Hitting Rock Bottom

Chapter 18 Dinner Talk

Yvette's POV

The amazing scent of the delectable meal Malachi is preparing is absolutely hard to ignore. The aroma fills my lungs as much as it's filling the room, making this more than my stomach can handle at the moment. It's screaming at me as if I haven't fed food to my system in weeks! What a drama queen my body is.

I hear Malachi chuckling as he looks back at me then turning around to the stove-top again. "What's so funny? Are you making fun of me" I ask playfully as he shrugs his shoulders. "Yes and no.. I'm laughing at how loud your stomach is right now." He states causing me to laugh loudly as I shake my head at him but obviously not disagreeing.

"So... Yvette can I ask you something?" Malachi politely asks as I watch him plating up the meals for not just me but him as well. He slips the plate in front of me as he takes the seat right besides me at the island.

"Thank you for this, it smells amazing.. but.. um.. Yea.. of course.. ask away." I reply pretty quickly because that makes me nervous. But I try to be nonchalant about it as I use the knife and fork to cut my food up into bite-sized pieces.

The room is silent as I cautiously glance up to meet his now nervous looking gaze. "What is it?" I ask again with my curiosity at an all time high, just wanting to know this unspoken question, that's obviously hard to ask, or he wouldn't look this nervous.

He looks from me to his plate as he softly asks over the plate as if the question is for the plate itself because he is having a hard time makin any eye contact with me. "I understand there has been a lot of change in such a short period of time for you.. but.. um.. nevermind." He quickly cuts himself off as I shake my head then respond. "go on.. and ask.. but what?"

He looks back at me before setting his silverware down besides his plate, just to look straight at me. This of course gains all my attention as I anxiously await his question.

"But I can't understand.. um.. What clicked in your head to make you want to kill yourself? You didn't just attempt it once and change your mind.. you tried it multiple times.. You had it set in your head you were done with this life.. why?" He asks me with so much concern for me as I let out a deep breath.

"Did you end up reading the letter I left at the bartop from my ex-husband?" I ask him as he shakes his head but pulling it out from his pocket and setting it on the table, still folded up. I swallow that same nervous lump in my throat before commanding. "Read it."

He looks even more nervous as he unfolds the letter, looking back at me as I nod again in approval showing him this hard side of things for me. This is my dirty laundry out for him to see. I watch his eyes bounce from one word to the next as he quickly makes it through the letter. When he is done reading it, I notice his jaw clench as he shakes his head but not saying anything to me about this. So maybe I just need to say my side of things now.

"Seeing him tonight was just the cherry on top.. I have always felt like I wasn't good enough for Ledge.. because he always tried to change me into what he thinks is a better version of me.. but when I found out about my cancer and where it was after we had been 'trying' to have kids for a while. That news hurt so much, knowing it was my body's fault we couldn't create a family like he wanted.. but it hurt even worse knowing that Ledge blamed me, as if I had chose this and he even went as far as saying that he didn't want kids if he couldn't have them naturally, breaking any idea of a family I could try to have.. making me feel like less of a woman than I already felt.. but after this surgery, of getting my ovaries removed, has shown me the very harsh reality that I will never have children of my own, but I don't want to let that stop me from having children, purpose in life." I explain as I notice he is on the edge of his seat, locked onto every word exiting my lips so I continue.

"I was hoping I could change his mind but he never wanted to see me.. too busy.. at 'work' all the time, never even picking up my calls or answering my texts.. but apparently that just meant he was out f*#king other women.. according to his letter.. If that is not a big enough punch to the gut for me already, he has told me that he wants a divorce IN A LETTER, because he wasn't brave enough to say it to my face.. That right there showed how much respect he really had for me, which apparently isn't much. So I decided I needed to go where I knew I had friends to help me feel better.. My work." I explain more as he nods with me as if I'm reading a book and he needs to know the ending but he already knows how this ends.. So it's odd that he wants to know so much about me as if he thinks I'm so interesting.

I let out a deep breath before continuing with my long explaination. "but.. Then when I thought things couldn't get worse, my work pitied me for my condition and used it against me like everyone else apparently.. They ultimately did this by saying they're afraid I can't keep up with the fast paced days of work.. so they replaced me with a better model, younger and more beautiful.. but to make sure that they didn't feel like the biggest assh*les by putting a cancer patient out of a job, they offered me a position in the back.. so I was still employed.. But to me that was more insulting than actually firing me and I couldn't do that to myself. I want to have a job where I'm actually appreciated not pitied.. hence why I haven't told many about my condition because that's the last thing I want.. I deserve better than that.. but just knowing I wasn't good enough for them either, hurt so much worse than I thought it would. Especially when they forced me to make a goodbye by their terms, but I didn't let them say my goodbye for me like they wanted.. I ignored their words that they wrote and said my goodbye from my heart." I state this with pride, feeling better now that I have said this outloud as if this explaintion of telling my side to someone who wants to listen, is actually lifting a heavy weight from my shoulders.. Sometimes it's healing to let it all out to a neutral party.

I clear my throat before I finish lightly, since I'm starting to feel a little better now, just a little. "Then I'm just trying to relax and finally forgetting all my losses and worries that have built up like a jenga tower over me.. Just because this handsome stranger decided to stalk me, like only a crazy man would.. Finally making me forget everything as if it didn't happen or matter, when my ex that was so eagar to leave me decides to finally go out of his way for me. Bringing me right back to the problems I was trying to forget, practically pushing over my tower of problems onto me again, because he is 'concerned for me'.. when I know that's not the actual case, because I called him tons of times in the past couple of days hoping for some type of response to show I wasn't alone and cared for.. and there was no one to pick up the call.. So for the first time, I didn't call him and for whatever reason he has decided it's best for him to come get me. So like they always seem to do, my feelings got hurt and the emotions rolled in with the help of the alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol.. making me not want to be here in any aspect.. I just didn't want to have the loneliest feelings inside of me that create the worse type of pain anymore. I hate feeling like I'm not enough for anyone and when I knew I was alone and probably going to be alone forever I said why not just end it now.. it's not like I have anything to love.. the best things in life that everyone talks about won't happen for me.. so why not." I state probably way to honestly for my own good, spilling my whole heart out to the one person who seems like he wants to listen to it.

This situation with him probably won't last anyways so does it really matter if this neutral party knows about me? probably not.. I'm sure he is probably already plotting to run as soon as he can.

"Well.. just going to say this so you can take it or leave it.. But what I don't understand is, Why is it so bad to start over? You're so young and have a full life ahead of you.. so what if that assh*le doesn't want kids.. if you want some then get some.. you can adopt.. there are so many kids that need a chance at a good home. F*#k him.. who cares what he thinks, he is obviously delusional because your absolutely spectacular. You deserve better than him anyways. A strong woman like you doesn't need a little b*tch at your side who runs and hudes when things get tough.. you need a man to show you how you should be treated.. and don't let the job thing bother you.. everyone is replaceable, doesn't make you any less of a hard worker because of that fact.. besides, everyone changes jobs at some point.. I'm sure you will find something you like better than this." He retorts to me as I can't help but smile at that response, staring over at him.

"Maybe you're right.. I wish I had met you sooner.. maybe I wouldn't be such a wreck." He chuckles with me and shakes his head at that comment but then retorting under his breath. "I wish I had met you sooner too, maybe I could have saved you from this heartbreak." This comment gets my attention, wondering and hoping that he really means that.