My Mystery Man

Retrospects

After painfully watch TED leave ... i literally suffered a heart ache.. It took me a couple of days to recover from the hurt and stop crying eventually! 

I wish I didn’t let him leave.. the sight of him turning around and leaving me hasn’t stopped replaying in my subconscious and this has left me a total wreck.. 

I have had a few relationships but TED is so different.. and for some reason, the way I left things with his was taking a toll on me..I’m reacting badly to the hurt.. indeed I have never met anyone that made me feel so much love even before setting my eyes on them.. 

TED was so special making it clear why I was more hurt to learn that he was suffering that’s much but pretending to be fine to me.. 

On top of everything.. I hate myself already! After taking those pills I realized that I wanted to have his baby so bad.. after he left for good.. I realized I wanted him in my life so desperately.. 

I was yawning for his touch and embrace. I couldn’t function properly.. I was a complete wreck..  gradually slipping into a bad depression.. 

My official leave elapsed but I couldn’t bring myself to return to work.. I was in no frame of mind to go back to work at all.. I received various calls and mails from my office but I ignored them all.. representatives were appointed to check on me but I shut them all out.. Abandoning my job obviously..

I was a disaster.. I didn’t realize how much I needed him until I let him go... It didn’t occur to me how much he needed me to stand by his side until he walked out that door.. 

I acted cold and insensitive towards him even though he has  been nothing short of  kind and sweet to me since we met.. 

I cried a river every night.. The painful part is I had been neglecting his calls and ignoring his messages all along but now I want nothing more than to see his calls.. I’d give anything to have him call me.. 

But he never called..

I guess it’s over between us for good.. he didn’t want to let go but I practically pushed him away in his most difficult moment.. worried and restless.. I try to call him severally.. but I stop myself.. one week pass but I still wasn’t improving so I decided to travel home.. maybe if I surround myself with my loved once I’ll feel better.. 

I called my mom to tell her I was coming for a short holiday.. 

Two days later I made the trip home.. 

Getting home I give my mom a tight hug and couldn’t stop the tears that flowed from my eyes.. 

She gave me some tender loving care.. made me nice meals, a shoulder to cry.. a listening ear and a non judgmental voice pleading with me to open up about my problems..

After telling mom and dad all that transpired they Hugged me.. feeling my pain and shaking my hurt.. 

“It’s okay dear”  mom says while stroking my hair and patting my back. . you will be fine in the end I know for sure” mom said.. 

“So have you herd from him lately”? Is he doing okay.. 

“No we haven’t talked in a while but I plan on calling soon” I say.. 

After spending two weeks with my parents and only sibling.. feeling quite better.. , I head back to my own house .. determined to get through to TED to see how he’s doing at least.. 

I return home and make attempts to call his phone but it all went straight to voicemail.. 

I sigh! Knowing that he probably doesn’t want me round anymore.. after what I told him the last time he was here and how insensitive I seemed it would be a miracle If he still wants to hear from me.. 

“Maybe he changed his number” I think to myself..  

two more weeks pass still feeling heavy and hurt. 

I tried to be strong.. I tried to be tough! But my love for him outweighed my toughness..

I miss him terribly.. I miss talking to him over the phone.. and most importantly I miss being with him.. even though we were together for just a little time..the memories are still fresh in my heart.. 

He really meant it when he said he would never bother me again...