Our Long Distance Love Affair

Chapter 6: Hesitation

YVETTE maintained her blank face as she just stared at his uncle waiting something that will make the words of his uncle become a pun but just like her, Uncle Carlo also remained looking at her with seriousness as they stared at each other.

Hindi dahil sa hindi naintindihan ni Yvette ang sinabi ng uncle niya o kung hindi niya alam kung sino ang sinasabi ng tiyuhin, sa totoo lang ay alam niya kung ano ang ibig sabihin ni Uncle Carlo. It’s just that, it was hard for her to accept the fact that she knows who Uncle Carlo was talking about, and how does she was still affected by that same person, is what made it hard for Yvette.

“What are you talking about, Uncle?” Yvette asked blankly after minutes of silence from the two.

Muling napabuntonghininga na lang si Uncle Carlo dahil alam na alam niya ang ginagawa ng pamangkin. She was denying the already obvious fact, because she couldn’t accept the fact itself.

“I know you know what and who am I talking about Yvette. Alam kong nabigla ka sa mga sinabi ko, and up until now, you are confused,” Uncle Carlo seriously said and stood up from where he was sitting, still looking at his nephew with seriousness, “But let me tell you once again, hija. Alam ko na hindi mo pa kayang balikan ang mga iniwan mo, but this time I think, you have no choice. I want you to think this through before deciding if you will accept my request or not. Gusto ko lang na alalahanin mo na ang hinihingi ko ay hindi lang para sa kinabukasan ng kompanya kun’di sa kaligtasan na rin ng anak mo. Please be wise and don’t let you emotions, take over your judgement. What is more important to you now, think about it before deciding. I will give you a week to decide, hija and after that, we can talk about it more,” mahaba at seryosong wika ni Uncle Carlo kay Yvette, bago nakangiting naglakad palapit sa kanina pa tahimik sa tabi na si Yvonne.

The child, being ignored by her mother and her lolo-ninong, fell asleep while still holding her toys in hand. Smiling gently, Uncle Carlo leaned down to Young Yvonne and lay a gentle kiss on the kid’s forehead. It made Yvonne moved while asleep and cutely purred making Uncle Carlo chuckled silently.

Then gone the seriousness, he once again stared at his nephew. “I will go ahead and will find a hotel so that when your Auntie came, she will have a place to take a rest with. And don’t think about asking us to stay on your house, ni hindi ka na nga nauwi doon, tapos doon mo pa kami papatirahin. It’ll just make us sad and bored. We’ll visit as soon as your Auntie came, see you hija,” nakangiting paalam ni Uncle Carlo kay Yvette.

Napangiti naman si Yvette at pansamantalang kinalimutan ang narinig sa tiyuhin. Walking her uncle towards the door, she also said her goodbyes before closing it. Ilang minuto din siyang nanatiling nakatayo sa harap ng pintuan habang nakatingin lang doon, parang wala sa sarili.

The smile a while ago, when she walked her uncle outside was gone, and turned into a very complicated expression. As she herself felt suddenly complicated.

Remembering the request of her uncle, the reason why her uncle asked her about the request, why she needed help from her uncle, and the person she needed to pursue just to complete all the stated words above.

Madali lang naman para sa kanya ang mga nauna. Pero ang hindi niya lang kaya ay ’yong kung sino ang taong kailangan niyang muling kausapin, makita, at higit sa lahat ay hihingian niya ng malaking tulong. Kung para sa kompanya, siguro kaya niya pang sikmurain, pero yung tulong para sa anak? It really made her feel so shameless.

How can she asked a big favor from her childhood friend? Well, how can’t she? Aren’t they childhood friend?

Napatawa naman ng mapait si Yvette sa sarili. As if it was that easy.

Yes they might be a childhood friends, but it was all ended from the moment she came to California without even saying a word to this ’childhood friend’ of her. And with the passed six or seven years, she didn’t said a word to the said ’childhood friend’, not even the words saying that she’s still alive and kicking.

So, now how can she do that? Without feeling ashamed?

Okay lang sana kung tungkol lang sa kahihiyan ang usapan, she can take it lightly and thickened her face for her child. Pero hindi naman kasi basta-basta ang lalaki. Maliban sa pagbubuhat ng bangko ng tiyuhin niya para sa lalaki, ay may iba pa siyang dahilan. The guy wasn’t just her childhood friend. He was also her first crush, her first love, and her first heartbreak. Although she was the main reason why she end up heartbroken.

Siya ang nang-iwan so how can she feel broken?

Anyway, as she said, maliban sa pagiging childhood friend nila ay parang ang lalaki na rin ang ka-childhood sweetheart niya.

Speaking of, sino nga ba ang lalaking ito? Well, the guy was none other than Mr. Nickolai Hernandez, the one and only childhood friend of Yvette Nichole Saavedra and her first love.

Paano niya maaatim na muling harapin ang lalaki matapos ng lahat ng ginawa niya? She wasn’t that thick skin to begin with. Now she was hesitating. Greatly hesitating.

What would she choose? Her shame or her daughter?

Hindi naman sa mas mahalaga ang kahihiyan niya. Hindi niya lang talaga kayang harapin ulit ang lalaki. Hindi man sila nagkaaminan bago sila umalis, but it was already mutual before she left. Kumbaga sa tawag ng mga kabataan ngayon, they are already M.U. before, with clear feelings for each other even though there’s no one confessing and commitment. Then before they could clear their feelings for each other, she suddenly go to California without saying anything and then never returned.

Tapos bigla na lang siyang babalik like nothing happened, and what’s more, she returned only to asked help from him about the company and the safety of her kid?

Isipin niya pa lang ay gusto na niyang magpalamon sa ilalim ng lupa. Don’t kid her, she couldn’t just do that shameful thing in front of the guy.

And what if, what if that person also was already married? What if that guy also had his own family?

Doon lang din pumasok sa isip ni Yvette na hindi naman na siya isang dalaga kung saan nabuntis o nadisgrasya. She’s legally married, with her own will. And now was a mother of the daughter of her late husband.

How dare she think of meeting that guy with expectations?

Yes, she was actually internally expecting the meeting of her and that man, Nickolai. Like what would be the reactions of the man when they meet again? What will the man say, after? What will he do? Etchetera.

Napahilamos na lang sa mukha si Yvette dahil sa kahihiyan. She just told herself, she wasn’t that shameless yet, what the hell were she thinking with those thoughts.

Parang gusto na lang maiyak ni Yvette. This wasn’t all about herself, just like what her uncle said. It was for her daughter, it was to save her, what were she thinking about other things? Can’t she just build her courage, accept her uncle’s invitation, meet that person, ask for forgiveness, and then told him about everything and why did she returned?

Pero hindi niya talaga kaya. She can’t do it. She just can’t. Hindi niya alam pero ang isipin na muli niyang makikita ang lalaki, muli niyang makakausap ang lalaki, after almost seven years of no communication, and just because of a favor, ay bigla na lang siyang magpaparamdam? Maliban sa hindi kaya ng konsensya niya, hindi rin kaya ng p********e niya.

She feel so selfish, so greedy, a user, by doing all those things.

Pero kasi, anak na niya ang usapan dito. Ang anak niya na siyang nagpasaya sa loob ng mahigit apat na taon niyang pamumuhay sa banyagang bansang ito. It was her daughter who made her contented on what she already has, the only person she had, and the only person she love. Can she really set her daughter’s safety aside just for her pride?

Naalala niya tuloy ang sinabi ng tiyuhin bago umalis. She shouldn’t use her emotions to overule her judgement. But, both actually affects her judgement because of her emotions. One was about her pride as a woman and then the other one is her pride as a mother. Although it was obvious what should she choose, she just can’t choose it like it was that easy. It was easier said than done.

Ah, she really don’t know what to do! She doesn’t want her child to suffer, but she just can’t take her conscience to suffered too!

Naiinis na nagulo na lang ni Yvette ang buhok. Mababaliw na yata siya sa kakaisip kung ano ang dapat niyang gawin. Bakit ba naman kasi hindi pa pirmahan ng lalaki ang kontrata, eh mayaman na mayaman na pala ito, hindi naman na siguro magiging malaking kawalan sa lalaki ang kaunting pera na ibabawas sa banko nito para lang tulungan sila. Just think of it as a charity.

Fuck, as if she could tell that to him face to face. Hanggang sa isip lang naman siya.

“M-mommy . . .”

Napabalikwas naman sa pagkakaupo si Yvette at napalingon sa tulog na anak. Nag-aalalang nilapitan niya ito ng makita ang pabaling-baling ng ulo ng anak habang mahinang umuungol, at pinagpapawisan.

“M-mommy . . . D-don’t leave me . . .” muling ungol ni Yvonne.

Agad namang ipinatong ni Yvette ang ulo ng anak sa biyas niya at mahinang tinapik-tapik ang pisngi ng anak na nabahiran na ng mga luha.

“Yvonne, anak? Wake up please. You’re having a nightmare. Mommy’s here, I won’t leave Little Angel . . .” puno ng pag-aalalang tawag ni Yvette sa binabangungot na si Yvonne.

Umungol lang naman si Yvonne habang pabaling-baling pa rin ang ulo, no sign of waking up. Pero hindi na ito muling nagsalita habang tulog. Yvette continued tapping Yvonne’s cheeks to woke her daughter but after some more minutes, Yvonne calmed down.

Although she wasn’t awake yet, she wasn’t having a nightmare as her breathing is smooth and that she wasn’t moaning, sweating, and groaning like she did a while ago.

Yvette finally released a sigh of relief as she put the head of her daughter back to the soft pillow, as gentle as she can.

Yvette then silently stood up from the side of the bed, looking at the peacefully sleeping Yvonne, thinking things throughly in her mind. Just like what Uncle Carlo said, she needs to think this through. She don’t want to regret anything because she made a wrong decision in the end.

to be continue...