Unnoticed

Entry 015

Today, my school became creepier. In every part of the campus, everyone was looking at me. And I hated it. I was never used to this. And what’s worst is that they’re all looking at me because I’m such a big loser. It could be tolerable if they look at me with admiration or some sort. But I knew from the very core that they were just plainly staring at me because I’m such a fool to even audition for the vocalist spot.

Some started chatting with me but I knew better. They’ll just laugh and talk behind my back. People are like that. They befriend you and then what? Stab you when you’re not looking?

How awful of them. I did my best to ignore their scornful looks but it was just all getting in my head. And even if I close my eyes, I could still see them looking at me. Yes, I’m becoming paranoid about the whole idea. Days ago, I still have my life where everything felt normal. But now, it changed. From school and even to the boarding house, everything has changed. And that’s because of that towel man.

I slowly opened my room but I heard Dino’s voice. His deep raspy voice sent shivers in my spine.

“Can we talk?” he said. I heavily breathed and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“I’m sorry but you just ruined my life, okay? I can’t talk to anyone especially if that ‘anyone’ was the one who intruded in my school life and ruined everything for me,” I shouted.

He gave an exasperated sigh and a glum expression was plastered on his face. I could see him gritting his teeth as well.

“Who sang there? Did I? Hush, believe it or not, you can back out that very moment but you still did. I wasn’t there, okay? I can’t even check if you proceeded with our deal or not. But the big news, you still did. And it’s because you also wanted it, you just don’t want to accept it.”

“Stop it, you have no idea who I really am and what I become. Don’t you dare speak like you knew everything because you know what? You barely knew anything. You only knew just a part of me, and that doesn’t mean that you already knew me from deep within. Stop it, just…go away!” I blurted. But he didn’t listen.

“Grow up, Hush. You cannot blame everyone for your fault. You blame everyone for stepping out of your life, who did the first move? It’s you, right? You kept pushing everyone away, and now you’re sulking like a poor kid deprived of the affection you wanted to have? If you want people to love you, you have to create the first move. And just to give you a tip, stop shoving the ones who wanted to be a part of your life. Not everyone is brave enough to enter this trashy world of yours.”

He started walking away. Tears started falling from my eyes as I whispered.

“I did my first move…and all they saw were my flaws.”