The Monster Within Me

Chapter 14

Maya

It is the day before my birthday now and the day before my life changes forever.

I've been training harder than ever in the physical and mental sense and yet I still have no clue what to expect. Tonight, I have the potential to kill all the people I've come to know and love in this pack and I was scared that I would hurt them. Gabby and Mel had been doing their best to keep my mind off of that bleak outcome whenever I had a spare minute away from training, but the comfort that I really wanted I wasn't getting.

I hadn't spoken to Quinn outside of training since that night at the bar. I was still conflicted in my feelings even though I could understand where his frustration comes from. He has had a lifetime to come to this conclusion though, and I have had some months to come to terms with all the changes that are happening to me very quickly. Is it really so selfish of me to want to save myself for the chance that I meet the one person who was made for me?

I know how he feels for me, but it feels like betrayal to reciprocate those feelings fully without at least seeing who my mate was. Who's to say it's not him anyway, all this tension and fighting could be completely pointless. I hadn't approached him with anything to say, because I had no idea what I would say if given the chance, but I needed to talk to him before tonight. I wanted to let him know everything just in case things went horribly tonight.

It was around 6 pm and I had finally finished my training with Fen and Ylva for the day and had showered. I was headed to the kitchen to get something to eat for dinner. Gabby, Mel, Marco and Gareth were supposed to be meeting me there. They wanted to have dinner with me before tonight because they couldn't be in attendance for the "main event" for safety reasons. There would be a total of 20 people there including Fen, Ylva, Franky, Quinn, a healer and some enforcers present for security.

As I made my way into the packhouse, I saw Quinn standing there with Franky and made my way over.

"There she is! How're you feeling kiddo?" Franky said giving me a small hug.

"I'm feeling as good as I can be Franky. I'm really nervous." I said with a shaky laugh.

"You'll be great, we're all gonna be there for you so there's no need to worry about anything, isn't that right Quinn?" He asked looking over his shoulder at him.

"Of course, "Quinn said with a small, sad smile, "We'll all be there for you Maya." He said, looking everywhere but at me which damn near broke my heart.

"I've got a few things that I still need to prepare for tonight, so I'll catch you guys later. Don't forget to get there at 11 Maya." Franky said, walking away with a wave.

We stood awkwardly in silence for a moment before I worked up the courage to break the silence, "Look, I know I've been kind of avoiding you this week, but I really need to talk to you." I said looking at him with pleading eyes.

He finally looked at me and sighed, "Alright, fine we can talk in my room, it's on the second floor." He said walking away in the direction of his room without glancing back to make sure I was following. When we reached the door that led to his room, he stepped back and held the door open for me, waiting for me to enter before following. His room was the exact mirror of my own with a different colour scheme. These colours, the dark wood, deep blue and gray really was a nice combination.

I walked over to the recliners and took a seat and waited for him to take a seat before I began, "I want to start off by saying how sorry I am for avoiding not only your question to me from the other night, but also your feelings and what you said to me too. You deserved better than that and I should have given that to you." I said keeping my voice level and keeping my eyes on his.

"It wasn't fair of me to give you an ultimatum like that. I knew how I felt, but I shouldn't have tried to force my ideals and feelings on you. I was jealous and angry at what happened at the club, but that is no excuse for it." He said shaking his head.

"You had told me how you felt before Quinn. Shown me how much you cared, but I was jealous and acted without thinking about how what I did could hurt you. It doesn't matter that you were dancing with that girl, we aren't exclusive and you were at a bar, it was normal behavior for that setting." I said dropping my eyes. The shame I felt at my behavior from that night still clung to me.

"We aren't exclusive, you're right. I could've done anything I wanted to that night and it shouldn't have bothered you," he said and my breath hitched at his tone, "but it did bother you Maya and I wanted nothing more than to go looking for you. I got so drunk to help stop myself from thinking about you but it wasn't working." He said staring at me intently.

"Look at what you're about to do tonight. What's to come after this change happens? You can't live your life with a whole bunch of what ifs Maya trust me, it's not fun to always think about what could have been when you didn't take what you wanted when you had it. Even when you live as long as we're going to." He said kneeling down in front of me and taking my hand.

"Quinn, I hear what you're saying and you're right. I can't imagine I'd ever forgive myself if I let what I think we have go without trying, but what if you find your mate or I find mine? After building and growing to love each other, would you be able to let me go?" I asked in a quiet voice, searching his eyes for answers.

"I can't promise that any part of this will be without hurt, I'm not perfect Maya. All I do know for sure is that I think you're worth it." He said squeezing my hands as he did.

"You have enough to worry about so don't worry about this tonight. We can revisit it after tonight when you're back to feeling like yourself." He said standing and pulling me up with him. "Come on, let's go have dinner."

We had dinner and Gwen, one of the chefs, made me chicken Alfredo because I had told her how much I loved it. It was delicious even though the entire thing gave me a "last supper" kind of vibe. We were all there, the girls and their guys, Franky came and brought Fen and Ylva came to hang around for a bit too before excusing themselves to prepare for tonight.

I was out laying on the picnic tables in the field where the enforcers did most of their shift training during the day. The sun had set a little while ago and I was watching the sky fade from the pinks and purples to the deep blue-black of night.

I was about to go through The Changing. Possibly kill dozens of people before I'm under control and I was scared out of my mind

We will be okay.

Would we really be though? How can she always be so sure?

I am not sure, but I have faith in you Maya. Don't let yourself panic over something that is not within your will to control anyway.

How can I not panic? And Angelo had been sincere when he said that he didn't like watching it even after he'd lived so long. There was physical pain involved in it too.

How is you going crazy and freaking out going to help you? Take your focus and energy and put it to use in something that will actually benefit you.

Kaia was getting snippy, but I knew it was only because she was just as scared of this as I was. Neither of us knew what to expect or how much of us would still have a level of control over the situation once things kicked off. Instead of sitting and stewing about the situation, I decided to walk around the perimeter of the small field in front of me instead and try to ease my anxiousness with a little bit of movement. I wasn't allowed to tire myself out so I walked at a leisurely pace.

It was dark out now and extremely quiet out. As a precaution, everyone was asked to be home no later than 10 tonight so that there were only the enforcers who were assigned to watch milling about. We didn't know if I would be out of control, but better safe than sorry. Just as I made it to the opposite side of the field, I heard a noise in the forest. Like the movements of someone trying to go unnoticed.

Without thinking I used Kaia to enhance my senses and followed the sound out into the forest. Using my training, I moved silently through the undergrowth. I hoped that someone would eventually someone would come looking for me, but I had no way of letting anyone know where I was. I hadn't been officially introduced as a member of the pack so I couldn't alert Fen through the pack link if anything was wrong. If I did find something, I would just have to leave and find someone to tell them what was going on.

After around ten minutes of walking, I had wandered into the small clearing that Quinn and I had stood in before the day we went to go see Angelo when I felt that feeling again. It felt like I had walked through an invisible door into a freezer, the cold biting through me like ice. Something terrible was nearby.

Go back and alert someone. Don't try to do this on your own, we can't win against something so evil. Not yet.

I wasn't going to argue with her so I began slowly retreating when I felt like I was being watched by something. Like a huge presence was waiting for me on the other side of the clearing. Just as I made it back to the tree line, the leaves crunched as if they had been stepped on and the ground shook as if there was something the size of an elephant walking by. I raised my eyes to look at what would have made the noise and, as if it materialized out of thin air, the beast stood before me.

The pictures in that book that Ylva showed me really don't do this thing justice, nor do the verbal descriptions and it was far bigger than what they had described it as to me. Had it grown? It was like it was taken from the deepest recesses of my mind and everything I feared had ever been afraid of appeared before me.

I felt all the blood drain from my face as every other sensation and emotion was replaced by fear. I couldn't even make myself physically move, frozen in place in absolute terror. As I stared at it, its gaping mouth moved into something that resembled a crude smile filled with sharp, cone-shaped teeth made for tearing flesh. That smile broke through whatever spell I had been under and my limbs started moving, I turned and ran full speed through the forest moving back towards the field. I could feel the ground shake as it pursued me, all stealth forgotten on both of our parts as I ran to survive and the creature chased its dinner.

I broke through the tree line, not stopping until I felt the ground stop shaking beneath my feet and the cold feeling felt more like a light breeze than frost bite. Once I made it to the other side of the field, I turned to look back in the direction I had just come and saw a pair of glowing red eyes staring at me. No other part of the beast was visible but its eyes. I stood there a few moments, staring back at it, willing it away with my mind as if it would help.

I felt light headed suddenly and it felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on my head. Then I heard, no felt the voice inside my head.

Well hybrid, your fear is intoxicating, delicious. I can't wait until I can taste it more fully, but I am not here for you tonight. Until we meet again.

Its voice felt like it was tearing through my skull, scraping against the bone. Kaia was losing her s**t inside my head and I was moments away from joining her.

It felt like forever before those eyes disappeared from view and another lifetime before I felt the warmth of the Arizona night return to warm my chilled skin. Without waiting any longer, I turned and ran to the field-house where I thought I might be able to find Fen and some of the other enforcers.

I burst through the door and found them all there, still getting things in place for later. They all turned when they heard the door open.

"Maya! You're very early, eager are we?" Franky said after a quick glance in my direction. Fen who had given me his full attention when I came in, saw my expression and it must've shown my distress because I had made it not even a ten yards before he was in front of me.

"What happened?" Fen asked putting his hands on my shoulders and bending slightly to look at me more level.

"The beast is back." I said, my fear clear in my voice. I was so scared I couldn't even bring myself to cry. At the mention of the beast everyone in the room froze.

"Okay, tell me everything that happened. I want to say take your time, but with that thing around, time is of the essence." Fen said, his taking on the tone of the alpha, not the normal tone he had in casual conversation. He walked me over to a bench and helped me sit down, but I was fidgeting, unable to keep still.

"I was walking around the field behind the picnic area when I had heard a noise coming from the forest. I followed the noise, to see what was going on in case someone was lost or needed help, but when I got to the clearing by the cabin, the air got so cold I thought I had stepped into a freezer. It was the same feeling I got when we went to go and speak to Angelo, the feeling of something evil. It was a hundred times worse than that time though and when Kaia told me to leave and let someone know what was potentially going on, it revealed itself to me. I froze and panicked for a second before running and it chased me." I said, taking a deep breath before I continued. It seemed like everyone else was holding their breath, waiting for me to finish.

"When I got across the field, I turned to see what had happened, because I couldn't feel it following me anymore. It was just behind the tree line, just standing there and staring, until this horrible feeling came over me and I could hear its voice in my head," I said, pausing to look at everyone in turn, "It's going to take someone else tonight, that's if it hasn't already. It was feeding off my fear, but he said he wasn't here for me." I said, standing up in agitation. I looked down at Fen and his eyes looked glazed over, he was speaking to people through the pack link. Telepathically alerting them to the danger lurking in the shadows.

"Maya thank you for getting this information to us so quickly, apparently everyone is accounted for right now, but we'll be on alert tonight." Fen said standing and moving back over to the table that most people were still standing behind.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been more helpful. If I was stronger I probably could have handled the situation a lot better than I had." I said following behind him with my head hanging slightly in disappointment.

It was Ylva who answered me next, "There is nothing that could have been done by you alone. Even if you were at your full potential, every smart warrior knows when to ask for help. You could have as easily been killed tonight had you chosen not to listen to that fear." She said stepping up to give me a hug.

"You can make your way to my office inside Maya. Quinn will meet you there, you need to rest as much as you can for the next 90 minutes before you come here to prepare for tonight. Take a nap if you can, okay?" Fen said, with a kind smile. "We can handle the rest of things here and out there. You need to focus elsewhere tonight."

I simply nodded and started making our way toward Fen's office inside the other part of the field-house. As I entered the office I saw Quinn pacing back and forth, he stopped and came over to embrace me before I had even shut the door behind me.

"How're you feeling?" He asked, pulling back to check me for any harm. Even going so far as to turn me around to make sure.

"I'm fine physically, stop being a mother hen." I said with a small laugh trying to lighten the mood. "Fen said I need to rest, so I came in here to lay on the couch and try to sleep. Can you just... stay to keep me company? I don't really want to be alone right now. I don't think I'll be able to sleep either." I said moving over to the couch.

"Yea of course I'll stay with you." He said walking over to the couch and laying down, pulling me down in front of him and snuggling me into the back of the couch. Sheltering me from view to try to give me some peace.

We laid there like that for a long time, just soaking in the silence around us. I was worried for the pack with that thing skulking around with intentions to harm them. My mind kept circling around what I could have done to be more helpful and finally I decided that I needed to do something about it.

"Quinn?" I asked quietly.

"Yea?" he replied.

"I feel like I need to go and help them. They won't be able to detect it if they can't feel the evil coming off it. They're endangering themselves." I said, turning around to look at him.

"Maya, you're suggesting that you endanger yourself instead. You can't go out there and you know that. You have other pressing things to worry about tonight and you know you need to focus all of your energy on that or you yourself could endanger people. I know you don't want that." He said, bringing his hand to rest around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I sighed in defeat, "I just feel so useless Quinn. I'm supposed to eventually help all these people and I run away all the time, I'm scared of so much my shadow would probably terrify me in the wrong setting. Sometimes I just feel like I'm a helpless girl trying to fill shoes three sizes too big." I said burying my head in his chest.

Quinn laid there running his hand through my hair before responding, "You haven't been dealt a hand that most people could cope with, but you haven't been selfish about it. You haven't let the circumstances of your life get the better of you. You've taken everything in stride and have done it with the intention of doing your best to help all the people you can. Not many people can say that, so be proud of yourself. I know I am." He said, leaning down to plant a kiss on my forehead.

Just then there was a knock at the door and Fen came in, "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Is it time already?" I asked, Fen simply nodded. "Alright, let's go ring in my birthday guys." I said standing to meet the next task.