Mentally in love

Chapter twelve - You can talk to me

Dean's POV:

I met Lesley. She has changed so much since I left. Mostly, it was mental. I don't know what has happened to her. That is not the person I met five years ago. I don't know if it's because of me, but she is doing the same things. Sadly, she is in the same state as well. I can't let her do what I did. Somehow, I have to stop her. Maybe this is what will keep me away from my problems. If I help her, I will do it for myself, too. I haven't thought of that. After all, Brianna was right. My friend is the one who has to help me. Things won't be easy, for sure. I have no idea what to do with her. The worst part is that she uses the same painkillers. I tried to convince myself that they worked. That was a lie. They cure pain if there is one. I mean, a physical one. Painkillers can't fix your mental pain. It's the opposite. If you use them too often, you might get addicted. Your body will do it, too. Then, you will use them more often until you do the worst thing possible. I did it. That's why I want to stop Lesley. I can't let her do this. The doctors said I had luck that I was alive. She might not have it. I can't risk something to happen to her. I might have left her, but I knew she was there. I don't want to do it again. She is my friend, and I care about her. I will do everything possible to make her feel good. Back then, she was doing it. Now, it's my turn to return the favor. I'm not sure how I will do it. I will think of something. After all, I know how my parents felt that day. Hers don't need to experience the same thing. Maybe I should talk with them and understand what is happening with her. Lesley probably doesn't tell them everything. I was doing the same. I didn't want them to get worried for me. I hope that I will be able to help her get better. That is the only thing I want.

Today, I plan to talk with my brother. He is still mad at me, but he can't ignore me. Let's say that things between each other are complicated. The problem is that my mom is worried for him. She has no idea what he is doing outside. I was thinking about playing a spy, but that is wrong. I can't do this to him. It's not my business. No matter that, I am a bit curious. Maybe there is a girl around him. I can ask, but I don't expect him to tell me anything.

Currently, I am at home. My parents are at work, and Leo is at school. That means I am alone. I was thinking about searching for online courses. I don't know what I want to study, but I need a job. If I want to get paid better, I should catch the books. The question is what this should be. I looked for the most popular jobs. Surprisingly, sss was on this list. I checked the salary. It was good. All I have to do is pack orders. That is the easiest thing I can do without studying. For the other positions, I need more knowledge. I was checking something when my phone started ringing.

- Hello?

- Hey, Dean. How are you?

- Oh, hi, Brianna. I'm fine.

- What are you doing?

- I'm looking for a job.

- Already? When did you grow up? - she asked, and I laughed

- I need to do something. I can't stay at home all day.

- It's good that you are taking care of yourself.

- I do. By the way, I found Lesley.

- Really? That's amazing.

- Well, yeah.

- What? You don't sound happy.

- She is like me.

- What do you mean?

- In the same state. She is doing everything I did when I came.

- I understand. If you want, you can bring her here. I will talk with her.

- That's great, but I don't think she will come. She doesn't talk with anyone else about that except for me.

- I see. At least you are with her.

- It's not like this is helping much.

- It's better than nothing.

- For sure, it is.

- How is Leo?

- I don't know. He is all the time outside. No one knows what he is doing.

- Maybe he doesn't like to share that much.

- He is mad at me for being at home.

- Why?

- I think it's because I left. I will try to talk with him today. He will come home after school.

- It's a good idea. He needs to listen to you.

- Well, I tried to talk with him when I came home. He didn't want to listen at all.

- Give him some time. It won't be easy for him.

- I know.

- Ok, I will leave you now. I have a session with Lia.

- How is she?

- Good. I don't know what Jeremy is doing, but I think the ten-year-old girl might be gone soon.

- That's great. I'm glad that she is getting better.

- She is. I will go now. Call me if you need something.

- Thanks.

- Bye, Dean.

- Bye, Brianna. - I said and ended the call

I kept looking for jobs until lunchtime. Then I went to make something. After some time, I decided to make a sandwich. I don't know how to cook something better. Then, I continued with my search. I don't know what I want to work. Maybe it's a good idea if I study something first. That will help me in my future job.

After an hour, I heard the front door. This must be Leo. He didn't look happy to see me. I don't know what to do with him. It was easier talking to Lesley than with him. She forgave me quickly. I'm not sure if he will ever do it. I washed the plate from my lunch and went to his room. I knocked on the door and walked in.

- Hey.

- What do you want?

- Nothing.

- Then why are you here?

- I wanted to check on you.

- So you want something.

- Leo, please. For how long will you be mad at me?

- Let me think. Five years.

- Seriously? Leo.

- Leave. I don't want to talk with you.

- But I do. Why don't you want to listen to me?

- Because I don't care about your stupid apologies. I won't forgive you.

- What is going on with you? Mom is worried because you are outside all the time. Is there a girl?

- What? Where did that come from?

- You don't say anything. I'm sure our parents will like her.

- There is no girl. Even if there had been, I would never bring her here.

- Why? You know they would like to meet her.

- Because of you.

- If you want, I will be outside.

- It doesn't matter. I can't hide you forever. One day, people will know you are not dead.

- Is this the problem?

- Your whole existence is the problem.

- Will you tell me what exactly is bothering you? I heard you don't like Lesley either.

- Why would I? She is just like you.

- I don't think you should judge people like that. You don't know what they are going through.

- Does it matter? Everything was fine before you decided to appear.

- I don't understand why this is bothering you.

- Because now I have to do everything again. Mom and dad don't make you do anything. I have to take care. Do you think that I want this? To walk after you all the time because you can't do one thing right. It doesn't matter where you have been and what you were doing. You will never get better. The worst thing is that I have to do everything instead of you.

- Leo, that is not true. I can do things.

- Really? The whole time, my mom expects more from me. She always wants something, as if I am a superhero. I wanted to go out and be with my friends, but no. She had another opinion. Thanks to her, I had to lose my friends. Also, I moved to another school. Maybe I should say thanks to you. This is your fault.

- Look, I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell her this?

- Why should I? This doesn't matter. After all, it's me, not you. What I do is not that important to her. Only what you do is.

- I'm sure it's not like that. Let me talk with her.

- No, don't do it.

- Why?

- Because it's too late. I won't forgive her.

- You weren't so cold as a kid.

- Life made me that way.

- Can't we be friends again?

- Friends? I don't even want to be your brother, but I have no choice. Now leave. I have to study.

- Leo.

- Leave! I don't want you here.

- Ok, don't get mad. I'll be downstairs if you need something. - I said and left

It's visible that he won't talk with me. I don't think I should try. I spent the rest of the afternoon at the kitchen table. I found a few job offers that don't need specific education. Well, I still don't know if I will work or study. I will talk with my parents about that. They will tell me which one is better. Later, I called Lesley to check on her.

- Hey. How are you today?

- I'm fine, thanks. You?

- Same. I'm looking for a job.

- Already? What about me?

- What do you mean?

- If you find a job, you won't have time for me.

- That is not true. I will always have time for you, ok?

- If you say so.

- Lesley. Don't get upset now. I have to do it. Otherwise, I will go back to where I was. I don't want that.

- I know. What will your job be?

- I don't know yet. Maybe I will sign up for some courses first.

- Do you even know what you want to do?

- No. - I said, and she laughed

- Why am I not surprised?

- When I decide, you will be the first one to know. Maybe after my parents.

- So I will be the third one.

- I count my parents as one.

- Do you have plans for tonight?

- I planned to do something. I will tell you about it tomorrow. Is that ok for you?

- Yes, sure. No problem. I'll stay at home.

- Do you even go out? I mean somewhere else besides school.

- Not really.

- I see. I'll take you out tomorrow. No is unacceptable.

- This means that I don't have a choice.

- Yes, exactly.

- You can take me to my backyard.

- Nice try. We are going outside.

- Fine. I'll start getting ready.

- I said tomorrow.

- Mentally ready. - she said, and I chuckled

- Ok, take your time. I have to go now.

- See you soon. Bye.

- Bye, Lesley. - I said and ended the call

- You finally finished.

- Oh, hey, mom. I didn't see you.

- Because you were busy.

- I'm sorry about that.

- Leo, will you stay with us for dinner?

- No. - he said and left

- Mom, can I go out for a while? I'll be back. I want to do something.

- Yes, sure.

- Thanks.

I decided to follow my brother. Mom gets worried for him. I'll do the favor to see what he does outside. I'm sure it's nothing terrible. I made sure that he wouldn't see me. He went into a*****e. I saw him picking up some bottles. Then he paid for them and walked out. For a second, I thought he would steal them. Mom is affecting me too much. Leo walked for a while and reached a park. Then, a girl showed up. He said he didn't have a girlfriend. Maybe they are only friends. I hid myself to see what would happen.

- Hey. I'm glad you still have time for me.

- Tess, I always do. Just because I'm in a new school doesn't mean I will stop hanging with you or the boys.

- You never know.

- Really?

- Ok, ok. What is going on?

- Take this.

- Mango?

- Yes.

- Thank you. That's the best flavor. Now spill the tea.

- I have nothing to spill.

- What did he do?

- Nothing. He only wanted to talk with me.

- Well?

- What? I won't forgive him.

- Leo, you can't keep ignoring him. He is trying to save the good relations.

- Are you on his side?

- No, but I'm saying that you have to listen to him and fix everything. Then, if you want to be mad at him, go ahead and do it.

- Thanks, but no. I won't do it.

- Why?

- Because you ask too much. Can we talk about something else?

- Like what?

- You. What is going on?

- Since you ask, I will tell you. I see you around two times a week, and it's not something I like.

- I'm sorry. The boys take most of my time.

- I am your friend too.

- I know, I know. I'll make it up to you.

- How?

- What do you want?

- For you to spend more time with me.

- Ok, I will do it. Are you free tomorrow?

- Yes, I am. Thank you.

- You're welcome.

That was more than enough for me. After that, I walked back home. I don't know if I have to tell my parents that. He is not doing anything wrong. The thing is that if I tell them, they will ask him. This means he will understand what I did. I'm sure he will get mad at me again. It's not like he isn't now. Maybe I have to keep this for myself. He might decide to tell them.

- I'm home.

- Hey, sit down. I'll put you some food.

- Thanks, mom.

- Did you do your thing? - my dad asked

- Yes, I did.

- I think you can start going out again. Lesley will like it. - my mom said

- She doesn't want to go out. I already asked her. It's not like I didn't make her do it.

- Dean, Lesley needs you. Her mom is worried about her.

- I know. I will talk with her again.

- Hopefully, this will help.

- I think it will. She shared everything with me.

- I'm glad you two are friends again.

- Me too. It's good to be back with her.

- This is only a friendship, right?

- Mom. You know it better than anyone else.

- I'm only asking.

The rest of the night I spent at home. Leo came home around midnight. Our parents were already sleeping. I don't know if he was only with this girl, but she seemed nice. It's good that he has friends. Maybe he is acting like that because my mom moved him to another school. He probably had good friends there. Even if I talk with her, I don't think she will get him back there. The school year has already started. At least he has time for everyone. The only thing I don't understand is why he is so much outside. Well, I know why he won't bring them here. I hope that we'll be able to fix our relations.