Why Can't I Hate You?

CHAPTER 6

MICHELLE

The rest of the day passed by with no trace of Elijah, just his thoughts. Concentrating on the classes was getting wildly challenging. However, I did not forget to borrow the notes from my fellow classmates to make up for the classes I've missed. Once I reached home, Judy was sitting on the couch and absent-mindedly staring at the television. She had a deep frown on her face.

"Judy?" I called out breaking whatever trance she was in. She yelped and flung a thin hand on her chest.

"Oh, my God! You scared me." She exclaimed. That was exactly how I reacted today when Elijah caught me off guard. He was so quiet that I did not notice him sitting beside me until he spoke. He kept asking me about who I was on the call with. Why would he want to know that? I mean, that's too nosy and intrusive. I shook my head in an attempt to brush away my thoughts and concentrate on Judy.

"I am sorry, but what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the office?" I asked and her face fell again.

"Yeah, I took an early day today. Wasn't feeling very well." She answered not looking at me.

"What happened? Are you feeling fine now?"

She nodded, smiling, but her smile did not reach her eyes. There was something more to it. Either she was really not feeling well or she is lying about something. And, I have a feeling that it is the later. I'll talk to her about everything at dinner, because right now I am exhausted with my own awful and grueling day.

I returned Judy's smile and rushed to my room. After a quick shower, I opened my bag and began working on the classes I've missed. Drowning myself in work will keep my mind off things. The notes I've borrowed came to a great help. It made things easier and the concept became more clear to me. I was truly enjoying that I did not notice I've been reading for hours together. I closed my books and set them neatly in my bag.

I recalled the promise I made to Alex and dialed his number. He lifted my call on the second ring.

"Hey Mish!" Alex answered before yelling, "Dad, it's Michelle!" through the phone and I chuckled. "Mish, dad's here and you are on speaker phone."

"Hey Dominic!"

"Hey Mish! How's everything going?" Dominic asked.

"Every thing's great. How are you guys?" I asked, hoping my mother is not creating too much trouble for them.

"Oh, everything is fine here. Just that we miss you." Alex replied.

"I miss you guys, too."

"How's Judy?" Dominic asked. Judy did not look okay the last time I checked. Once more, I mentally resolved to talk to her at dinner and see if I can be of any help. But, there is no point in telling Dominic all that and worrying him for Judy.

"She is lovely. I enjoy being around her." I said.

We spoke for about an hour about my college and how my studies are going on. Dominic asked if I were able to catch the classes that I've missed. He was happy when I said that I have almost covered the missed month. Alex asked me about how hot and happening the girls are, earning a smack on the head from Dominic and a loud laugh out of me. Dominic said they were planning on coming to Seattle to visit Judy and me. It's not yet confirmed, but the talks are going on. I wish they visit. I really miss them.

After hanging up the call, I debated if it'll be a good idea to dial mom. I haven't heard from her since the day Dominic spoke with her about sending me to Seattle. I know she is angry with me, but I think I should call her. No matter how hard and stone-hearted she is, I cannot deny the fact that she is my mother. With that thought, I dialed mom.

"Hello," I said, slowly when the ringing ceased.

Silence. I looked at the phone to see if the call was disconnected. But, no. It wasn't.

"Hello mom?" I repeated.

"What do you want?" she replied. Her tone stiff and emotionless.

My eyes pooled with tears threatening to roll down my cheeks after hearing her uninterested tone while talking to her only daughter.

"How are you, mom?" my voice shaky.

"Now that you are out of my sight, I am happy and satisfied." I could practically hear the smile and happiness in her tone. I covered my mouth to stop any sob that threatened to escape. Hot tears rolled down my cheek and I hurriedly wiped them off as if somehow she would see them. "Anything else?" she pushed. Clearly she doesn't want to talk with me. She loves this distance from me. Not that I complain about it, but it hurts that being my mother she was so nonchalant. I don't know what I was expecting.

"Nothing. Bye, mom." And, without any more delay, the call was disconnected. I buried my face in a pillow and let the tears flow. How did I get so unlucky? What was my mistake? Mothers nearly die to see their children and my mom, is so... I don't know. After a few minutes, I washed my tear stained face and decided to prepare the pasta for Judy and myself. Judy said she wasn't feeling very good, so I might as well cook for us. I need a distraction from everything, too. Judy was not in the living room, instead, she was in her room and the door was shut. I hope she is alright, my inner voice.

I started preparing the sauce for the pasta. I heated butter, flour and milk whilst the Macaroni was cooking on the side. I kept mixing the milk with the butter. Once the sauce was ready, I let it heat at low flame and stood at a distance looking at the cooking sauce while my mother's words kept ringing in my head. Why was this hurting me so much? What did I expect from her? That is exactly how she is and I've always known about that. Then, why this surprise and pain this time? Maybe somewhere deep down I was expecting her to miss me. Maybe tell that I do matter to her. Tell me that she will not be so cruel to me anymore and maybe call me back to her. That's an extremely naive expectation to have.

Something moved in front of my eyes, breaking my trance. The spatula in the sauce was moving on its own. It was mixing the sauce as if someone was doing it with their hands. But, there were no hands here. What the hell! I wanted to scream but no words came out of my mouth. I was petrified. I stared at it and suddenly the spatula fell motionless, the way I had left it. After a moment, I took a step towards it and nudged the spatula little bit and took two steps back. It didn't move again. How did that happen? I looked around me as if someone or something was in the kitchen, Is this house haunted? Was that what Judy saw? Maybe that is why she looked so upset and jumpy. It's better to talk to her. But, what if that's not the case. She won't believe me and I will end up making a fool of myself.

I quickly added the cooked macaroni into the sauce before plating the food and nearly darting out of the kitchen like my life depended on it. It literally did, or so it felt. I seated the plates on the dinner table and rushed to knock on Judy's door. I wanted to tell her what just happened in the kitchen, but, I don't know, would she believe me? Judy opened the door with a smile and waited for me to continue.

"Dinner's ready." I declared in a rushed voice. Her eyebrows drew together, but she quickly recovered.

"I'll be there in a minute." She said and I nodded.

I went back to the dining room and sat in front of my plate. I don't know if this is a trick of my mind or something, but I felt as if there was someone near me, watching me. Judy entered after a brief moment and sat across from me. She wore a smile which didn't reach her eyes. Something is definitely up with her. I should ask. Before I could even think of how or what to ask, I blurted out.

"Did you feel something in this house?"

She looked up from her food with a puzzled expression. "What?" her voice soft. Okay, she doesn't know about the house yet. Maybe she wasn't paying attention.

"Uh... nothing. Is something wrong? You seem... scared?" She looked blank for a moment and then smiled bigger than she usually does. She was forcing herself to appear normal, clearly not wanting to share.

"I'm not. I'm fine." She answered and looked down not having any eye contact. I know she was lying. But, there is no point in forcing her to talk. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if someone forced me to talk about my issues when I clearly don't want to. It's better to let her be and hope that whatever is bothering her is resolved as soon as possible, or, at least I hope she could bring her selves to talk to someone, if not me.

I sat on my bed, blank and terrified. I am too aware of my surroundings. I left the lights on and eyes open. Though, I've had a long and exhausting day, I couldn't sleep. The eerie silence of the night made everything a bit more terrifying. The occasional chirping of the crickets made me jump every single time. I was afraid to even talk to my inner self, as if someone would know I am here and kill me. Distract yourselves. Stop thinking about that incident. Think about something else, she said. The only name which popped into my mind was Elijah's. Thinking about his deep blue eyes and dimpled smile, I slowly drifted off.

I woke up from my nightmare, all breathless and sweaty. I covered my face with my palms while breathing through the mouth. Once I was sobered up, I looked around the room. The lights were still on and it was still dark outside the windows. I stretched my hand to reach my phone on the side table. It was six in the morning. I rubbed my face once again and recalled the incident from last night and jolted out of the bed. I need to get out of this house as quickly as possible before I drive myself crazy. I completed my morning routine, took a quick shower, dressed my selves in whatever I could find at first glance, picked my college bag and rushed outside my bedroom. The time now was quarter to seven. It's better to write a note or something to Judy so that she doesn't worry about me.

Having an early class today, hence leaving soon.Don't worry about me. I'll eat something at the campus.Good Day.

— Michelle

Leaving the note on the dinner table, I rushed out of the house.

I wandered on the streets thinking about ways to resolve the issue. I certainly cannot stay in that house. Maybe I should take a job and live separately or see if there is a dorm available in the campus. What should I say to Judy? She wouldn't be happy if I decide to live separately all of a sudden. Moreover, I cannot be selfish about his. It's Judy's house, if the house is really haunted, then Judy is as endangered as I am. And, I can't leave her there. The best thing I can do is to talk to her about this and explicate what I had seen last night. It'll be good if she believes me. But, I don't think I can talk to her right away, she is clearly dealing with something and from her eyes I can tell it's big. I groaned as I was unable to decide what to do.

I checked the time on my phone. One more hour for my first lecture. Elijah's handsome face popped in my mind and a light smile crossed my face. A small portion of exuberance comes to life when I think about him. Remember what we resolved yesterday, Michelle? Yes, stay away from him. By God's grace, I already have a person who hates me for no reason, and I don't wish to have one more, not him, at least. So, it's better to stay away. If he wants to sulk, he is free to do that from a distance. I will not allow him to hurt my feelings going forward. If he wants to talk to me or something, I shall pay no heed.

I reached early to the campus and stood outside Casey waiting for Ashley at our usual meeting area. I repeated my decision about Elijah in my mind when I saw Ashley was waving from a distance. I waved back and she ran towards me.

"Hey! You're early." She said, with a smile. I smiled back and nodded. She frowned at me. "You look like 'Ms. I am on a mission' today."

I laughed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Ash, you literally know me for three days. How can you say what's on my mind?"

She thought for a while and said, "It doesn't matter how long I've known you. Besides, I didn't say something that was on your mind. You're not very concealed when it comes to emotions. It was written all over your face. And, well, what can I say, I'm a brilliant face reader." We both chuckled and entered Casey. "Seriously, you're okay, right?"

I am definitely not okay. I recalled everything that happened yesterday, starting from Elijah's behavior to the kitchen incident. Everything is so difficult. I understand why I am bothered so much by my mother's indifference and the haunted house, but, I couldn't make sense of why Elijah's behavior was bothering me. I pushed all the thoughts in the back of my head and decided to answer Ashley what she wants to hear, "Yeah, I am okay."

Ashley didn't seem to buy my answer. When we reached my classroom, she caught my hand and said, "I'm sorry about yesterday, Michelle. I don't know what's gotten into Elijah. He really is not like that. He is sweet and charming. Maybe he had something on his mind the other day. Just, don't hate him, okay?" She looked at me expectantly.

I gave her an understanding smile and said, "It's okay, I can't hate him." Ashley flashed me the biggest grin I've seen on her beautiful face and rushed towards her class.

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