Rough Desire

Chapter 18

Dean pov:

The way her soft hands moved up and down my d**k, the way her warm mouth wrapped around it, the way her big eyes looked up at me innocently. Ahh why did everything about her have to be so damn addictive.

My own hand tightened around my now hard d**k as I thought about the way she had sucked it in the back seat of my car. She had done it so good it left my body begging for more and even after hours had passed I still wasn't able to get the thought of her out of my mind.

Frustrated I picked up my phone for the hundredth time tonight, it was almost 1am already and I was sure she would be asleep by now. I had been resisting the urge to message her all night, worried that this was moving to fast for us both. She was so small, so delicate I didn't want to scare her away, I didn't even know how she had agreed to be with me. If I was her I wouldn't have agreed. She can do so much better then me, I don't deserve a good yet so damn bad girl like her. Even just as a friend with benefits or even just to be my friend, I didn't deserve any of that. She should be with a man who  would spoil her, be there for her, to treat her right. Pretty much everything I couldn't give to her, all I was doing was taking advantage of her. I wish it wasn't like this, I didn't want to hurt her but I couldn't let her go. I needed her around more then I wanted to admit.I really did want to give being friends a try though. I wasn't sure how much I could take of this lonely feeling that had been hanging over me my whole life like a dark cloud. I wanted it gone, I wanted to have someone I could turn to, share things with but I was scared of what it would do to me.  

I flicked through my contacts until her name came up. I stared at her name on my phone screen, unsure of what to do. I couldn't recall the last time I had hesitated so much like this, no matter how I was feeling on the inside in most cases I was able to keep cool and confident on the outside. How could she make me like this? And why did I let her? It was like I wasn't in control of my mind or body whenever it involved her. 

 f**k it! If I scare her off then it's probably for the best anyway plus she knew what she was getting into and she had agreed so why the hell was I over thinking this so much.

Are you awake?

That was the simple text I had finally decided to send her. I threw my phone down onto the bed and headed into the lounge room to watch some TV. I wasn't expecting her to reply but after 15 minutes of flicking through channel after channel I decided to give in and go check.

3 new messages.

Ava: Yeah.

Ava: What's up?

Ava: Sure go ahead and fall asleep right after you message me.

I must seem like such an asshole right now, she had instantly replied to my message and now she probably thought I was ignoring her or something. I quickly typed out a reply and sent it in hopes she was still awake and willing to talk to me.

Me: Sorry didn't hear my phone. Why are you still up?Okay that wasn't a complete lie. I held my breath as I waited for her, I wasn't sure exactly where I wanted this conversation to lead to but I just wanted a chance to see at least. A sigh of relief left my mouth when I finally saw her typing.

Ava: Why are you?

Me:  Couldn't sleep.

Ava: Same

 I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this and to be honest I didn't like the way she was acting all dry towards me. I know its probably what I deserved but I didn't like it and I wanted it to stop so I decided to try and change the direction of the conversation into a better one.

Me: I was thinking about you.

Okay yeah I know that's a typical players line but in my experience it does work. I mean what girl can resist knowing a mans up thinking about her, for some reason it makes them feel special I guess.

Ava: Same

Bingo. Now were talking, well shes still kinda being dry but hey at least shes thinking of me right.

Me: Oh you were thinking about me? What exactly were you thinking about ;)

Ava: No I meant I was also thinking about me ;)

I stared at her text for a while, not really sure how I wanted to respond. I could be a smart ass back but I feel like that would just end up with us trying to out do one another and I wasn't sure I was in the mood for that. I could keep pushing for something s****l and see if she would give in though there is still the risk of coming on too strong and scaring her away. I could pull her up on her attitude but again would she feel like I was mistreating her and would that make her want to put an end to our agreement before it even started.You know what maybe I should just not reply.In the end the frustration from it all got too much for me, making me chuck my phone across the room and onto the bed as I continued to pace the room in thought.No one had ever made me feel like this before, I was always so capable of controlling my emotions, never really taken a second thought before making a decision. I knew what I wanted and what I wanted I would get but Ava made me feel things I wished I couldn't. She made me crazy about her, crazy about some one I barely knew, she made me want to break every rule I had ever lived by, made me want to put down my walls and let someone in and she made it all seem so simple, so easily done.Whats worse is she made me think, made me feel all this in such a short time and I don't even think she was trying. God dammit I don't even think she realizes what she does to me. To her i'm probably nothing more then a selfish jerk.

The soft light of my phone screen caught my attention, making me forget what I was thinking about as some of my frustration was slowly replaced with curiosity with a hint of excitement as I realized she must have sent me another message. I quickly lunged for my phone and unlocked it. I honestly hadn't expected her to message again, specially since this was the second time tonight I hadn't replied.

Ava: I was thinking about how good I am at sucking that d**k.

Fuck! If there was any trace of anger left in me it was now completely gone. If I had to guess what her message was I would have guessed anything but that. It truly took me by surprise and I could feel myself getting hard at the thought of having her mouth on it again. My earlier worries flew out my head as my fingers quickly typed out a response before I had a chance to really think of what I was saying.

Me: Mmm That you are baby. How about you come around and give me a little reminder.

10 minutes passed, no reply.

I anxiously waited as the realization of what I had just said kicked in. I could see she had read the message straight after I had sent it but it seemed I had finally pushed my luck too far.