Dangerous Affairs

I stood there, staring at myself, wondering how did this happen? My hair hadn’t been washed in 3 days, I’ve possibly been the same clothes for longer, and now I have spit up on my face and neck. Two more hours I tell myself, two more hours until Ethan will be home and I can take a shower. I check one more time that the baby is indeed napping before making my way back downstairs to where I’m sure my four other children have completely trashed every square inch. As I make my way to the kitchen, I notice to my surprise all four are playing a board game together. Whew, I think, maybe I’ll get to drink that coffee that’s been sitting in the microwave for the last three hours.          As I make my way to the patio with my semi warm coffee, my phone rings. “Hey Celeste”, I answer. “Annalise! Please tell me you are coming to my party tonight!” she says excitedly. “Well, as long as Ethan is home in time.” I respond, thinking of the last two famous Celeste parties I missed because he had to “work late”. I can tell she doesn’t like my answer, she usually expects a yes and in most cases gets what she wants. “I’ll be there at 7 on the dot to pick you up, and no excuses this time!” She says quickly, then hangs up.          I went to college with Celeste. We came from two completely different worlds. Her, a big city with big names and lots of money to go with it. Me, a small farming community where every body is just working to make a living and trying to get by. We had absolutely nothing in common, but somehow just “clicked” when we met. She would dress me up in her designer clothes, fix my hair and make-up, and take me to wild parties. In return, I would help her with her school work so she wouldn’t fail all of her classes. I was completely shocked when she walked across the stage with me at graduation. I’m guessing some of her grades may have come form her “extracurriculars” with a professor or two. She was friendly with men to put mildly. She had no problems getting any man she wanted and no issues dropping them when she got bored, which was often. That’s when I was shocked again and she called me to tell me she was engaged shortly after we graduated.          To my surprise Ethan was home at 6:00pm like I had asked him to be this morning. I didn’t bother with the small talk because I knew it would give him the opportunity to change his mind about me going out. I took a quick shower, which made me a little sad because I wanted to just stand in there for hours. I can’t even remember the last time I took a long hot shower. Since having kids and a husband who works long hours, showers have become a luxury. I long for those days at times. I met Ethan at a work function when I had just started as an intern at the advertising firm. He was a junior marketing manager working on his way up to director. I admired his ambition and love for his profession. I do wanted to work my way up in the industry. I worked with him and the managers assistant for long periods of time and we just fell in love in the process. When we found out I was pregnant he was over the moon. Started making wedding plans before even asking me to marry him. I was excited, don’t get me wrong, but I had just gotten on full time and really wanted to focus on my career before having kids. I agreed to the marriage plans and six months later we were married. It was a hard blow when he told me his expectations of me becoming a stay at home mom. But, I thought it would be temporary until our child would go to school. That never happened. Once Oliver was starting preschool and I told him plans to go back to work part time, he insisted on having another baby. He was an only child and wanted Oliver to have the sibling he never did. So, again out of my love for him, I agreed. This continued through to our now baby number five.          Somewhere between baby number three and mistress number two, I realized I’m not in love with Ethan anymore. I still love him, he’s the father of my children and he takes care of us. Which was my rationale to have babies number four and five after be repeatedly told me he was done running around and wanted to keep our family together. During my pregnancy with Ivy, our youngest, I found out about his side piece. Son of b***h lied to me. I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised. He is a habitual cheater and I can’t blame him for me not being happy anymore. Now we just seem to have this unspoken agreement that he does whatever the hell he wants and he just leaves me alone. Unless it comes. To finances. I’m lucky if I can buy a gallon of milk without him questioning me. Someday, I’m going to leave. Someday.          Trying to decide what to wear is becoming an exhausting task. I have nothing “Celeste Party” worthy. “Guess this old black dress will have to do” I say aloud to myself. I get dressed, find my old heels that I probably haven worn in decades, fluff my half damp hair, put on minimal makeup and look in the mirror to see what I’ve managed to do with myself. “Boy is Celeste going to be disappointed” I say to the woman in the mirror staring back at me. And just then, the doorbell rings. I make my way down the stairs, kiss my kids goodbye and head for the door. “I’ll be back later” I holler at Ethan from the foyer. As I suspected, he’s on the couch, watching whatever new reality tv show he’s in to these days. He glanced at me, then gets up and walks over. “Where did you find that outfit?” He asked, but I can’t tell if he’s impressed with how I look or wondering if I spent money on a new outfit. The doorbell rings again and I open it to let Celeste in. She doesn’t even attempt to step in, just grabs my arm and says goodnight to Ethan. He half waves then closes the door behind us.