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In Love With ME

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My love, devotion and dedication to him for 8 years, was trampled under his feet by 'Divorce'. The satisfactory glances from his family at the whole ordeal is a mockery of my selfless love and care for them for years. But nothing matters now. His uninterested look, his so-called friend's cunning smirk, and his family's happy chatter don't affect me at this juncture. Standing at this crossroads of my life, I don't know where to go from here and what to do. I am feeling numb to this situation. Do I need to go back to that house again? To be a burden, an unlovable person again? Is my life and sincere feelings so easy to step on and be at the mercy of others? Why do I need to beg for just a little bit of love, care and respect from everyone, to be disappointed every time? Do I deserve to be treated this way by them, while they demand my selfless and unconditional sincerity without any reciprocation?

After all these years, now when I look back at my previous naive and pathetic self, I feel I deserved that then. All of that shaped me into what I am today. I do not regret being ME, neither then nor now.

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PROLOGUE
"As useless as ever", "Who is this, if not our stupid, naive drama queen, seeking attention all the while with tears switched on mode?" "How can you be this stupid to decide something like this, without discussing it with us?" "You never deserved to be a mother, that's why God punished you like this." "Sitting in the house all day long, how would you know how difficult it is to earn all of that you are enjoying now?" "You don't even know how to talk to people without stammering, how do you expect me to introduce you to everyone - my friends, colleagues, boss - at the party?" "Have you at least seen yourself in the mirror before deciding to wear the same dress as her?" "A hen that cannot lay eggs, talking back to me, do you even know that I can throw you out of this house with a click of my fingers, and you would have nowhere to go?" "Why did you come here again? What will the relatives say ?" "Can you please stop being selfish, at least for a few moments, and think about others? She will be very angry about this. Please spare me, I beg you." "She is more of an older sister to me than you have ever been. She is the elder sister that I always wished for, but could never have." "I wish you were never born. You are the bad omen we could never get rid of." "I love you so much. I have been waiting for so long. Finally, got you kitten." "Don't ever think of going away from me now. After searching for you like a mad and possessed being for 2000 years, I got you, not to let you go away from me." I woke up with a jolt. Calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out. 1,2,3,.....,28,29,30.' It worked. I looked at the time. Oh God! Not again!! My past coming every night as my nightmare, I can understand that, but what is this dream at the end. It's only a voice, very soothing though, and those captivating pair of brown eyes. Who is this person claiming to love me, waiting for me for 2000 years? Did I watch too many fantasy K-dramas, to dream something like that? But this dream comes too often these days. Is it some ploy, or prank? Am I being too paranoid just because of a dream?

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