It Was Only Ever Erin

Jason’s P.O.V   There are different kinds of people you crush on when you’re at school. The ‘I wouldn’t mind a piece of that’ – hot piece of ass but would rather gag them than hear them talk or hold any kind of conversation. The ‘comes with the title’ – you have to wanna do them because they’re in the cheer squad or part of a hot group. The ‘off-limiters’ – not even that hot but you’re not allowed to f**k them… so that’s all you can think about doing. And the ‘can’t put my finger on it’ – they don’t fall into the other categories. You can’t say what it is or why you can’t stop thinking about them but there’s just something. Unlike the other crush categories, they don’t disappear from your mind in the 5 seconds after seeing them and rubbing out a quick one won’t get them out of your head. In my time at Benedict Freemont High School, which was only actually Senior year, I had experienced all 4 of the crush categories. Molly Thomas, insanely hot body, a liking for wearing very tight, yet also very minimal clothing; but thick as s**t and with a high-pitched voice that just made you want to throw something at her. Ella Greene, head cheerleader, constantly flanked by some hopeful guy clamouring to get the slightest sliver of attention from her. Grace Franks, my best friend Ollie’s sister, strictly off-limits and thanks to Ollie’s constant warnings and dissuasions, tempting as f**k. And Erin Blanchard. To all intents and purposes, completely average… to anyone but me. Nothing about my feelings for Erin had any logic or reason behind them. We moved in very different circles – mine being the stereotypical no-good, troublesome, ‘should probably steer clear of them’ group and hers being… well… the normal, average, go to school, get decent grades and play by the rules group. The first time I saw her was in Chemistry (ironic), the one and only class we had together and she sat in the chair next to mine. Pale skin, dark brown eyes, dark brown wavy hair (just below boob length), boobs not too big, a decent handful size and her tiny waist tucked in nicely before kicking out to accommodate for a decent sized ass. But something about her made her look fragile, kinda’ like a china doll. She spent the lesson taking notes, doing exactly what she was asked, only ever speaking when the teacher asked her a question; and yet there was just something that made it impossible for me to take my eyes off her. It was as though there was an air of mystery around her, more to her than met the eye but I couldn’t figure it out. All I did know was that I really, really wanted to. After the class I met up with my best friends Ollie, Jack, Dean and Mikey. I’ve known Ollie since we were 9 years old and his family moved in next door to my Dad and me. Jack, Dean and Mikey I met by default from hanging out at Ollie’s house and him bringing them home from school with him. “Question,” I said to get their attention “who, is that?” All their heads turned to where I was pointing, at the beautiful girl now sitting at a bench with some friends, chatting animatedly. “No idea,” said everyone, except Mikey. “Erin Blanchard, her Dad’s best friends with my Dad.” “What do you know about her?” I asked. “Nothing.” I rolled my eyes. “Woah, slow down guys, I don’t wanna be overloaded with information,” I droned, shaking my head at their frustrating lack of knowledge. “Why do you ask?” said Ollie, taking a drag of his cigarette and handing me one. “She’s in my Chemistry class, she’s hot.” The guys responded with a jumbled mix of ‘meh’s, ‘kinda’s and ‘really?’s, surveying the girl more thoroughly. “How is she not?” I snapped back. “Nerd,” said Jack “Small boobs,” said Dean “Boring,” said Ollie Mikey just shrugged. I threw my hands up a little in exasperation and Deano leaned in towards me. “Jase, you’re new here so we’ll forgive your temporary lapse in taste, but what’s-her-face over there, is really more of an extra in this Hollywood blockbuster. You need to re-focus for Molly Thomas’ ‘Back to School Party’ this weekend.” We soon got lost in conversation about the upcoming party and by the time the bell rang, Erin had already disappeared. It hadn’t taken me long to settle into my new environment. Classes were okay and if ever there was a particularly dull or pointless one, there were more than enough girls volunteering to fill my time. After three weeks of being at the school however, I still hadn’t talked to Erin, only seeing her in Chemistry lessons or catching glimpses of her in the hallways, cafeteria or in the car park. I’ve never been shy to talk to a girl, but something made me hold back from talking to her. I couldn’t tell if I was trying to wait for the right time or if I was in some way afraid to make her real. Eventually though, in our 4th Chem lesson, the teacher made my mind up for me. “Okay everyone, thanks to David’s explosive incident last week – thank you David – we only have enough test tubes to do this experiment in pairs; so grab the person next to you – not literally Alex – partner up and get going.” My heart started doing this weird crazy s**t as I looked over at Erin, who gave me a small smile then started moving around the classroom with everyone else, getting all the equipment we needed. ‘Okay Blanchard, time to figure you out,’ I thought to myself as she came back to the desk and started setting everything up. “Okay, what do we need to do first?” she asked, almost to herself. “Not a f*****g clue,” I said. “Hm… okay,” she chuckled and nodded. Clearly gauging that I was gonna be a pretty useless lab partner, she started reading the textbook propped up in front of her, following the instructions carefully. I stayed sat on my lab stool, elbows on the table and looking at her intently. “So, Erin…” I left a long pause smiling cockily at her and wondering what she would say. She looked at me with distinct mistrust, obviously thinking I was up to no good. “Yes, Jason?” “Tell me about yourself.” Her look changed to something more like, amusement crossed with confusion. “Um, is there anything you’d particularly like to know?” “I dunno, anything I don’t already know about you.” “Oh? And what exactly do you know about me?” she raised her eyebrows. “You’re quiet, get good grades, have a penchant for Chemistry, have wonderfully expressive eyebrows,” she laughed loudly and openly which took me by surprise. For a small, quiet girl she had a big laugh! “You have a laugh like a trumpet.” “Very true” she said still smiling and working. “You’re hot, you don’t get into trouble and you drive a piece of s**t car”. On the word ‘hot’ her eyes widened and her eyebrows pulled together in complete bafflement before she shook her head and returned to measuring the chemicals in front of her. “Well that sounds like a pretty thorough assessment Detective Cavanaugh, I’m not sure what more I can add.” I was enjoying the surprise that was her quippy attitude, but as far as information went, this girl was giving me nothing! “Well, what do you do when you’re not at school?” “Um… I swim for the state team so have practise a lot, I like to cook Italian food, do homework, see friends, the usual. What about you?” “Oh no, I wanna hear your assessment of me first. Only fair,” I said smirking at her challengingly. “Okaaay… um, you started here 3 weeks ago, if hallway gossip is anything to go by it was not due to good behavior at your last school, every girl here is already weak at the knees for you, you smoke which is a shame because you have nice teeth, your car is older than mine, it just has a fancier badge and I know full well you know how to do this experiment because you’re a lot smarter than you let on to everyone.” I stared at her in complete shock and awe. Well well well Miss Blanchard, where did you come from! “Well? How’d I do?” she asked with a slight smirk. “Impressive, very impressive. Less detective though, more shrink… Dr Blanchard.” Her lips parted in a wide smile – god she had a beautiful smile. Having been called out by her on my academic ability, I finally decided to stand and start helping her out.   ***************   The more I talked to Erin over the course of our Chem lessons, the more I wondered how she’d managed to slip under the high school radar. She was beautiful, funny, full of this sassy attitude that made her insanely sexy. However, outside Chemistry we never spoke to or spent time with each other, just little smiles or nods of acknowledgement if we ever saw one another in the halls. As I said, we moved in very different circles; and although I’d kick myself later for using that as an excuse not to be with her, when you’re caught up in the high school microcosm, all that stupid s**t seems to mean something. Even if all I wanted to do to her whenever I saw her was to drag her into an empty classroom or closet and f**k her until she forgot her own name. One thing I did notice over the weeks was how easy Erin was, not only to listen to, but to talk to. It was as though we’d known each other for years and yet we were just finding out about each other now. There was never any awkwardness; she just felt… familiar. Deciding the nickname suited her, I called her Dr Blanchard whenever we talked after that first day, although the only time we were properly able to talk was when we were partnered up for class practicals; and that was only 4 more times over the course of the year.  Each time I would ask her various questions about herself – it became like a game, filling in more and more pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The 2nd time we talked about TV shows, movies and music. She liked all the Marvel and DC films, Grey’s Anatomy, Brooklyn 99, Friends, Harry Potter any horror/thriller films with a good plot line. As far as music was concerned, she didn’t have a favourite genre or artist. She would usually discover new songs to download from hearing them on commercials and deciding she liked that particular arrangement of notes or chord progression. This meant, therefore, that she had a weird-ass selection of music on her phone and associated each song with a new product you could ‘buy now at your local Best Buy’! The 3rd time we talked about her family. Her Mom and Dad were still together, she had a younger brother, Elliot, who was 10 and she clearly adored him. She also had 2 very elderly dogs, but was more of a cat person because “cats don’t knock you over so much”. This then led on to talking about fears and pet peeves. Apparently if there was a spider in the room she would have to leave, her biggest fear was that she’d turn around and there’d be a face at the window and more than anything else in the world, she hated child choirs because they can’t hold a tune and “they’re only cute if it’s your kid”. The 4th time she made the point that we don’t ever talk about me; little did she know that this was entirely deliberate, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told her that I lived with my Dad because my Mom died when she had me, I had no siblings or pets and I mainly spent my time going out with my friends and helping Dad with the family business. I was never gonna tell her the specifics of what I did, as it usually consisted of partying, drinking, smoking pot, f*****g and selling a lot of drugs for my Dad. Dad is a big-time dealer in the city and the plan for after school had always been to become more involved in the business side of it. Where in more conventional families, family businesses are furniture stores, green grocers or hardware stores, ours is a well-established drug ring – judge as you wish. The 5th and final time I spoke to Erin was just one week ago. One week and 1 day before graduation. “Okay everyone, partner up and get started,” the teacher had said and I instantly made my way towards Erin. I threw my arm around her shoulders and leant into her side as she set up the beakers and Bunsen Burner. “Well Dr Blanchard,” She didn’t move my arm but just smiled in amusement and carried on. Over the year I had also been gradually pushing the boundaries of physical contact with Erin whenever we spoke. An arm touch here, a shoulder nudge there and one time I’d even got my hands on her hips to ‘move her out the way’. “This is it, our last ever Chemistry lesson together.” “I know, I have no idea how I’m going to bear the deprivation,” she said sarcastically. Feigning pain I threw my hand on my heart. “Oof you wound me Erin, you know you’re gonna miss me.” “That I am, but I promise you Jason, one day when I get a job and I’m doing my work and it’s quiet and peaceful and easy to concentrate, I’ll sit and wonder where you are and who you’re distracting in my place.” She smiled, patting me on the chest as I laughed loudly. It was weird to think this was one of the last times I was ever gonna see her. Catching glimpses of her at school every day had pretty much been the only thing keeping me eager to come in. Sure, I had my friends but we met up outside school all the time. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Dad telling me I had to get my grades, casual s*x with random girls whilst ditching History and seeing Erin, I probably would have skipped senior year all together. “That’s actually one thing I haven’t asked you yet. What are you planning on doing after school?” I asked and she raised her eyebrows. “Well, you’ve spent the last years’ worth of Chemistry lessons quizzing me endlessly and learning eeeverything there is to know about me-” “Babe, I haven’t even scratched the surface…” “-so what do you think I wanna be when I grow up?” She looked at me challengingly. I took a moment scratching my chin theatrically and giving her a calculating look - really it was just an excuse to stare at her for a little while longer. “Hmmm, so many options… you swim at state level so, Olympic Swimmer?” “Nope.” “Shame, I think the skin-tight uniform would have suited you. You mentioned Italian food so… Professional Chef? I can just imagine you barking orders across a kitchen.” She laughed loudly. “I would indeed be excellent at that, but no.” “Chemist?” “Only if you’d be my lab assistant,” she smirked at me, wiggling her eyebrows. God, I loved it when she was cheeky. “Okay, I give up.” I shrugged, staring at her as the lifted the test tube she was holding to eye level, swirling it around until the contents turned a deep blue. “I’m disappointed Detective Cavanaugh. After our first meeting I thought you had better skills of deduction. Little did you know you’ve actually had it right all along.” She gave me a side glance smiling at me as I looked at her in confusion. The bell rang loudly signalling the end of class and my heart sank as I realised that this was it. Erin Blanchard would be walking out of that door and out of my life. The class started packing up with people saying goodbyes and thank yous to the teacher. I looked back at Erin who was still smiling at me chuckling. “I wanna get into medical school.” She said as she packed her things into her bag. It took me a moment before it dawned on me what she meant and I smiled back at her. “…Dr Blanchard.” We stood there for a moment smiling at each other. For a moment it looked like she was about to say something but then she just smiled, turned and walked away. “See you around, Jason,” she grinned at me over her shoulder and tuned the corner out of sight.