What Lies Within Her

Chapter 17: All the Things He didn't Say

Reese's POV

Napabagsak ako ng upo pagkatapos bilangin 'yong kinita namin ngayong araw. This is the first day of celebrating the foundation week, pero ang sakit na kaagad ng katawan ko.

Unang araw pa lang 'to, paano na kaya sa mga susunod na araw kapag mayroon ng mga visitors from other school?

"Tubig, o." Inilapag ni Cielo 'yong tubig sa harap ko at umupo siya sa tabi ko habang iniinom din 'yong bottled water niya. "Where's Henry, by the way? Sigurado akong pagod 'yon dahil bukod sa naging isa siya sa mga nagtrabaho sa loob ng booth, tinulungan niya pa tayong iligpit 'yong ibang mga gamit."

I shrugged. "Hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya. Tingnan mo roon sa ibang booth, baka may kasamang nga fans niya. Kanina pa may mga babaeng naghihintay sa kaniya sa labas ng booth, e."

Natawa siya at tiningnan ako nang nakaloloko. "Why do you sound like that?"

Kumunot 'yong noo ko. "Like what?"

"You sound like you don't give a damn about Henry." Natahimik ako nang sabihin niya 'yon. Do I really sound like that? "Alam mo sa totoo lang, Henry has always been so serious about courting you. Noon pa man napapansin ko na 'yon. Hindi naman niya siguro pagtyatyagaan 'yang pangit mong ugali kung hindi siya seryoso sa 'yo."

"Are you insulting me?" pabiro kong tanong pero sumeryoso siya ng mukha kaya nawala 'yong ngiti ko. "Where is this conversation going, anyway?"

Nagkibit balikat siya at isinara 'yong hawak na bottled water. "Ang sa akin lang, you either end this courting bullshit or you give him the chance he deserves."

I sighed. I know I'm building a hope that doesn't even supposed to exist in the first place. Gusto ko na siyang patigilin pero nakikita ko kung gaano siya kapursigido na ituloy 'yong panliligaw niya and I lose all the chance to tell him that I want him to stop.

"Talk to him, Reese. He deserves to know your side, and you should hear his side too," ani Cielo kaya tumayo na lang ako.

Hinanap ko si Henry sa buong Campus at medyo nahirapan pa ako kasi napakaraming tao at nagkukumpulan pa 'yong iba kasi 'yong ibang booth ay hindi pa nagsasara.

I found him on the cafeteria. Kasama niya si Simon na unang nakakita sa akin. "Henry..." I called him out. Napalingon naman siya sa akin at kumunot 'yong noo niya. "Can I tak to you for a minute?"

"Sure. Dude, sandali lang, a." Nagpaalam siya kay Simon at pagkatapos ay naglakad kami palabas ng cafeteria. Nagpunta kami sa likod ng gym kung saan mayroong damuhan. Doon lang kasi ang alam kong tahimik at sigurado akong walang pupunta roon nang ganitong oras.

"May importante ka bang sasabihin?" he asked. Pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kaniya. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan.

"I-I..." Napapikit ako. Damn. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin. "You know what, forget it." Tinalikuran ko siya at naglakad paalis dahil tuluyan na akong nawalan ng lakas para sabihin sa kaniya.

Paalis na sana ako nang magsalita siya. "Is this about me courting you?"

Hindi ko alam kung paano haharap sa kaniya nang marinig ko 'yon. He took a hint of it kaya siya na 'yong nag-bring out ng topic dahil alam niyang hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa kaniya.

"Yeah, it's about that." Humarap ako sa kaniya gamit 'yong natitirang lakas ng loob na mayroon ako.

"What about it? May problema ba?" tanong niya kahit pa sigurado akong may ideya na siya kung bakit ko siya kauusapin ngayon.

"Henry, why do you like me?" tanong ko. Ilang beses ko na ba 'tong tinanong sa kaniya? Ilang beses ko na rin bang narinig sa kaniya na walang dahilan kung bakit ako 'yong nagustuhan niya? Sigurado akong ganoon na naman 'yong sasabihin niya ngayon at hindi na 'yon bago sa akin.

"Because..." panimula niya. Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya at hinihintay 'yong sunod niyang sasabihin. "... You are different."

Kumunot 'yong noo ko. This time, it was different from the previous ones. Ngayon niya lang ako sinagot nang ganito.

"What do you mean by different?" tanong ko dahil hindi ko alam 'yong ibig niyang sabihin sa sinabi niya.

"Have you remember the first time we met?" tanong niya. Yeah, I remembered it was on the first day of school and he's the first person who approached me to tell me that we're classmates and that he knows where our room is. "That time, you asked me why I approached you even though we're not that close, we didn't even know each other. Do you remember my answer to you that time?"

Tumango ako. "You told me it's because I look so lost," sagot ko sa tanong niya.

He smiled and nodded his head. "You looked so lost. With those eyes of yours, I saw the fear of approaching anybody."

Kumunot 'yong noo ko dahil hindi ko alam kung saan ba napupunta 'yong usapan namin. "How does that make me different?"

Naglakad siya ng ilang hakbang palapit sa akin. "Because a lot of people—girls to be exact, tried to approach me, it's because I'm me. I'm capable of having friends with my appearance and background. Nilalapitan nila ako with an intention to get me for what they want o hindi kaya'y dahil gusto nila ako dahil sa hitsura ko. That's the exact reasons why I get to have many friends. Pero nang araw na 'yon, I was the one who approached you because you looked so lost, yet the first thing you said to me was..."

"Sino ka ba? Ni hindi nga kita kilala," sabi ko para ituloy 'yong sasabihin niya na ikinatawa naman niya. Naaalala ko pa 'yon. That time, my trauma was worse than it is now. Kaya nang i-approach niya ako ay kulang na lang, tumakbo ako paalis.

"That's right. You showed me a new attitude that I haven't seen for almost my whole life. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, this is the first time someone rejected me. Wala pang gumagawa sa akin n'on and you amused me. You made me realize that I'm just a normal person and no matter what my background and appearance is, darating 'yong tao na magpapatiklop sa akin at ikaw 'yon."

"Henry..." Wala akong masabi. Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya habang sinasabi niya sa akin ang bawat salitang gusto niyang sabihin.

"Kaya nga siguro bumabalik pa rin ako sa 'yo kahit ilang beses mo akong ni-reject. Is it safe to say that I really am a masochist when it comes to you?" Tumawa siya pero walang bakas ng kahit anong kasiyahan doon. "You've always asked me why I fell for you in the first place, yet I couldn't find myself telling you how much I like you. Hindi ko masabi sa 'yo 'yong totoo na, I've liked you before I could even admit it to myself, Reese."

Bumagsak 'yong tingin ko sa lupa. He liked me way before? On the other hand, I didn't even have any idea. I wasn't even aware of it until now.

"Do you know why I keep on rejecting you?" tanong ko na ikinailing niya. Of course, he doesn't know. I didn't even explain it to him, wala siyang ideya kaya tinatanong niya ako parati kung bakit ko siya kailangang patigilin sa panliligaw sa akin. I have no strength to tell him everything. I don't want to tell it to anyone. "Because I can't see myself falling for you, Henry."

He chuckled, humorlessly. "I know that. I know it very well, Reese. Nakikita ko 'yon sa mata mo tuwing sinusubukan kong lapitan ka o kilalanin. When I first asked you if I could court you, I saw how your expression changed and that's when I realized that, even though I'm not starting yet, wala na akong pag-asa sa tao na 'to."

Kumunot 'yong noo ko. "Then, why did you continue on courting me?"

Nagkibit balikat siya na para bang maging siya ay hindi rin alam kung bakit. "Who knows? Maybe because it felt so right to court you. I feel like you need someone. You always look tough outside, pero nakikita ko kung gaano ka kahina, and that weakness, it reminds me of myself. It reminds me how weak I am when it comes to losing people..."

Lumapit sa akin si Henry at ginulo niya 'yong buhok ko. This is the first time I let him touch me. "... You want me to stop, right? To stop courting you and just forget about my feelings about you."

Kahit ayaw ko siyang saktan, tumango pa rin ako bilang sagot sa tanong niya na 'yon. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have, Henry.

"Then..." He took my hand and kissed the back of it. "... Thank you for everything, Reese. Good bye."

He walked away, leaving me there. Ilang minuto lang akong nakatayo mag-isa at hindi ko alam 'yong gagawin ko.

I felt so relieved inside. Hindi ko alam pero nang marinig ko 'yong mga sinabi ni Henry, I was stunned. I didn't know how to react. Yet, I know, this is the best thing for both of us.

Good bye, Henry.