DESIRE

CHAPTER TWENTY

WINTER BRAY

The next morning came by quickly I laid in the soft bed wide awake. I couldn't sleep. Theo was lying beside me, sleeping soundly. Memories came rushing back into my mind from the night before. I still tried to understand everything, and that was one of the reasons why I couldn't sleep. I hoped Theo would trust me now and not keep anything from me. I wasn't sure I could handle if he had more secrets. I never in my life thought that vampires existed, but well, I was wrong and so was the rest of the world. The thing about being a vampire was weird. I hadn't understood what that would mean for me and everyone around me. The word still sounded so foreign to call myself a creature. A vampire.

Theo and I slept in the same bed last night, and well, that was a huge step for me even though most people had gone further. I blushed a deep shade of red as I continued to replay the whole kiss in my head. The way his lips felt on mine, and the way they moved. The way he pressed me up against the wall, trapping me.

The taste of the blood mixed with Theo's lips was pure ecstasy. The blood tasted amazing. Lust drove me for blood, and Theo himself. Every kiss we had shared were magical moments, but the first one seemed like a blur. I knew he had already given me an explanation to why he did it, but why? Something in me couldn't understand his choice of acting, probably never would.

If Nadora was here right now, she would definitely laugh at me with an 'I told you so'. I missed her, and the fact that I wouldn't see her again was something I had a hard time getting used to. She was right about Theo in some way. He was dangerous, still is. He kept many secrets, and some part of me thought about what else he could be hiding.

Facing Theo's body, I glanced at his features. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and I knew he needed it. His features were soft and relaxed. Not a single wrinkle of worry was marked on his face. His hair had gotten messy from sleeping, I smiled at how 'normal' he looked for once. What was normal even anymore? My fingers brushed a small section of hair out of his face, and he stirred slightly. Nonetheless, he didn't wake up. I sighed lowly. I was starving and decided to make something to eat. As I was removing the sheets a strong arm grabbed me by the waist. I squeaked as my body hit Theo's chest.

"Sleep..." He muttered into my hair. I blushed as his grip tightened on my waist. Theo removed my hair, making me shiver at his touch. Suddenly a wet sensation was on my neck, and I let out a quiet gasp. I realised, Theo placed small kisses on my neck, and it felt amazing. I let my head fall back, giving him access to my neck, and Theo gladly took the opportunity to kiss on a larger area of my neck.

"I can't sleep." I breathed with my eyes closed. I wasn't used to this kind of intimacy. Sure, we had only kissed, but still, this was new. No one had never acted this way around me, given me this much attention.

"Mhmm. Then just lay here with me." Theo whispered huskily in my ear, making me shiver again. I giggled quietly as I tried to get out of his grip "Are you trying to get away from me?" He continued in a playful tone. I turned around, so I looked at him. His eyes were closed, but his lips tugged up in a small smile.

"Yes," I whispered with the same playful tone. Theo slowly opened his eyes, and they were so beautiful. I could look at him, and his eyes forever. I didn't know what it was but seeing him like this, made him seem more human (how funny!). It made him seem less scary or just less intimidating. Right now, in my eyes, he looked like a 'normal' teenage boy, enjoying his sleep. It was nice to see him like this, and hopefully, I would see it more often now.

"I will never let you go." He replied as he leaned down to kiss me. His kisses were loving, caring, and his lips were a perfect match with my own. I loved how soft his lips were, and how much emotion he poured into it. Nevertheless, every time our lips touched, I felt my stomach erupt with butterflies, and my heart couldn't stop beating faster.

Theo suddenly pulled back and looked at me with a serious expression. I frowned at his sudden change of mood "How are you feeling?" He asked in a croaked voice, and I didn't fail to notice the wrinkle of worry which had made its way onto his forehead. It was lovely while it lasted...

Turning away from Theo to lie on my back, I answered, "I'm okay." I replied, my voice flat, with no hint of emotion. I knew Theo wouldn't approve of my answer, but I didn't feel like a deep talk at the moment. I didn't want him to worry...

"Winter," Theo took a deep breath before starting again. I could tell I annoyed him "Why won't you talk to me?"

"What do you want me to say?" I sighed, rubbing my eyes "I don't know. I mean, I feel fine. I'm still trying to understand this whole situation, and it's all new. Just the thought of vampires actually exist, is crazy," After I was done with my little speech, I was met by Theo's head suddenly hovering over me.

I found myself sinking into my pillow because of the sudden closeness. I gulped as I felt nervous. I couldn't read Theo's expression, he just continued to glance over my features. I flushed at the way he studied me "Tell me what you're thinking." He muttered. I felt intimidated as he looked into my soul like he could read my thoughts "I want to know what you're thinking." He continued.

"I don't want you to worry," I responded, brushing his hair away from his forehead, being gentle in my movements.

"I can't help it. I'm always worried about you," He answered truthfully. I nodded, gulping.

"Why are you so nervous?" He whispered, his face getting closer to mine. I stopped breathing for a second. Because you do unexplainable things to me, my body, my mind...

"I'm not good at this..." I responded quietly, maybe sounding a little embarrassed because, to tell the truth, I was embarrassed by the fact that I was the most inexperienced girl on planet earth. I remembered every time in seventh grade when everyone had their first kiss... and then there was me. Sitting all alone, reading about how I wanted my first kiss to be like. It never came, until I turned eighteen.

"Good at what?" I wanted to whine and cry because of the embarrassment I felt. For a moment, I considered that Theo did this on purpose, to make me feel this way, but the look on his face told me differently.

I closed my eyes, blowing out a breath of air "This." I answered, not daring to open my eyes "Girl-boy-stuff..." God, this made me so uncomfortable, and Theo couldn't even see it.

"Girl-boy- "

"Intimacy!" I broke him off, finally having the strength or courage to push him off me. I sat utterly still as my legs hung in the air. I felt his stare on me, and somehow, I felt like I had already ruined what we had... whatever it was. I took my head in my hands, feeling way too emotional for this to continue. I sighed, why did I have to be like this?

"I think you're overthinking this, Winter." Theo moved to sit beside me on the bed... No please, just go away before I end up crying. I could already feel the tears starting to form. Why did I have to be like this? I shook my head rapidly while it still was in my hands.

"You don't have to be nervous about anything, okay?" Theo said "I'll not do anything which you aren't comfortable with. We'll take things slow." His finger caressed my cheek lightly, and I gazed into his eyes. His expression showed understanding, and I found myself smiling gratefully at him.

"Okay," I whispered.

Theo leaned closer, glancing into my eyes "Can I kiss you?" Was this his way of trying? He just made me more nervous. What's wrong with me? "Try not to overthink my question, Sweetheart." I nodded, and Theo smiled at me. I smiled back.

"Can I place-"

"Just stop asking." I cut him off "You just make me more nervous." Theo nodded, before gripping me by the waist, and at that moment he crashed his lips onto mine. He withdrew quickly.

"Like this?" I opened my eyes. I just nodded dumbfounded by the daze he had put me in. He smiled widely, kissing my forehead "Good. I'll cook some breakfast. Take a look around if you want." Once again, I just nodded with my mouth agape and this time Theo laughed. This was the first time I heard him laugh, and it sounded beautiful.

"Will, I ever get my old hair back?" I asked quietly as I admired the way Theo was in a kitchen. He stood with his back facing me while cooking something unknown, it smelled amazing.

"No, you won't." Theo replied, glancing at me with a sad smile "But if it makes you feel any better, you look absolutely stunning as you are." I looked down at my hands while blushing madly.

I looked around the small safe house (as Theo requested), this was the first time I noticed how cosy it actually looked. The small living room as well as the small kitchen was connected and not separated by a wall or door.

The living room was light and open. A cream-coloured couch was placed right in the room's middle, filled with big fluffy blankets, followed by a small tv in the front. I noticed a middle-sized bookshelf. I frowned as I looked at the books; I had seen none of them before. The bookshelf itself was old, an antique. The brown oak wood was losing its colour, but it was unique.

Peeking into the kitchen again, Theo was still cooking, and I could easily get used to looking at this great sight every morning. The kitchen had light blue walls, and all the cupboards and drawers were white. I had never thought about having a blue kitchen. All the handles on the drawers and cupboards were the same, they all had this golden colour, but they were losing their detail as the brow-bronze colour could be seen through the gold. Nevertheless, I liked it.

"Breakfast is ready, that is, if you're done stalking me." I flushed as I stepped into the kitchen fully. Theo looked at me with a small smirk plastered on his face.

"I wasn't stalking you; I was... observing." I pointed out to seem more convincing. And that's when I noticed the food. I realised how hungry I was, and I almost drooled at the sight. It didn't only smell amazing, but it looked wonderful as well.

There were two plates filled with food. Eggs, bacon, toast with butter, orange juice and fruit, I could continue to stare forever if it wasn't because I was so hungry. I almost ran over to my seat, but I contained myself, or at least I tried to.

"Someone's really hungry this morning." Theo chuckled at me. I looked at him through my lashes with my mouth filled with toast" I flushed "It's good. We're going out today." Theo continued while eating his breakfast.

Swallowing my eggs which I had started eating, I asked in a maybe too excited tone "Out? Where are we going?" I almost jumped out of my chair in excitement, but at least I tried containing it.

"We are going hunting today," Theo said, somewhat carefully.

Hunting meant killing. I had never killed and even harmed an animal or human before. I took a deep breath, what if I couldn't do it? It was taking a life we were talking about "What if I can't do it?" I asked quietly looking at my hands.

I heard Theo sigh "I'll be there, to teach you, guide you. Trust me, Winter." I heard him rise from his seat, suddenly he was in front of me, crouched down to my level "Do you?" I nodded with a small smile.

"I do. I wouldn't kiss and share a bed with a person whom I didn't trust." I said like it was obvious.

"That doesn't mean anything in a situation like this. This is your lifestyle, Winter." Theo replied looking at me knowingly. A sudden pain sparked in my heart. I felt like a fool. A big one.

"You're right. It was nothing, I'm going to get ready now." I replied blankly, gulping back the tears.

"Winter, I-"

"The breakfast was lovely, delicious actually. Thank you, for making some for me." I stood up and gave Theo a small kiss on the cheek. I tried to push away the feeling of how wrong I felt doing it since I knew, how he really felt.