TAMED SERIES 3: RAFAEL AVILA

Kabanata 18

Caya

"Sige na, Rafael kahit samahan mo lang ako. Astrid wouldn't want to participate. Wala akong kasama," pangungulit ko kay Rafael.

The cruise will take a stop in an island where they offer healing and meditation sessions. It's just a day tour and the passengers who wanted to take part of the event will be taken to the island using smaller boats.

Napakamot siya ng ulo. "Fine, but I will just wait for you to finish." He poked the tip of my nose. "Pasalamat ka . . ."

Hindi niya itinuloy ang sinasabi. He just grabbed a shirt in his closet then put it on. Nang makapagbihis na ay inakbayan niya ako saka kami lumabas ng kanyang cabin.

Yes! My plan is working. I promised Kreige and Basha that I will do my best to take Rafael to the healing session. Siguradong matutuwa ang mag-asawa kapag nalaman nilang nagtagumpay ako.

"Come on, Rafa," excited kong tawag nang matanaw ang pagbalik ng ilang speedboat na magdadala sa mga pasahero sa isla.

Rafael held me by my hand and guided me to the speedboat. Umagaw din siya ng life jacket at isinuot iyon sa akin kahit na may sapat namang bilang ng life jacket.

It was as if he wanted to make sure I'd get the first one. Napatitig lamang naman ako sa kanyang gwapong mukha habang tila seryoso niyang ikinakabit ang bawat tali. Naninigurong hindi iyon matatanggal kung sakaling mahulog kami sa tubig.

"What are you smiling at, hmm?" he asked after he noticed that I was staring at him.

"Hmm? I'm not smiling?" Was I?

"Yes, you are." He pinched my nose and finally got his own life jacket.

I tucked my hair behind my ear as he sat next to me. Ang palad ay namirmi rin sa aking tuhod kaya nagsayaw na naman ang mga paru-paro sa aking tiyan.

"Wala lang. Nakakatuwa ka lang panoorin. You're too worried about my life jacket," I said.

His thumb grazed against my knee. "Well, you never know what could happen, Caya."

"Marunong naman akong lumangoy."

Umismid siya. "Even professional swimmers drown. We won't take that risk, babe."

Lumagabog ang aking dibdib dahil sa itinawag niya sa akin. I even had to chew my bottom lip and look away just to hide my blushing cheeks!

Thank goodness the speedboat finally sailed. Panay ang tanaw ko sa karagatan, tahimik na dinarama ang maalat-alat na hanging humahalik sa aking pisngi. Maya-maya ay naramdaman kong inipon ni Rafael ang hibla ng aking buhok. He held my hair, and when I turned to him, he flashed a small smile then spoke.

"Your hair might get tangled."

Tahimik akong napabuntonghininga. Why is this guy an effortless green flag in his own ways? I doubt that he's even aware of that.

"Thank you," I said.

Ngumiti lamang siya nang matipid saka niya pinatakan ng marahang halik ang aking balikat. I looked away to hide his effect on me. Mabuti na lamang at mas naging abala na rin siya sa pagsigurong hindi magbubuhol-buhol ang buhok ko habang patungo kami ng isla.

Pagdating sa maliit na pantalan ng isla ay nauna siyang tumayo. He then held my hand and guided me to the port. Tila ayaw pumayag na may ibang umalalay sa akin. Siya rin ang nagtanggal ng aking life jacket at nag-abot sa staff ng cruise.

I removed my flip flops and let my feet feel the warm creamy sand. Lumuhod naman siya't dinampot ang aking tsinelas saka siya ulit tumindig upang akbayan ako.

Pasimple akong ngumiti. Who wouldn't fall for this man? Paano siya nagawang gamitin at hindi mahalin ni Jaysel? Nagtataka talaga ako.

The staffs guided us to the meditation area. There was a small pond where the reiki masters are waiting. They explained us the different chakras and how a blocked chakra shows physical symptoms.

"Your lower back would hurt when you're worrying about the basic necessities to live like food, shelter, and other basic needs," the master explained. Tahimik naman kaming nakinig. Maya-maya ay mayroong nagtanong.

"What about the heart chakra?"

The master smiled with lips pursed. "The heart chakra can only take high frequency emotions. When lower emotions are felt by the heart chakra, it closes. That is why when you are hurt, you will feel your chest tightening. When you're happy, it expands because the heart chakra opens. A heart chakra that's been blocked for so long often leads to lung and heart problems. It's because the energy cannot flow from the base to the crown. We are energetic beings in a mortal flesh. We have a magnetic field around us. An auric field. The energy is supposed to flow, not stored. When chakras are blocked, the energy cannot flow."

Rafael yawned. "This is bullshit," he murmured.

Kinurot ko siya sa kanyang tagiliran. "We should respect their beliefs the way they respect ours. I've never seen people like them mock our religion so why would we throw judgements on theirs?"

Bumuntonghininga siya't hindi na lamang sumagot. Maya-maya ay nagsimulang mag-ikot sa amin ang reiki masters. One of them turned to me and Rafael. Payak siyang ngumiti at itinaas ang palad na tila nais hawakan si Rafael sa tuktok ng ulo ngunit kaagad na umiwas si Rafael.

"Woah, no I'm just here to accompany her. I wasn't supposed to join here if she didn't insist," aniya.

The reiki master smiled. "There is no coincidence. You were brought here because you need healing." Tinitigan niya ang mga mata ni Rafael. "Why are you so comfortable in pain, child?"

Umigting ang panga ni Rafael. "I'm not," ang tinig ay tila bahagyang namaos.

"Your throat chakra does not agree with you."

Hinawakan ko siya sa braso. "He has a lot to heal. I wanna bring him with me so he can heal--"

"I said I don't wanna join, alright?! I'm f*****g okay!"

Kumabog sa kaba ang aking dibdib. "R-Rafael . . ."

Matalim niya akong tinitigan saka siya tumayo at padabog na umalis. Nataranta naman ako't dali-daling tumayo upang sundan siya habang patungo siya sa pampang.

"Rafael, teka lang--"

"Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo, Caya? Why can't you understand that I am not ready?!" his voice thundered.

Naestatwa ako sa aking kinatatayuan. "G-Gusto lang naman kitang tulunga--"

"I didn't ask for your help! You don't have to play the hero part and save me! Don't you get it?! If it's easy for me to heal, I would've done it a long time ago but it's not! It's breaking me apart! Because healing is more painful than the experience itself! Hindi tayo pareho! If you're strong enough to fix yourself then do it! Pero huwag mo kong pilitin dahil hindi ako handa kaya irespeto mo 'yon!"

Nangilid na nang tuluyan ang aking mga luha. "H-Huwag mo naman akong sigawan, please. P-Pwede naman tayong mag-usap nang hindi ka sumisigaw."

Umigting ang kanyang panga kasabay ng pag-iwas ng tingin. Maya-maya ay humugot siya ng malalim na hininga't tinalikuran ako. "Babalik na ako sa barko. Go join them if you want."

I sniffed. "Rafael, sorry--"

"Don't ever come near me again, Caya. I don't need another person who will bring me into situations that will put my sanity at risk," tila hirap niyang sabi.

Kumirot nang husto ang aking dibdib. "S-Sorry na, Rafael. Hindi ko--"

"I don't care." Madilim ang ekspresyon niya akong tiningnan. "Our connection ends here, Caya. Thank you for your time."

Tuluyang pumatak ang aking mga luha nang maglakad siya patungo sa pantalan. He went inside one of the speedboats and asked a staff to take him back to the cruise ship. Wala akong ibang nagawa kun'di ang tanawin lamang ang papalayong bangka habang masaganang gumugulong pababa ang aking mga luha.

Diyos ko. What have I done?