Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 1: Welcome To My Life

Jaze D'Angelo

     "DUDE OPEN UP, I SWEAR I'M GONNA BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU ONCE I GOT INSIDE!" Trenton shouted outside as they pulled a prank on him.

     "Can y'all stop? I'm trynna study here," I said as I scratched my head.

     "Why the heck are you studying on Saturdays?" Flynn said sarcastically.

     "Well, I am probably not studying right now if you guys didn't force me to cut classes, right?" I replied.

     "Pfft, lame," said Garett. 

     So yeah, this is what my everyday life looks like.

     My full name is Jaze Carter D'Angelo. I'm 20 years old and I'm living with my friends - best friends actually, the so-called F.I.G.H.T. Gang: Flynn, Ian, Garrett, Me - Harris, and Trenton. The name Harris is my gang name. All of us call each other with our gang names as if it's our code names. It's all kinda confusing but you'll get used to it, since our code name's all that we use in our everyday lives, except when we're in something formal.

     Flynn's real name is Christopher Valor, he's 24 years old, kind of like our eldest brother in the group. He's the one who introduced me to all of them since it used to be only four of them in this apartment, but it all changed when I moved here. He's overflowing with sarcasm, but he's totally fun to be with. He looks terrifying and intimidating, and it fits his sarcastic personality, but it's totally the opposite when he's around us. He has a quiff fade haircut, a nose and tongue piercing, a high cheekbone which contributes to his fierceness, he's actually a little bit taller me since he's 6'3, his whole right sleeve is full of tattoos, and he has a toned body too. He's already a college graduate but he's unemployed at the moment. But that's not a problem for him since he's a choreographer. He always wears beanies, caps, denim jackets, and sweatpants. The most common attire of typical dancers. I don't really know that much about his family background, all I know is that his family forced him to move out at the age of 18 which was kinda awful, but it is what it is.

     Ian's real name is Dean Vincent, he's just 19 years old, the youngest and the second in line from the quietest among all of us. He's the passive-aggressive type, and when he gets furious he's actually pretty scary, that's why none of us messes with him. Overall, he's fun to be with. You'll only get to see him smile when he's around us, like a genuine as f**k smile. He's pretty handsome, not gonna lie because he still has that so-called babyface. I'm quite taller than him because he's just 5'8, compared to me that's 6'1. His quiet attitude may be the product of his addiction to video games. He's the so-called gamer in our group, and he knows many things about technology. He's a total introvert, and it looks like he's happy about that lifestyle. That time when I moved here, when I first saw him, I was like "damn, this boy got some looks," and I'm not gonna lie because he really is...attractive... He has a sort of mushroom blonde haircut but looks very fancy and fierce, fairly thick brows that match him perfectly, a pointed nose, a little bit pointed chin, red perfect lips, and he has two freakin' dimples. He also has tattoos on his collarbone and on both of his sleeves, which literally adds more terror. Anyway, this boy's gonna murder every girl's heart when they knew that he's no longer single. He's a computer programming student and he's also working at a convenience store nearby. He moved out of their house because he wanted to live on his own, but look at him now, the irony.

     Garrett's real name is Brett Morrigan, the most humorous among all of us and the one that keeps our bonds together. He's 23 years old, a fresh college graduate but is unfortunate on finding a job, so he ended up being a bouncer at the same nightclub where I'm currently working. His physical appearance is absolutely qualified for his job and fits him well. He's the most buffed one among all of us. His body is huge and he looks like a bodybuilder, well, he is. He's the bully of our group but that's just how he expresses his love because even his girlfriend is a victim of his playfulness. His family is not that rich, just like me, so he decided to move out and have a job while he was a student before so that his parents won't have to pay for his tuition anymore. He's pretty much addicted to alcohol but he's actually a moderate drinker - daily. He's very hairy from head to toe and that's the reason why he looks way much older than Flynn. He already looks like a dad, to be honest, but he's obviously not. He has a slicked-back hairstyle, he also has brown hair like me, his face shape is huge, and a trimmed beard from ear to chin. He's also fond of jewelry. He's always wearing gold chains, sunglasses, and vests. His favorite attire is only wearing a vest as his top so that he can flex those damn muscles of his, and partnered with the classic ripped jeans but I always see him in suits nowadays since it's also his work attire.

     And lastly, Trenton, his real name is Walter Remington, a wealthy as f**k prince from the very far lands that decided to live with his friends rather than live with his influencer girlfriend. I'm just kidding he's not really a prince, he's just a son of a city mayor here in Colorado. He's kind of like the one that we approach when we encounter minor financial problems, and he's the sponsor of most of the supplies, groceries, and the food that we eat every day, and he's also our cook. He's the same age as me, and the same height as me as well. He's a culinary student, that's why we eat various delicious foods every day. His attitude is pretty neutral, not that scary, and not that quiet. He's a little bit cold towards us sometimes, but after a few hours his mood will already lighten up. He has really black hair, thick brows, obviously long eyelashes, round and brown eyes, and a narrow face shape. He's Garrett's most favorite victim since he's an easy target and he doesn't really care about getting a payback. He's also half-Asian since his mom is a Filipina. He's the only one among all of us that is not a pure American. He used to live in the Philippines for a few years of his childhood, so he knows so many things about being a Filipino. He even talks to us randomly using the Filipino language and we're left wondering about what he just said because we can't even look up what that meant. After all, we can't even figure out how to spell the words he just said. But I do know one Filipino word, Gago, and it means dumb since he always calls us that, especially Garrett when he's pulling a prank on Trenton. Despite being half-Asian, his face doesn't really resemble one, he's like a pure American from head to freaking toe.

     I am said to be the nicest one among us, and I actually doubt that because I do think it's Ian because I can actually be a badass bastard sometimes. Well, they're all pretty nice too, if you treat them well. I'm also the one that's not always joining certain stuff that they do, for some reason, but most of the time, I just don't want to. I'm like the damn Rapunzel of our group. We always get in fights when some group intimidates us. Flynn is like our leader but we treat each other equally. We all live in a two-story house that is owned by the mother of Flynn's girlfriend. We're roommates, obviously, but we have our own rooms. All of us have girlfriends already, yes, and I've mentioned that already. My girlfriend's name is Clare Porch. She's actually nice, but she doesn't show that much affection to me. She's always out with her best friend, Rose, which is not that bad because I love being alone sometimes. My whole life is a wreck, and my past is very obscured for some reason, I only remember certain memories from my past that I sometimes doubt so much because it feels so unreal, almost like it never really happened, but I had no choice but to believe that that's really my past. My family is still in our hometown, in Seattle. They just couldn't leave that city because that city means a lot to them, my parents also grew up in that city, and that's where our family business is located. So right now, I'm a working student here in Denver. I'm a college student aiming for a photography degree and I work as a bartender at night. I don't really have a fixed schedule for my working days - I mean nights, because my boss just calls me whenever I have a shift for the night, and yeah, I do all that just so I can sustain a living since I'm living all by myself now. My parents used to send me money every month before but I told them that I'm all okay now, even though I get sort of broke sometimes, I just don't want to bother them anymore. I'm just an average type of guy, I'm pretty attractive - I must say, pretty tall, fairly black hair, explicit brown eyes, high cheekbones, and a fierce jawline. And I go to the gym daily, though my body is not that ripped, I'm just toned, I guess. My torso's kinda big, my chest is kinda popping, and I have abs too, not meaning to brag though.

    I have a little sister back home, her name's Janine. She's 2 years younger than me, she's still living with my parents because she can't take care of herself yet, and she's basically a vampiric Rapunzel back there. She doesn't always go out, she barely exchanges words to any of us, and we're kinda worried about her. It's apparent that she's going through something, but every time that we would initiate to make her tell us about what she's actually feeling, we're always slapped with her "I'm fine," so we just don't invade her bubble anymore. We're literally so close throughout our childhood but slowly became colder as time passed by.

     I'm very close with my mother, as far as I know, but with my dad, I... don't know... I've always wondered why, but there's some part of me that doesn't want to be around him, I barely even remember his face now. Back in Seattle, I remember that when he's around the house, I'd rather go out than withstand the atmosphere that he emits in there. There's a part of me that's missing, and I think it's a huge factor of myself, but it's gone, and I'm always wondering about what it is...

     The actual reason for me moving to Colorado is kind of unnecessary, to be honest. My parents always told me that the schools here in Colorado are so much better than those in Seattle which is I highly doubt but I'm just gonna obey them. It's actually kinda nice that I'm away from there though, I love being trained to be independent and I'm totally free to do what I want to do, but sometimes I do feel homesick... I've been here for 2 years now, so I'm still kinda new here. My teenage years kind of disappeared in my memory for some reason that I don't know, which is awful, weird, and tragic, and I think that's the missing part of me that I've been searching for, but I have no other choice but to move on and live my life as a young adult, here in Denver with my friends and my girlfriend...

BZZT! BZZT! BZZT!

     My phone buzzed and it's my mom, she's probably home alone right now. She always calls me when dad leaves her to run for some errands.

     I stood up and went to my room so that I could hear what she's about to say because my friends are being so noisy at the moment.

     "Mom? What's up?" I asked right away after I put my phone near my ear.

     "How are ya? Doin' good there, buddy?" she said. She's actually lovely though, and she talks to me like I'm just her best friend, I like it though, it keeps a nice bond between us because I didn't really have a nice relationship and affection with my dad ever since.

     "I'm all good, I was just uh - studying, surprising, eh?" I joked.

     "Yeah, good for you, buddy, your dad just left me to buy some s**t on the grocery store and I feel awful at the moment," she explained, and just as I thought.

     "What? Why? What's wrong mom? Are you - feeling okay? Is everything good right there?" I asked as I sat down on my bed because I'm already getting worried for a second.

     "No, I'm all good here, now that I heard your voice, dear. I'm gonna go now, if the dishes on the sink could talk they might've cursed me by now," she said sarcastically, and ahh - how I missed that line when I forgot to wash the dishes when I'm still living with them.

     "Yeah haha, okay, mom, just call me again if you need anything or if you're not feeling well, I'll come over right away, okay?" I said then kissed her through the phone.

     "Take care... Goodbye..." my heart hurts in a good way, people's right about what they used to say; that there's a sigh in every goodbye...

     I turned off my phone and cleaned all my things on my desk then grabbed my jacket because I feel like walking outside right now. I always go for a walk around our town when I'm missing my family in Seattle, when I'm feeling alone, and when I'm suddenly back to that phase. And what I mean about that is, I think I have recurring depression. Well, it's not actually confirmed, but I am certain about it. All of a sudden, there's this heavy feeling in my chest, these random thoughts in my head, and I'm just gonna find myself staring at a knife, which was scary... I never had any attempts, because I always overcome them, which is a good thing. I feel like my sister's going through the same thing as me, and I feel her. She wants to communicate but she couldn't even if she wanted to. Because there's this thing inside of us that forbids us from doing that, it's hard to overcome but I'm grateful that I could. This thing happens to me only 3 times in a month, and there's probably a root for it that I couldn't figure out. When I'm back to this phase, I usually get nightmares, and it's always the same. I will just find myself in a very narrow room, with a singular bed, a little metallic nightstand beside, and a thick steel bar gate right in front of me, it's obviously a prison but I just couldn't understand all of it. It's all very dark, but my heart aches for answers...

    I went out and it's not that cold outside today, and I like it. Despite Denver being known as The Mile High City, there's still a lot of places here that I haven't been to yet. Myriad of rocky mountains, mesmerizing city lights, and countless tourist attractions. This city never failed to inspire me about my dreams in photography. I just continued walking on the pavement while looking straight to the road, the cold mist of the morning against the warm sunlight. I just looked up and released a tremendous sigh, it was so cold that I could even see my breath. The rhythm of the cars passing by, the mixture of familiar and unfamiliar faces around the corners of the street, the careful steps on the frozen road, and all the things that I feel, see, and hear every single day. It all feels so good, even though the reiteration of all this makes me feel all used to these things already...

     "Excuse me, can I have a glass of martini, please?" Francoise, one of our loyal customers requested politely.

     "Sure," I said then grabbed a cocktail glass and a bottle of martini. I placed the glass right in front of him and started pouring martini into the glass. "One glass of martini, for our one and only," I said then gave him a wink.

     "Thanks, man," he replied then took a sip and then gazed into the dancefloor, looking for someone to dance with.

     I grabbed a towel and dried off the newly washed glasses before placing them in the drawer underneath the counter.

     "Everything good, Cochise?" Ben, my fellow bartender that's also around my age, asked as he leaned back and rested his elbows on the counter.

     I gave him a glare of disgust then looked away "Cochise your face, man, and yeah, I'm doing good," I replied without looking back at him and just continued drying off the glasses. 

     "Got any plans for this weekend?" he asked.

     I looked back at him for a second, and I saw him staring at his shoes. "I don't know, sleep? My life's pretty boring," I replied.

     "Yeah, you should get a life, bro. Why don't you just come with me? Let's go party, and then pick up girls," he said, trying to convince me.

     I looked at him and squinted my eyes, trying to show disapproval "I have a girlfriend bro, I can't do that," I then grinned and shook my head.

     "Psh, you have a girlfriend? Awww," he acted like he didn't know, "God, I completely forgot that you have one, maybe because - I don't even see you guys together?" he said sarcastically.

     I looked up in the ceiling for a second and then gazed upon him "Quit it, man, she has a life too, I'm just letting her be, and we love each other, and I know that," I replied while looking at my reflection to the glass I'm wiping.

     Do we really love each other?