Obsession

Somethings You Can't Take Back

Ben tried to call me that same night. I had to call out sick the next day. He didn't believe me but I hung up before he could say much. I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing and I was starting to miss Lily and Ben. I dreamt of his touch and his kiss every night. I wanted to apologize and just be happy with him but I couldn't. Something inside me still told me that maybe he was with me as a mid-life crisis kind of thing. That one day he would want someone like Ms. Winters, someone older and more mature. I still liked to party and have fun. I had avoided Ben for eight days. I felt bad and was worried he had stayed home to watch Lily, I knew he didn't have a boss but he loved his work and knowing I might be causing him to miss days. I felt like s**t, let's just say that. He called me every day, at least five times a day.

   The following day, I was getting ready to grab coffee with Melody and Kim.

"Girl, why have you been moping around lately," Kim asked.

"It's nothing," I said.

"It is, come on tell us," she said.

"Fine," I caved. "I met someone, sort of, and well we hit it off and now I feel like it might not be the best thing to jump into right now," I explained to them.

"Holy s**t, you have a boyfriend," Kim shouted.

"Who is he?" Melody asked.

"Who he is, isn't important right now, but I don't know if he is serious or not," I said.

"Well, why not ask him," Melody answered.

"Or you can test his commitment to you," Kim added.

"How?" I questioned.

"Not sure but you can just see how much he is willing to do for you and see if he is really in it for real," Kim said. I thought about it and was still unsure about how to test him but I guess I could give it a shot. I decided to go over to Ben's house and talk it over with him.

When I arrived, I was unsure if I should knock or just go right in. I took a few deep breaths and then as soon as I had the courage I opened the door. I was shocked to see Ben sitting on the couch with Ms. Winters. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted to cry and throw things. They both looked at me standing there like an i***t staring at them.

"Feeling better?" Ben asked.

"Yeah," I said nervously.

"Well," He was about to speak but I interrupted him.

"Can I go check on Lily?" I asked him.

"Sure," he said. "She might still be asleep."

"Oh, I'll make sure not to wake her up," I said as I headed to her room. I sat on the rocking chair staring at Lily sleeping. I really did miss this little girl. Twenty minutes later, Ben came in telling me if we could talk. I got up and followed him back to the living room.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Okay," I said.

"Good," he answered a bit annoyed. "I have been in agony. I don't understand what happened."

"I had to think about things for a while," I told him

"But you didn't have to abandon me," he said harshly. As I heard the word "abandon" I felt more like s**t. Did I abandon him?

"Please, tell me what I did," he asked. "How can I fix this?"

"Why was SHE here?" I asked a bit concerned.

"We were finalizing everything for her charity event. It's in 2 weeks," he explained.

"Do you like her?" I asked. "Maybe just a little."

"No, not at all," he said.

"How do you know, if you never gave her a chance," I said.

"I know," he tried to assure me. I stayed quiet. Going over in my head the next words I was going to say. I knew even before I said them him that it would hurt like a b***h. I knew it would change everything and that I couldn't take it back but I knew it was the only way.

"I need you to have s*x with Ms. Winters," I said.

"WHAT," Ben shouted. "Are you out of your mind, NO!"

"Please, I can't know for sure you won't get bored of me and want her later," I said.

"Let me show you," he said. "Let me be with you, only you."

"I need you to do this for me, please," I said. "Have s*x with her, 1 time. If you feel nothing and still want to try. I'll try."

"You won't leave me," he said softly. "EVER."

"I won't leave."

"I don't want to do this," he said as he gently kissed my forehead. "But I would do anything for you." He left soon after and as the door closed I felt my heartbreak. I slowly went to go sit on the couch. Two minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I knew it wasn't him but I really wished it was. It was Liam and Ms. Winters, two little boys. I let them in.

"Mikey and Kevin are sleepy," Liam said. "Mind if I put them to bed."

"No, put them in the guest bedroom," I said. "2nd door on the right."

"Okay," Liam said as he escorted the boys to the room. Liam came back two minutes later.

"So, I guess your boss and my boss are going to get busy tonight," he told me. I walked back to the closest wall and slid down. I sat on the floor feeling hopeless. Liam came to sit next to me.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing,' I said. "Long day." I felt my heart beat faster and my mind go crazy with thoughts of Ben and her. I wanted to cry and I wish I could be angry but I had only myself to blame. Liam brought his hand on to my knee. I knew my next thought would be worse than my first. I took Liam's hand off of my thigh and looked deep into his eyes. I doubt he had any idea of what I was about to do. I straddled him and his face fell in complete shock. I kissed him and he soon kissed me back. With every touch, I only thought of Ben. I took Liam's shirt off and he took mine. I unbuttoned his jeans and got off of Liam for a second so he could take them off. I undid my shorts and let them fall to the floor. Liam reached up and took off my underwear.

"You look so beautiful," he said. I didn't want any compliments. I sat back down on his lap and just let his hard c**k slide inside of me.

"Aww f**k," he said. I moved up and down his c**k like I was desperate for a release. I wanted to forget everything and everyone. Liam tried to kiss me and I wanted to avoid it but my head was just lost in thoughts of Ben and that woman. She was probably on top of him, as I am right now. Maybe he is letting her kiss him, she will feel his sweet soft lips. With every awful thought, I moved faster and faster on Liam's lap. I wanted to stop but it was too late. It was too late for a lot of things.