Roman

12 - Headstrong little girl

Marley

I feel a little better after my shower.

Doesn’t a girl always feel better after washing her hair and shaving her legs?

I don’t need to dress in a particular way for these bikers; none of the other women do. I pull on jeans and a t-shirt, pull my now-dried hair into a ponytail, and go in search of my baby.

The place is packed inside and out. Fuc.k me, that was quick. I feel like a stranger in my own home. I don’t know where I’m supposed to go because there’s someone in my way everywhere I move. Not to mention, my baby girl is being passed around like a doll, and I want to scream! I know everyone is happy to meet her, but I don’t like her being handled so much. And I hope for their sakes they don’t kiss her face, or I’ll kill someone! Romany is so delicate, and I don’t want her to catch anything and become ill.

I look around at the people here, all smiling, all laughing, having fun, eating and drinking. Kids are running around the house, squealing happily, and I know that’s how a family is supposed to be. However, I’m not used to all of this; I’m used to being alone with peace and quiet.

If I’m honest, I feel really hot. I just want to grab my little girl and get out of here until all of this is over.

Would I even get out of here without someone stopping me?

I can’t even see Roman anywhere; it’s like he’s abandoned me. I should make the rounds and thank people for coming. They must all think I’m so rude, but I don’t know where to start. I don’t think I’ve seen this many people in one place in a long time.

Bulldog used to have hundreds of people at his get-togethers, but this is different; these people are part of a family. I’ve never had a family like this before. It’s nice in its own way. If only I didn’t feel the way I feel right now, I know I’d enjoy getting to know all these people. Instead, I feel like I’m going to throw up!

“Everything okay?”

I nod at Elie. It’s not like I can tell her what’s going on with me right now; she’d never understand. No one would.

“You don’t look okay.” She smiles kindly, her hand rubbing up and down my arm.

“I just... I don’t want to offend anyone.”

“Why would you offend anyone?”

“I’ve hardly said two words to anyone all afternoon, Elie.” I look around the room at the people milling around. “I just don’t know what to say. They’re all strangers to me.”

Elie smiles and rubs my arm again. “I remember that feeling. It will get easier the more you’re around them, and they’re great; you’ll love them. Eventually.” She laughs while looking over at Ice and Ghost.

I chuckle because I remember Elie telling me how she found it hard to get close to them the way she had everyone else. Ghost always looks serious until he’s not, and Ice is a clown and can be an irritating prick. That’s Elie’s analysis of the two of them, not mine; I don’t know them well enough to make that assumption.

“I am older than you and a boy!” Elie and I both turn in the direction of young children arguing behind us. “You can’t join. Ever!”

“Yes, I can! You stupid pig!”

Two small children, Gabriel and Dana, Roman’s three-and-a-half-year-old and four-year-old cousins, come storming over to where Elie and I are standing. Gabriel is Hawk’s son, and Dana is Taylor and BlackJack’s little girl, making her Gabriel’s aunt, even though he’s a couple of months older than she is. Dana is definitely a force to be reckoned with. She doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do; she’s so very strong-minded, and she makes me smile.

People have started to gather around the two youngsters, amused smiles on their faces as the kids argue back and forth.

“Girls can’t join, Dana.”

“Well, I can. My daddy said so.”

“Papaw just tells you that to make you shut up!”

Dana folds her arms around herself and narrows her eyes. “Did you call my daddy a liar?” Gabriel defiantly nods his head. “My daddy is not a liar!”

“That’s enough! What is going on here?” Taylor asks. Both kids talk over each other in their quest to be heard first. “One at a time! Gabriel, why don’t you start?”

“Dana says she’s going to be a Snake when she’s older, but she can’t.”

“Yes, I can, my daddy said!”

“Well, my daddy said you can’t! And my daddy would know!”

“Well, my daddy is Road Captain, and your daddy is just a normal member, so my daddy would know more!”

Elie looks at me and shakes her head. “Don’t worry, babe, they’re always like this.” She chuckles.

Taylor tries talking to the kids and calming them down, but the two of them are getting angrier and angrier. Shepard, BlackJack, Hawk, and Wrench enter the room to see what all the fuss is about.

I watch the scene before me and wonder if Romany will ever be as headstrong as Dana. She’s a beautiful little girl who will grow to be a woman, not to be messed with.

“Tell him that I can join when I’m bigger, Uncle Shepard.”

“Tell her that she can’t, Uncle Shepard!”

“Dana. Gabriel,” Shepard smiles while shaking his head. “Since when does family argue like this?”

“Since this pig thinks only boys can join Snakes Henchmen. I am as good as any boy, Wrench said so!”

That makes me smile. Wrench loves his little sister so much that he would tell Dana she’s just as good as any boy out there. That is as it should be because girls are just as good as boys.

“Well, Wrench is a stupid piece of shi...”

“Gabriel!”

I press myself back against the kitchen island as Brooke pushes past me.

“Oh, dear,” Elie whispers toward me. “Someone’s in trouble, and it’s not just Gabe. Whoever taught him what he almost just said will lose their balls.”

I don’t doubt it.

“Where did you hear such language?”

To me, such a question is ridiculous.

The boy is part of a motorcycle club. Surely, he’s heard all sorts?

I know Devils Roadkill and its members didn’t care how they spoke in front of, or even to, their children. Hell, the kids of the club were foul-mouthed as much as the adults.

“Mommy?”

“What is it, DJ?”

“It wa Daddy tesh Gabe bad word.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” Brooke’s eyes shoot to Hawk, who looks like he’s about to shi.t himself. I laugh behind my hand. Brooke will tear him a new asshole for this.

“DJ, you little...”

“Don’t you dare, Hawk Anderson!” Brooke berates him like a child while little DJ stands behind her, laughing at his father.

I turn away from everyone and let them alone to sort things out with the kids. I need some air; it’s so hot inside with all these people. I step outside and breathe in the fresh air.

“Hey. Everything okay?”

I smile while nodding at Elie. “Just needed some air. It’s crazy in there.”

“Welcome to the family.” She laughs.

“I want to hold my daughter, but I can’t seem to get near her.” Actually, I’ve lost sight of Romany; she’s being passed around so much.

Elie holds her finger up to me and then rushes off. I sigh and take myself back to the kitchen. I need a drink, not an alcoholic one, I’ve never been a big drinker, plus I’m nursing, and I wouldn’t put my baby at risk.

I’m glad the kitchen has pretty much cleared out. It looks like Brooke defused the situation with Dana and Gabriel, and now they’re playing once again.

I’ve only taken a sip of my lemonade when Elie walks in and hands Romany to me. The smile on my face feels like it’s splitting my cheeks! I never knew I could love someone so much. I hug my baby girl to me and kiss her little cheeks over and over again while breathing her in. She smells like talc and baby soap, and I love her so much.

When I look at Romany’s little face, all I see is her daddy; she’s the image of him. Just looking at her has me fighting back the tears. No matter what I do, I’m going to hurt Roman. He’ll blow up when I tell him the truth about David, and I know I’ll lose Roman anyway. Even if I did choose him, he’d leave me, and I’d lose my daughter because I know he’ll take her from me.

However, I can’t be a coward and shy away from this because it just wouldn’t end well for any of us. No matter what, I’m going to lose; it’s inevitable.