Do I Wanna Know?

June 23rd

June 23rdWhen I wake up it`s already light outside. According to the time on the TV, it`s already past 9 am. Josh is still sleeping with his back next to me. I barged into his life and ruined his Wednesday night. I listen to his quiet breathing, I look at his muscles through his t-shirt, his black hair and I let out a big sigh. In the same bed with Josh Halding. One thing from my bucket list is ticked off now. This is not exactly how I imagined it but let`s not be a stickler. I quietly climb out the bed and go to my room where I spend an hour on the internet. I write to my college friends. I haven`t told my stories to Vicky yet even though she has been asking what it`s like to be in Watsonville again. I don`t know myself.

My return to home is nothing like I imagined it to be. It was like returning to a parallel world where things I never thought would happen, just happened. Andrew is calling me:

-Good morning! What`s up sleepy head? Is everything okay? You didn`t embarrass me too much in front of Josh, did you?

-Don`t get your hopes up! We watched a movie early morning because I couldn`t sleep – Andrew laughs.

-This will cost me a lot, lucky that I only have one silly sister. – he adds kindly.

-How are you getting on Andy? – I`m not even sure what answer I want to get now.

-Getting there slowly. So many things happened, you wouldn`t even believe it.. – he laughs. We won`t be home earlier than Saturday morning, maybe Friday night but I don`t see a big chance of that so don`t get your hopes up...I miss you Berry – my brother hardly ever gets emotional. It`s probably because of the burglary, or maybe he just doesn`t want me to send his best friend to a mental hospital.

-I can imagine – I smile. Send my love to our parents.

When I put the phone down I hear some noises from the living room. Josh is awake and is on the phone to someone. I sigh. I got jealous. I don`t want to disturb him so I wait to go to the bathroom until it`s gone quiet. I find a note with a set of keys on the kitchen bar. There`s a short note on the paper. –I had to go, here are the keys and my number. Feel free to raid the fridge, I will be back sometime early afternoon. Please don`t disturb the neighbours, don`t kill anyone and don`t jump out the window. – signature: Me.

I`m alone but it`s okay. I quickly get ready and go for a walk. The weather is nice. I go to town. It became a habit while I was at university that I and Vicky would walk for an hour or two every day. We got our daily exercise in and always had good conversations. It`s nice to be walking at home. Inside the shopping centre, I go to my favourite bookstore, then I look for a cafe and I have some pastry for lunch. I bought a magazine and I sit in the Peace Drive Park to read it. I`m in a good mood. I feel so happy. I guess the reason behind it but I`m not going to admit it. Around 2 pm I start to go back. I use the key to open the door, Josh is not home yet. I make some sandwiches then sit in the living room and start to watch the movie we started last night. Towards the end of the movie, Josh comes home. He sits next to me and puts his arm behind me and ask:

-So Lucille, how was your day? Did you do something that I should know about?

-Nothing serious. In the morning I was messing around in town drunk, the police arrested me but one of them called Johann was very nice. We decided to move to Mexico together and have children, he should be here to pick me up soon.

-Okay, just the usual then. – he states.

-I guess I`m supposed to ask how your day was? – he smiles.

-You don`t have to pretend because of me Lucille! Just be yourself! Selfish, stubborn, narcissists and so on. But since you asked I will tell you. I didn`t plan but I had to go to work. But my friends planned a small party for tonight in Villager. I will make it up to you there. What do you think, can you ruin my night again?

I think about what to do. If I go with him I might just be a burden and maybe his friends won`t appreciate an outsider. But if I stay at his, I would be bored. I finally decide. I`ll just go but if I disturb them, I`ll just go to a different pub or get a taxi and come back here since it`s Thursday.

-Okay, let`s do it, I`ll come along. – I tell him about my decision.

-You made me happy. You just can`t see it because I`m good at hiding it. We`ll leave around 7 pm. I think you should start getting ready. – he says with his usual half smile.

-Oh sweetie, you had bad experiences with women? Don`t worry I can get ready in two minutes.

-Okay but if you are still not ready by midnight, I will leave you here.

By the way, how classy are your friends? Tulle skirt or leather trousers?

-Your Winnie the Pooh top will be perfect – he grins.

-I know you loved it. When I can finally go home, I`ll leave it here for you so you can hug it at night. – maybe this was a bit too much. Josh raises one of his eyebrows but doesn`t say anything.

I start getting ready. I put some golden eyeshadow, black eyeliner and some mascara on. I use some peachy lip gloss. Perfect. I look for my body-hugging white jeans then put on a white glittery strappy top with matching gold necklace and bracelet which I take out from my suitcase. High heels then perfume. That`s it. I step out of my room ten minutes before 7 pm. Josh is wearing white jeans too with a dark blue shirt. I`m not overdressed. Super. We just stare at each other and can feel sparkles in the air. I can tell that he likes me more than he wants to. Finally, Josh breaks the silence:

-Alright, maybe you won`t embarrass me too much.

-Do I meet your high expectations? – I banter.

-You just about slip under the bar considering our old friendship. You had enough compliments, let`s go.

We get the lift down to the garage and Josh once again acts like a gentleman. He opens the car door for me but before I could faint he says:

-Don`t get used to this!

-I wasn`t going to, it would upset me when after having two beers you return to being a caveman.

Everything is the same as in the past. We laugh and banter, Felix Jaehn`s Ain`t nobody song is on, I roll the window down and enjoy the warm summer breeze. We arrived. I like the atmosphere of the Villager. It`s a nice old fashioned pub which takes you to a magical world. On the walls, there are pine casings, beamed ceiling, mood lighting, open fireplace, and U shaped boxes covered in leather. Old portraits, decoration, and baubles are everywhere. This is a type of pub where you are only served by the bar and not by your table.

After stepping into the Villager, Josh steers me towards the box that`s next to the bar. There`re five people already sitting around the table. Two men and three women, the ratio is not the best. Josh introduces me as a childhood friend who went far away but after years of hard work, finally returned. I look at the men, I can tell they never heard of me before. Okay, so I got the answer to my first question. Both men, John and David are the manager types, same hair, smile, tie, and shirt. They are welcoming. Now I look at the three women. Mandy is a bit chubby but has a nice smile, motherly type, she sits me down next to her on a U shaped box. Katie is tall, has black hair, very thin and has dreamy eyes. The third woman is interesting. She doesn`t smile just looks me up and down. I notice that there was an empty space next to her on a box. She has hazelnut brown bob style hair, big blue eyes and lots of makeup. She is wearing a pretty, short coral red dress with a golden belt and golden accessories. She definitely looks pretty and she knows that. Josh introduces her as Chelsea, then sits next to her, opposite me. We shake hands then the fake smile appears:

-Oh, so Josh is looking after you? How are you feeling? Did the burglary indispose you? – So obvious. She makes it clear that Josh has told her everything. She is probably the current one or wants to be. Let`s not let her have a good day.

-Thank you for asking. Yes, it did indispose me that my home was broken in but I can`t thank Josh enough for taking me straight away and acting like a hero ever since. – huge smile to Josh who leans back on his chair and enjoys the show without a blink, as if he was in a cinema, without saying anything. I suddenly come to my senses. What am I doing? Josh probably likes Chelsea or the other way around, and I`m complicating things here. I quickly change the subject.

-I`m only stealing his time for one more day then I will disappear forever. -Josh carries on looking at me. I give him an apologetic smile.

-What`s everyone drinking? –asks David and he takes our order.

The drinks arrive quickly, I play around with the straw in my mojito and listen to their conversations and big laughs. Josh is only drinking sparkling water. The conversation is about one of his new projects. Right now I don`t care about anything, I became antisocial and started messing with my phone and started thinking about whether this is the moment where I call a taxi. My cocktail glass is empty. I stand up and go to the bar. I order my second mojito then when I start to mess around with the surprisingly clear glass, Josh stands next to me.

-Are you interested in the glass making technique? – he looks at the glass in my hand.

-You are right my dear friend. From carefully looking at this glass, I came to the conclusion that it is the copy of a chalice that was made in the 16th century Murano. Excellent job. I`m buying it!

-It`s not for sale for you! – he says quickly then I look at him in surprise.

-What`s with the disadvantageous distinction?

-Do you take everything to heart?

-At least I have a heart unlike you. – I reply.

-What`s wrong with my heart? – he asks.

-I have no clue what`s wrong with it. Maybe it`s made of ice or stone. Or maybe it was taken out years ago during surgery, and now you are being kept alive by something else. – I come up with ideas and Josh looks at me as if he is thinking then smiles.

-What`s wrong dear Lucille? Does it bother you that the world doesn`t revolve around you right now? Am I right that it upsets you? Tell me what would make you happy? Should I get paid clappers? – I love when irony comes out of Josh.

-No surprise that a woman`s soul`s secrets are still a mystery for you. Is it not obvious that I`m having fun? –I lean closer to him and whisper into his ears. –I can finally relax, the paparazzi are gone and the world is finally not revolving around me.

-Don`t worry about me, I`ll be fine. Just leave me alone, please. I can`t make every night of yours better. – the smell of his perfume is amazing.

-Don`t drink any more mojitos otherwise, you will turn into someone else. I don`t recognise you. –he shook his head with a smile.

-Some people get crazy from alcohol, I just get happy. That`s it, deal with it! – I grin then Josh turns around and goes back to his friends.

I still don`t go back to the table, I keep looking around and the `Why don`t we` song from Trust fund Baby is playing when a random man sits next to me and starts kissing my cheeks:

-OMG Lulu, I haven`t seen you in years! How are you? Why didn`t you tell me you were coming home? – Leslie Cross was a good looking, cute guy who played the violin music school. He must be doing some sports as he has a well-built body now. He has short brown hair, brown-green eyes and has freckles around his nose. Brown jeans, white shirt and a huge smile. He is the type of guy that even when he looks good, I wouldn`t notice him but based on his personality he could be a saint.

We used to play in the same band for a few years when I was dreaming about a piano career and I completely forgot that we became good friends in the music camp. We hardly ever write to each other, but our friendship remained the same over the years. I didn`t realise it was him, he got bigger over the last few years. His body looks really nice.

-It`s nice to see you, Leslie. It was a sudden idea, I arrived yesterday. How are you? – Leslie sits next to me and quickly introduces me to his friend David – there are loads of Davids here – who joins us.

Leslie wanted to go to Julliard in New York, which is every musician`s dream, but he didn`t succeed. He went to Community College instead and did his exams there to apply to UCLA`s entertainment and music course, he will finish there in a year. His sisters moved out from home and this was hard on him since the girls always involved their little brother in silly things. Leslie gives me a detailed update on our old classmates from music school.

The funny stories keep coming. He tells me how his last relationship came to an end about a year ago. The girl left with Leslie`s roommate after dating for a few months and they are married now. The newly married man has already regretted being hot-headed and now complains to Leslie. He is now in love with a girl called Becca, who is in the same year, but he is still in the friend zone. After continuously laughing for an hour, I completely forgot about the past hour and I really enjoy their company.

I have another two or three mojitos. When I check the time, I`m surprised to see that it`s already 11 pm. I look towards the box. The group seems to be having a good time. John and David are definitely tipsy, they are standing by the table singing, meanwhile, the girls are laughing hard at them. Josh just turned to look at me. Our eyes met, he stands up and says goodbye, then he walks towards me. I quickly say goodbye to Leslie and David, I wave at the people at the box, then join him. He doesn`t say a word. We sit and the car and make our way home. I know Josh, he is angry with someone, probably with me. I think about what I could say but since I had too much to drink and my brain is a mush I just shrug my shoulders and return to my good mood. In the garage, I struggle to walk in my heels. He can tell but he is not offering any help. His gentleman side disappeared somewhere during the night. In the house, I stop and stand in front of Josh but he just walks past me and goes to his room.

For a while I just stand in the living room, then I realise I was very rude to his friends and I was antisocial which isn`t usually like me. I knock on his door quietly.

-Lucille, not now! – he can`t get rid off me that easily so I open the door. He is laying on his back on the bed, his hands crossed behind his head. He is looking at the ceiling. I clear my throat:

-Josh, I`m sorry, really sorry.

-What for? You were just yourself again. – this sounds hurtful and I look at him in surprise. He slowly gets up from the bed and walks to the window but doesn`t look at me.

-Myself? What do you mean? I don`t usually act like this. – I frown.

-Really? I saw you flirt with other guys before but this was too much even for me. You should have seen yourself...I quickly sober up. I grab his arm and turn him towards me so we can finally look at each other in the eye. Wow, this is what they mean when they say someone could kill with looks.

-Flirt with guys? What are you talking about? Leslie is a good friend of mine, and I only just met the other guy. We were just joking. I wasn`t apologising for that, I apologised because I left your and your friend`s company and didn`t return. But let`s get back to my behaviour you have just described. What did I do to make you angry?

-Lucille, I`m not angry I`m just disappointed by you. – this hurt. Then a second later he says:

-Again. –I look at him in surprise. Again? But we haven`t seen each other in four years. This conversation is confusing me. There are no signs of any emotions on Josh`s face. I turn around and leave his room without a word and with any pride left.

I have a bath, put my PJs on and sit in silence in my room in the middle of my double bed and start thinking. I have plenty of time as once again I can`t fall asleep. I can`t hear any noise from Josh`s room. He is probably sleeping. I still can`t figure out what he meant. I listen to some Leona Lewis songs on my phone. Songs such as the Run, Better in time and Bleeding Love are playing in order. According to my brother, women love to suffer. He is probably right. It`s nearly early morning when I finally fall asleep. My dreams keep chasing each other.