Chapter 6: The train leaving the station
1084 Words
Dear diary,
I have done something, something I have never done before, it’s not the worst thing maybe not even such a bad thing but it’s totally out of character for me. I bunked school, I couldn’t face anyone today especially those guys, so instead I am sitting on a pier staring out onto the never ending turquoise waters, it felt so symbolic to my pain which is just as never ending. I sat there for hours, considering how easy it would have been to just jump but then I think about how my problems are nothing compared to others and others always win. So, there I was, convincing myself that I should go back so I did. I walked and walked not even realising how far out I was and when I eventually got home I was out of breathe with sweat dripping down my forehead. I took a deep breath before entering the house, if I can change and be better I know that things will look up, I thought. I was all hyped up on the positivity, but my bubble burst so fast, so quickly and hard. The girls were adopted, both of them! They were just waiting for me to say goodbye and the happiness on their faces said it all. I know I was supposed to be happy for them and of course I was but that leaves me…alone, and what will happen to me? I really believed for a second that a positive attitude can change everything, that if I was better that things would also be better but I was stupid. I looked at my foster parents faces, mom was really angry because for her money was walking right out of the door but the dad, he had a grin on his face and I realised, one is easier to handle then three…
I said my goodbyes and went to the all of a sudden empty room and I decided that I had to get out as well. I took out the phone from my pocket, scrolled through our texts hoping to feel the same way I did when he send it, but nothing. I felt empty, alone and hurt. It’s like a boomerang, no matter how many time I throw it away, it kept coming back. I kept on staring at the phone until tears streamed down my face. Finally, something! I felt something and even though it was tears it felt good, it was as if those tears that gave me the sort of strength that needed and I just started packing, there wasn’t much but I threw it all in a bag, in what felt like a matter of seconds. I decided that I should at least leave a note, not that they would report me missing but it’s the least I could do.
“There isn’t a lot to be thankful for but I appreciate that you covered for us from your husband, I can see that he even got under your skin. I know you did the best you could and I see that now. I hope that days to come will be better for you as well. I can’t stay anymore, I can’t wait till the day that you can’t stop him anymore and I am pretty sure I don’t have what it takes to fight him off. I can’t blame you for how my life worked out but I can blame you for the bruises that you left. Those left permanent scarce and it will take forever to forgive that…
Best of luck, Deirdre.”
I took a long look at the note, I must admit it kind of hurt but I threw it onto the bed before I lose my nerve and took the bag and climbed out the window. I started running, no idea where I was heading but I kept going. I finally stopped at the train station and used my last money for a ticket, the furthest I could afford and there I was at a station with a ticket to a place I have never been before, not even sure I know where exactly Paarl is but its better then here. I quickly realised that I was all alone, with no money, no home and no food. How am I going to survive? I think I should rather walk back home, I don’t know what is better…living on the street or in an abusive house? I walked with my head down but something caught my eye and I looked up to see him looking at me with tears in his eyes as though he was waiting for a sign, and we ran into each other’s arms. I felt safe, I felt like I belonged and everything seemed okay.
He spend his last money on a ticket in the complete opposite direction as where I was heading and so we were standing there with no money and no idea what we were going to do. He kissed me on the forehead and said to wait by the train, he will find a way and I was so scared that he wanted to rob someone but he walked towards the crowds, sat down on the floor, took his hat off and placed it on the ground and after just sitting there for a while he started singing. Oh My Gosh! His voices sounded like an angel, I was in complete disbelief. I really didn’t expect that from him, it’s true what they say don’t judge a book by its cover. He looked so calm even I got lost in his voice, as if all our troubles disappeared and we were transported to our own little paradise where nothing but us mattered. I was so high on love that I didn’t even realise that he stopped singing. He walked over and kissed me, a full blown lip on lip action and as our lips parted he showed me the money for the ticket. I smiled from ear to ear and grabbed onto his hand and walked towards the train.
We boarded the train, as the train left the station the whistle became rhythmic to my ears, a chapter coming to an end with no turning back. I smiled as a tear rolled over my cheek, I was so happy but it was still so painful.
Well Aysa, this was a start of the journey where things were not as they seemed and now I really have no one to shift the blame to for my choices.
Love, Mom
- Writer
