Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 10, Part 2: Coming Back

Jaze D'Angelo

     We just got back home, and we're just sitting on his couch, waiting for the other to talk, but it's clear that it is I that has to be the one to initiate the talking.

     "If you're worried about me, I'm fine, I know you wouldn't actually believe me but I'm telling you, there's absolutely nothing to worry about me, I'm fine," I spoke while gazing upon my hands grasped on each knee.

     "Alright, alright, I get it. What about that something that you wanna tell me though?" he asked, while he laid down on his ginormous couch, looking up at the ceiling, attentively listening to me.

     "They already asked me to go back. I told them I was gonna think about it. But a while ago, earlier in the car, I carefully thought about it, and I've already come up with a decision to go back because I'm also starting to feel bad even though the thought of them hating me still bothers me, but I guess it's merely just a thought of mine anymore, maybe they already got over it, what do you think?"

     I carefully stared at him while I waited for his reply, it's like he's deeply thinking about what he's about to say. "It's all up to you. If you feel like going back there already, then that's good. If you still chose to stay here, that'll be fine too."

     "I mean - we could still see each other, right? It's not like I'm going back to a different state or anything..."

     "Yes, that's right..." he replied. "But it feels much better when you're here..." he muttered under his breath but I heard it completely. There I confirmed that he's actually hesitant of letting me go back, but he's trying so hard to deny that. "By the way, when are you gonna go back there?"

     "Later?"

     "A-already?" he replied immediately and there were traces of sadness from his voice, then he ended up remaining silent for a minute.

     I then scooched over, closer to him but I felt like that wasn't enough. I laid on top of him and pressed our chests together. I looked down at him and smiled "Don't you worry, we'll get to live with each other pretty soon."

     "Alright, whatever you say, D'Angelo," he said sarcastically and finally cracked a smile too. "This view reminds me of what happened last night."

     I squinted my eyes on him, inferring cluelessness though I could remember everything that happened last night, in detail. "What exactly happened last night though?" I asked convincingly, like I truly am clueless, trying to mess with him.

     "Oh, you wanna go over with details, eh, mi amor?" he sneered then bit his lip seductively. I just laughed to give away that I was just kidding and he bought it. I tucked my hand underneath his back to wrap my arms around him so that we could cuddle. I then gave him a kiss and rested my head on his huge, and hard chest. He started scratching my head delicately "You do have a pretty unique way of saying goodbye, huh."

     "Goodbye for what?" I raised my head for a second to look at him and see him answer.

     He shrugged his head "Goodbye for not sleeping with Papi tonight," he said, proudly and full of himself.

      I just didn't bother to reply anymore as I also don't know what to reply to that anyway. I just laid my head down on him again and enjoyed our moment together. It's just funny how our feet are on the same level on the couch but all that my head could reach is his chest. This man is absolutely huge as heck...

     "Got everything packed up?" he asked as he walked in and stood by the door. "Actually, nevermind. Why don't you just leave some stuff for your next stay over?" he said, and he's clearly struggling of letting me go back to our apartment with my friends, but it has already been decided by me.

     "Don't worry, I left my toothbrush," I replied then winked. "Again, thank you for everything, I owe you a lot."

     He just smiled as a reply to what I have just said. "Come on now, I'm coming, I'm driving for you since your leg was all beaten up, you may find it difficult hitting the brakes, you know..."

     "Nah, just tell me you just can't let go of me even for just one night, it's fine, I understand," I mockingly said along with a playful wink that's supposed to piss him off at the same time but it didn't.

      His thick brows met all of a sudden "Wait, a-are you serious?" he questioned, and yeah, he didn't seem to understand that I was just joking.

     "I'm just kidding, if you wanna come, then hop your ass into my old junk right outside your house," I replied with a grin.

     We already walked to my old ass car. I put all of my stuff in the back seat and Chase was just standing there with his arms crossed. "You can just leave your car here and we'll use mine, what do you think?" he suggested.

     "Then I'm going alone."

     He gazed upon the stars, dismayed "You've gotta be fricking kidding me," he sighed all while shaking his head. "Alright, I'm gonna drive."

     "What? No. I'm able to drive now, trust me. I no longer wanna ride shotgun in my own car!" I begged.

     He grabbed the keys from my hand in just a second. "Papi says he'll drive," he offered, yet feeling full of himself. 

     "Okay, fine, you win, go drive, before we end up into a whole new different ride," I said sarcastically as I already entered the passenger seat.

     We've been driving for a while now and as always, the both of us kept quiet. It's like he already adapted to me being quiet in cars like he already figured I don't really like talking while inside a vehicle. We've already entered our street, and from a distance, I could already see three assholes waiting for me. It made me c***k a smile, something that I needed for a while now. I miss them so much, gosh, I feel like crying. I see Garrett waving both of his giant arms from afar, like a kid waiting for that particular someone who just came back from abroad, and that's kinda like me. He's just so silly, always. He pulled over on our front yard, down the patio, where they were waiting for me. As I clicked the lock of the door beside me, they're already on the other side, excited, waiting for me. For a moment, I realized that the passenger seat's door is broken, jeez, my car's an actual party pooper...

     "Do you mind...opening the door for me?" I asked, politely yet embarrassed.

     I saw him roll his eyes and he just sighed as he went out of the car. He went around to open the door for me, and to be honest, it felt like a scene straight out from a movie where I am a freaking prince, Chase was my chauffeur, and the three assholes are like my admirers waiting for me at bay. Damn, I've watched too many royal movies already.

     As I walked out, the three immediately hugged me. A very warm welcoming hug on this cold starry night, in this place where I'm courageously facing my fight. I have already sworn to myself that no such thing or person in this world would stop me from being myself, nor to forbid me the things that I wanna do for myself. I care about what other people say, but they won't get in my way...

     Garrett tapped my back subsequently then clasped his hand on my shoulder "We freaking missed you, man," he spoke under my clothes as we're all still bound to each other.

     "I missed you all, too, that's why I'm already here..." I replied as I clung my arms around them tighter. For an instant, I've comprehended that our group hug was incomplete, as one person is missing, which is...Flynn... Though I no longer bothered to ask them where he is right now because I'm certain they also don't know the answer to that question.

     I know that coming back wouldn't instantly resolve our issues with each other, but I guess it's the only way to sort things out. It'd be difficult, as I didn't expect it to be as easy as pie anyway, since I've known him for years, but Flynn still has a soft spot in his cold and intimidating heart. As far as I could remember, Flynn was the one that I had spent so much time with, aside from the others. It just feels so good to recall that day when he was looking for a quarter and I was looking for a place to stay. Our very first encounter.

Flashback - Flynn / Christopher Valor

     "Okay so listen, before I lose my temper and before I run out of a goddamn quarter; I no longer need your support, I am able to survive on my own, okay? So don't you ever call my friends again when you're looking for me, do you understand? They don't know anything about you and what actually happened so you better keep it that way or you'll never get to speak to me ever again," intimidatingly, I spoke to the other line. Respect was no longer a thing of mine towards him, as I truly despise him for what he's done to us, to our family.

     "We know and understand that you no longer wanna be connected to me, to us, but...we just wanna make sure that you're-"

     I furiously moved the phone away from my ear then pointed the microphone directly to my mouth "I AM f*****g OKAY, DO YOU HEAR ME? I REALLY AM. I AM SO FREAKING BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU AND YOUR FREAKING HUSBAND, DAD. YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU'RE THE REASON WHY MOM LEFT YOU AND ME. BECAUSE YOU FREAKING FORCED YOURSELF INTO A LIFE THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY WANT, YOU ARE SO NAIVE, AND NOW YOU'RE BEING YOURSELF AS IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY MADE A FAMILY OF YOUR OWN AND I f*****g HATE YOU FOR THAT. SO DON'T TRY AND GET UNDER MY SKIN EVER AGAIN, HAVE A f*****g WHALE OF A TIME WITH YOUR DUDE." I yelled, and the only guy in the subway with some suitcases in front of him started staring at me. "WHAT?!" I yelled at him too and he quickly looked away.

     I put the phone to my ear again "Your mother actually called and-" the line got interrupted and all I heard were subsequent beeps. I'm f*****g out of quarters already. Pissed, I recklessly put the phone back to the booth. I clasped my hands around my nape while the last words they have said bothers my mind. My mom called for me? That's completely absurd, she has abandoned me for years and now she's looking for me or what? I looked up at the ceiling of the subway, thinking of what I'm going to do because it could be something important. I no longer have a phone because the Prowlers took it after I lost a bet.

     I thought about asking the guy and I just walked towards him already. He noticed me approaching him and he just blocked himself with both of his palms while he forcefully closed his eyes "I didn't hear anything, please don't hurt me!" he begged.

     I squinted my eyes on him out of confusion "What are you even saying? I just wanted to ask if you have some quarter to spare? I really need it to talk to someone."

     He put his hands down and opened his eyes in relief "Oh, I'm sorry I don't have any. I thought you were gonna mug me because I inadvertently eavesdropped on you," he explained. "And yeah, I don't have a quarter, I only have bills with me and tremendous self-guilt," he joked, but none of that seemed funny.

     I no longer have anything to say to him so I then hastily walked towards the stairs to flee the subway and suddenly-

     "Jeez! What the hell! Watch where you're going, man! I have a freaking camera in here!" the guy that's obviously a couple of years younger than me shouted at me as we bumped into each other and almost made his duffle bag fall. "Why on earth are you so freaking in a hurry at 7 in the morning?!"

     This is obviously no time to argue to a bastard like this so I was compelled to just explain it directly and go ask. "I uh - I'm sorry, man, I was just looking for someone that can spare me a quarter, I just really need it to talk to someone through the payphone."

     He just stared at me as if he inspected me for a moment "You can borrow my phone if you're really looking forward to calling whoever it is that you wanna call," he suggested.

     "Ah - no, I think it's for the better that I'd make the call anonymously so that they won't bother you too," I explained and he immediately glared at me, kind of like judging me as if I'm quite suspicious. "f**k! Just give me a quarter, please, will ya? I guarantee you I'm not a part of some shady business going on around here."

     Kind of against his will, he reached for his pockets and handed me two quarters. "There, better make that call worthy enough," he said. I immediately turned around "Oh, hey, wait!" he called. I looked back and he reached me again "Yeah, I was just gonna ask too if you know an affordable apartment somewhere near here?" he asked, and yes, he has come to the right person for that.

     "Actually, our place still has an available room, my friends and I share on paying rent, and it's really affordable though. I'm just gonna go and catch my call first, you can wait for me here, I'll come back for ya," I said.

     "My name's Jaze," he introduced then reached his hand. For the first time in years, an entity in this world had the audacity to introduce itself to me and ask for a handshake, this man's quite different. He already pulled his hand back as it was already in mid-air for a minute and I just freaking stared at it "I'm sorry, it's fine if you don't wanna do that - I guess it is quite formal," he explained.

     "Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's just - yeah, never actually done that for quite some time now, not really a thing of mine anymore. My name's Valor. Christopher Valor, I mean."

     "Nice to meet you, Christopher," he said while he cracked a freaking smile. What the hell's going on with this world? Is it my last day today or it's actually true that a stranger actually felt comfortable about my presence and is being so nice as f**k towards me?

End of Flashback

     And yes, that's a memory of mine that I am sure that I would never fade. As all of the things started from there. It's really cool how destiny works into making us meet the persons to fill the holes of our life, the persons to fulfill the missing parts of our journey in this beautifully horrible ride.

     "Come on, let's get inside since it's not getting any warmer out here, don't ya think?" Ian said sarcastically.

     "Let us toast for our man's return!" Garrett rejoiced, with matching throwing his arms in the sky.

     We walked towards the house together with our arms on each other's shoulders. I just happened to realize that I came here with Chase. I looked back, and he was already nowhere to be found. I guess he already walked off to catch a taxi passing by, but a part of me thinks that he planned to walk home while thinking about stuff while walking on the pavement. I kinda feel bad about him now.

     The guilt didn't disappear, it relocated...