Remark

Pity Party

I was set to leave my apartment for school and I looked like someone who couldn’t handle so much errands in her life. I was holding my T-square and my tube over my right shoulder, my bag hanging by my left shoulder, my scale model with my left hand, my files in my right hand– I had so much to hold that I needed to take the cab for a change.

Stepping out, I was welcomed by two familiar figures in front of me leaning against the gate. “Good morning, Nami.” I looked at Jonah then to Mark who rolled his eyes after glaring at him for a few seconds.

“What are you g—”

“Let me help you with that.” Jonah takes my scale model from my hands leaving me speechless and unable to reject him.  “Are you passing this for your Design class?” He asked and I nodded still wondering why these two were right in front of my apartment.

“No, let me help you with that, Nami.” Mark suddenly grabs my T-square and tube. “I’m sure I can give you more help than this toothpick.”

“Are you sure about that? I can assure you that my work out, three hours a day, is enough to strengthen my muscles.”

I watch the two of them eye each other intensely – so intense they were almost building electricity over their line of visions. I stepped between the two of them and grabbed my things back from them. “I can carry these on my own, thank you.” The two boys sighed and looked away from each other so I began walking away from them.

“This is your fault. If you could have just let me help her, she wouldn’t have turned me down!”

“How is this my fault? She, clearly, handed me her things already before you started taking some of her stuffs too as if you’re trying to look cool on purpose.”

I hear Mark wheeze. “Trust me. I look cool every day.”

Then Jonah lets out a more sarcastic wheeze. “Trust me. It’s better to live without trying to be so cool instead of losing the person you love the most. You’re not cool if you’re a douchebag. Don’t you think,” he paused. “Mark?”

I rolled my eyes in frustration before turning back to both of them who were so busy at staring into each other’s eyes. “Stop it, you two!” I exclaimed. “You’re both acting like little kids. I’m not answering neither of you so get over it.” I never really thought that my life would come to this point where two boys are actually showing you that they’re fighting over you – right in front of your face, literally.

“Wait, Nami. Where are you going?” I hear Jonah ask so I answer without turning back.

“To find a cab obviously,”

“I can give you a ride, Nami.” Mark said.

“Nope. You can ride with me,”

I sighed and stopped walking. This is even more frustrating that when I was trying to use Hikaru to forget Mark. “I’m not riding with anyone today. At least not when the two of you are offering. I’ll just get my own taxi.” I continued walking to the alley and hope to find a cab but I can almost see their shadows following behind me. I turned around and I see them frantically stop. “What are you doing?”

“You know. Just to be sure you’re getting in safe.”

I frowned in disbelief. I can’t believe a girl can actually put up with this type of situation. I disregarded the thought and scanned for a cab anyway. When a car stopped in front of me, I quickly stepped inside without bothering to turn back and told the driver to take me to school. What a stressful morning to start my day.

It was the end of my second class when I saw Jonah waiting for me outside my room. “Hey,” he greeted with a smile but I just give his a stare. “How was the defense for your design? Did Mr. Lim bomb you with questions?”

I sighed and remembered how awful I did. I was always good with speaking in public but a while ago was not my day. I completely flanked my presentation so I had to deal with a lot of questions like how would it be possible for this to carry the load of your next floor and what does this curvature contribute to the design which were really hard for me to answer at that point where all I could feel was my heart beating uncontrollably fast. “He did and I’m pretty sure I’m getting kicked out by first semester.”

“No, you won’t.” He replied and I looked down. “Listen. I just wanted to say sorry about this morning. I didn’t really think he would move that fast. I mean, not that I wasn’t expecting this much rivalry with him.” He chuckled and I let out a snort. Looking back, I think they both acted pretty funny this morning.

“Yeah, no, it’s okay. I was just really stressed this morning trying to finish my written plate, and all the dimensions of the plan and you two showed up and started throwing words at each other – it just, well, kind of—”

“No, I actually came here to talk to you about that.”

I was confused. I didn’t know what he was talking about. “What’s that though?”

“Sneakers?” he pulls out a bar from his pocket and offers it to me. “It can help you stay awake. You probably stayed up late to finish that right?” He laughs so I grab the bar from him and said thanks. “Mark’s trying to win you back now,”

I looked down and didn’t know how to respond.

“I think it would really push him harder if you showed more interest in me.”

I looked at him unsure if I should wonder why he was suggesting this and how I’m supposed to react to that now. I wasn’t sure if he was doing something that could really help Mark really try to win me or if he just wanted my attention. “I’m not sure about t—”

“I thought you trust me, Nami. You really should.” Should I? “He’ll be able to realize why you left him if that happens. I mean, you want him back too right?” Do I? “You’re just waiting for him to know what he did wrong before you accept him again.”

I couldn’t even speak for myself because I was too ashamed of what he just claimed which were all true. I did want Mark back no matter how embarrassing it is to admit and I realized how boring and plain my life is without his presence. It feels so bland and muted, and just empty. “I don’t want to give you any false assumptions, Jonah.”

He smiled shaking his head. “Who said I was going to have any of that?” Then he chuckled. “I won’t take advantage of the situation, Nami. You should be taking advantage of what I’m trying to offer you help with.”

I sighed and my mind was so bothered. I didn’t know if this was a good idea or if it would only make things worse than it already is. “So what do I do?”

“You just gotta trust.”

I wheezed out loud unable to stop myself from bursting into laughter. “You’re not Peter Kavinsky to say that.” I blurted remembering their last scene from the movie To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.

“I will be your Peter Kavinsky. Just trust me.” He nods confidently. “And don’t worry. We won’t be falling for each other like they did. I might but I know you won’t so,” I looked away awkwardly. “It’s too bad.”

“Then be Josh Sanderson then.” I laughed.

“Do I have to?”

I shook my head. “Be Jonah then,”

“I’ll be Jonah.”

After lunch break, I headed to my locker to drop off my T-square. I didn’t feel the need to still bring them for my afternoon classes when all I have is minor subjects. The moment I opened it, I wasn’t even surprised now to see another note folded in the same manner, written in the same stationery.

You don’t deserve a love that sparks – you deserve the best love. -CM

I don’t even turn around to somehow hope I’d see the person behind all these notes because I know I won’t be able to see that person I was trying to find. I’ve kept the notes I’ve been receiving in a box and it surprisingly helps me remind myself that I’m a person that actually means to someone. One day, I’ll be able to meet this person and thank him or her for giving me such motivation to keep smiling even when it rains and storms.

“Going home?”

I turned and saw Jonah standing behind me. I nodded and closed my locker. “You?”

“It’s not really courting if you let the girl go home alone, don’t you think?” he jokes and I laughed. “Let me,” He offers his hand this time and he doesn’t just pull my things off me. I take a moment to look at him. “Come on. Hand them over.”

I extend my tube over to him. “Only this.”

“And your T-square.”

I knew if I stopped him, we’d be talking over and over again trying to convince one another that we can carry them so I just say, “Fine,” I hand him my stuffs and we begin walking out of our department. “You’re not overworking today?” I asked and he chuckles. I don’t exactly know why he was laughing but I was asking seriously.

“Overwork?” He repeats. “I wouldn’t call it overwork. I prefer responsibilities I need to do before the deadline.”

“So you’re not doing any of your responsibilities today?” I correct myself sarcastically and he shakes his head.

“I already finished them a while ago during my vacant period.” He replied.

I examined his face. He didn’t look stressed or devastated with work – if anything, he looked too fresh to be true. If he was a normal student who’s facing a lot of problems, he wouldn’t be this calm-looking. “Is it not hard? Balancing your studies and the whole department? Does it not get rocky in times?”

He looked away, squinting his eyes as he looks for an answer. “You don’t get tired with something you love to do.”

I nodded in agreement. “That’s true, I guess.”

“Have you ever felt devastated for not being able to do what you want?”

“Even if it’s not really something you want to do?”

“Even if it’s not really something I want to do.”

I spaced out. I don’t think Jonah has ever heard me talk about loving to dance. He’s only heard me talk about how I broke my ankle while dancing. “It’s like not being able to eat gummies make me feel devastated.”

“Same,” We both laughed. “But not gummies, donuts.”

I bobbed my head with a small chuckle.

His phone suddenly rings so he frantically reaches for his phone and answers it without asking to excuse him. “Speak.” He says. I wonder if he really says that every time someone tries to call him. “Yes. Why?” I see him frown. “I do have them in the office.” He looked at me then blinks several times. “Now?” He sighs. “Fine.”

“If you’re worried about my things then—”

“Nope. They’re staying with me so you’d be forced to wait for me and I know it’s not really nice to make a girl wait for you but you’re waiting for me anyway.” He smirked and walks away from me before I could even stop him from doing that. Now I really do have to wait for whatever errand he has to finish.

I sat outside our department patiently waiting for Jonah. Time suddenly felt so slow at that point as I watch my clock ticking every second. I was getting very frustrated but I needed my T-Square and tube roll back if I wanted to finish two of my plates that’re due tomorrow. I sighed and deliberately wondered if I could just find Jonah and explain why I needed it back as soon as possible or if I would just wait for him until he comes back.

In the midst of my thoughts, I was disturbed by my phone vibrating harshly over the pocket of my pants. I quickly reach for it and I almost screamed in glee the moment I saw Jonah’s name flashing over my screen. “Jonah, thank God. I really need my T-square back—”

“Yes, I’m sorry. I got called for an emergency office work. Can you just pick it up here?”

“That’s okay.” For as long as I have them back. “Where are you?” I asked standing up from the mono block I was sitting on. After he told me he was in our department office, I march my way towards the third floor – where the office was located. I was panting really hard when I reached the door. I knocked twice after composing myself. I opened the door and the light opens.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

My heart literally stopped. I was frozen staring at everyone lined up over the corner holding up balloons and horns. The wall was already accented with the words Happy Birthday Nammy and I just – I can’t even believe this was actually happening. I see all the members of the board clapping their hands together as they sing the song.

Jonah suddenly walked towards me holding a white frosted cake. “Happy birthday, Nami.” He said when the song finished. “Make a wish.”

I wish for eternal happiness and health for my family, friends, and for myself. I open back my eyes, stared at everyone who were throwing me the biggest smiles, and blew the candles. At that, everyone exclaims and greets me again, clapping their hands loudly.

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

“Girl, you’ve been very quiet but we all know, like Gail literally keeps everyone’s birth dates in her journal.” Terry said and I laughed.

“I really didn’t think anyone would care so I never really said anything,”

“Okay. We all know you just didn’t want to treat any of us.”

Everyone laughed.

“Come on. We prepared a small feast.” Gail said as she shows me the table – our table that was mostly filled with papers but now, there were more food than I can ever imagine. “Before Terry actually eats them all. We all know he can be a really hungry pig sometimes.”

“You can keep the cake. We don’t have to eat it.” I turned to Jonah and smiled as he hands me the cake he was holding.

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“It’s no biggie, really.”

When I got back to my apartment, Hikaru was standing by the door with a bag in his hand. He turns to me with a frown. “How can you not spend your birthday with me and bailing on my parents?” He asked and quickly ran to him.

“I’m so sorry, Karu-kun. Jonah threw a small party for me at the office a while ago and I totally forgot about the dinner and it was all so sudden. I almost forgot it was a dinner for my birthday too.”

He chuckled. “I was kidding Come on, I packed some meals to eat and presents from my parents.”

“Presents from your parents? Really?” I laughed and opened the door for him to enter. “Tell aunt Kana, thank you for it then.”

“Sure,”

We were eating the meat Hikaru brought deliciously. I got full a while ago in the department but my stomach just can’t resist meat when it’s already there, laying down in front of me, calling out my name. “This is really good. Where’d you get it from?”

“Mom actually had it ordered from somewhere.”

I nodded in satisfaction and shove more meat inside my mouth. The juicy sensation of the meat just makes it yummier than ever. Aunt Kana really knows the best meat in the world. I couldn’t stop eating.

After thirty minutes of eating non-stop, we were finally done. “Just so you know, I purposely didn’t spend the day with you so you feel like you’re lonely for your birthday. Aren’t I the sweetest friend?” Hikaru chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

“Thanks a lot. You really made me feel lonely, alright. Congratulations for the success of your plan.”

He pulls out a black box and hands it to me. “It’s from mom.”

I opened it and saw a silver bracelet with charms handing by the loops. “This is beautiful. I love it.” I said running my fingers over the cold metal. “Tell Aunt Kana that she’s the best person in my life.”

“I’ll tell her you said thanks.” Hikaru replied and I laughed. “Sophee also sent her greetings to me. Watch.” He showed me his phone and I immediately see Sophee’s face flashing over his screen. “NAMI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” She still looked beautiful. “I’m sorry I’m not there with you to celebrate your birthday but I am celebrating with you by heart.” She was even more beautiful now that she died her hair blonde. Almost like a real American. “I just want you to know that I’m always here for you even if we’re like a thousand miles apart but we’re still best friends right? Anyway, I hope you had a good day and I’ll see you soon. I miss you! Bye!” After she blows a kiss, she smiles and the video ends.

“Isn’t she the sweetest best friend?” I turned to Hikaru and he just nodded.

“I’ll let you say whatever you want since it’s your birthday.” I glared at him and crossed my arms. “So enjoy it while it lasts.” At that, I smack him by his shoulder several times until we ended up chasing each other around my living room.

It was almost twelve when I was still half way through my first plate. Hikaru already left around eight. Everything was so alive three hours ago and now, everything turns dull and dead really quick. I was losing hope. I think I won’t be able to finish this one for tomorrow. Should I just sleep and forget about the grade or just don’t sleep and survive this first semester at least? I sighed and took a sip out of my coffee. Let’s finish this and graduate, Nami. By then, you can slap your degree to your father’s face, earn tons of money, and have your name marked in the world.

Someone suddenly knocks over the door. I stared at the door for a few seconds before standing up to see who was knocking this late through the peephole. I tiptoed and looked into the small opening but I couldn’t see anyone so I just opened the door out of curiosity. No one would actually kill me on the day of my birthday right? This ain’t a horror movie – it ain’t Happy Death Day.

I looked around and no one was there. My eyes were diverted to the box laying down the floor with a note taped with it. ‘Happy Birthday :)’ the note said. I bring the box up to my hands unsure if it was safe for me open it inside my apartment or not but it was heavy. I didn’t want to fuse a bomb so I just opened the box by my door. In case it starts, ticking, I can just throw them over to my neighbors.

When I opened it, I was stunned to see gummies piled up in a circle as they make their way up. Red colored gummies spelled out Happy birthday, Nami and the rest were literally formed like a cake. I twist my head sideways to scan for the person who dropped this off but no one was there. I smiled at the creativity and effort put into this and proceeded back inside.