Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Fragments Of The Past: 5

     "Do you really love me? Because...you don't even tell me..."

     "Definitely, and do I have to tell and remind you? Just so that I can assure you?"

     "I don't know, I think I just wanna hear it from you... I know, I know, actions speak way better than words, but it's also your voice that I adore, it's what I'm always longing for, and I just wanna hear those words come out of your mouth, for I may no longer doubt..." I said while we're cuddling each other on his couch, in this lonely house of theirs while watching a film.

     "Nice rhyming, huh. Okay then, I love you," he replied, quite lacking emotions that's why I ain't satisfied.

     "That's so boring, you're lacking emotions, it's like you don't actually love me at all," I said, then pouted like a child.

     "I love you," he said, slowly and sincerely, using the accent that I fell in love with. "I guarantee you that no matter what, I'll always be here for you. Even though I can't say I love you anymore, my heart will always will, and my world revolves around you still." He then pulled me closer and put my head on his shoulder while we continued watching the film.

     "Do you believe in good endings?" I asked, as that random question just entered my mind and I feel like asking him, just so we could have something to talk about since it's already getting pretty silent.

     "I do..." he replied directly. "Everybody does have a good ending, it's just how we look at it, and sometimes we think that the bad ending is already the ending, even though there's still a good ending on the way. Us, for example, our situation's so hard, we can't even show people our love and affection towards each other even though that's actually unnecessary, but still, we couldn't. And because of that, one day, we MIGHT break up, and we might think that that's already the bad ending. Who knows, after that, maybe one day we'll be together again, then aim for that good ending together. All of us have endings, that's obvious, we can't really predict our endings in life, but all we can do is to accept it. Wait, are you comfortable talking about this? All this endings stuff might trigger your depression and I don't want that to happen."

     "I'm good, I was just wondering though. You know, I was actually overthinking -"

     "See, you're clearly under the phase, let's stop talking about that," he cut me off.

     I covered his mouth with my hand "I'm not done talking yet. I was actually gonna say that - I'm overthinking every night, about our future together..." I said and felt him smile while I'm covering his mouth.

     He moved my hand away "Awww, that's so...overwhelming..."

     I wrapped my arms around his waist "I feel more of myself when I'm around you, I feel comfortable, I feel safe, loved, and cared, that's why I can't imagine myself without you, Lawrence..."

     "And so am I, Jaze," he rested his head against mine. "I literally can't wait to spend my life with you... "

     Then I just sat there, quietly, trying to think about the world, if there's actually something in this world that I can use to stop time and just live in this moment forever. I just don't want to leave his side. I am kinda scared that I am starting to be dependent on him - I mean not totally but my feelings rely on him so much already, like leaving him would actually be the last thing I'd do in my entire life. I was bound to his presence and I feel good about it because I know he feels the same thing. We're totally into each other but there are just myriads of factors that tell us we couldn't be together. It's was kind of like a challenge for us since we'd rather be wrong and that makes our love for each other so right and so great, but, it really is difficult. My parents don't know anything yet as of now and I don't think they'd ever agree to something like this, especially dad. And about Lawrence's side, he's in a very religious fam, they're particularly holding that reputation for ages as if it's really alongside their family legacy. He's also an only child so his parents expect him to welcome an entity in this world holding their precious last name so that it could remain in this world. It's not like he's the last of his kind that the whole responsibility is all on his shoulders, though I also think the world really works that way since we're all gonna have our ending someday. And yeah, here I go again, overthinking, as always. But see, it is somehow therapeutical sometimes. Thinking further and beyond the things that are happening truly helps, just don't let it consume you as much as it's already capable of killing you like how curiosity does.

     "So are we just gonna be like this the whole night, sleep next to each other on the couch and let your mom catch us then reason that we're just best friends doing best friend things?" I said sarcastically, as we've been like this for a while now.

     "I don't know. I just - don't want this to end, y'know what I mean?" he asked while he caressed my forehead.

     "Yeah, same thought," I replied. And from that exact moment, I started to wonder if our minds were actually connected to each other, as it really feels that way. I then stood up and grabbed my jacket.

     He immediately sat up and put his feet on the floor "Where are you going?" he asked.

     "Just get up, we're going somewhere."

     I walked to their backyard like I own the place and he just followed me. I headed towards their tandem bike that's just lying around in the corner.

     "Please don't tell me we're using my parents' tandem bike," he entreated.

     "You know, there's no need to tell you," I said while I already grabbed it and put it on the ground. I already hopped on and he just stood there.

     He crossed his arms like a cop "You know how much I hate riding a bike, right?"

     "Aight, I'm just gonna go out in the streets with a vacant seat behind me," I said as I attempted to pedal away already. "Who knows, I might end up riding with someone on my way."

      He scratched his head, compelled to surrender "Okay, enough," he said then already hopped on, which made me smile wickedly. "Just...don't kill me, or the both of us, okay?"

      I grinned at him, devilishly "You know I won't," I winked at him then already pedaled away which made him go along with the pedal too.

     "Ah - for f**k's sake," he muttered.

     I pedaled faster as we landed on the streets, pedaling like I truly am running "What? What did you say?" I mocked like I didn't hear what he said.

     "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"