Conflicted

Already Invested

For a while, there is nothing but silence. I know I should say something. She's definitely waiting for me to say something... but what do I say? I'm angry that someone she loved and trusted caused her this level of pain, I am furious that this person is still out there and looking to inflict more. I am scared of what will happen if I ever see his face. I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of what he's done to her and for not finding her sooner... the emotions go on and on. I blurt out one of the first things my brain could process.

"You got away."

"Yes," a soft reply.

"You're here now, with me," I speak again.

"Yes," she repeats.

"Stay here. I can protect you."

"How?" A hopeful question.

"I've been training for years, I teach a self-defense class. He can't find you here, not unless you tell him where you are. Do you have an iPhone? Can he track your location?" I'm kicking myself now for not thinking of this earlier.

Her eyes widen. "s**t, I don't know if I have my location turned on..." her voice trails as she fishes her phone out from her pocket. I watch her finger slide down from the top of her screen. The tension leaves her face, relief. "No, it wasn't on, I can't even remember the last time I activated my location," she assures.

My shoulders relax. "Good," a beat passes. "I think that's the first time I hear you swear," I grin.

Even with her split lip, she smiles. "Probably, I try not to curse too often."

"You have swelling on your face..." I frown and reach over the food between us to gently trace the swelling above her left eye. My hand trails down her cheek, and my thumb rests near the cut on her lower lip. "I'm sure your mom will notice. So will your boss..." my hand is lingering, but she doesn't pull away.

Sadness is visible in her eyes. "I'm not sure what to do, or what to say."

"He deserves to go to jail," I say, a cutting edge to my voice. I see Peyton wince. "I'm sorry, I know he's your boyfriend. I can't imagine what is going through your head," I continue, much softer now.

"I know you're right. I know this is bad. I know I should be telling someone, I should report this to police. Until now, I didn't want to accept this for what it was... or rather, what this is. I can't even bring myself to admit I was... violated." Peyton is hurting so badly in this moment and I feel so helpless. I want nothing more than to take her pain away. "I don't want to say the other word," she whispers.

I shove the box of pizza aside and move myself closer to her on the floor. I'm hesitant, I feel the urge to reach out, pull her against me and wrap my arms around her protectively. I want to show her that she is okay with me, that I would never hurt her. I know that this conversation is a trigger for, however. I worry that if I touch her now she will fall apart, the trauma is still too fresh. As I debate internally, she allow me to move in close. The moment I am near enough, she falls into my arms with ease. She did not question it, she didn't hesitate, as I did. I feel her tremble against me and I wrap my arms around her, resting my chin on the top of her head. I smell her shampoo and melt. She smells like summer rain, if that is even possible. My eyes close and I rock her back and forth. We sit together on the floor like that for what feels like hours. I am the first to break the silence.

"If you don't want to go to police, I understand... but he deserves punishment and you deserve not only closure, but justice. For now we can just sit here, but I promise to protect you, and part of that means doing everything I can to keep him far, far, far away from you. Ideally, for me at least, that means locked away in a correctional facility." I don't know how she will take what I just said and I hold my breath waiting for her response.

She pulls away to face me. "I need to make a report. I can't hide from this. Preston has spent the last four years of his life with me and if I try to just break up with him, I won't be able to ensure my own safety or anyone else's. There's no other way I can guarantee he won't end up doing this to someone else. I don't know who Preston is anymore, but if I'm honest, he stopped being the same man I fell in love with a long time ago," Peyton isn't crying, although I'm sure she probably wants to. I can imagine that she has exhausted her ability to produce tears for today. Regardless, the pained expression of her face says it all.

"I feel really guilty for putting you through all this with me. You literally only met me this morning and it's safe to say I made quite the bad first impression," Peyton turns her face, embarrassed and flushed.

"Peyton, I swear I was meant to meet you this morning. I can't explain why, but I feel drawn to you. I would do anything to get to know you, to help you in anyway I can. I'd love to become someone you can trust, become your friend..." I trail off. If I'm being honest, I know damn well that I'd like to be a lot more than just friends, but now is not the time for that. She is hurting, she is going through something awful and we haven't even known each other for more than a few hours. I need to chill the f**k out. I feel insane, these intense feelings, the instant and deep connection I feel towards her... it seems surreal. This stuff is fantasy. Yet, it is happening and it is real and it scares me. I don't even think she realizes I'm gay. A lot of people don't catch onto it at all. Those who do tend to pick up on it very late and only after I've perhaps given them a few hints towards it. Others have absolutely no idea unless I tell them. I guess I'm what most consider a "lipstick lesbian", I label I don't care for. Stereotypes are annoying, identifiers are sometimes hurtful and I try to avoid such things as much as I can. Very few people pick up on my s****l orientation as quickly as Preston did this morning. Although, I did almost kick his ass, so that was a pretty big hint. I suddenly feel nervous, like a preteen about to go to the movies with their crush. When I get nervous, I say dumb or impulsive things.

"There's something you should know about me," I begin.

Peyton smiles. "There's a lot I'd love to know about you. Like, everything, for example."

My heart flutters and warms. Wow, I've got it bad.

"Well, here's one thing..." I pause. Breathe. "I've never had a boyfriend."

I want to melt into the floorboards and disappear. Kate, you're a f*****g i***t.

"Hmm, there must have been a lot to keep you busy while you were in the closet," she says, them immediately turns red. Her clear blue eyes widen at what she said.

I burst out laughing. I'm laughing so hard I start to cough. Wheezing, I croak out. "How did you know? Did the truck give it away? Or was it the mechanic thing?" Tears of laughter escape my eyes. She's laughing now too.

"Oh, my God. I can't believe I just said that. I'm so relieved you took it as the joke I intended it to be. I'm normally not this forward," Peyton relaxes at my reaction.

"I love a good dry sense of humour. Sarcasm is my second language."

"In that case, I think you and I are set to be good friends," Peyton announces.

I am practically vibrating with happiness.

"Good, because I'm already invested."