Fated to be together or not [COMPLETED]

I don't care

Nicolle:

I felt something warm near me, and I hugged. I knew it was Alex. I opened my eyes and he was carrying me on the bed. He gently put me on it, and walked outside again.

"Alex."

He stopped in his tracks, but didn't look at me.

"Please Alex, don't do this. We can talk about it."

"There is nothing to talk about. I messed up. I miss-understood our friendship as love and well, I will have to pay the price." He chuckled and started walking. “But don't worry, I will never bring it up again. Just give me some time, I will come around.”

Nicolle, you can’t behave like this in front of him. You have to make him believe that you don’t love him and don’t want to live with him.

“Ok.” After a pause I asked him if we could leave. “Can we leave tomorrow? I think it would be awkward for us to stay here any longer.”

He chuckled. “My thoughts exactly.” And closed the balcony door.

You don’t need any enemy if you have yourself. That’s what I am thinking about myself. I am the one breaking his and my heart.

“Nicolle?”

I heard Alex talking to me and looked towards him. He had a faint smile on his face and was all ready to go.

I looked at the other side and it looked like he packed everything.

“What time is it?”

“It’s still early morning.” And with this he left the room. I didn’t say anything and quickly got ready.

We cancelled the rest of our trip and decided to leave for Fresno. He was trying to make short conversations but I am all lost. I know I have to ask him to leave for Seattle the moment we are back.

Mom and Dad had their ideas about what might have happened but Alex assured them that he got an important call and had to leave and I am angry because of that. He is leaving in the morning and has everything packed. Mom and Dad went outside claiming that they had some work. I bet they wanted to give us some privacy. I don't want it.

We both are sitting on the couch, not saying a word.

Alex:

We have been sitting here for the past half an hour and I am waiting for Nicolle to say something. I asked her a question and she has not yet replied. Ok, let me break the silence.

“You wanted to talk about something, Nicolle. What was that?”

She didn’t look at me but I know she is about to say something.

“Yes. Before you interrupted me yesterday, I wanted to say something.”

Interrupted, Wow. Great. So, my confession was an interruption. “Ok, go ahead.”

“I wanted to say that I didn’t like the kiss in the RV.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“Yes, you should not have done that. I tried to push you, but you didn’t understand.”

“But you smiled, Nicolle.”

“I know I smiled, but that was not a happy smile, it was a sarcastic smile.”

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. My fists are closed and if I had long nails, I would have pierced holes in my palms.

“It was not an approving smile? Is that what you mean?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. So, when I kiss you on your forehead … “She didn’t let me complete it.

“I don’t like that either. You should not forget why we married.” And she started walking towards her room.

I couldn't take it anymore so I followed her and pinned her to the wall holding her by her wrists.

“So, you don’t like when I am this close to you, you don’t like when I look at you, you don’t like when I hug you, you don’t like when I sleep with you and you didn’t like when we had our first kiss?” I am fuming with anger now. Yes, I told myself I will accept her decision but I can’t. I simply can’t.

“Leave me Alex.” Her voice is so plain, void of all emotions but I can’t hold my emotions and I pulled her into a kiss.

I kissed her passionately and poured all my heart, love, desire, respect, willingness, promise into my kiss. And then I pulled back with tears in my eyes.

“Tell me the truth, Nicolle. You didn’t like this either?”

She looked at me and then moved her face to the side. “No. Now leave me, you are hurting me.”

Instead of leaving, I tightened my grip on her wrist and with the other hand forced her face to look at me. She winced in pain.

“No. I am not leaving you until you tell the truth. Look at me NICOLLE.” I am sure my eyes are now red with anger.

“I told you what I felt.”

“No, you didn’t.” I yelled. “I know you feel the same about me. I know you love me. I felt your love when you kissed me back there. I feel your love when you sleep on my chest. I feel your love when you care about me.”

“I don’t care about you Alex.”

“Are you sure?” I smirked.

“Yes.”

I left her hand and walked backwards. She looked at me and I laughed moving towards the kitchen. Her eyes widened when she saw what I was about to do.

“So, you don't care about me, right?”

She didn’t say anything and I took the biggest knife and stabbed myself on the palm. Not only was I stabbed, I put my hand on the kitchen wall and like a nail, pushed the knife so hard that my hand was looking like a red painting hanging on the wall with a knife. I didn’t cut my hand so I was also standing with it. And then I looked at her.

She was panicking and I am in no mood to help her. She said she doesn't care about me. Well, let me see. 

“Are you f**king out of your mind?” She came towards me and pulled the knife with a force. F**k it hurt like hell and blood gushed out. She threw it on the side and took my hand in her hand. I pulled it back and closed my fist tightly causing another surge of pain. I hissed but it’s nothing compared to the pain I am feeling in my heart.

“You said you don’t care.” I looked towards her.

She turned and has her back towards me now. “Yes, I don’t care.”

I slammed my fist on the wall in anger and let out a long breath, trying to calm myself.

“Then I guess there is no need for me to stay here.”

I rushed towards the door but stopped for a second. I want to try one last time.

“If you ever considered me anything in your life even for a second, please Nicolle, I beg you. Is there something else going on? Please tell me if there is anything I should know about. I refuse to believe that you don’t love me.”

Then I looked back at her, fell on my knees with a defeated look and whispered with tears in my eyes. “Please Nicolle. I want the truth. I am begging you for my love. I Love you Damn it. I love you like crazy. I will die without you.”

She didn’t say anything and left for her room.

This is it. I didn’t wipe my tears and stood up. I sat in the car and drove towards Seattle. After driving for a while, I parked my car, adjusted my seat and lied down. I allowed my tears to fall down. I want my eyes to empty themselves so I can become a machine for the rest of my life. I will never let any emotion enter my heart now.

I loved and got the punishment. I am never loving anyone else now. After a while when I felt the tears dry along with the blood, I had on my hand I started driving. I am in no mood to take a rest. I want to reach Seattle as soon as possible. Then I will bury myself in the office and forget about anyone else in my life. Well one thing is clear. I can now kill myself easily once I am 35 years old.