Stay with me

Chapter 7: Alec

On my way to Addie's apartment I hit a lot of traffic.

I won't say I'm not nervous because I sure as hell am but it only partially has to do with Addie.

  It also has to do with Matthew, Addie's dad. I've only briefly seen him since Anne-Marie's death. Anne-Marie and Addie had a best friend kind of relationship. Anne-Marie was Addie's idol and when she died a part of Addie broke and she fell apart.

  I was the one having to pick up the pieces, I can't even count the number of times that I had Addie crying in my arms. Instead of being there for Addie, Matthew coped by going to work all the damn time.

   Addie was never upset or mad at him for his absence but I can't say the same for me. I know he's just as upset as Addie, maybe more but it's still incredibly selfish of him.

He wasn't the only one who lost someone that night.

I lost Anne-Marie too.

   She was like a second mom to me but I knew I had to be strong for Addie and I couldn't afford to be broken.

A red sedan cuts me off and I curse silently well honking my horn.

The last time I spoke to Matthew, it had been an argument. 

Addie doesn't know about it mainly because it was about her.

   I remember  that I confronted him well Addie was asleep and he had just got back from the hospitals night shift. 

It was early morning.

   Matthew was leaning on the kitchen counter staring at Anne-Marie's picture that was held up by a magnet on the fridge. His once brown hair was tinted gray from stress or old age, I don't know. His navy blue scrubs had hung loosely over his fit body. His sneakers still had traces of mud on them from it raining earlier that night.

His features were tense, his eyes narrowed slightly as if asking the picture "Why did you leave me?"

I don't know how long I stood there staring at him until I asked "Did you know Addison fell asleep crying tonight?"

He jumped, startled, and turned to see me with surprise etched all over his face. "No" He said quietly.

"Or that she fell asleep crying yesterday night too? Or the night before yesterday or the night before that?" I had asked.

He flinched as if in physical pain.

"No" He said softly, I almost didn't catch it.

"I didn't think so" I pause. "You see, Addison needs you and you haven't been there for her. Just because you ignore the grief I know  you're feeling doesn't mean it'll go away. Did you know Addie only gets a few hours of sleep every night because she wakes up at the crack of dawn just to see you before you go to work again?" I ask.

The physical and emotional pain was getting clearer and clearer by the second. I didn't mean to hurt him but he needed to hear this, hopefully he understands that.

"No... I didn't know that either."

 We ended up sitting in silence for a few minutes before he said "I know you're in love with her. I can see it in your eyes and the way you talk to her, I've never seen anything like it in my forty-three years of life."

He's silent for a few more moments.

    "The way you look at her it's like you lose sight of everything else, you forget where you are. It's like there's no where else you'd rather be. You look at her with adoration, like she's the sun and you're the moon. Like you'd follow her to the ends of the earth, take a bullet for her without hesitation, like you'd do anything." He pauses. " Anything to make her smile- to make her happy."

The next part he says quietly, almost to himself.

"She needs you more than she needs me" He says.

He clears his throat, trying not to cry, then his expression turns serious.

"I'll try my best to cut down on my work schedule but at some point you're going to have to tell her about your feelings. Okay?" He asks.

    I stand there shocked that he realized all this before I'd even had a chance to figure it out myself. I mean, he was right of course. I did have feelings for Addie but I don't know if I can tell her just yet. She has a lot going on and I don't want to be another thing that she needs to stress or worry about. I'll tell her some other time, just not now. 

    If I'm being quite honest with myself, I don't want things to change between us. Right now we can talk easily and I feel like she knows she can tell me anything and me telling her that I love her in more ways than one would probably make a dent in our relationship and I really don't won't that. I like the Addie that I know now, what if me telling her how I feel changes the way I act around her? What if we'll never be the same? 

I really can't take that risk right now.

"I'll think about it." I say not meeting his eyes. 

    Matthew straightens himself and gives me a small nod before heading back to his bedroom. I grab a cup from one of the cabinets and get some ice from the refrigerator and pour some water into it. I have this weird thing where it doesn't matter if it 40 degrees outside I still get ice with my water. I guess you could call it a habit.

I lift the cup to my lips and take a small sip thinking.

   On my way back to Addie's room I see picture frames lining the top of the fireplace and I move closer taking in the happy family that's been shattered before my very eyes. I look at the picture of Addie, Anne-Marie, Matthew and me at Disney world when we were about ten. 

Addie was never the type to wear pig tails and hello kitty outfits. She had a book with her everywhere she went, she dressed as a Harry Potter character every year since she was seven. 

Second grade: Harry Potter

Third grade: Peeves

Fourth grade: Alastor Moody

Fifth grade: Argus Filch

Sixth grade: Ginny Weasley 

Seventh Grade: Albus Dumbledore

Eighth grade: Luna Lovegood

Ninth grade: Dobby (Her favorite year)

Tenth grade: Hermione Granger (She looked pretty hot that year)

Eleventh grade: Bellatrix Lestrange (She looked pretty hot that year too)

And last but DEFINITELY not least (Her words not mine) : Sirius Black

  Because this was important to her I watched all the movies with her at least ten times and I went to the last two movie premiers. Anything that's important to her is important to me.

    In the picture we were all in front of the castle and Anne-Marie took the picture selfie style (This was around the time she went through her selfie phase) and we all had big smiles. If you looked close enough you could see little 'ol me trying to grab her hand. I decided against it at the last minute figuring she would only jump back five feet and give me her 'Are you crazy??' look that she has.

   The picture was taken before Anne-Marie was diagnosed with cancer and before Matthew got stress marks all over his face and before Addie had a gloom look on her face all the time and it was a reward to get even just a small smile on her face. It was when Anne-Marie got diagnosed that I made it my mission to do anything to make her smile, to make her happy.

I walked back down the hall to Addie's room and the door opened just before I put my hand on the door knob. 

Addie walked out hair disheveled and rubbing her eyes.

"Where did you go?" She asked her voice quiet and filled with sleep.

In a split second decision I decided to tell the first white lie or any type of lie I've ever told her.

"Getting water." Technically it wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either and the guilt was eating me up.

She said okay and that she would be right back after she said goodbye to her dad.

  By the time that I got out of my flashback I had made it to my apartment and was putting in the keys in without me even being aware of the fact that I had even gotten out of traffic, never mind the fact that I pressed in the code at the gate, parked and made my way up four floors.

I put my coat on the rack and set my keys on the table.

   I walked past the living room into the kitchen and walked into my room that was connected to a hallway down from the kitchen. I figured I had enough time so that I could take a quick shower before I left.

    I grabbed a towel and a few essentials and made my way into my bathroom. I turned on the shower and well waiting for it to heal up I checked out my face in the mirror. I haven't shaved since the day before yesterday and it's already grown in a little bit around my jawline. I never like to shave it all off, I keep a little of it because it never looks right when I shave the whole thing off. I look like a baby and Addie likes it this way so I keep it. Even if I didn't like it this way but Addie did I'd keep it this way just to make her smile even just a little bit.

   I step in the shower and wash my hair and body and get out in just under ten minutes. That's a record for me. The longest I've ever been in the shower is two hours. Let's just say my parents weren't exactly the happiest when they got their water bill. Whoops.

  I grab the towel from off the top of counter and dry my hair and body. I've been working out a lot more so I guess my body's more defined than it was a few months ago but it doesn't seem like that big of a difference but when Addie noticed I started going to the gym a lot more than I used to. I've been going once a week and it seems to be working great.

I grab some Khaki shorts and a Tommy Hilfiger T-Shirt pulling them on and putting some cologne I got from Macys.

   I turn off the lights and head back to the front door and grab my keys. I lock up the door and head down the elevator and step out into the parking lot getting into my car. 

I sigh thinking about how this night might go. It could either end with Matthew and Addie being closer together or being farther distanced. Hopefully the first.

   I start the engine and pull out of the parking garage as the gates open up for me. I get to the restaurant before I even know it and park the car. I feel like i've been driving so much today, I feel exhausted. All I want to do right now is set the seat back and take an endless nap but I can't do that. I have to be here for Addie. There's no hesitation with that, I will always be there for her, No. Matter. What.

  She's first on my mind and in any way possible. She may not know it but I do and that's all that matters to me right now.

   I'll tell her when she's more comfortable, when she's more happy. If she ends up figuring out before than, then that'll be either great or horrible. Hopefully great but one can only hope.

  I step out of the car slamming the door behind me just a little too hard, I wince hoping there's no damage done.

   The restaurant Addie had said she wanted to go to was called 'Carrabbas' I've never been there and neither has Addie or Matthew but Addie decided she should try something different for once. I open the door to Carrabbas and look around.

   There's quite a few people around sitting in booths with fake (I'm guessing) candles in the middle of each table. There's a bar with Tv's everywhere playing sports games. There's a soccer game going on (both women's and men's soccer) plus basketball (Both women's and men's too) and a men's football game.

I walk up to the little island that has a girl behind it. I'm guessing she's the person to show us our tables. I'm not sure if Addie's here or not yet, so I figured I should ask.

"Um-Is there an eighteen year old girl here with her father? Kind of short, hispanic, really beautiful, Hazel eyes, brown hair with caramel highlights?" I ask.

She raises her eyebrows and I realize that I might've said a tad bit too much. I turn Scarlett and look down really quick.

She seemed to decide not to say anything and I thank god silently.

"Yes, they said they were waiting for one more, so I assume the third is you?" I give a small nod. "Okay, follow me then."

    She turns around a little too fast and her long pony tail flips back and forth. Her hair is blonde and she has a short sleeved black shirt that says Carrabbas in the corner. She's wearing tight black pants and black vans. She's tall and skinny, she looks like she doesn't eat much. I never understood that with girls. Do they really think that not eating is a thing that guys think is attractive? Because it's not. Like at all. It's actually a turn-off for me and I'm just happy that Addie knows better than that. She's smarter than most.

   We turn a corner and I see Matthew on one side of the booth but the other side's empty. I quietly thank the waitress and Matthew gets up to give me one of those awkward guy hugs. He sits back in his cushioned seat and I sit across from him knowing that Addie'll sit next to me. Matthew seems to know that but doesn't acknowledge it for both of our benefits.

"Where's Addison?" I ask.

   He just looks at me for a second, then nods at something behind me. I turn around to see Addie walk out of the bathroom in a beautiful dress. It has a V-neck going a little too far down for her father's taste but it works in my favor. Her dress has a galaxy print and ends about a half a foot above her knees. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun and is held up by a couple of hair pins. She has gray eye-shadow on her eyes, her eyelashes looking beautiful. Her heels are about an inch high and are laced up all the way up to just under her knees. They match her galaxy printed dress and have gray on the heels. 

I think there might be a little drool on the side of my mouth and I'm pretty sure my mouth fell open. In my defense she looks drop dead gorgeous.

She sees me and grins. Then she realizes what she's wearing and her smile turns from a grin to a shyness I haven't seen in a while.

I stand up when she makes it to the table. I pull her in for a hug and move my mouth close to her ear and whisper "You look beautiful."

She pulls away, grinning and she has patches of red on her cheeks that wasn't there a minute ago. I feel a little giddy sensation when I realize that I'm the one who put those there.

I start grinning and I can't seem to stop and when I look at Addie sitting next to me she doesn't seem to be able to stop either. I sneak a peek at Matthew to see his expression.

He just rolls his eyes and looks at us like were crazy but when Addie isn't looking he tilts his head  toward her and mouths "You have to go for it at some point, you know."

    I look everywhere but him and pretend I hadn't heard a word he said. Which technically,  I hadn't. I look at him again and he just shakes his head smiling and then winks at me. I realize that Addie and shoot daggers at him. I grab my menu and put it in front of me and then put my hand on the side of my face so Addie thinks I'm just looking at the menu. Then I mouth sarcastically to Matthew "Real subtle. Thank you."

  He gives me the most innocent smile and mouths "Your welcome" and he seems to really believe he did me a favor. I roll my eyes and sigh but when I actually look at my menu I smile to myself.

I can't deny he seem's happier now than the last time I saw him.

   I hope that feels better now and I know he's actually trying with Addison now so I figured I would cut him slack. I realized that Anne-Marie and Matthew had been together for twenty years and that takes a huge toll on someone when the other person dies and although he was being selfish, he hadn't even realized it.

Addie's eyes sparkle and I think this might be a great night, maybe I'll even finally tell Addie.