My Mystery Man

Lilians Dilemma

Overcome with so much anger.. not particularly at TED but at the unfortunate reality. At a total loss of what to do next, I take out the medications I purchased..  contemplating., going back and forth trying to talk myself out of it.. but in  the end, my emotions finally get the better of me...

After taking out sparkling water from my refrigerator and popping out the pills.. I swallow them  hard,  gulping down the water.. 

After acting purely on impulse, I feel totally miserable afterwards.. 

I grab my phone.. dialing  Freeda number.. I tell her that I was back in town..asking her to come over.. and telling her what I just did.. 

When she arrives at my place about an hour later.. I open the doors for her and she gasps upon seeing me.. 

“What happened to you” ? She asked surprised to see me looking a mess.. 

I pulp down to the floor in misery explaining admits tears all that had transpired so far.

“But why did you take off after he opened up to you about something as sensitive as that” she questions me.. 

“I was too hurt to be around him” I tell her.. 

“You should’ve have Li” I know you are hurting but you should have stayed back with him” 

“I was beclouded by my emotions that I rushed to a pharmacist to take some morning after pills” 

I tell her with a pang of guilt.. knowing that I probably shouldn’t have done that.. 

“That was a little insensitive of you Li.. Why would you take the pills after committing to him and promising him you would have a baby for him?Why did you lead him on wrongly? 

“I was angry”!! I said starting to cry again.. besides he lead me on too.. He made me fall for him..I developed these strong feelings for him before he decided to opened  up about something as serious as this.. and I believe if I hadn’t stumbled on those medications, he probably wouldn’t have told me.. that is more insensitive.. I reply

“That is not enough reason” and you know it.. Why didn’t you give it some time until you were thinking rationally? Why didn’t you call me before taking them at least”? 

I say nothing so she just continues to talk.. 

“Listen Li, I know you have every right to feel this way.. it’s okay.. just try to also understand why he did all the things he did.. please. 

My phone rings just as we were talking but when I noticed it was TED, I put the phone away.. Freeda glances at me and at my ringing phone and asks 

“Aren’t you going to get that”? 

“No.. I don’t want to talk to him.” I respond.. 

She reaches for it immediately.. picks up and heads outside.. I had no idea what they spoke about. But upon her return ..she said goodbye and left.

The next morning I watched several other people call my phone but I was not in any mood to communicate with anyone at all.. 

Later that evening, I hear a knock.. and when I dragged myself to open up it was Freeda but TED was right behind her.. she stepped aside.. allowing TED to walk into my room and towards me.. He grabbed me in a turgid embrace.. 

I try to fight him off but he wouldn’t bulge so I stopped fighting... 

Freeda hugged me goodbye.. leaving us to talk privately..

We had a long evening talking back and forth about everything regarding the situation situation.. he tried to do everything possible to convince me that he didn’t want to tell me so I don’t indulge him out of pity.. 

When he was trying to hold me but I moved away from him.. blurting our  to him that I had taken some pills to get rid of any chances of pregnancy.. So he should not be hopeful about anything..

I watch him as he took the information in.. He smiled weakly and broke down on the sofa..  he looked at me with such sad eyes that I felt so guilty and insensitive indeed... he got up after a while.. pulling himself together and coming close to me.. 

“I understand.. he said with a deep sigh.. and I respect your decision.. it would be extremely hard for me but I’ll try not to bother you again I promise.. I’m so sorry I should have told you earlier and let you decide but I guess I was selfish indeed.. only thinking about myself in all of these.. although I didn’t want to let go of you.. 

I didn’t want you to think I was some weird sick man who needed only a baby out of sympathy and not genuine love.. 

I know I have cause you so much pain in the last few days but I wish I could change it all.. 

Having said all these... TED squeezed my hands gently and whispering “take care of yourself” before turning  around and walking away.. feeling sad and dejected.. I try to stop him but I couldn’t even speak the words.. .. enveloped by sudden regret.. my mouth dries up  and my heart broke into pieces as I watched him leave..