Mentally in love

Chapter thirteen - You look pale like a ghost

Lesley's POV:

Dean and I are back together. I have missed my friend so much. I'm surprised at how quickly everything happened. I was mad at him for like five minutes. That is because I need him. I can't say he can help me with everything, but at least I will know what he has done back then. We have talked about that. It turned out that we are similar. Maybe I should say equal. He is not good either, but I think he holds up for me. I appreciate it, but there is no need for that. I didn't know I made him feel good all the time. When we met, he seemed a bit off. I thought he had a bad day. Every day is like that if you ask me. The school year is not going great. I had a test two days ago. I won't be surprised if I fail. My concentration was gone. Honestly, I will be happy with whatever grade I have. Well, if it's not a fail. Studying is the last thing on my mind. I wonder how Dean was dealing with this. We didn't talk about that. I can always ask him for advice. I'm sure he will help me with everything he can. That's why I'm so happy that he is back. I feel bad for reacting this way. Let's say that I had a mix of emotions that day. Luckily, he didn't say anything about it. I would like it if we could forget the past and start from the beginning. Sadly, I don't think we can. Too many things happened. Now, I feel like a younger version of him. I have no idea how I ended up like him, but I can't do anything to change this. Maybe there is a way I can change myself. The thing is that I haven't found it yet. At least Dean is with me. It won't make me feel better, but I appreciate that he is always by my side. I feel comfortable talking about myself only with him. My parents don't need to know about my state. I hope that I won't get to the state where I do something I will regret later.

It's Monday. I don't know how I feel about that. It's the beginning of the week. I don't have a good feeling about it. Maybe I'm stressing too much. I better calm down and move on with the day. It's visible that I'm not getting better. Dean was brave to go to that hospital. I won't do it. I don't feel comfortable talking about myself. The only person who can make me say something is my friend. Mostly, that is because we have the same problems.

I woke up and checked the time. I wish I could sleep all day. Sadly, that is impossible. If I don't get up, one of my parents will make me do it. Why do I have to do this? I went to get dressed and later straight into the bathroom. My skin is pale, or I imagine things. I can put on some makeup, but I'm too lazy. I gave up being a girl a long time ago. Every day is the same as the rest. There is no difference for me. When I was ready, I went for food. There were pancakes.

- Lesley, are you ok? - my dad asked

- I'm fine.

- Won't you eat?

- I am eating. - I said and took a bite

- If you don't like it, I can make you something else. - my mom said

- It's ok. The food is delicious.

- You have to eat.

- Can we not talk about this again? I hear it too many times.

- Ok, eat now.

I ate another pancake and left for school. I'm not in the mood to eat. It would be good if Dean had been in my school. Well, he is a couple of years older. His brother is there, but it doesn't matter. The boy hates me. It's not like I want to talk with him. I don't think we can understand each other. I walked to my locker to take my things for the first class. Then I walked to the classroom. Leo came late, and the only free place was next to me. You have to be kidding me. It's not like I will talk with him.

- Don't talk, touch, or enter my territory. - Leo said

- It's not like I planned to do it. I'm surprised that you are talking to me.

- Shut up!

- What? You will complain to the teacher. She doesn't care about that.

- Ok, class. Sit down, please. We'll start with the lesson.

Until the lunch break, he didn't even look at me. I have more important things to worry about than him. I was in front of my locker when Betty came. We talk from time to time, but not often. I prefer to ignore people. That's why I don't go out that much. Nothing can replace the comfort of my room.

- Hey, Lesley. Are you ok?

- Yes, why?

- You look slimmer. Did you lose weight?

- I don't know. I haven't weighed myself soon.

- No offense, but when was the last time you ate something? Also, your skin looks a bit pale. Are you sure everything is ok?

- Yes, I'm fine.

- If you say so.

- Good.

- Miss Rich is coming.

- I don't care. I don't have time for this. - I said and pulled out my phone

- I see there is a new trend going around. Is it called starving until dead? I would try it. - Missy said, laughing

- Leave. We don't want you here. - Betty said

- Why? I suggest you start tanning. You are pale like a ghost.

- What I am is not your business. At least I look better than you. - I said

- Excuse me. If you look better than me, why are you single?

- Because I'm not a leg opener like you.

- That is not true.

- Really? I saw many guys smirking when I said it. I wonder how many of them have slept with you.

- You have no right to talk to me like that.

- So what? You will complain to your daddy. Grow up.

- You are a b*tch. - she said and slapped me

- To my office. Now! - the principal said

- But.

- NOW!

- Ok, ok. It's your fault. - she said and left

- Ignore her.

- No, I will ignore everyone. - I said and walked to my next class

I was mad at Leo for some reason. I didn't do anything. He doesn't care about such things. This boy has nothing in common with his brother. While I was waiting for the teacher, I texted Dean. He was at home looking for jobs. I see he wants this. Well, it's better than sitting and doing nothing. I will help him with what I can.

After school, I decided to go and see him. I didn't tell him what happened. I prefer to do it in person. Also, he will freak out. I can try to look better so he doesn't think something is wrong. The thing is that I don't need to do it. I was about to knock at his door when I saw a hand with keys. There is no way this is real. Why? Sometimes, I forget that he lives in the same house.

- What are you doing here?

- I came to see your brother.

- Why didn't you invite him to your house?

- Because he is busy. Why do you care?

- Now I have to watch all this. It's disgusting.

- What exactly?

- You two are like twins from another mother.

- Will you open the door or not?

- No, I won't.

I knocked on the door, and Dean showed up. Leo stormed off to his room. I don't know what is going on with him. I hugged my friend, and we walked to the kitchen. He showed me some of the job offers he had found. It's good that he knows what he wants to do. Well, this can't fix my crappy mood.

- Hey, are you ok? Why are you so pale?

- Everybody says that.

- Maybe because it's true. Haven't you noticed?

- I stopped looking at myself a long time ago.

- That is a lie. I can read it in your eyes. What is going on?

- Nothing.

- Lesley, don't start, please.

- Can we go to your room? I want to lay down.

- Sure, no problem. I expect you to tell me whose fingerprints are on your cheek.

- What?

- You think I wouldn't notice.

- I thought it was gone.

- Think twice. Let's go now. We'll talk upstairs.

Dean and I walked to his room. The moment he laid down, I snuggled. I have no idea how he found out about the slap. He wasn't there to see it. I don't think Leo told him. They don't talk much. That doesn't matter. I don't need to explain this. Honestly, that is the last thing I want to think about. There are more important things than that.

- Ok, spill the tea. Who did that? - Dean asked

- I have no idea what you are talking about.

- Lesley, please. I want to know.

- Why? It doesn't matter.

- I want to know. Please, tell me. Do you have problems at school? You can tell me. Maybe I will be able to help.

- Thanks, but I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me.

- Please.

- Ok, fine. It was one girl.

- Why? Has she done this before?

- No, she hasn't. Relax. Nothing happened. We argued for a while. The principal called her.

- You have to tell me these things.

- Why? You can't come to school with me.

- Yes, but I can do something.

- Like what?

- I don't know.

- I want you to tell me how you found out about that. I don't think Leo told you.

- No, he didn't. I saw your red cheek.

- You said there were fingerprints.

- Oh, I lied about that.

- Really?

- I wanted you to tell me. It worked.

- I see. How are you? What were you doing during the day? Well, except for looking for a job.

- Nothing. I was at home. This reminds me that I wanted to take you out.

- Why? I don't want to go outside.

- Because you can't stay inside all day. Let's go somewhere.

- Where? I don't want to be around people.

- Why don't we go for drinks? What do you think?

- I don't know. Can't we buy drinks and come back home?

- Yes, or we can buy drinks and drink them somewhere else. Do you remember the tree?

- I do. Why?

- We can go there if you want.

- Really? It's still there.

- Yes, it is. I went to check it. My weight has changed, but I think it will handle me. - he said, and I laughed

- I would love to see that.

- Then you have to go out with me. What do you say?

- Ok, you won me. We'll go out. I want to see how you will fall.

- I'm sorry, but I have to disappoint you. That won't happen. Your wish won't come true.

- Well, you can make it come true.

- I might do it if this will bring your good mood back.

- You already did it, but I won't deny seeing it.

- I need to stop doing everything for you.

- But you can't.

- Sadly, I can't.

- That's why you are my friend. I like spending time with you.

- It's music for my ears. Let's go now. We can talk outside.

- Fine. I'll let you get ready.

After half an hour, both of us were outside. We went for milkshakes. Surprisingly, they offer them for home. Usually, you have to drink them at the place you bought them. I wanted to pay for mine, but Dean didn't let me. I won't argue with him about that. Later, we went to find the tree. On the way, he told me about Leo and a girl. It's good that he has friends. Maybe this is why he is outside all the time. It's not like I need to know. We don't talk much. I would like it if we could be friends. After all, I come to see Dean often. It will be good if we can understand each other better. Soon, we arrived. I can't believe it's here. The question is if I will be able to climb it. Back then, I didn't fall. I won't be sure now.

- Do you need help?

- No, I got it. - I said and climbed

- You can see everything from here.

- I liked this place a lot.

- The memories hit hard.

- Were you here when you did it?

- No, I didn't want to fall. Also, people pass by. I didn't want anyone to see me.

- Then where were you?

- I won't tell you, so you don't do the same.

- You are here. I won't do anything.

- I'm sorry, but I don't trust you.

- Will you come home with me later?

- Yes, I will send you.

- No, I want you to stay for dinner.

- Why?

- Because spending time with you is never enough. - I said, and he laughed

- Ok, I will come. You have my word.

- Thank you.

We stayed on the tree for an hour. So many things happened here. After all, this is the place where we met. I used to come a lot when he was here. It was one of my favorite things. Sometimes, I have been searching for him in other places too. I was mad that he did it, but I didn't know it wasn't real. Now I understand everything. I'm glad that he searched for help. Maybe the place couldn't do it, but I will try to do it. First, I have to help myself. That won't be easy, but I can't give up. After some time, we walked home. My parents were already there.

- Hello. We are here. - I said

- We? Oh, hi, Dean. - my dad said

- Hey. How are you?

- I'm good, thanks. Let's go into the kitchen. Dinner is almost ready.

- Hi, mom.

- Hey, hug me.

- Here you go. - I said and hugged her

- I haven't seen you all day. I have missed you.

- You know I have to go to school.

- I do. During the weekend we can go somewhere. How about shopping?

- Can we do something I like?

- Of course. I'll do anything for you. All you have to do is say it.

- Thanks. I feel lucky.

- Sit down. I'll be ready in five minutes.

- Do you need help?

- No, I'm fine. You can go.

- Ok, I'll leave you.

I spent the rest of the night at home with Dean and my parents. Mostly, my dad was talking with him. It's good that they understand each other so well. I wish Leo and I could've been like that. He doesn't need to be my best friend, but I don't want to argue with him whenever I see his brother. That is the last thing I want to do. Maybe there is a reason for all that. I haven't thought about it. Probably it's better if I don't know. It's enough that I have other things in my head. I don't want to worry about that too. I can try to talk with him one more time. I'll stop bothering him if he doesn't want to listen to me. I hope that this won't happen.