What It Means To Be Free

Chapter 10

I stopped putting my folded clothes in my backpack and went to my study table to check the message I just received.

Adelaine Alonzo:

Teh! Ano na?! Tuloy pa ba tayo?

Pati talaga sa text sumisigaw eh.

I rolled my eyes and typed my reply before I continued packing my things. Pagkatapos kong magimpake ay bumaba na ako habang nakasabit sa kanang balikat ko ang backpack ko.

Before I reached the last 6 steps of the stairs, I bowed a little to take a peek downstairs and looked if someone's there. Nang wala akong makita ay bumaba na ako ng tuluyan at tahimik ngunit mabilis kong tinakbo ang double doors namin.

I asked my parents permission last night over dinner but unfortunately, they both refused with a long list of reasons as their approval. Akala ko nga ay papayagan nila ako eh.

"By the way, Rubyane. How was school? Your test? Was it hard?" Mom started of just like how she usually does.

Binaba ko muna ng maayos ang kutsara at tinidor ko sa gilid ng plato ko at pinunasan ang bibig gamit ang table napkin ko nang mailunok ko ang kinakain ko bago ko tiningnan sila Mommy at Daddy na tahimik lang na hinihintay ang sagot ko habang kumakain. Walang ibang maririnig sa dining area namin kung hindi ang kalansing ng mga kutsara, tinidor at plato namin.

I reached for my glass of water and took a deep breath.

I can feel my heart pumping hard like it was about to burst out of my chest so I calmed myself first before I proceeded with my plan and spoke.

"School's fine Mom. The questions were a bit tricky but it was fine, I answered all the questions. Don't worry." Maingat na sagot ko lalo na't baka kung magyabang ako ay umasa si Mommy na matataas ang scores na makukuha ko.

"Of course, sa akin ka nga talaga nagmana anak." Mom placed her utensils down her plate and drank on her glass of water hiding a playful smile on her lips. Oh, I know where this is going.

Uminom ako ng tubig nang marinig ko ang pagprotesta ni Daddy dahilan para matawa ako at mabulunan.

"She's my daughter too. Malamang magmamana 'yan sa'kin. Kaya ka nga nagkaanak ng maganda." Mayabang na sabi ni Daddy.

Dad looked at me and playfully smiled which made me snicker. Tumingin muli si Daddy kay Mommy, tinitimbang ang magiging sagot nito.

"As far as I remember, she's my exact replication, Mr. Arandia." Paglaban naman ni Mommy. Hala ka, Dy! Mr. Arandia raw oh!

"Mrs. Arandia...." Mom gave Dad a side glance and raised a brow at him which made Dad stop midway before he glanced at me.

"Yes, of course. That's why she's pretty." Dad then again glanced at me before looking at Mom like she was the most beautiful gem he has ever seen as he watched her stop herself from smiling even just a little which made me smile.

Nawala ang kaba ko dahil sa sandaling pagkukulitan at pagaasaran nila Mommy. You are really good at this Dad.

I shook my head in disbelief and sighed. "By the way," I said, which made them turn to me.

"Mom, Dad. This Friday...." I switched my eyes from Dad to Mom as they both waited for me to continue what I was saying.

"I was thinking that...since...uh...I'm already a graduating student, I was thinking that...maybe I should spend my time with my friends more?" Nangangapang sabi ko. Napapa english talaga ako ng wala sa oras, hays!

"Why? I mean, you spend your time with your friends at school, nagkikita naman kayo lagi." Mom said which made me feel like this is going to take long.

Pagawan ko kaya sila Adie ng PowerPoint presentation ng payagan ako?

"Ano po kasi, birthday ni Amara this Friday....and she invited Me, Talia and Adie to come. It's an overnight swimming." Paalam ko.

Hindi ko na sinabi na baka buong section namin ay kasama pati na rin ang taga ibang section na sinabi ni Adie dahil baka mas lalong hindi pumayag si Mommy.

"But it's your exams, am I right? Pwede naman sigurong sa susunod na lang para makapag review ka pa for your next exam on Saturday?" She asked.

Huminga ako ng malalim para pigilan ang sarili na sagutin siya sa paraang ayaw niya dahil sa yamot na nararamdaman ko. I don't want to offend her just because I was ruled by my emotions so I calmed myself and acted cool.

"My, I'll be graduating from Junior High School after 2 months. There's this big possibility na hindi ko na magiging kaklase ang iba sa batch namin. Can you please give this one to me?" Sabi ko habang pinapanood ko siyang uminom mula sa baso niya bago ko inilipat ang tingin kay Dad na tinitingnan lang din kami.

Dad sighed as he put his utensils down. "Are there boys? How many? Who are they? Is it far from here?" Sunod sunod na tanong niya.

"Just a few, of course my batch mates, sa may condominium po sa may Ortigas." Sagot ko.

I looked at Dad who turned to Mom like he was waiting for her to speak. Binitawan ni Mommy ang kutsara at tinidor niya bago pinunasan ang bibig niya gamit ang table napkin na nakapatong sa hita niya.

"Rubyane, I assume that you really want to go, am I right?" She asked and I nodded.

"And I also assume na hindi mo gugustuhing bumagsak sa mga exams mo, am I right, Rubyane?"

Mom asked while I look down on my plate I can't face her right now. Tumango ako bilang sagot at bumuntong hininga para mawala ang sikip sa dibdib ko. I knew this was going to happen.

"And with boys, Rubyane." She said, emphasizing the word 'boys'.

"My, may kasama naman po kaming iba pa naming kaklaseng babae. Believe me when I say I'll stay away from boys, Mom, Dad." Pangungumbinsi ko sabay tingin sa kanilang dalawa.

"Oh so, okay ka na? Are you sure you'll pass your test?" Mom asked. "Rubyane, an overnight swimming." She sternly said and massaged her temple using her hand.

"Uunahin mo pa'yang gala niyo? May exam kayo kinabukasan and what did I tell you? Girls are not allowed to stay outside late at night. It's dangerous!" Medyo tumaas ang tono ng boses ni Mommy dahilan para mas lalong bumigat ang nararamdaman ko.

"Caszetrina," Dad reached out for Mom's hand and held it. "That's enough."

"You won't go. You'll stay here and review for your exam. Remember your priorities." Pagsasara ni Mommy sa usapan kaya wala akong ibang nagawa kung hindi ang tumahimik.

I know my priorities, I know what I should do but the only problem is that I can't have what I want despite the luxury I experience in my whole entire life. Oo, mayaman kami. May sariling kompanya, lahat ng gusto ko ay nabibili ko, pero hindi naman lahat nabibili. Yes money can buy happiness but true happiness can not be brought by money.

Marami nga kaming pera pero hindi ko naman nararanasan ang kalayaang nararanasan ng iba. Marami sa edad ko ngayon ay nasa galaan habang ako naman dito na nakakulong sa kayamanan pero hindi naman magawang maging masaya. I am here, caged with their expectations, their ambitions, dreams and plans for me.

I want to remember myself as someone who enjoyed her life, her childhood, teenage years. I want to remember myself doing the things that I want, exploring the world that was familiar yet so unfamiliar to me, enjoying it so carelessly without thinking of the possible consequences later or tomorrow.

Alam ko ang dapat at kailangan kong gawin at alam ko rin ang gusto kong gawin. Here I am, standing next to our closed wood double doors, having second thoughts.

Alas kwatro na ng hapon at ang usapan namin nila Adie ay bago magalas singko ay dapat magkakasama na kami sa pagkikitaan namin para sabay sabay na kaming dumating kila Amira dahil dapat daw ay nandoon na kami ng mga alas sais.

I was about to reach out for the door handle when I stopped midway.

Bumuntong hininga ako at muling bumalik sa dinaanan ko papunta sa kwarto ko. I placed my backpack containing the things that I was supposed to be using for later and dropped myself on my bed. Itinipa ko ang mensahe ko kay Adie na humihingi ng pasensya at nagsasabing hindi na lang ako pupunta dahil may kailangan pa pala akong gawin.

Mom's right, I should be prioritizing the things that I should be doing and the things that are more important than going out to celebrate instead of reviewing the lessons we had for tomorrow's exam. Pwede pa naman siguro sa susunod 'yon diba?

I sighed to remove the heavy feeling lingering in my chest before I stood up and return the things I packed to where they were placed before. Nagpalit na rin ako ng damit at umupo sa study table ko para magreview.

Hindi naman ako nagsisi na pinili kong magaral muna para sa pagsusulit namin dahil nasagutan ko naman ang pagsusulit namin ng walang hirap pero nanghihinayang ako sa pagkakataong maranasan ang overnight swimming kasama ang mga kaibigan at kaklase ko.

"Sayang marami raw pagkain kagabi." Adie murmured, her hand supporting her head as she leaned on the table.

"Hayaan mo na, may mga hindi rin naman nakapunta, hindi lang naman tayo. Besides, we can aways plan our own outing, right?" Pampalubag-loob ni Talia na hindi rin sumama kay Adie.

"Bakit kasi hindi ka tumuloy? Sino ba kasing nagsabi sayong 'wag kang sumama?" Tanong ko dahil pwede naman siyang sumama ng wala kami ni Talia.

Sasagot na sana siya nang maibulalas ko ang tanong na pumasok sa isipan ko. "May boyfriend ka ba?"

"Hoy!" She immediately silenced me as she looked around the area. "Shhh! Ay ang ingay!" Pabulong na sigaw niya.

Hala, bakit? Ano ba ginawa ko? Nagtatanong lang naman ako ah.

"Bakit b—" Bigla na lamang ako sinubuan ni Adie ng isang malaking bilog na hopia dahilan para mapuno ang bibig ko at mapatigil ako sa kasasalita.

Problema nito?

Talia giggled, the reason why I threw dagger looks at her to make her stop but rather than stopping she even laughed at me.

"Hopia ka ngayon?" Sabi niya sabay turo sa hopiang nakasuksok sa bibig ko.

"Jadie, ang ganda mo. Oo." Nalipat ang tingin ko kay Adie na mapaglarong nakangisi sa akin ngayon na inirapan ko na lamang bago kinagat ang kalahati ng hopia at hawakan ang kalahati nito para hindi mahulog at magkalat.

"Ano? Okay na?" Tanong ni Adie habang nakahalukipkip at nakangiting nakatingin sa akin.

I was planning to answer but I was having a hard time chewing the food so I raised my index finger telling her to stop and wait. Inabot ni Talia ang bottled water na binili ko kanina kaya kinuha ko ito at ininuman.

I gulped the water and food together and asked. "Problema mo?" Medyo naiiritang sabi ko.

"Nakita ko kasi si Mama, dumaan. Ang ingay mo, 'pag ikaw narinig no'n..." Nagbabantang sabi niya. Wews?

"Sorry. 'Di ko nakita eh." I shrugged.

"Te! Sa'n mo naman nakuha yung 'boyfriend. boyfriend' na 'yan? 'di naman ako nainform na may boyfriend na pala ako. Asan 'yon?" Tanong niya sabay tingin sa buong canteen na puno ng tao na ikinahagikhik naman ni Talia.

"Tawa ka diyan." Sabi ko kay Talia kaya naman kinagat niya ang pangibabang labi para pigilan ang sarili sa pagtawa.

"Tsaka, ayoko namang pumunta ro'n ng 'di kayo kasama." Adie said.

"Aww, ang sweet naman." Sabi namin ni Talia.

"Che!" Natatawang sabi ni Adie. "Ikaw, wala ka man lang bang crush?" Adie turned to me and asked me.

"Oh, ba't ako na naman nakita mo? Wala!" Kontroladong ani ko. Ba't ba pinoproblema nito love life ko?

Hindi na niya ako muling kinulit pa at tiningnan na lamang ako na para bang hindi siya naniniwala bago itinuloy ang pagkain sa ice cream niyang tunaw na dahil sa kasasalita niya.

It's true! Wala naman akong crush! Besides, commiting in a relationship this early wouldn't actually help us grow. Rather than being an inspiration to each other we become each other's distraction. Well that’s what I thought, I’m not against naman sa mga may girlfriend or boyfriend na at this age.

Mas maganda sanang sarili muna ang intindihin habang lumalaki at natututo tayo dahil kahit pa sabihing mature na ang iba sa atin, there will be times that we'll have a hard time handling a relationship no matter how hard we try to balance our time. At our age, we should focus more on our studies and let ourselves grow.

Humiwalay na rin naman na sa amin si Adie dahil time na rin at baka masarahan pa kami ng pinto at hindi na makapasok sa room namin kahit na maaga pa naman.

As my usual routine during break time, I took my comb from my hygiene kit and brushed my hair. Habang nagsusuklay ay tipid akong napangiti nang makita ko mula sa gilid ng mga mata ko ang pagupo ni Brixz sa upuan niyang nasa tabi ko.

Kasama na rin ata siya sa routine ko....

"Pahingi." Paalam ni Brixz kahit pa hawak hawak na niya ang pulbos ko.

"Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Hawak mo na." I replied as I brushed my hair.

I was brushing my hair when I glanced at him and caught him almost deplete all of the powder inside the container.

I snatched my powder from him and said. "May plano ka bang ubusin ang pulbos ko? Ha?"

"Ay, hindi ba pwede?" Panggagatong pa niya.

"Ewan ko sayo." I rolled my eyes at him before I poured a small amount of powder on my right palm, just enough to apply on my whole face.

Pagkatapos kong isara ang pulbo ko gamit ang isang kamay ko ay mabilis kong kinuskos ang dalawang palad ko sa isa't isa bago ipinahid ang natirang pulbos sa mukha ko.

I heard someone laugh the reason why I stopped on blending the powder on my face. Tumingin ako kay Brixz na hanggang ngayon ay nasa palad pa rin ang pulbos na hiningi sa akin kanina habang tumatawa.

Saya nito ah. Sige lang. Nakakahiya namang istorbohin.

I crossed my arms over my chest and watch him laugh. Habang pinapanood siyang tumawa ay hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti. I tried not to smile as he's laughter gradually faded.

I raised a brow when I saw him gaze at me. "Tapos na?" I asked.

Tumango naman siya habang may multo pa rin ng ngiti mula sa pagtawa niya kani kanina.

"Anong nakakatawa?" Tanong ko dahilan para mapatingin siya sa akin.

"Yung mukha mo—Aray! Masakit ah." Sabi niya na ikinatawa ko habang pinapanood siyang ayusin ang buhok niyang hinila ko.

Hindi naman malakas eh!

"Bakit ba kasi gano'n ka maglagay ng pulbo? Tingnan mo isang parte lang sa mukha mo yung nalagyan. Tapos may papahid pahid ka pang nalalaman, hindi naman kumakalat sa mukha mo yung pulbos." Pagdadahilan niya kaya napatigil ako.

"Pake mo ba!" I said seconds after.

"Tingnan mo, nagkalat lang 'yong pulbos sa lamesa mo." Sabi niya kaya naman napatingin ako sa lamesa ko na narumihan ng pulbos, na kahit pati ang palda ko at pants ni Brixz ay nalagyan.

Pinagpag ko ang palda ko at pagkatapos ay pinagpag ko rin ang lamesa ko. Brixz helped me shaking the dust of off my table as he did the same to his pants.

"Ganito kasi oh. Tumingin ka ah?" He said after we cleaned ourselves.

He moved some of his brown hair aside so as not to be powdered.

"Dalawang daliri," He showed me his two fingers, index and middle finger. "Lagyan ng powder." I rolled my eyes at him and watched him dip his fingers to his palm with the powder. "Bonakid." Sabi niya dahilan para tumaas ang sulok ng labi ko.

I tried to hold and hide my laughter using the back of my palm as the front part was covered with powder. Pinanood ko si Brixz na ituloy ang ginagawa niya na para bang isa akong bata na kailangang turuan ng matino.

Sinuklay niya ang buhok niya paatras gamit ang mga daliri niya pagkatapos niyang ipahid ang natirang pulbos sa palad niya sabay tingin at lapit ng mukha sa akin na ikinawindang ko.

Ramdam ko naman ang unti unting pagiinit ng magkabilang pisngi ko at ang kakaibang pakiramdam sa kalooblooban ko habang nakikipagtinginan kay Brixz.

"Ano? Pogi na?" He asked and smiled.