Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 4: Brotherhood

Jaze D'Angelo

     I'm just sitting in class, browsing through the pictures on my old but favorite camera. I just smiled as I saw the pictures of me and my friends a year ago, those were the good days... I just rested my chin on my hands while I acted like I'm listening to what our professor is saying. I have already studied in advance so I'm in no trouble for not listening in class. So, I guess this is a perfect time for me to think about stuff. I've been feeling something weird these days, and I couldn't exactly point it out. It's like - I've been having affection towards guys. I've also been mentioning even tiny details about them and... I feel like I'm attracted to some of them. I pulled my phone out and searched "What am I if I like both genders?" I looked at the results and it's a thing. It's called bisexuality, but I don't think I am one. Maybe it's just that I admire them so much that it almost led me to cross the line. I'm so confused. I don't think I'm gay either but, I can't just deny what's happening to me... I continued looking through the results and there I found the word bi-curious, it's about a heterosexual person that's interested or curious about having a s****l experience with someone of the same s*x. I mean, I am kinda curious about that, but is that necessary? I turned off my phone before I get caught and just facepalmed as I am truly confused about the things that are happening to me right now. I've realized just now the advantage of having an open relationship with Clare. I could have some time to figure this out, figure out who I really am...

     My classes are already over and I'm just walking through the hall with my hands in my pocket. Watching every face gaze upon me as they hear my black leather shoes thudding. I'm kinda popular around here because the scary aura I give off intimidates most of them. It's pretty natural to me to hear my name about the gossips of the nosy people in every corner, and I kinda like it. They can say anything that they wanna say to me, I don't care at all. It's like I turn into someone different at the very moment I wear this school uniform of mine, compared to me when I'm in my bartender uniform, I'm a completely different person like I have different personalities. Well, what can I say, I have to smile every time in the nightclub or else we won't get any customers.

     I'm already heading my way towards the exit of the campus while I'm still thinking of that guy, I just can't get him out of my mind. I was kind of poisoned by his presence in my life. It stings so hard that I even start to question who I really am.

     "D'Angelo!" someone shouted from behind me, and everyone was so shocked that someone just called my name, like what the heck, am I a freaking demon that'd just suddenly erupt from the ground, summoned after being called by its name?

     I looked back, and it's my classmate, waving his hands so that I could see him. I approached him and Jansen suddenly came out from a classroom. We're about to pass by each other and I stared at him, sticking my eyes on him until he completely disappeared from my sight as we passed by each other, inadvertently giving him a fearful gaze. My classmate is also walking towards me and we stopped right in front of each other.

     "What's wrong, uh - what's your name again?" I asked while I squinted one eye.

     "Ryan, my name's Ryan, and Mr. Quebedeaux wants you in his office, he said it was something urgent, and that's all I got to say, I gotta go now, see ya," he said then waved goodbye.

     I waved back and already headed to Mr. Quebedeaux's office, and I think I already know why he summoned me. I reached his office, I knocked first, twisted the knob, and opened the door. I saw him sitting in his chair with his hands clasped on his desk. 

     "Good day, Mr. D'Angelo, please take a seat," he said. From that wicked smile on his face, I already know what we'll be talking about. It's my freaking unpaid expenses. "I suppose you already know why I had to call you, Mr. D'Angelo, am I right?" and yeah, I was right.

     "Yeah, I'm aware, and... just like what I've said from the previous time, I'm trying my best to make up for it," I said without looking at him, I'm putting down my pride at the moment because I am somehow ashamed of myself.

     "Mr. D'Angelo, I'm sorry but we won't always accept that excuse, alibi, reason, or whatever. We just want everything to be settled as it is supposed to be, or you won't be able to continue to the next semester. I'll be giving you some time to figure things out, do what you have to do so that you can make up for it, and that's only until Friday. Are we clear here, Mr. D'Angelo?" he said.

     I just nodded "Yeah, I'll surely make a way to make up for it, thank you for this opportunity, sir," I replied.

     "You may now go," he said then stood up and looked outside the window.

     I stood up and left his office already while I'm already thinking about what to do so that I can pay for all that. For a moment, I thought about calling my mom, so that I could ask for a little help, but... I don't think I could. I'm just gonna make another way without bothering them because they already know that I'm doing well here, even though I'm certainly not...  My number one option right now is Trenton, and my other friends, see if they could lend me some money. I don't even think I'm gonna receive any help from Clare, especially financially because they're pretty short too, and she already handles so many expenses. This just stresses me out even more, and it's all messed up.

     I'm just studying in my room, sitting at my desk with my lamp on, a cup of coffee on the side, and listening to different kinds of music that I love while I read and write. I don't know why and it's pretty weird but I'm able to focus more when I'm listening to music while I'm studying. Some people may struggle to do that because they'll end up jamming to the song but me? Not really. I just enjoy the serenity while I study.

     Trenton peeked his head into my room and I immediately removed my headphones "Hey, Harris, we're going to the rooftop, where we usually hang out before, remember that? I just wanna ask if you'd like to come? Five of us together again on that unforgettable rooftop?" he pleaded as he slowly went in my room, convincing me.

    I looked at Trenton and to what I am doing back and forth "But -"

    "Nawww, tara na, let's go, they're waiting for us, come on now," he said then already grabbed me by the shoulder and started dragging me off the chair of my desk.

     "Okay, fine, I'm coming, just give me a second, I don't even have a shirt on," I said as I stood up. "Just wait for me outside," I said, then started putting back my notebooks and other stuff in my school bag.

     "Are you sure? If I already left this room and you locked yourself in, I won't be serving you dinner tonight, I swear, mark my words, young man," he said, trying to threaten me low-key.

      "Gah! Trenton, I told you I'm coming, how many times do I have to tell you, hardheaded son of a human," I replied, showing him that I'm a little bit annoyed. I grabbed a t-shirt in my drawer and put it on "See, I'm all set, let's go, you've been itching to go out already."

     "Yay!" he cheered and then wrapped his arms around my neck from behind. "What do you want me to cook for you later?" he asked while we walked out of the house together.

     "That meal with a little bit of soup that you used to cook for us - uh, what is it called? Chicken Ado - something," I replied while I'm trying to remember the name of that meal.

     He clung his arm around my shoulder as we walked "Oh, Chicken Adobo? Sure, I'd love that, it's been a while too," he replied.

     "Trenton... I have something I wanna talk about with you though..." I said.

     He suddenly stopped walking "W-what is it?" he replied, and I just realized that this man has freaking anxiety. "And, just me?" he asked.

     "No, and the boys too, don't worry it has nothing to do with you and the guys," I replied, reassuring him.

     We just continued walking "Okay," he said then looked around. "Wait, where are they? They said they'll wait for us here near the corner," he said as he stopped by the lamp post before the turn.

     "Maybe they went to the rooftop already, let's just head there, maybe they've already been waiting for us," I suggested.

     "Ata," he replied, and I didn't even understand what he meant.

     "What?" I asked.

     "Oh, I said maybe, yeah, let's just head there," he said and we proceeded.

     We reached the building, walked up a flight of stairs, and then got on the rooftop. Thankfully, they're already here. They're fearlessly sitting on the edge of the rooftop, even swaying their feet back and forth. Trenton and I sat beside them, forming a row, and they're just staring at the setting sun.

     "Oh, you guys are already here," said Flynn as he just noticed us. "Just in time for the sunset," he said without looking at me and just focused on the sun that's slowly dipping over the horizon.

     They are all so quiet as they just admire the beauty of the sunset. Even Garrett had to shut up for a while. I just pressed my hands against the ledge while I sat, feeling the warmth of the wind that slowly began turning cold as the night arrived. The three just started talking about something and beside me is Flynn. He suddenly sniffed discreetly but I was able to notice, and it's like he's about to cry.

     I poked his arm using my elbow "Hey, Flynn, what's the matter?" I said while I looked at him.

     "Nahhh," he replied then laughed sarcastically. "I just remembered...my...family... We used to do this before, at our doorstep. Sometimes I ask myself do they even care about me and loved me as a son? Maybe if I was adopted it'll all make sense to me, but I'm a hundred percent sure that I'm not. Heh, it's all crazy and shit..." he said and then shook his head while he stared at his lap.

     I patted his back then stroked it back and forth "It's alright, man, you got us. Look at yourself, you've grown independently, you graduated college, you're using your passion for a living, and you have your partner and us. You got this, we got this..."

     He also stroked my back as a response because he didn't say a thing anymore.

     "I... have something to tell you guys though..." I murmured and he immediately looked at me.

     "What are you gonna tell us, Harris?" despite lowering my voice down, nosy Garrett still managed to hear what I've just said.

     "Oh, yeah, guys, Harris has something to tell us," Trenton yelled.

     Flynn looked at me and the guys back and forth. His eyebrows met while he squinted at me "What is it? You're moving out? Clare's pregnant? You're dropped out? What?" he asked like a curious father.

    Trenton, Ian, and Garrett moved closer to me and Flynn and sat very close to us. I ended up being in the middle and they waited for me to speak.

    "I... I still have an outstanding balance on my school expenses, I don't have that much money that I have kept, and I may not continue to the next semester if I didn't make up for all of that..." I explained and they all remained silent which made me feel awkward because maybe they also don't have extra money.

     "How much will you be needing?" Trenton asked and I've never felt so relieved in my life, he suddenly gave me hope.

     I shrugged "It's actually almost 50 grand but I'm just gonna need help for like half of that because I still have my own savings somehow," I said while I low-key laughed out of embarrassment and shame of myself.

     "5 grand's on me," said Ian.

      "I'll lend you 10 grand," Flynn replied and he caressed my thighs.

     Garrett suddenly strangled me lightly which scared the hell out of me because I thought he was gonna push me off the ledge. "I'll give you 10 grand also, my man, haha!" he said then already let go of me.

     "The remaining 25 grand's on me, so you don't have to touch your savings anymore, and that's already gonna be my early birthday gift for you," Trenton said.

     With these friends of mine, there's literally nothing else I'd ask from the skies above. I just wanted them to cover half of it but they're already gonna cover all of my unpaid expenses. I don't think I could decline their offer either because they also won't allow me.

     "I can't thank you all enough for everything, I'm really grateful for all of you guys," I said while I tried to hold my tears back. "Thank you so much, I promise to pay for all of this soon, by any means possible," I added.

     "Don't bother," Flynn said. "Those guys don't even use money in the right way anyway," he said sarcastically. "And we'll just give it to you already by tomorrow."

     "What?!" Garrett objected. Flynn suddenly glared at him "Okay, fine, I guess I'm gonna have to stop by at the ATM later, pfft."

     "It's alright man, you don't even have to pay mine, just help me with my Spanish subject and I'll be fine," Ian said and that was like the longest series of words that came out from his mouth after a long time.

     "Psh, no problemo, mi amigo," I said in a sarcastic yet funny way, and it translates to no problem, my friend.

     "See, that's what I'm talking about," he replied and we all laughed together we put our arms on each other's shoulders and realized that it's already dark and it's time to go home.

     We're all literally like brothers from our past lives that had been united by fate. I literally don't know what to do without them, because they're the only ones that made me realize that there's actually someone that cares for me. They are also the reason why I don't feel homesick because they give me excessive love, appreciation, and care.

     We're a family, and that will never change, no matter what...