Knock of Mistakes

CHAPTER 5

Going down, I saw mom so busy helping the crew that she hired for her birthday. It's a pool party, it's really more beautiful and fancy than my own design. Mom saw me, she smiled like nothing happened. Still inside, I sit on the couch. Watching them, there's a big window that allows me to see them, and for them to see me. The sun is still up, but it shines beautifully. The door opened, I saw entering.

“You don't wanna go out?” She sweetly ask.

"Uhm, later? Just call me up if you're visitors are already there”

"Sure” she replied, and helped the crew again.

Mom is so pretty today. She's wearing a red backless dress, at the age 55, she still looks like in her 30s. I don't even know how she can maintain a face without wrinkles. I hope when I grow up, I'll look like her.

I close my eyes, calming myself. Thinking of the future. When I grow up will I also be like mom? Will I have a daughter like me? Am I capable of loving my daughter? I really love my mom, but I don't want my future kid to experience this. Even if my husband dies, I want my kids to remember that they have two parents. One is already dead, but one is still here for them. A death one is enough, making them feel like the other one is also dead is too much. As much as I want comfort, I need to realize that my kids also lost their father. I don't want to be selfish and focus on my own healing, I want to heal with them. And with those thoughts my consciousness slips.

A knock woke me up, looking at the time it's already 6:00. Mom didn't wake me up. The door opened, and I saw Kai. He's surprised like me. I didn't know that he knew mom. Well, Kai is already 30, old enough to be my mom's friend or coworker.

“Hi?" he unsurely greets me.

“Hello? Uhm, you're one of my mom's guests?" I ask stupidly. Of course, she's my mom's guest.

“Yeah, I didn't know that you're Jessica's daughter"

“I also didn't know that you're my mom's friend" I laugh, copying his statement.

“Well, I'm not your mom's friend. I'm her boyfriend's friend."

“I see. Well, enjoy the party" I said, standing up to go outside and meet mom. I want to go to my room, and hide. I didn't expect Kai to be here.

“How are you?"

“Fine, still doing good." I replied before leaving him there.

I can't find mom. I think she's not here. I go inside again. The disco light is making me dizzy.

I returned to where I was, the couch. Then another knock, then this freaking door shows Rylie. What the f**k is happening? She closed the door, still looking at me. And before she got close to me, someone knocked at the door again. And the door opens with mom and Jason, my Jason?

Jason looks at me, surprised. I feel my whole body shaking. I'm too shocked to even form a word to greet them. Why the f**k are they here?

"Dear, this is Jason. Jason, this is my dear daughter, Sasha” mom happily introduced us to each other.

"Hi, Sasha,” He said, looking straight at me.

“H-hello" I mentally cursed myself for stuttering. What the f**k? Pull yourself together.

"And this is Rylie. I met her in Italy” mom said, hugging Rylie.

I don't know what to say, I just nod my head. I don't know what's happening. Jason and Rylie are looking at me. I feel like a kid who doesn't know what to do. I saw Kai on his way here. I stand up, and hug mom.

“Happy birthday!" I sweetly say.

“Thank you dear" she replied, kissing my cheeks.

“Mom, I'm sorry, but can I go to my room? I'm having a headache. The disco light is making me dizzy." I whisper.

“Sure, drink medicine first," she said.

I bow to Rylie and Jason, before leaving them to go and lock myself into my room.

What the f**k is happening? Why are they here? What if mom finds out what I did? My head throbs more with that thought. And Jason is my new freaking dad? What the f**k? That's a messy set up. Did mom know our past? She'll get hurt if she knows it. I hate it. Why is my life so f****d up.