Your Memory

“You really are resigning?” she asked worriedly “Yeah .. maybe? I mean I’ve been thinking about it for so long. You know that.” Villanelle replied uneasily. “…why?” Erin asked once again. “Sorry, I am not questioning you and your capabilities, what I meant was, I am proud of you and happy whatever your decision will be. I-I just want you to know that, and I hope you really know what’s the next step after.” She added Erin’s eyes became teary at this moment, but she managed to keep her posture. “I know, don’t worry about me.” Villanelle simply replied and smiled at the other girl. “Great,” Erin said timidly. “I .. I need to go now, I have a few things to do at home.” She added not looking at the other girl. “Don’t you want me to stay?” Villanelle asked looking straight into her eyes. Erin paused as she was about to turn her back to her. “Villanelle, I always want you to stay, and you know that. But staying should be your own choice, not anyone else’s,” she said and finally turned her back. Erin walked away whilst Villanelle froze in her current position watching the girl fade from her view.   As the wind blows, they separated their ways as if they are not made to join a journey.   Three Years Later Third Person’s POV   Erin’s at the coffee shop, sipping her cup of tea whilst listening to the music. A woman called her.  “Erin?” She didn’t hear it until the lady tapped her shoulder. “Hey!” She then looked up and immediately unplugged her AirPods. “Nao!” she was surprised to see one of her old friends. “You look hella fine!” Nao blurted out. “Girl, I do always.” She bragged and they both laughed. “Are you here alone?” Nao asked Erin. “Yeah, just me and my cup of tea.” She laughs as she lifts her cup.  “How about you?” Erin asked her back. “I’m with Deil, Lirain and Villanelle.” As she completes the list, the last name caught her off guard and echoed to her ears. Erin then gulps the air. “You are not replying to our group chats, you seem really busy these days huh?” the woman added. “Uhh.. Yeah, kinda. Work just consumes most of my time and every time I get some bandwidth I always use it to relieve stress, alone. You know, adulting.” She chuckles uneasily. “Why don’t you stay for a while, let’s catch up. You’ve been MIA, girl.” Nao then pushed Erin to sit back, and they both chitchatting while waiting for the other ladies.   Erin’s POV   “Why don’t you stay for a while, let’s catch up. You’ve been MIA, girl.” Nao then pushed me to sit back. Not sure how to respond, I am not seeing any of the girls she mentioned earlier. “There they are.” Nao looks at the door of the café as it swung open, I saw Lirain enter next to her is Deil and Villanelle. They were laughing on their way. I quickly turn my back to them while Nao stands up to wave. Gesturing to come over to our table. “Erin!?” Deil squeals in excitement. “I did not know you are coming!” She added. “I-I’m not. It’s just a coincidence, just met Nao here.” While I was talking, I could feel that a pair of eyes are staring at me. I tried to avoid it. “Been years since the last time I saw you! How are you doing?” Lirain asked me and we both look at each other awkwardly. I was bombarded with questions by these two ladies, while her .. just sitting looking at me. Not saying a single word since they arrived.   “Yeah, been in tough years of my life. I had to adjust to my new project. It is really exhausting but I’m doing fine. Just a bit busy.” I said. Lirain nodded her head while I’m answering questions. “Saw few emails with your name on it, you seem to be killing it, you been promoted for the past three years for what 4 times!? And you still look hot as fuck.” Deil exaggerated. I laughed the way she delivered it, she’s funny and always been. “You are making it sound like I am the CEO of the company now; those are just commendations. Nothing really serious. And you said I’m hot as f**k, is that a confirmation that you had a thing on me” I said humbly the few words but teases her with my last one. She laughs unstoppably and reddened a bit. Deil is one of the prettiest faces back in the Bootcamp and Lirain knows that very well. “Congrats.” Villanelle finally spoke. Just one word made my heart pound. “Th-thanks,” I replied almost in a stutter. And then there was silence. Deil seems to know what is happening at this moment.  “What should we order? It’s on you since you’ve been MIA for three freaking years! That’s long just so you know sneaky-bitch.” She emphasized her last word. “I’m not even part of this meeting why the tabs on me?” I complained while laughing. “I just said why come on we are going to order now, just tell me guys what you want, and I’ll have Erin pay for it.” She confidently takes everyone’s order and drags me to the counter. Lirain and Nao are laughing unstoppable. “You guys can make a perfect couple!” Nao yelled. “No thanks! Guess, I’ll pass or else Lirain will kill me.” I yelled back at her while I was being dragged to the counter. It is time for Lirain’s face to blush and I subtlety winked at her.   We are now at the counter’s lane. It’s not that long. “So, how are you?” She then asked me politely this time. “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked confusedly looking at the menu on the counter. “MIA after she resigned? What happened?” her brows cross waiting for me to answer. “It was just a coincidence,” I said nonchalantly.  “I’m not buying it.” She hissed. Of course, Erin, she won’t! That’s her freaking best friend. “Let’s not talk about it I mean it is done already, nothing left there to talk about.”  She then taps my shoulder. “She might still into you just so you know. But I do know that you know, she is so obvious back there, really? Looking at you and not saying any word? So whipped!” She laughs mischievously. “For real?” I asked as I looked at her waiting for her to answer me while scratching the back of my head. “Hi, my friend and I here would like to order the following ….” She ignored my question and talked to the barista right away.  I did not push it; we then go back to our table. “Erin paid for everything, say thanks to her.” Deil teased me once again and I glared at her. “Unwillingly,” I said rolling my eyes to her. “I’ll pay for mine,” Villanelle speaks, she really knows how to make me shut up. “Nah, it is already settled,” I said avoiding her gaze. “Thank you, Erin.” She said formally. What is wrong with her, it feels so awkward. “So .. how’s life?” What? Erin, what kind of question is that? “I mean, work.” I tried to be specific this time. “I am a Professor now.” She proudly said. For real, she pursued what she wants. I am happy for her. “Wow, that is really great, since when?” I asked excitedly.  “Uh-hh since she resigned, girl.” Deil interrupted and answered for Villanelle. “Yeah, if you weren’t just MIA, we also celebrated her career last year,” Nao added. “Freo was also there!” Lirain also jumps into the discussion. “Really..” I felt sad that I wasn’t there to celebrate her achievements.  “That’s fine, we know you are busy, but I tried to leave you a message I just don’t know if you were able to see it.” Villanelle’s tone shifts to a sad one, she then looks back to her cup of coffee holding it with her both hands. “I-I didn’t, where did you send it?” I asked. “A text message, you might be really busy or had a lot of messages maybe it piled up. I mean it’s okay.” She said trying to make me feel better this time. I quickly checked my phone and scrolled down to the bottom, I don’t delete messages nor read them, she really did text me and I did not see it. “Oh God, I’m sorry. It is still unopen. I missed it.” I am so disappointed in myself this time. “It’s okay, I knew you were busy that’s why I didn’t insist.” She said. “We can still have fun and celebrate all our achievements. We are actually planning to have a small reunion, the boot campers, just over lunch or dinner whatever fits the majority, I missed those faces especially the gay ones.” Nao laughs with Lirain “I remember you had a lot of crushes there! It must be good to see them again!” She added with excitement.  “Yeah, Jill and Pau. They are both pretty and smart. How can I resist!?” I exclaimed matching her energy. “I could still remember you can’t keep your eyes on Jill.” Deil laughs and it is her time to tease me. “And you keep on getting on my way!” I said trying to be aggressive but in a playful way. We are all laughing until Lirain opens a topic that I don’t want to talk about. “How are you and Zia?” she asked. “That’s old news,” I said in the lowest tone I could. They looked at me in sync. “What happened?” Villanelle asked. I usually update Villanelle and Freo about Zia and me, but I stopped doing it and ghosted everyone out. I fixed my glasses before I speak. “It is a long story, and I don’t have the energy to discuss, maybe next time,” I said and tried to chuckle to lighten the mood.   Villanelle’s POV   “How are you and Zia?” Lirain asked Erin the question I’d been wanting to ask the moment I saw her. “That’s old news.” She said in the lowest tone she could. We looked at her in sync. “What happened?” I asked. She usually updates me and Freo about Zia and her, but she stopped doing it and ghosted everyone out. I couldn’t contain myself to ask, I am worried about her. She fixed her glasses before she speaks. “It is a long story, and I don’t have the energy to discuss, maybe next time,” She said and chuckled. I looked at Erin, she was hiding her emotions. What really happened between the two of them? “But we are on good terms.” She added while wearing that smile. “She did it again?” I blurted out of nowhere. It is supposed to be in my mind only, but I guess I said it out loud. Deil nudges me Lirain gulps and Nao is clueless while Erin .. she just looked at me blankly and smiled.  She then opened her mouth. “Do you guys want more pastries? My friend just timed in, we can have discounts!” she cheerfully said ignoring my question. I should not stick my nose in her business. “I WANT MORE BLUEBERRIES!” Lirain squeals with happiness. “You have friends for everything huh?” Nao smiled and said “I want a refill.” “I want your barista friend,” Deil said making all of us look in her direction. She then let out a laugh that made her almost cry. “Womanizer!” I teased her. The café is not packed up, the music changed to Taylor Swift – Nothing New. They have taste in music, that’s a plus. A woman walks to our table, she’s wearing black apron, white long sleeves and black trousers. Erin looks at her while the girl gets something from her apron. It was paper and pen to take our order. “Who do I owe your visit?” The woman said to Erin and gave her a grin.  “Guys this is Olivia, and Olive, this is Lirain, Deil, Nao and Villanelle.” She introduces us. “Hello” we greeted her in sync. The girl looks at me, I don’t know her, but she looks at me as if she knows about me. “You can tell her your orders, she’s the best here.” Erin bragged this girl to us, is there something going on with them? Olivia placed her hand on our table and lean on Erin, Erin did not even flinch, the girl is too close. “Really?” Olivia said to her. Erin just smirked and put down her eyeglasses. “Really.” She responded looking straight into this girl’s eye. “Ehem!” Nao faked a cough. “A little respect to my coffee please.” She teases the two women who are casually what? Flirting each other? In front of us? “So, the orders?” Olivia spoke again and smiled at all of us. “Just a refill for me and your best sandwich.” Erin gave her, her order. I saw how Olivia bites her lower lip. Are they not done yet?? “Blueberry cheesecake for me please.” Lirain was the next one to order. “Mine is another round of this Frappe and this cheese bread.” Deil is done as well. “Uhm .. I want the same with Erin.” I said. Olivia and Erin looked at me. “I mean if the sandwich is really on the menu,” I said looking at Olivia. “Ah yeah, of course, it is.” She answered uneasily. Erin looks away but I saw a smile creep into her face. She then repeated our orders and walk back to the counter to make it.  “So .. is she your new girl?” I asked casually. This time I am trying to keep my cool. Erin laughs and “She’s a friend.” Said.  “Uhh not buying that.” Lirain teased her this time. “Just the way she looks at you, she wants you in her bed,” Nao added. “I strongly agree! I was about to say go get a room.” Deil exclaimed and looked at her with her one brow up. Erin then crossed her arms and leaned to her chair, crossed her thighs as well, and looked back to us. “Well, I do sleep in her bed.” She confirmed it. “So, you both do each other?” I asked once again. She bit her lower lip and looked at me slowly. “She’s the best option right now,” Erin answered like it is nothing to her, her eyes were dull. What really happened to you? “No strings attach?” Nao curiously asked. “Nothing at all. Just fulfilling each other’s needs.” She glance at me and quickly looks back to Nao. I stared at her blankly this time, trying to read what is inside her mind. I did miss her after all, but I don’t think I want to go back from what it was especially her; she seems moving forward. Leaving the past behind her.   “So .. tell me about this reunion. When are you planning to do it?” She smoothly changes the topic.  Avoidance .. She used to tell me that I am good at avoiding things when she is the one who mastered it  well. Nao and Deil explained to her, as it was their idea in the first place. They seem fond about it, I mean what could get wrong, right? It is just a reunion. Except for the fact that everyone has a thing or two with the people in there. It is going to be fun and exciting. While the four of them are discussing about it, Olivia the Barista finally back with a tray of our orders. She carefully placed our orders at our table. “Everything is here now, no more pending and it’s all in the house!” Olivia said we all look at her in shock, she doesn’t know us, and we can pay for these. She doesn’t need to be this polite. “I hate it, Erin is not going to pay” Deil sighed. “But I don’t want to pay either.” She added and thanked the Barista. We all did thank her for being this good to us. “Don’t worry about it, she owns this café.” Erin blurted out. Our mouths formed a perfect circle in amusement. She looks young and she owns a café?  “Don’t embarrass me, you’re the one who’s going to pay for those to me later. I’ll leave you guys now.” She emphasized the word  later and goes back to the counter. “Oh.” That was the only thing that Erin could say at that moment. “So,” Lirain said, what’s with the one-word thing? “You” Deil looked at Erin while her head is a bit tilted and pointed a finger to her. “Paying her with s*x?” Nao completed the sentence, good thing she did because I am kind of being impatient with what they are going to say. Erin choked on her own breath. “What the f**k?” She hissed. I mean, what-really-the-f**k? The soonest I realized the question I looked at her. “Maybe we should go back to talking about the reunion,” I said this time not wanting to hear what she’s going to answer to these three. “I totally agree!” She quickly to 2nd emotion it. Erin mouthed thanks to me for saving her arse from the interrogation and embarrassment, I guess. We then created a group chat with our former boot campers. They discussed the plan in the group chat it is going to happen in a month few already accepted the invite. This is fun, gathering after the pandemic, I mean I don’t know well these people, but they are fun to be with. I just hope everyone comes; it would be exciting as hell!   While these four ladies are making fun of each other I managed to observe her from not so far, she was just sitting across me. I am lost with her smile but the moment she looks back at me our eyes meet. I froze, she stared at me and suddenly the time stops. Flashbacks in my head, pain in my heart.   Flashback We are all at the pantry with my friends and I, I just started a new job in a private international company. Guess we are all just taking our time. It is 1:00 AM as our work is on the night shift. We are all eating and chatting. I opened my phone and sent a message to a group chat.    Villanelle: Can I get a kiss? Sent 1:35 AM   I keep on looking at Erin and back to my phone, sending her a message to check her phone.   Erin: Sure, later.. Sent 1:37 AM   Then she looked at me after she sent it. I let out a smirk and did not bother to reply at all. The soonest she read my message and replied to it I immediately deleted it. Leaving no traces, thank God, Freo is already sleeping.   “Baby, what’s that?” Chloe asked her and I mischievously smiled looking at the window. End of Flashback