It could have been me

He was laughing at me and saying words in tears I could not hear it. He said my name. I laughed I was looking for all options of everything. One he had a nice voice and a bright smile and the most handsome face but I was never going to fall for that. I do not want you going to office forever I can provide for you. the scowl showed in his smile. my head was confused and so embarrassed and so abused. Darling ..... You just scowled at me. The doctor flinched. My mom smiled. "You are so tired darling you need to stop going to that ** office". he snarled and insulted the office for how unkind they were to me. I need a man who loves me. I screamed at the top of my voice because that had been all I had been thinking. I wanted to be honest and say things right and not make a mistake. "I need a man who understands me. I need a man who cares about me. I need a man who immensely gets me." I said. I was not going to regret this. This lies and confusion had to stop. This mean words and abuse had to stop. I could hurt he had thought was my motive but I could heal. I could be the CEO of hbl. I could be dyianes CEO. I could be the smartest nerd in any University, I can have the best body and the most beautiful everything. I could be grateful finally. I could even expect Allah to be right. He was always saying I was never opportuned to be anything. I kept on beating about the bush and truly trying to really win it.I could be happy. I was allowed to be happy. I started to laugh. "Why are you thinking that", he paused then he tried to put arm around me. "babe you are not strong or beautiful", he said. I laughed so hard I cried. I am beautiful your doctor he said your dad he died with my name on your lips to take care of you. He smiled. I laughed and it felt like my fairy tale. "we said it together. I am good enough, you are too weak and dad said everything would be okay one day". One he told me I have someone who I really love if you want that person to be you it takes a lot of hard work. why do you care about all those girls in my head trying to have a life. Don't you know they need a life? You are too crazy stop smiling at me. I tried to tell you you are not a lover. Your world is too small those dreams are impossible and you are just a small child. Listen to the rules tonight. You are not that bright girl with that bright smile. You are a human and God he makes sure for every work you do you get paid for it. I swear that is the truth. he lied. Where in the world will you remove the schrizophrenia off your brain when everyone says you are really maddened he yelled. I laughed, he continued lying. You are too young. Bad is good and good us bad . let me tell you it is too painful in here why are you trying to be cool you are not like me. Then he laughed angrily then he thought as I gained in my laughter. Do not think like that you are not born to be smart. Then he thought stop thinking you are here , you are there, your not here and your not there. Then he laughed. Your father said to tell you that too. I just sat up and tried to use the situation to get food then I shrugged.the life I live in then I truly laughed cuz I love baked chicken. I love it fried and I love the drumsticks so that is what I truly ordered. something about life and I need to save to survive then he hissed.