undecided

Wana

After I woke up the following morning, I was feeling guilty and a little uneasy. I was ill at ease about my night with Anthony. Yes, I experienced s****l pleasures that I have never experienced with anyone but I was feeling guilty for cheating on Boyde. Boyde treats me with respect, I do sometimes however, question the love he have for me but, he has never given me a reason to think that he was cheating.

I tried to kiss Anthony good morning and I observed that he stir his face away from my kiss. I did not take it as anything. I tried hugging him, and I observed that he became indifferent towards me. I get up out the bed wondering what I had done between the time we make love to now that we were awake but I could not think of a reason for his action So I ignore it.

I make breakfast and he ate, we both have our breakfast in silence, after breakfast he left to his home. During the day I texted him but I did not get a response, I tried calling but he did not pick up. I take it that his wife pissed him off so he did not want to speak to anyone so I did not bother him. I spent my day as usual watching movies and chatting on the phone with my friends. In the evening when I know Boyde was home from work, I called him and we talked for most of the evening untill he said he was tired and wanted to sleep because he has work the following morning. while talking to Boyde I was very uncomfortable, knowing a few hours before I was having s*x with another man who I enjoyed, even while talking to Boyde on the phone I was thinking about Anthony. I could not stop thinking about him and why he behave in the manner he had behaved after we make love, knowing he was the one who forced himself upon me.

The following day I text Anthony as I normally do before our s****l encounter and he responded saying , "good morning." I asked him why he did not responded to my calls and he told me he was not in the mood he was going through some personal issues. I explain to him how I felt, because of his behaviour towards me and he informed me that I should not think anything of our time together because he and I could never be together we are just friends, and it's a mistake because although he and his wife is not living together he is still a married man.

Upon reading Anthony words, tears comes to my eyes, I felt like my breath stops. I could hardly believe what I have read. I could not believe he was so cold towards me. did he not think of my feelings? was he not thinking what he was saying to me, how it might affect me?.

At no time, during our time we spent together while he was making love to me the night before, did he show signs of not wanted me, or that his actions was a mistake. He begged me to make love to him, while he was making love to me he told me how much he enjoyed me and how much I am his, and I should not be with anyone else but him. he told me he has feelings for me and because of the s****l desires that I had for him I could not resist. now seeing him text me this message, his words cut through me like a knife I cried my eyes out. I could not believe what he wrote. it was just hours ago he was saying all those things to me and now he is texting me this.

I called him phone and he answered, when he answered I could hear the callousness and coldness in his voice, he has no compassion towards me. I asked him if he was serious about what he texted and his response was, "Is it that you cannot read? Why would I write it, if I was not serious?." I felt ashamed as if I wanted to die, because of how I was feeling I asked him what have I done to deserve his behaviour towards me and he respond by saying, " I am a married man, I might no longer living with my wife but I am still married". I responded to him by asking him, "did you not know you are still married before you forced me to become sexually involved with you", I shouted at him through the phone. and he replied, why so emotional, you don't need to because you know nothing can happen between you and I we are just friend, I was horney and wanted some s*x and you were available so I persuade you and you give in so I take it. no need to get emotional over it, it happens all the time. I became very angry, wanted to curse at the same time wanted to cry. I did not want him to hear me crying so I hang up the phone.

I did not speak to Boyde for that day. I know he could tell if I was hurt and I was too upset and crying too hard to speak to him .

I had no one to turn to for advice or share my issues with. Although he and I are friends and coworkers, I did not want anyone knowing that he and I had a s****l encounter it was too hurtful and embarrassing.

I was alone in my distress with no one to speak to. I cried my eyes out, I felt frustrated, hurt and betrayed. I never expected Anthony to behave the way he behave towards me. He was always nice to me. Whenever Anthony and I were not at work, we normally spend most of our time off in each other's company. everyone knew we were very good friends. Whenever we leave work in the evenings, he would stop by my house and we would watch movies, cook and eat as well as talk about our days activities.

although he was still married, he has moved out of his marital home and was living at his father's house. When he went to live by his dad I purchase things for him to fix his room. that's much how I care about him as a friend. He asked me to do his laundry for him and I assisted him without second guessing.

whenever he is on his time off from work he would spend most of the day at my house. I was surprised at his behaviour towards me because he has never been so callous towards me before. his behaviour towards me was as if I had done something to him that has caused him arm in some way. The worst part about his treatment towards me, I had to keep it to myself I did not want anyone knowing I had s*x with him or that I had cheated on Boyde.

I know cheating on Boyde was wrong on so many levels because although I had my doubts about him, he have never disrespected my or speak to me in the manner Anthony has spoken to me. Boyde was the total opposite of Anthony, he was kind and gently, very quite and soft spoken. he was not a man of many words although it seems he has difficulty expressing his affection and feelings towards me.

Anthony on the other hand is very possessive and controlling, he thinks the world resolves around him. everything has to be about him.

I wanted to talk to someone about the situation that I found myself in with Anthony so I call my friend Frankie and make up a scenario of two individuals, telling him it was a friend of mine in the situation and ask him his opinion on the matter. after Frankie listen to my story not knowing it was actually about me, he inform me to tell my friend to move on with her life. According to Frankie, Anthony is just looking someone to s*x because of the situation he found himself in with his wife. Frankie said that my friend must not get too attached because she is setting herself up to be hurt. Upon hearing my friend Frankie advice, I cried even harder because all he has said was the truth. I know it, my instinct was telling me to run, run as fast as I could. but how do I run from a man that I was infatuated with? I do not think it love,I know I like him alot and think of him ever second of the day and I was very attracted and drawn to him. whenever I was around him I was comfortable, I always look forward to hear from him or see him after work when we spend time together at my home.

Anthony is the man I always dream of having as a mate. He is handsome, slim and very sexy. The s*x was out if this world and he has a killer smile. he is the type of man that women throw themselves at. That night I could hardly sleep.

The following morning I went to work. I think of how he would react towards me. I think about how I would behave towards him. upon arriving at work I did not see him. I felt relieved when I did not see him because I was nervous and was feeling ashamed for how he behave towards me after we has s*x. I never expected him to behave in that manner.

Sometime in the afternoon, Anthony walked into the office, when I see him my heart skipped a beat. I was nervous, I could not look him in the eyes. he looked in my direction but he did not say anything, he behave as if I was not even in the room. I felt like crying, I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I did everything in my power to hold it back. a coworker entered the office and immediately his demeanor towards me changed. his ruthless expression replaced by a charming smile. He became talkative and even tried speaking to me. I did to know how to act towards him, I was surprised at how he flip his personality so fast. one second he could be the most savage of person, the next minute be was this charming, friendly person.

I pretend that I was oblivious to his behaviour but deep down I was worried, what causes me to worry was the mere facts that he can switch personality so fast withing a split second. He walked over toward me, he called my name, I looked at him not wanted to say anything afraid of how I might sound. I was very nervous.

hey, Wana! did you see who drove out the service unit? he stared me straight in the eyes, he has a smirk on his face. He was looking at me, as if he was thinking what was going through my mind, what was I thinking. I shook my head in response and said no. I then walked away out the office before he had the opportunity of asking me another question and my co workers could see how nervous I was. I avoided Anthony for the rest of the afternoon. when it was time for me to conclude duties, I hurriedly concludes without saying anything to him. I them left out work place without him noticing I was leaving. normally I would inform him that I am leaving and he will normally tell me to wait on him, or go home and cook something for the both of us untill he gets there but I was afraid to approach him based on the conversation we had over the phone, I did not know how he would react and I was still hurting.