So Bad: Can Friends Kiss?

"What are you doing here?" I asked the person standing at the door with a calm face, just like the person being asked, but the difference was that my heart was racing, while the other person probably didn't think anything of it.   "Here to crash. I'm dead tired," the deep voice said, then walked into my room, stripped down to his boxers, and jumped onto my queen-sized bed immediately, without paying any attention to the room's owner—me.   My name is Mia. I'm a third-year student at a prestigious elite university with very expensive tuition fees, but the education is excellent as well. My home is in the countryside, with an average income, but we have enough to live on. That's the main reason why I am staying in a small dorm near the university. Honestly, I didn't dare to study here at forst because it's a high-society and international university, so you can guess the tuition fees. I wouldn't dare use my parents' hard-earned money to pay, no matter how much I wanted to study at a good place. But by chance, I won a scholarship from it, so here I am.   The person who took over my bed space is my friend—just a friend, not a boyfriend. His name is Austin. He's a very handsome guy, extremely handsome, and very rich, extremely rich, but he ended up hanging out with a broke friend like me. I don't know if it's because he pities or feels sorry for me, because all his friends have excellent profiles, almost too good. I'm the only black sheep among them.   "How long are you going to stand there like an i***t? Aren't you going to sleep?" Austin looked up and asked irritably after I just stood there, not knowing who the room's owner was.   I could only sigh softly, then turned off the light and lay down next to him. It was unfamiliar, even though he had been knocking on my door late at night and asking to sleep over like this for the past three years. It never felt normal, only making my heart pound even harder.   "Aren't you going to shower first? You smell like a distillery," I asked him in the dark. The smell of alcohol from him was really strong.   "Huh, sleepy," Austin replied briefly with a muffled voice, then buried his face into the pillow.   "What about the others?" I asked about his close friends who usually went out together.   "They went back to sleep at their own places."   "Then why didn't you go back to your condo like the others?" I asked him back, annoyed, because I didn't want to get any closer to him. It hurts, being close to someone you love, being near him, but having to keep your feelings to yourself.   Yes! I've secretly loved Austin for the entire three years we've been friends. Even though I tried to stop myself, reminding myself that there was no way it could ever happen between us. Sigh! Let's not talk about this bottled-up feeling.   "Too lazy," Austin replied plainly, but seemed to be getting annoyed. I kept asking while he was sleepy.   "And then..."   "Can you stop asking already? I hooked up with Megan from the next dorm, and I’m too lazy to go back to the condo. I don't want to sleep in her room. Got it? I’m sleepy!"   Before I could finish asking, Austin looked up and answered me irritably, then buried his face back into the pillow, leaving me stunned and alone, with a sharp pain in my heart. Even though I knew he had many women, as his friend, I never got used to it.   "Mmm," I replied simply before slowly forcing myself to sleep.   ***   THE NEXT MORNING…   It's morning, but my body still wishes it were midnight. But wait, why does my body feel strange? I slowly opened my eyes. Again... it's like this every time Austin sleeps over. I mean, he sleeps in my room.   Every time I wake up, we're always cuddled up tightly. Austin likes to hold me, and I sleep with my head on his arm, hugging him too. If this embrace were truly mine, it would be nice, but he probably hugs his other women like this too.   I moved slowly but seemed like Austin still sensed it, so he shifted but continued sleeping. I got up, showered, dressed, and went out to buy some simple breakfast to eat.   Creak...   "Where did you go?" Austin asked me in a flat, emotionless tone.   "I went to buy breakfast. Are you hungry?" I answered the question of the person who had just woken up groggily, then went to grab a bowl from the small kitchen corner to the table.   "And why aren't you dressed properly? Your shirt is thin, and your shorts are short. Don't you pity the people who see you?" Suddenly, Austin criticized my outfit irritably.   Yeah, I get it; he doesn't like it. No matter how I dress, he always finds it ugly because he criticizes me like this all the time. Even though it's just a T-shirt and shorts, why? Am I that ugly? Ugh!   "Do you want to eat?" I was too lazy to argue, so I decided to change the subject.   "Yeah, peel it for me," Austin ordered, then sat down next to me to wait for the meal, fiddling with his phone.   "Brush your teeth first," I called out, as he was about to scoop the porridge into his mouth without washing his face or brushing his teeth. But why does he still look good even when he just wakes up?   "Huh, I’m still lazy."   "Austin," I called his name shortly in a calm voice, which worked. Austin frowned in annoyance but went to wash his face and brush his teeth.   "Mia,did you washed my shirt?" After finishing his meal, Austin jumped onto the bed to play with his phone and asked me to iron his student uniform.   "Yeah, it's right there." I replied. Austin stays over often, so he leaves some of his clothes in my room.   "Alright, alright. What time are you heading to the school?"   "Noon," I answered him and went into the bathroom to shower because it was almost 11 AM. Better hurry up and get dressed. I take a long time to get ready.   ***   STANFORD UNIVERSITY   "Wow, Austin, you're with Mia again, huh?" Kevin, my close friend, said as I walked to our usual group table.   "Butt out," I replied and sat down, while Mia went off to join her friends.   Oh, by the way, Mia and I are close friends, but at school, we have different friend groups because we study in different fields, though in the same faculty. We got close because we often do activities together. She's the faculty's beauty queen, and I'm the male counterpart.   "The way you act, no one dares to hit on Mia. Everyone thinks you're Mia's boyfriend," that jerk Alpha said with his usual stoic face.   "Heh!" I smirked a little, not bothering to respond to him. Everyone likes to think Mia is already taken by me, but that's good because it keeps others from bothering her. I'm not keeping her for myself, but I'm worried some guy will take advantage of her. Mia is a good girl, sometimes too naive, and I'm afraid she'll be tricked one day.   I know men's nature well, which is why I worry about my friend. I'm as bad, or worse, than others. I know what's what, so I act as her protector. But thinking of Mia as more than a friend? I wouldn't. She's not my type of sexy, even though she's beautiful. But as a wife? No.   Friends and girlfriends are different things.