The Beast of Existence

It was 2 am. and Lau (as his former friends liked to call him) had the usual trouble to sleep, he felt tired but unable to stay asleep for more than a couple hours; -”Maybe a ghost is standing right in front of my face...”- said Lau almost delusionally to himself  “... testing if I can actually see him, as if I were just pretending to be unable to notice him, in order to avoid the freight in the hopes of him leaving…”- Lau plead in his mind, as he was getting out of his bed. - ”... I think I read somewhere that you can feel the gaze of someone while you sleep…”. “It’s such a shame I’m an atheist, my beliefs don't allow me to fall for such thoughts, cause that would be a fitting explanation”. Lau got to the window of his room and stare at all the houses that he could see, all the streets and buildings, - “Ghost as you can see we live high above the ground; if you woke me up, you might as well endure my rambling”, said as he looked far into the distance.  “Often I stand here and look at the city, clottered streets filled with people going places, rushing, stressed, bitter, fighting to get to a place, and I often wonder “Why?”, you see ghost I never truly understood why people do what they do, what is the point of going to a dinner with friends, or impress your boss or parents, I struggle to find a point to any of this, and day by day I feel more and more empty and life insipidness grows in relevance within myself…”. "Sometimes I even had felt hatred towards these people, just feel so repulsed by them, by the second nature in which they casually talk about the most mundane stuff, like their favorite meals, or a new place that just open where they sell these neat pots; I don't know why, I just feel so depressed by the hollow essence of these commets, I always thought eventually something big would end up appearing into my life, and would give it a sense or a purpose to it, but I discover that there's nothing as huge as the agony that inflicts the unfulfilled need of purpose into a man's soul, and the lack of soul does nothing but to add suffering into the heart…”  “... you see Ghost, sometimes I even had wish upon bad things to occur to the most disgustingly cheerful people; maybe that makes me a bad person, but I don't have the guts to inflict any physical harm to these individuals anyway, I don't even have the guts to end my own life, mainly because my mom would miss me deeply, maybe it's time to sleep now Ghost". A female voice shout could be heard from within the apartment, - “Lautaro!!” - Lau woke up, he barely slept anything, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a bit, trying to find the strength to get out of bed, he sat on his bed and admire how messy his room was, a undesirable glance at his clock revealed to Lau the nature of the shout that woke him up, it was 5 am and he was running late, as he was going in his mind through a quick plan of actions to counteract his lateness, a second shout rattle him - “Lautaro dearling, you're gonna be late again!” - “Im showering already mom!” - Lau riposted. Lau got out of the shower, put on his uniform, then he took a good look in the mirror - “Ghost as you can see, you pick the most pathetic man to scare, a 25 year old college dropped out that lives with his mom, who, by the way, often emasculate his precious boy; and works as a guard at the hospital, a man that has no aspirations, every morning I wish to get killed on the streets so I don't have to do it myself”. Lau left the apartment as his mom kissed him goodbye; he got on a bus and headed to the hospital where he worked. As he was on his way to work, he made a much needed stop to buy substances that would help him endure the banality of the day that lied ahead, he walked towards a ragglity looking house, and after a quick exchange he was already on his way to work, with a bag filled with pills and dusts, he felt like a fantasy character, provisioned with potions to face the dangers of his quest, only that this quest presented no real danger, only a danger was his mind to himself. He got into the hospital, barely on time, greeted his boss, left his things on his locker, got the bathroom and took his pills, sniffed his powders and did what he needed to do; consequently he gets outside and sat on his chair; staring at the floor as he waited for the pills to kick in, “just trying to feel normal”, Lau repeated in his mind, as he tried to stop judging himself.  His body begun to react to the toxins flooding his brain, his arms and legs felt as if it were being tickled by heavenly limbs, and going through his skin and flesh, tingling his nerves, the euphoria was settling inside of his chest, filing with conformity his idealized ideas, silencing them as they met in his mind, and placing comfort and a sense of self redress where shame and doubt used to be. Lau’s job consisted in looking at monitors, do some rounds every other hours, open or closed doors, or even help with pushing in stretchers with patients, but most of the times he would stare at the fluorescent monitors and see people coming and going, he often felt as if he was admiring a strange species of living beings oblivious to its own, he felt so strange even to his own skin at times, let alone a bunch of strangers behaviour, would make him feel as a deity observing the every movement of his unwanted and aberrance creation; and as he was selfishly judging them Lau felt as if his soul was leaving his body, his euphoria suddenly diminished, his body felt heavy, and his strengths weakened, he thought he was gonna faint, but gained composure rapidly. As he was returning to himself, a huge clatter startled him, and he felt as if the hospital was being pulled from its foundations; he saw a tumult of people storming into one of the back rooms of the hospital, he catched them by running towards them, and when they arrived to the room the scene resemble an horrific fictitious scene, too gruesome to be real, too real to be understood. Lau felt sick, as he witness this nurse laid on a white pristine floor, and watched how the spotless surface was getting corrupted by the black redness of the blood being poured out of a gush on her neck; she had a steady almost inhuman look on her face, resembling the one of a porcelain doll, her breath was erratic, and she struggle to keep calm, the blood quickly reached to the feet of another body laid there, it was an old man, the janitor from the hospital, face down on the floor; as they were trying to stop the hemorrhage from the nurse’s neck, they turned their collective attention onto the janitor, they pick him around, only to be astonished by the sanguinary nature of the poor old man’s condition; the skin, and some bits of flesh had been ripped off his face, looking like a butchery dumpster.  The paramedics check on his vital’s, for what it seemed like more of a formality than anything at that point,  when they shockingly realized that the man was still alive, while the nurse bled to death on the spot were she was found; everybody look at each others faces in awe and terror, and realized that the back door remained open, when Lau inspected the outside area, he notices nothing but trails of blood that disappear a few steps away from the tampered doors.