Unloved.

Tonight's moon is a little bit gloomy what a coincidence. It seems like I have company for tonight's sadness. "Hmm... inhaling this cold air wrapping my whole body just gives off some relaxing vibes and sensation." It is just the second week of November yet I can feel the christmas breeze touching my skin underneath my oversized white cotton tee. From here, inside this small gazebo in my garden I could clearly see those flickering street lights, as well as the darkness enveloping the whole surrounding my eyes could reach. Indeed, a typical night alone, waiting for him to come home. Why, do I have to be like this? Why do I have to wait for him when I exactly know he wouldn't come. Am I a fool? Still, here I am waiting for him to come home, to come to me. Waiting for him to eat dinner together. Dinner that I specially prepared and cooked for him but as expected he won't be home till morning. He is annoyed and irritated to come home because when he does he does not have any choice but to see me, hear my voice, smell my perfume and many other reasons that can irritably make him mad in an instant. Hate is an understatement, he despise me to death. He is disgusted of my entire existence. Why... It all started when he was informed by his father that he is betrothed to me and our wedding was planned even before we are born. Since our parents are best of friends, they decided to arrange our marriage after knowing that our respective mother is pregnant with opposite s*x. And so it happened, during my coming of age celebration they announced this shocking news to everyone and it made my heart stopped. Though I am very happy for the reason that I love Bryle but when I looked at him at that very moment my heart sunk. He was expressionless but I swear I clearly saw his jaw tightened and his aura immediately change. The shocking announcement amidst my party changed the aura from light to heavy. And I have those intriguing eyes staring at me. It seems that they don't like the idea. But I just shrugged it off. Then suddenly, Bryle pulled me in the corner and told me the most heartbreaking thing I have ever heard in my life. "Rhin!", he called angrily. "Yes?" I answered. "I may be betrothed to you but I would never ever love you. I only love one woman in this lifetime and that is Grace. Remember that." He coldly utter those words with emphasis. After that, he left. I could barely move, I could barely speak at that moment. I do not know what to do. I couldn't process what he just said straight into my face. I never thought he would confront me that early and prove his point, make a stand and make it clear that he dont love me even a little bit. That his heart only belongs to that woman. That he will only love one woman and that woman wasn't me. It hurts, it broke my heart into thousands of pieces. I did not know it will hurt like this. I decided to go into my room for I have no reason to celebrate my debut anymore. My whole world shuttered I am not interested to attend my very own party. I stayed in my room the whole night. Aunt Ana knocked lightly and softly shouted that the party was over and the guests are leaving. I didn't even bothered to answer. A moment of silence before I heard footsteps. Maybe she's leaving, maybe she thought I was asleep. I don't care anymore all I want is to be alone and never come out ever again. That was the last time he ever talked to me. Until, our wedding day. He agreed to our marriage but he told me it was for our parents that he doesn't want to disappoint both side because he love them so much but I am an exception to that for he despise me. He hates me to the core. He wants me to just cease from existing. Because for him I am the reason why he can't be with Grace. That he can't marry Grace because of our marriage. Though we are legally married in papers but we don't do what a married couple do. He was with Grace even after our marriage. No honeymoon, nothing. Our wedding was just a facade, a facade that slowly killing me from that moment he gripped my hand putting the wedding ring on. That moment I died but my heart keeps on hoping and loving that maybe one day he will realise that he loves me that one day he will finally realise that I am the right woman for him. After that he barely went back home he's staying in his condo unit. He returned once because our parents visited us. Asking if we are doing great. We acted as if everything was okay. We acted like we love each other so much. And to be honest that was the happiest moment of my married life with Bryle. I know it was just an act but it was very special to me because I can touch his hand the whole day, I can hug him, I can smell his masculine perfume that can arouse me in an instant and also I can kiss him every time our parents would tease us. I am extremely happy every time they wanted to visit us. I have these thoughts that I can finally touch his hands again, smell his perfume again, I could hug him and feel his perfectly molded body and the chance to feel his soft lips and smell his minty breath that can send electrifying sensation down my spine. I am looking forward for every home visits our parents does. That is the only moment I could have him for myself. But why does it hurt like this? why? Can't he love me. He belongs to me legally but, ...but his heart it belongs to Grace. I didn't notice that tears are falling down my cheeks but it's fine only the moonlight knew my pain and suffering. No one knew and no one will. It is five minutes past midnight, I decided to come inside and clean the dining table. He won't come. I decided to put the food back in the fridge. I will just heat it by tomorrow. After cleaning everything I prepared, I walked into my room to rest. After all it was another tiring day of waiting, suffering, and hoping. I am hoping that eventually, my feelings for him will fade and forget everything about him and everything that had happened between us. This cold and gloomy night was indeed long for me but then I lay down my bed and reluctantly let my drowsiness took over and rest me to sleep. I hope this was just a dream. I hope this was just a very long dream. I wish to wake up from this painful dream. I wish to wake up. ...but it was not a dream, it was not.