Surviving His Memory

Chapter 10

Oh my goodness. I invited him to my room. What was I thinking? I swiftly open the door but as soon as we are inside, the butterflies in my tummy kick in full force. The scariest part of this situation is how much I want him in this room with me. I didn't want to leave him in the lobby. I feel like I am beginning to crave his presence and that is terrifying. I just met him.

I immediately removed the offensive heels. Those little devils can lie in disarray and think about what they have done to my poor feet. I should put some water bottles in the freezer.. I can roll my feet on them later. It will help a little.

"Would you like some water? Or I have a beer?" I asked Ethan as I walked into the small kitchenette to the apartment-size refrigerator. "Sure, I'll have a beer but only if you have one with me." He replied as I was placing two water bottles in the freezer. "Those are for my feet later and deal. I'll have one with you." I smiled at him as I twisted the lids off of both beers and handed him one. He returned the smile and, I swear, for a moment his eyes smoldered. I'm pretty sure part of me just melted.

"I am going to go change real fast...be right back." I have to get away from him for a moment so I can compose myself. Taking the beer with me, I left the main space for my bedroom and closed the door between the two. For a moment, I am still. My entire body feels hot, like I'm in freaking heat. What in the actual hell is going on?

Pulling out my phone, I shot off a quick text to Cheryl to let her know where we were and that we were going for a walk. Before I can even put my phone away, it vibrates with an incoming call. Cheryl's name is flashing on the screen. I stride to the bathroom to answer her call.

"Hello"

"Is he there with you? In your room, I mean?" She whisper-shouts into the phone like everyone around her wouldn't hear her. I roll my eyes as I smile.

"Yeah...but out in the living area...not the bedroom. I had to change my shoes. My poor feet needed reprieve from those torture devices." I giggled at Cheryl. "Then we are going on a walk down the beach."

"Girl! I saw that kiss..it looked magical. I wouldn't have blamed you if he were in your bedroom." Cheryl laughed.

"You're terrible. You know that, right? Wait.. were you there? I didn't see you two?" I said between my laughter.

"Ohh don't be such a prude." She tisks. "Yes, we were there, but on the other side. Alright, I have to get back to Cal. I'm having a great time! Text ya later beautiful!" Cheryl hangs up as soon as she's done talking. That earned her another eye roll. She likes to have the last word and refuses to say goodbye on the phone. I think it had something to do with her husband's accident and I understand enough to just go with it. We all heal at our own pace.

I changed into a mid-calf length, purple sundress with orange flowers all over it. It's comfortable and beautiful at the same time. Besides, who doesn't love a loose-fitting sundress? This dress still has enough support that I once again forgo a bra. I slide on my sandals and head back toward the door that separates Ethan and I. Gathering a deep breath and releasing it slowly, I turn the doorknob and enter the lions' den again.

Gosh, he's handsome. He's standing in front of my sliding door that leads to the beach. He looked like he was in deep thought. "A penny for your thoughts?" I half teased him. He turns to look at me and I watch as his eyes trace the length of my body. "You are so beautiful, Ellie. If I tell you my thoughts, I will only embarrass myself." He chuckles.

That just sparks my curiosity even more. "Oh come on big guy. It's better out than in..." I laughed at myself. Ethan smirks as he, once again, offers me his hand. I take it and my stomach seems to do that flipping around thing again. This time he brings my hand to his lips and places a long slow kiss on the back of my hand. My heart soars. I really like this man. My body has an almost visceral reaction to him.

"Beautiful Ellie. My thoughts have remained the same all night. I just want to be near you. I can't explain it but you have me all twisted up." He let out a long breath. "Being here. In this room with you... It has been a slight struggle for me." He takes my other hand and kisses it too. "When you went to the other room I had to practically slap myself to keep from following you. I knew you were changing and all I could think about was touching you. Every. Single. Part. Of. You." He kissed my hands to punctuate "every single part of you" And my entire body lit once again. The heat I had escaped has now returned with a vengeance.

Without thought, I threw myself at him. Thankfully, he caught me in the air, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with a passion that I hadn't realized I still possessed. With his arms wrapped around me, he held me against his chest. I've never felt like this. I feel like I'm floating but grounded. How is that even possible?

With an inner strength that I was unaware of, I pulled away from the kiss. Ethan's still holding me against him. My feet dangling in my favorite sandals. Being able to stare directly into his eyes is almost more than I can take. Despite how desperately I charged him, Ethan must know that I wasn't ready for anything more. He slowly lowers me to my feet without breaking eye contact.

"We have to get out of this room, baby. The gentleman that I am is at a war with the rest of me. You are far too tempting. I will never try to rush you...but shew..that has proven to be much more difficult than I had anticipated." Ethan breaks the silence. I giggled, yes I said giggled. If only Cheryl could see me now. I'm pretty sure I sound like a school girl. Not at all like the grown, twenty-eight-year-old woman that I am. I bury my face in his chest, "You're just as tempting, big guy." I keep my face there when his chuckle causes his chest to vibrate. I can feel it in my core. What is wrong with me? I'm definitely acting like an animal in heat now. What the hell?

When I first met Evan, things moved pretty quickly. Not this quickly though. I didn't even think about s*x until our third date and, even then, we waited a few more weeks. On our second date, he told me he would marry me one day. At the time, I thought he was sweet, but I just wasn't sure yet. It didn't take long for me to realize how right he was. I couldn't wait to be his wife. Evan was a wonderful man and an even better husband. Gosh, I miss him so much. However, today has been one of the best dates of my life. Only comparable to those with Evan. I feel alive again.

"Okay, let's go for that walk then?" I told him, finally releasing my grip on his shirt. Instantly I feel the loss but I push through. I don't want to look desperate or clingy. I turn to walk away but he grabs my hand and pulls me back toward him gently. I smile up at him through my eyelashes. "You may want a sweater," he says as he bends down to make better eye contact. He places his hands on my upper arms and rubs them up and down a couple of times. As if he was warming me up. His touch feels so nice. I walked right back into his chest. "Or we could watch a movie and try to behave?" I suggested with my face in his shirt again. He blows out a slow breath and just when I think he might disapprove of the idea, he wraps his arms all the way around me in a bear hug. "I'll do anything you want, my warrior princess. As long as I can hold you or touch you, I'm a happy man." His voice, once again, vibrates in his chest. This time I can feel myself instinctively snuggling in closer to him.

Being in Ethan's arms is euphoric. This giant, strong, sensitive, family-oriented, God-Man has my body reacting in ways that it never has, not even with Evan...woah.. Evan and I shared a beautiful love. I will always miss him, but right now it feels like Ethan is fixing the broken parts of me. As if he wants to put me back together again. I think I may want to let him.

I soon realized that behaving while in his presence is close to impossible. Especially in private. The thought makes me laugh. "I think we are going to have to go on that walk.." I tell him through my laughter. "..and why is that miss Ellie?" He asks me with a knowing grin. "You were right. We need to get out of this room." I looked him in the eye this time. Do you remember when I told you his eyes smoldered? They did it again. He was looking at me like a person would, a glass of ice water in the desert. There goes my belly, doing that thing again.

"One day, when you're ready, I want to know everything going through your mind right now. Okay?" Ethan asked me softly. His words brought a smile to my face and I nodded in agreement. Eventually, I will tell him about everything I want him to do for me. With me. How I want his hands on me, all of me. I'll tell him how much I crave his lips on mine. Hell, how much I crave his soft, beautiful lips, everywhere. I'll tell him this was the moment I remembered how good it felt to be cared for and touched like the most delicate piece of glass.

We make our way out of my room using the sliding door. The path leads directly to the beach. Every tender look and brush of our bodies has all of the nerves in my body alight with tingles and sparks. "This has been the most wonderful evening I've had in a long time." I say as we walk hand in hand, down the sandy beach. Ethan squeezes my hand as he responds. "I'm glad I could be part of it. It might be my favorite evening, ever."

I strode down the sandy beach with one of the most handsome men I have ever met. Ethan holds one hand and I carry my sandals in the other. Once again, a comfortable silence fell over us. The only exception to the quiet is the sound of the waves crashing against the shore line. My heart felt so light at that moment. I could breathe freely.

"How tall are you anyway?" I asked him. "Six foot seven." He told me nonchalantly, like that's normal...insert eye roll here. I just shook my head. Why do I have to be so small? I want to be tall too! Even if only for a day. I laugh at my own thought process. As if I could have controlled how I grew up. Ha!

"My momma used to say that God only let things grow until they were perfect. Some of us take longer than others." He told me with a grin. I laughed. "I like that! You took extra long." I told him with a wink.

Before I knew what was happening, Ethan had bent over and scooped me up bridal style. He started running further into the water. The only thing I could do was laugh. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled his face toward me. I kissed him and, wow, did he kiss me back with a fire that ignited my soul. Everything around us seemed to fade away again. Like we were the only two people in the universe. The only thing that mattered at that moment was simply us.

Ethan nips my lips, causing a small moan to slip from me. When my lips parted, he took the opportunity for his tongue to enter my mouth and slowly, but sensually dance with my own. I thread my fingers through his hair as I pull him impossibly closer. I want his skin against mine. Woah.. that thought caused me to end the kiss abruptly.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Ethan pants as he catches his breath. I, too, am struggling to steady my breathing. I want him. I really want him. "I...I would...like to..um.." I cant hold eye contact with him. As soon as I drop my eyes from his, he places me back on my feet in the sand and cups my face with his huge hands. "What do you want, Ellie?" He asks me. His green eyes were darker than normal. "You.." I barely whispered as I closed my eyes. Suddenly, the nerves that I thought had left returned to me full force.

"Look at me baby..." I can feel the heat of his breath against my cheek and his thumb draws gently across my jaw. When I open my eyes, his face is only inches from mine. I place one of my hands over his and I lean my head into it, enjoying the feel of his skin against my own. "Please?" I ask softly, opening my eyes slowly. The small smile that graces his godlike face melts my nerves away.