Change of Heart

Kabanata 7

Para sa Pangarap

Kanina pa ako paikot-ikot dito sa kwarto ko pero hindi ko mahanap ang school i.d. ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan napunta. Hindi ko din maalala kahapon kung nahulog ko ba o nailagay ko lang kung saan pagka-uwi ko kagabi, pero wala akong maalala kung tinanggal ko ba ang i.d. ko after kong umuwi sa bahay.

“Ma, nakita mo ba I.d. ko? It's not in my room.”

“Saan mo ba inilagay? Baka nandiyan lang sa sulok o nakasabit, o baka naman nasa bag mo. Hanapin mo kasi.” Mama replied while making a milk for my brother.

“Wala ma, tiningnan ko na din. May suot ba akong I.d. pag-uwi ko kahapon?”

"I do not know. I didn't notice. Baka humingi ka ng pambayad para mapalitan yang nawawalang I.d. mo, huh! Wala akong ipangbabayad diyan!” halos galit nang sambit niya.

“Hindi, ma. I will look for it. Maybe I just dropped it sa school at baka may nakapulot. Agap ko.

Ever since my father came home from abroad, I have noticed that my mother was always hotheaded. Maybe because of our financial problem.

"Just make sure. Ingatan mo kasi ang gamit mo. Huwag kang burara at pabaya. You know our life is not like it used to be. Kapos tayo sa pera ngayon!”

I just said goodbye and went straight to school, dahil baka mas lalo pang uminit ang ulo niya. I also filled-up a form at the guard house because I wasnt wearing my school I.d. Namomroblema na nga ako sa nawawala kong i.d. dumadagdag pa itong lalaking nagpapainit ng ulo ko.

Naramdaman niyo na ba yung tipong naiirita ka kapag nakikita mo ang mukha ng isang Tao? Kasi ako ay Yun ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Nuong una ayos lang sa akin ang pagiging concern niya. Pero masyado nang feeling eh. Hindi naman kami close. Kaya bakit kung makapag asta siya ay akala mo naman sobrang close kami.

Sabay kaming napabaling sa nagparking na motor sa tapat lang ng karenderya na kinakain namin. Agaw pansin ang motor niya dahil mukhang mamahalin at brand new.

He immediately greeted his classmates and friends. When he got away from them, he turned to our table. He smiled when he saw me and started to went to our table.

"Hi Belle, paupo dito ah." Aniya ni Nate or what do I call monkey.

Nakita ko ang pag-ikot ng mga mata ni Alisha bago ako sinulyapan.

"Do you want something to drink? I'll buy you one. Wala ka yatang biniling panulak." Aniya.

I sneered and took out the water I was carrying. "I prefer water than juice." I answered.

"Okay, noted."

Umawang ang labi ko at binalingan si Alisha na ngumisi sa akin at napapailing na sinulyapan si Monkey.

Tumikhim si Alisha at hinarap si Monkey. "Ako nalang ang ilibre mo. Wala akong dalang inumin eh." Singit ni Alisha.

Nangunot ang noo ni Monkey. "May pambili ka naman siguro." He answered.

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa sinagot nito. Nawala naman ang ngisi sa labi ni Alisha bago padabog na ipinagpatuloy ang pagkain.

"Eh di umalis ka nalang dito. And damot mo. Kung liligawan mo si Belle, ligawan mo din dapat ako na kaibigan niya."

My lips parted at my friend. Nate's forehead furrowed before scratching his head. Is there such a thing? I thought it only applies to the family of the person being courted? Hindi ko alam na kasali pati kaibigan.”

I glanced at my friend and saw her cheek blush. Namamangha ko iyong tiningnan lalo na ng mautal siya sa pagsasalita. “I-iba na ngayon, dapat pati kaibigan kasali.”

I smiled and shook my head then glanced at Nate, but does this mean hes courting me? My forehead furrowed at the thought. Hes handsome yes, but I dont see him romantically. Maybe as a friend, yes. But as a boyfriend? No. I didnt even feel the spark for him. As in, wala.

On the next day he picked me up in our classroom without even letting me know.

"I'll take your bag. Ako na ang magdadala."

Nakakunot akong umiwas ng bahagya niyang abutin ang bag ko.

"Okay, ito nalang na libro mo." Aniya ulit.

Before I could protest, he took my book from my hand.

"What! Why are you doing this?" I asked in annoyance.

"I just want to help. We're friends, aren't we." Aniya.

"Friends don't do this thing. Ang kulit mo."

"Arte ka pa. Ikaw nalang ang tinulungan. Dapat nga magpasalamat ka pa sa akin." Nakangiting aniya.

Hindi niya ba napapansin na naiirita ako sa ginagawa niya? Hindi niya ba nakikita na ayaw ko sa kanya? Is he so numb to not feel it? And why is he forcing himself to me? Hindi porket nagmagandang loob ako at tinulungan siya nung isang araw ay ibig sabihin gusto ko na siya. Ginawa ko lang yun para makatulong hindi para bigyan niya ng malisya.

"But I did not ask for your help." Sambit ko.

Nagkibit balikat siya at nauna ng maglakad, wala akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod lalo pa't nasa kanya ang mga libro ko.

"Where are you going?" Tanong ko ng dumeretso siya sa parking lot at hindi naman sa gate.

"Sa motor ko. Ihahatid kita pauwi." Aniya.

I closed my eyes in annoyance and approached him quickly. Pahablot kong kinuha ang mga libro ko sa kanya na siyang ikinagulat niya.

"You don't have to do this. Akin na 'to at uuwi na ako." Mariin na sambit ko bago ko siya tiningnan. "Nang mag-isa. Wag mo na akong sundan." dugtong ko pa.

"Come on! Mas madali kang makakauwi kung sasakay ka sa motor ko." Sambit niya.

"Malapit lang ang bahay namin. Hindi ko kaylangang sumakay." I answered and turned my back on him.

The next day he handed me a paper bag. I was here at the door of our classroom when he called me during our recess time. Alisha was beside me as she glanced at the paper bag he was holding.

"Ano yan?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Take it so you’ll know." He replied.

Umirap ako at pahablot na kinuha ang paper bag sa kanya. Binuksan ko iyon habang nakasilip si Alisha sa tabi ko.

"Ano yan?" Alisha asked curiously.

Kinuha ko ang laman niyon at nakita ang isang wireless earphone na box. Rinig ko ang pagsinghap ni Alisha.

Bago ko pa iyon maipasok ulit sa paper bag ay hinablot na iyon ni Alisha sa kamay ko.

"Oh my God, bago to ah." Nagugulat na sambit niya.

I folded my arms in front of Monkey who was now smiling at us. Kita ko ang pagmamayabang sa mukha niya.

"Why are you giving this to me?" Tanong ko.

"Dahil nasira ang earphone mo. I saw you last time, you borrowed an earphone from your classmate because your earphone was broken. So, I bought you a new one, para may magamit ka." Nakangiting sambit niya.

"Hindi ko yan kaylangan--" natigil ako sa pagsasalita ng binundol ako ng braso ni Alisha.

"Anong hindi kaylangan, magagamit mo ito. Tanggapin mo na."

I looked at my friend in annoyance and grabbed the box from her hand and put it back inside the paper bag before I turned it to Monkey. The paper bag hit his chest.

"I won't accept that." Seryosong sambit ko.

Kita ko ang gulat sa mukha ni Monkey.

"Belle naman, ikaw nalang ang binibigyan, tatanggihan mo pa." Si Alisha.

Galit ang mga mata na hinarap ko ang kaibigan. "Kung gusto mo sayo na." I said and turned my back on them.

Ayaw kong tanggapin ang bigay niya dahil mamahalin ang isang iyon. Bukod pa riyan ay magkakaroon lang ako ng utang na loob sa kanya. I will accept it if it is my birthday or If I have it from winning a competition, or it is from my family or from someone I like or important to me. Hindi ko talaga tatanggihan at hindi ako mahihiya na tanggapin.

First of all because the giver is important to me, so I will accept it wholeheartedly kahit pa nahihiya ako. Whether if it is cheap or expensive, I will accept and keep it because of its sentimental value. But if it's came from him, from someone who is not close to me and has a motive. Hindi ko talaga tatanggapin.

I know what he's doing. He’s doing this because he likes me. He's trying to hit on me, kaya nagpapa-impress. But I don't like what he's doing. I dont want to give him false hope, and gave it a meaning just because I accepted his gift. He's handsome, rich, and very determined. Yes! so he’s not that bad at all. But the fact that I'm not interested with him and have no feelings for him is a big deal for me. Aanhin ko naman ang lahat ng yan kung wala naman akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. He would just waste his time and effort, if he could just give his attention to someone who was more interested with him. To someone who’s more deserve of his attention.

What I did back then like talking to him, recognizing him, and letting him to come near me is because I am just being kind and polite, but it doesn't mean that I like him. Kaya naiinis ako ngayon. Sa totoo lang hindi ko gusto ang ginagawa niya. Ayaw ko sa mga ginagawa niya. To the point that I just don't want to show up, and just avoid him like I'm avoiding Red now.

Nadaanan ko ang isang burger stand sa tapat ng school namin. Me, Alisha and some of my classmate stop for a while so we can grab some snack before we all go home. Alisha was right beside me and talking to one of my school mates while I remain silent while eating my food and watching around. I though my day could be better if I eat a snack before I go home but then I saw Red walking out of the school gate with her girlfriend beside him. My mood changes, pero hindi kagaya nuon na halos takasan ko ang mga nakikita. I look at them from afar. They didnt saw me but I saw how Red smile at his girl while they were talking. They look so happy at each others company. And just like before, I feel bad for myself.

I then sighed heavily. Nawala lang sila sa paningin ko ng makita ang isang kumikinang na sasakyan na papalabas na ngayon ng school gate na nadaanan sila. Nangunot ang tingin ko duon. It looks like an expensive car. Kanino kaya yan? Sa Principal?

“Uy ang ganda naman ng sasakyan na yan. Mukhang mamahalin.” Si Alisha sa tabi ko.

“Mamahalin talaga yan. Ang sabi sa akin apo daw yan ng may ari nung Hacienda dito.”

“Hacienda. Meron ba niyan dito?”

“Oo, hindi mo pa ba nakikita yung Hacienda Del Carpio? Nadadaanan namin yun pauwi. Isang beses ko palang nakita ang Hacienda dahil diyan nagtatrabaho ang Papa ko.”

I tilted my head as I stared at the car window. I'm curious who's inside but the car was too tinted. The car slows down nang dumaan ito sa gilid namin. Nanatili naman nakasunod ang tingin ko kasabay ng pag-ihip ng hangin dahilan para matakpan ang mukha ko. Hinawi ko ang buhok ko at muli iyong tinitigan habang patuloy naman ako sa pakikinig sa chismis ng mga kaklase ko.

But then biglang may humarang sa harapan ko at nakita ko ang mukha ni monkey. I backed away and frowned at him. He laughed at my reaction. I looked at the car again but it finally left.

“Ano bang ginagawa mo?” Iritadong tanong ko.

Im just making you laugh. Your too serious, whats wrong?

“Wala ka nang pakealam dun.” Sambit ko at tinalikuran siya.

“Sungit mo talaga.”

“Oh, nandito ka na naman. S-in-stalk mo na naman ang friend ko. Libre mo naman kami.” Walang hiya-hiyang sambit ni Alisha.

He smiled at them. “Sige ba. Basta kakain si Belle.” He then looks at me. “Anong gusto mong kainin. My treat.”

“This is fine for me. Busog na ako. Sila nalang ang ilibre mo.”

I heard the Oh’s of my classmates. Alisha laughed at them while Nate pursed his lips and didnt talk anymore, but then one of my classmates asked him a question.

“Diba Nate Del Carpio ka?” tanong ng kaklase ko. Nangunot ang noo ko sa narinig.

“Yep. My father is a Del Carpio. Bakit?”

“Kung ganun. Kilala mo yung may ari ng magarang sasakyan na galing lang dito sa school kanina?”

He nodded and turned to my classmate. Nanatili na naman akong nakikinig sa kanila Yes, Hes my cousin but hes not a Del Carpio. My father and his mother are siblings.

Oh, that's why you're rich. Ibig sabihin kayo ang may-ari ng Hacienda?”

“Actually no. Naibenta ang Hacienda sa tatay ng pinsan ko, sila ang may-ari nito ngayon. Tito Lorenzo saved the Hacienda when it was almost lost to our family due to debt after Del Carpios' company collapse. But my father is trying to take it back now. He’s about to buy it again para mapasakamay ulit ng pamilya namin.”

“Wow, may family history pala kayo.”

Nate laughed. Every family has a history. We all just have a different story.”

I nodded. He’s right.

“He’s right, ang pagkakaiba lang nga ay Family history kayo ng mayayaman. Family history naman kami ng mahihirap.” Alisha replied.

My companions agreed with her. Nate nodded too.

After we finish our snack. Nate offer himself to take me home but I didnt go with him. I reject his offer just like before. Actually, naiiis na ako sa pagsunod sunod niya at pagsulpot niya sa harapan ko kaya patuloy ko siyang ni-reject para marealize niya na wala akong interes sa kanya.

"Sinabihan ko na si Tito about dun sa part time job natin sa cafe. Sabi niya pwede tayong pumasok dun. He said that the owner wants to help students like us, they even offer scholarships. Kaya mas maraming benefits ang makukuha." Alisha said to me during that night in a phone call.

"Ano ba daw ang requirements?" Tanong ko.

"Nanghihinge ng resume and barangay clearance. Sabay na tayong kumuha bukas." Siya.

All right. Lets see each other tomorrow.

"Hayst, excited na ako. We can finally earn money. I felt like I'm independent na." Natutuwang sambit niya. "Ang sarap kaya sa feeling na pinaghirapan mo ang pera na nakukuha mo. Hindi yung puro bigay ng magulang at asa sa mga ayuda ng gobyerno." She added.

Tumango din ako at sumang-ayon sa sinabi niya"Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing thinking that we're already on our legal age but we still depend on our parents, and hindi naman aasenso ang buhay mo kung aasa ka lang sa maitutulong ng gobyerno. You need to work hard for yourself so you will become successful someday." Sagot ko.

"I know we will, Belle. gagraduate din tayo. Makakabili din tayo ng sariling lupa, bahay, sasakyan, at makakapag-travel din tayo gamit ang sarili nating pera. And of course, makakaalis na din ako sa bahay namin." Nakangiting sambit ni Alisha sa akin. Ngumiti naman ako at tumango.

Alisha is staying with his step-father along with her mother, half-brother, and step-sister. Aniya sa akin nuon, ayaw niya sa bahay nila dahil inaalipin siya duon ng step-sister niya at lagi daw may pagnanasa ang step father niya kung tumingin sa kanya. Samantalang ang mama niya naman ay halos wala narin daw pakialam sa kanya. She though na alam ng mama niya na may gusto sa kanya ang tatay niya at para pa nga daw pinagseselosan siya nito.

I couldn’t believe it actually. I feel so bad for her. Minsan natatakot din ako para sa kanya dahil baka isang araw ay pagsamantalahan siya ng step-father niya. Mabuti nalang talaga at palaban ang kaibigan ko. Kapag inaaway siya ng step sister niya ay nakikipag-away din siya. Mabuti nalang at hindi siya ginagalaw ng step-father niya puro lang pagnanasang tingin at paghawak na may malisya. When I found out about it, I was really mad and even told her to report it, but then she said she had no evidence so she felt that no one would believe her, and that her mother would get mad at her too.

It is sad to think that those like us are not able to resist in such situations. We feel so powerless and useless when it comes to our rights as a child. Were teenagers, but just like other children, we still have no power to fight for ourselves, for our dignity, for our rights, for our family who is also having a hard time to make a living.

We just want to have a better education, a better life, and a better family. But we all know that life is not that easy. Not everyone is equal and not everyone has a happy and complete family.

Kaya din ang mga katulad namin ay gusto din makapag tapos kahit sobrang hirap ng buhay, para lang makatulong sa pamilya at maiahon ang sarili sa hirap ng buhay, para sa pagdating ng panahon na magkaroon na kami ng sariling pamilya ay maibigay namin ang kompleto, masaganang buhay, at masayang pamilya, at hindi na nila kaylangang maghirap katulad ng hirap na naranasan namin.

"Kapit lang!" Sambit niya.

“Kapit lang.” I cheer back.

“Para sa pangarap.” Aniya.

“Para sa pangarap.” Sambit ko.