving and caring but she did not treat me how she does now, I had friends and I was a great student and my life was great during elementary school I was friends with everyone and got along great with Rachel the pack’s Beta daughter, Nate (her brother and our future Beta), Will who is the son of the current Pack’s Gamma, some of the girls from the Elite group were also my friends Jessica and Alice, as well as our pack’s future Alpha James was a close friend too, my mom was accepted into the pack as an Elite because she had a ranked wolf of Beta descent. The summer prior to high school we would all hang out by the lake and enjoy the beautiful summer days swimming, running, playing and being free before we had to start school as well as training to join ranks once we got our wolves and came of age, it was during that summer that weird things started happening to me, I was still innocent and couldn’t understand what was happening, I was so young and started seeing and feeling strange changes in my body, I was developing sooner than the other girls and when we would hang out with the boys I’d feel weird things happening in my south area kind of like tickles and a warm sensation on my belly and chest, I would try to just let it pass and would keep going as nothing, around that time the group started spending time in separate groups, the boys were hanging out amongst themselves playing football or making swim and diving competitions and we girls would sit down and watch and cheer for them or we would be out on our own swimming competitions or sunbathing, my first negative experience was with the girls Alice and Jessica made fun of me when I went to put on a swimsuit which was a bit small for me (something I didn’t realize at the time),and the top part popped open on it’s own during a dive when I came out of the water everyone saw, I wanted to die of embarrassment, both of them laughed out loud and started calling me names, I ran out of the lake as quickly as I could, Rachel ran next to me and helped me cover up and I went inside the pack house to change into a dress, I couldn’t bring myself to wear another swimsuit after that day, the rest of the summer Alice and Jess decided that “I looked too old to be hanging out with them”, so the only girlfriend I had left was Rachel and that was still good, her and Nate would come home and pick me up and we would ride our bikes or go to the lake and Rache would just sit next to me not minding the other girls. School started and things just got worse for me, within that year I went from wearing training bras to a 32 C cup and my butt got bigger too, it was uncomfortable to be in the body of a woman still thinking like a kid, guys were giving me a lot of unwanted attention and I say unwanted because these were older guys not even my group of friends who started to stray from me since the beginning of the year. And because again I was a child not fully aware of the effect I was having on those around me I kept on being my bubbly self, I would wear regular clothes like skirts and shirts that were now a bit small on me but I didn’t notice. I was friendly toward everyone, however people my age were either not talking to me because of how I looked or gossiping about me behind my back. The one good thing was that I still had some friends left, Rache still talked to me Nate, Will and James too, James was the only guy I would feel normal around, when I was near him that weird feeling in my belly and around my private area would calm down, this made me feel comfortable around him, when it came time to chose the trainings we were going to take everyone was taking on Warrior training or some sort of physical skill development, however, I had started to notice how guys looked at me and also how girls talked about me and I was sure I was not going to be comfortable in my training clothes around my classmates, so I decided to train in the medical area instead, anyway I was not going for a ranked position and helping others sounded more appealing to me, James however, wanted me to chose the same trainings as them, I trusted him a lot and so I decided to explain him (full of embarrassment), why I did not feel comfortable joining the warrior training, he stared at me for a long time before nodding in understanding and telling me that in that case I could take the medical training and he could teach me how to fight either after or before school in a private area where I could feel safe, I was a kid and I was so grateful to him and so excited about the proposal that I immediately accepted, if only I had known then that this decision was going to be my downfall I would’ve done things differently. The trainings started the last semester of our first school year, and at first everything was great, I was learning a lot from our Pack’s doctors Lana and her Mate Jason, they were training us on how to put broken bones into the right positions so that they would heal properly, how to prevent infections and how to recognize signs of our first change so we could serve as guides for our classmates, Rache and I would have lunch together every day and she was taking the warrior training so she would tell me all about it, how Will, Nate and James were the strongest and Alice was quickly becoming the best female trainee for the warriors, it sounded exciting and I was training with James but no one knew about this, we kept it a secret given that otherwise everyone would gossip and I was well tired of that.