Hitting Rock Bottom

Chapter 2 Back Story

Yvette's POV

They say that disasters in life always come to those who can handle the storm because they're that strong.. let's just hope they're right about myself, because after everything I have endured in the past couple years.. I don't know how much more I can handle.

It started out perfect.. At the ripe age of 21 I met the man I would soon call my husband.. He swept me off my feet that night and we have been together ever since.. I thought there was nothing to bring me down from that high.

Nothing did.. everything worked out according to my plan. We both went to college for our careers and it worked out very well in our favor as if this plan was made just for us. I got out of school before he did and landed a job instantly where I got to be involved with my dream job. I didn't get the dream job at this point, but I got to observe and help out as much as they would let me. Which is the most I could have asked for, with being so new and all.

I was better known, in this position, as a glorified assistant for this well-known investigative journalist.. It went very well with her, until she retired only after a half a year of me shadowing her.. At the end of her contract with our company, she was saying that since I'm around, that they will be replacing her with me soon enough anyways.. So she might as well leave on her own terms before they fire her.. Because, and I quote from her, 'the TV business is always looking for the next best thing'.. apparently.

As if it was clock-work, just as she predicted, they offered her position to me the day she left.. and I took her job quite easily. It's what I wanted to do for my next step in experiencing the different areas of this TV show business.. Just trying to figure out what positions worked for me..Then I worked my way up from there.

But I guess I should have at least paid a little more attention to her ranting since I'm now in the same place as she was.. Or maybe I should have just intently listened.. But with hindsight being 20/20 it's easy for me now, to blame myself then, for not listening.. Everything was too good that it was distracting, almost flashy. Making it so easy to ignore the small red flags that should have alerted me of my future to come, when I became 'too old' or 'an issue' for a TV business.

So with these clues that I can now finally spot on my own, it is getting my mind racing lately, thinking about all the possibilities to come.. I honestly think they are trying to replace me, but none of that has been confirmed.

They have been talking about my 'condition' in hushed tones all around. We have all agreed to keep my health under the table.. But that doesn't mean it's not talked about behind closed doors. For example, they have been discussing how I'm looking worse with my extreme weight loss and having a hard time keeping up with the motions of movement in front of the camera.. because I now don't have much of a short term memory because of everything I have endured over the years.. plus I'm still weak, so that makes my argument of wanting to stay in my position much harder. So I understand why they would want to do this, but I feel like I have so much more to offer, that I could do with and for the company.

So the reason why I'm speculating this is because they discreetly brought in an 'assistant' for me, when I have never really had one.. She is gorgeous and young, at the prime of her life and once they brought her onto the team, they all started treating me as if I'm a brittle, frail old lady.. I'm 34.. I'm not 100.. ugh.

I wish I could ignore the subtle hints at my ending career that's now years into it.. But I can't, hence suspicions going on in my head. But like I said maybe I'm just being paranoid because none of this has been confirmed.

I do have to admit that it was easy to ignore the now vibrant little red flags when I was doing so well. So well in fact that I got promoted from one position to the next almost instantly, in the beginning of this career, until it was offered for me to be put onto the channel every single day.. Instead of just helping behind the scenes.. which was exactly what I hoped and prayed for.

So I would parade around and talking about different issues going on in our city and they told me that ratings were high because of me. I was higher than the stars in the sky at that point.

In the years it took me to climb this TV ladder, my husband graduated medical school and has started with his amazing doctor job. He loves it and talks about how amazing his coworkers are, but hates all the business trips he has to take with some of his colleges, because he misses me and I can understand that.. because I have missed him too.

But he always has some conference to attend, every couple of weeks and I knew after the years of this happening, that it was just normal for him to take trips and be gone at all hours, every single day for his job. I of course made sure to adjust to this lifestyle because I'm a dedicated wife. Just like any firefighter, police, or military wife would do for the one she loves.. Changes her schedule to fit his, knowing that the little bit of time I get with him is more precious than any other. So I will do anything to make sure I get to be apart of the little bit of time he has.

But the both of us were starting to get lonely and wanted to finally take that next step in our relationship.. We dated, got a place, then married and started our careers, so kids would understandably be the next step in our relationship.

So we tried for a while.. With no pregnancy in sight... So we tried some more, who knows how long, but any chance we got, I can tell you that much.. But obviously long enough to know that there was something wrong and that must be why we can't conceive.

I was terrified to talk to any doctor about why we can't conceive, understandably, so Ledge promised to go with me to all the appointments to be my support. He took me straight to the doctor's to get a check up and try to figure out what was happening with me.. and if it's not an issue with me, then we agreed that he is going to get checked out.. But he seems pretty confident that it's not him.. even though I don't know how he would know that. Maybe that's just the male cockiness he has always shown, coming into play, but who really knows.

But I can confirm for you from experience, that one of the worse possible feelings in the world, is knowing without a doubt that this life-changing experience.. that I always wanted to experience, can't happen because of me. It's my fault we can't conceive. I have ovarian cancer.

There is no way I can have kids because I have to have my ovaries removed. I tried making deals with God in hopes something else might be a better solution for us.. But the only other real option was the chemo.. So we tried the chemo first and it wasn't working.. we tried everything offered, seeing specialists to help and the only solution we could come up with is sticking with the chemo and hoping my ovaries can come back from this.

I'm not trying to spoil the ending of this enticing story but.. the chemo didn't work. I lost all my hair and lost lots of weight, which ended up making me pale. But my job allowed me to work with them still because I had such a big following.. But we talked about how I didn't want this public, so we kept everything under wraps.

They had to put lots of make-up on me, then put me behind a desk so I wouldn't have to try to stumble around with my frail body.. It's easy to cover up the sickness when they can put a wig and make-up on to help out. So I kept working through all the exhaustion, sickness and heart break.

Ledge started going with me to the chemo, less and less after time went on. So we talked about adoption to try to add the spice of family-life back into things.. but he seemed standoff-ish about the subject so I didn't push it.. When it came down to it.. after years of chemo, they told me the cancer was spreading and the chemo wasn't working. I had to face the facts by myself, that I have to have my ovaries removed and hopefully get rid of this problem all together.

I called Ledge about it and he said to do what makes me happy.. and then I didn't hear from him for days. So I set up the appointment.. as hard as it may be to know I won't have children of my own ever.. it's nice to know I'm not alone and the option of adopting is always a route we can take.

It's been 13 years total with mt husband Ledge and yesterday was the day I had my ovaries removed.. and my husband was no where to be found. I was terrified and alone.. calling for him non-stop, with his assistant giving me the same old excuse about where he could be.

But after some hurt-filled words sent to him via text.. I got ready by myself for this scary surgery. It was a long day, but it was successful and has me feeling pretty good.. like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Supposedly I will be relieved of the pain I had experienced for so many years, that I just thought had to do with my monthly cramps but apparently not. I just have a high pain tolerance so didn't know I needed to come in sooner about my ovaries.

The next day or this morning, I should say.. I got the exit papers with no idea where he is at still. This is crazy that I went through this life-altering change and have to endure it alone.. I'm livid.. But either way I want to go home.

I try to slowly stand, with my exit papers in hand. I groan out since I'm pretty sore after everything and completely exhausted.. but I guess I'll have to drive myself home anyways. I don't have anyone else to rely on.

As sad as it may sound to some, Ledge is all I have.. My parents dropped me off at a shelter when I was a baby and I was jumping back and forth through group homes until I turned 18 and could be on my own. I have no one but him and like I have always thought, he came at the perfect time when I needed him most. Showing me that this little orphan, friendless girl can have reason to live for.

That's why me not having him here with me right now, hurts so much more. He has always been my rock.. How do I do this without him? Now my mind is running rampant about him.. I hope he is ok.. What if he is hurt? What if he is just working another double shift? Which happens often.. Maybe he lost his phone.

I huff out in nervousness not knowing what to do about contacting him.. So I take care of the only thing I can handle on my own.. Slowly but surely driving home.

I had to lie to the doctors office about my husband being here, because they said they didn't want me driving.. but if I don't do this now, then I might not hear from him for a long time and believe me I want out of there as soon as possible. I hate hospitals.

I drive the back alleys and streets to get home, so it takes longer than normal, but I can go as fast as I want. Which isn't very fast honestly. Once I'm home I put my car in park right out front of my house. Getting out to stumble my way into the house. I feel dizzy and tired with the exhaustion hitting me tenfold after all of this.

I need a nap and need it now. I enter my home, turning on the main lights as I stumble down the hallway with my arms out, holding right side up in the hallway that's now spinning. I get to our room that looks as if it hasn't been touched. It looks exactly how I left it, which is probably good.. But that idea makes me sad for my husband. He hasn't been home yet from work.. that can't be good for him.

I pick up my phone and calling him for the at least the hundredth time, but of course, like before, it goes straight to voice-mail. I huff out in frustration, tossing my phone to my bed. I turn to flop with my back to the bed. My eyes instinctively close as the breath leaves my lungs. My body relaxes without hesitation, showing how tired my body really is after all this trauma. I can't help the exhaustion hitting me like a brick wall to knock me out, just to get the much-needed sleep it craves. But like they say, when you're feeling sick, rest is best.