Hitting Rock Bottom

Chapter 3 The Letter

Yvette's POV

My eyes flutter open on their own, as if an internal alarm has gone off in my head. They bounce around the open room until I quickly figure out that I'm still lying in my bed and on top of the covers. I laugh at myself knowing that I was so exhausted that I didn't even change, let alone get under the covers.. But at least I got some sleep that's what really matters.

I slowly sit up and groaning out, instinctively grabbing for my abs. My body seems to be throbbing from that action alone. It's so surprising how sore all of me is, inside and out, after everything I have endured.

It's really noticeable since I have had time to lay in the same spot without movement, in my coma-like deep sleep. Also with the pain killers wearing off, accompanied by the drastic movement, it's now giving my body a chance to figure out what's really happened to it. Which is a shock in itself.

The realization of the trauma I have experienced is starting to really hit my body tenfold. I slowly peel my clothing off, just to try to not hurt myself more than I already am, while getting into something more comfortable. Comfort in times like this are the key to recovery.

My favorite go-to outfit on my days off, is what I decide to put on of course.. It's my off-the-shoulder sweater that hangs from my neck, covering my chest, but drapes down to the bottom of my buttcheeks. It resembles a sweater dress in length, while covering most of my torso. But because of the draping off of my body, it's exposing my shoulders and some of my back.. So it's airy, but thick and soft at the same time. I top off the cozy outfit by slipping on my stretchy, warm leggings to give me some comfort and flexibility in this vulnerable time of healing.

I create the easiest hair style for myself by throwing my hair into a messy bun on top of my head, because that's all I can do with this mess as of right now. Wigs are hard to work with in general, but especially when you don't know exactly what your doing, along with trying to wake up while doing it.. So this is the best that it's going to get as of right now.

I apply some make-up so I don't just look like a sickly shell of a person, I want to at least look decent, not like the walking dead.. That's my goal for today is to be decent in this sensitive time. After situations such as this, it's easy to let it take over and let yourself go.

But as a person with her face on TV often, accompanied by a following that I see daily. That's not an option to look sickly, because I don't want people to know what's happening with me. This is my personal life and if I wanted people to be apart of it than I would let them.

But heartache, pity and charity are the last things I'm looking for right now, I have way too much pride to willingly accept any of that.. It's also out of fear that I won't let anyone get close to me personally, because everyone that I have so far, has in one way or another hurt me.

Well except my husband hence why he is the only one allowed in my life as of right now.. So I don't let people in often.. Only a special few that I willingly involve.. But everyone else that secretly knows about me and my condition is because of work, honestly. I was legally obligated to keep them updated about my health because it is effecting them as well.

I'm finished getting ready as I glance across the room, taking a look at the clock on the counter. I quickly make an equation to add in my foggy mind, just to easily figure out that I passed out for about 5 hours.. It honestly never even felt like that much time had passed by, but I'm happy I got that time to rest.

I slowly lean forward just to gently slip on my ugh boots. Once I'm good to stand up and move around, I start walking towards the kitchen area of the house. I think that's where I left my pain killers during my stumbling through the house, to get to the bed. I do need them right now, to help subside the pain at least for a little bit. The pain is getting too much for me to handle at the moment. Probably because of all the moving around.. But what else can I do when I'm all alone and have to do everything for myself?

I look around to see the orange bottle on it's side, but on top of the counter, just as I had suspected. Once my target is easily spotted, my pace quickens, heading across the room as I quickly swipe the bottle up into my tight grip. The ticking of the pills, banging around inside of it is all that I can hear in this quiet house. I swiftly open it up, to tip it, so I can get the pills out from the bottle and into my hand.. I need to relieve this pain, I'm not desperate yet, but getting there.

Once I get the dedicated amount that I need, I then twist the top back on, just to set the bottle onto the counter. But the bottle is not alone on the counter. This really gets my attention when I notice that there is a small stack of papers on there as well.

I grab the stack of papers and putting them all together in one cleanly stacked pile, as I start looking through them one by one.. Most of the pile is my discharged papers from the hospital and the instructions for healing properly.. and so on.. the next papers in the stack are apparently apart of the billing. I strain my eyes looking at everything on the bill as I cringe knowing I'll probably just have to sell more stuff around the house to make sure to be able to pay this. That's what I have done already since I haven't been able to get hold of my husband on most occasions.. and we have a prenuptial agreement when getting married.. So I don't have direct access with his funds. I make good money, but not that much to pay for my bills for all the hospital visits. Hence why I have resorted to selling some of the items I have acquired over the years. I huff out hating the idea of more bills to pay by selling my stuff, but here we are. Hopefully this is the end of it with this last surgery.

The next is a card from the News Team, it's a generic 'get well soon' card with all of their signatures but nothing really personal in there just the basic responses of 'get well'.. 'we miss you'.. 'good vibes'.. and so on.. but in these situations, it's just the thought that counts.

I skip from that card to see the last paper in the pile is an envelope with my name wrote in, what looks like my husband's handwriting on it. I pull it out from behind the other papers, just setting the stack on the counter top before peeling open the envelope.

For whatever reason my heart is now racing at just the mere sight of this envelope decorated with his handwriting. I put my finger in the open hole and slide my finger across the top, slicing a long hole in the top of the letter. I slip my fingers into it and grip the letter, pulling it out with that same swift move. Swallowing the nervous lump in my throat as I slowly unfold the paper to read.

My dearest Yve,

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.. I'm sorry I couldn't be as strong as you to say this to your face. But I wouldn't be able to live with myself seeing how badly I know this will hurt you.

You've been through so much lately.. and I understand that.. I do.. but I can't deny my heart.

You know I have been wanting a family and that we found out over the many years of trying that you can't provide me with that.. It's broke my heart, and please don't say that adopting is the same.. because at least for me. it's not.. I know you have said lots of times that there are so many kids out there that deserve the chance at a happy family.. But I can't be that for them.. So I have found the family I want to grow old with.. call me selfish for this because I feel like it.. But I'm now finally happy.

I'm sorry to tell you this and even admit to it because it's harder than you think.. but I feel like this is the only way I can grow to be the man I need to be.. but I haven't been happy with you since the day we met.. but I settled for the best option for myself at the time and I have regretted it ever since. So I have been cheating on you for a very long time, with too many women to count.. From the lies about the weekends to visits to see my family, or going on all those conferences and meetings I supposedly attended.. and so on.

But one woman in particular that I have been with for years now, makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.. that's why I have been really pulling away from you and you deserve to know that. She is all I have ever wanted.. my dream girl. She makes me feel young and desired more than you ever could.. and I'm sorry for that because I don't think I ever really gave you a real shot.

I understand why you haven't been doing all that you can to take care of my personal and s*xual needs, with everything else you have going on, but they're something that needs to be taken care of.. so I took care of it.. In doing so, I got this love of my life and now she is pregnant.. she wants us to start the family that we always wanted and I accepted.

You can have the house and everything in it. I already grabbed my things.. but I will not be returning. I will send you the divorce papers and I will need you to sign them as soon as possible please so we can end this. I will check in as much as I can. But don't expect tons of that.. this is hard enough on the both of us as it is.

Just make sure to remember that you're strong and will get through this.. don't let this bring you down. I still love you but not the same way you have always loved me.. Just as the best friend that I have had for years. So keep your head up and good luck with the surgery.

Ledge

The letter trembles in my hand as I gasp for air not knowing how to process all this information. I'm so baffled and distraught about this realization. I thought we were made for wach other.. I thought that I was his first and only choice, just as he has always been for me.

I had other men hit on me, but easily turned it down because I thought I had the best option for myself. It hurts so much to know that I was an instant regret, that he never had the guts to deal with when he should have because 'I was the best option at the time'. He wasted my time.. my life.

My heart hurts so much finding all this out. I already had confidence issues because of my life before him, being abandoned and being through so many families in the system.. plus my condition affecting my body so drastically.. and now knowing all of this, just makes me never want to talk with anyone ever again.. ever.

What a coward.. not saying this to my face.. this is just as bad as an email or text.. But he had to tell me like this because he has no love or respect for me.. he could say it to my face showing that he respects me but of course since he doesn't, he won't.. I shouldn't expect that of him though, because he doesn't love me with all the cheating he has done on me anyways.. why would I expect respect?

I can't wrap my mind around this.. here I am trying to do anything to talk with him and be with him any chance I got.. and he is out cheating on me with 'too many girls to count'... seriously?

Then after being with these skanks, he would come home and have s*x with me! Trying to have a baby! Ugh that makes me feel disgusting. I would bet that he felt amazing because he got to have what he wanted in life all around.. A family to grow with after getting all the s*x and woman he wanted.. this is infuriating.. I can't believe him.. I can't believe this.. I'm all alone, left with nothing but a broken heart and loneliness.

Yes he left me with the house, but there is nothing here but thoughts of him and I.. our plans on making the extra room a nursery for our kids and decorating this whole place together. The amazing memorable, to me, s****l escapades all over every inch of this place. I can't look anywhere without thinking of him. I just want to burn this place down with me in it.

The tears started without me even knowing as I start wiping them away, not wanting to shed a tear for him but I guess in this case, I don't have a choice. They keep pouring out of my eyes like a faucet, since my body apparently has a mind of it's own.

I bend over the counter using it to hold me up as the cold of it cools down my now heated body. I take the letter holding it up as I shove it back onto the counter creating a loud slapping echoing through the room.

I will probably keep it to, you know, read later and hate myself more over. But right now I need some positivity so I take my keys and storm out of my house to head right over to my work. Give me some familiarity and normalcy so I don't feel like a train thrown off the tracks.